HELL F**KING NO!!!!!!.....WHATTA...

(shout out to DonChichi Oji for providing this ridiculous pic)


Una dey see that thing wey i don dey talk about? too much pancake and helter-scelter make-up.

Please please please...and i'm praying someone would actually contact me and tell me that this was just a halloween costume, or the lady was used as an exhibit in a museum or smth..... WHARRA HELL IS THIS FOR REAL????

I swear if to say i see this masquerade for road, me for personally walk up to her, pull that crazy looking wig out by force, and tear off that crazy looking lashes or extender or extension or whatever the heck dem dey call that thing. Okay let me put this way....If u are a facially challenged female, then make-up can only do very little good for ya regardless of  how much u put.
Yellow, light blue, grey, pink, white black, purple, orange...and the most painful thing of all be say she go dey feel say she fine...... I swear some Naija chicks need to be banned from seeing or even using make-up ever, and ever.  Cos this one don pass Ludacris!!!

WTF IS THIS ?????????

Damn Son!!...Seriously, Wetin be this??.....U see i no just understand some guys for real. Its freaking 2010 for goodness sake and peeps still get liver dey do sexy pose with pot belle? Come on !!

Ofcourse everyone wasn't created to have a fit or athletic looking body....but if you still young (ages 18-35), there should be no reason to look like this clown....and later y'all be getting mad when ur girl talks about me or Tyson beckford or Trey song or Will Smith or any other bad guys like us out there....ha ha ...Anyways i got 6 words for u.........Go Run That Sh** Off, N*%#@

This nah one very big problem about we Naija guys. We be talking of how our dad got a beer belle....but the funny thing is that we following the same path too. You go just see person for road, and the first thing u notice na im belle before im face...how pathetic :(

Okay lets say worst case scenerio, lets manage the pot belle.....But nappy hair now growing and surrounding the airbag area?????....UNACCEPTABLE!!

NAIJA TORTURE SYSTEM...........

This is one thing that i've noticed right from my childhood days, but i still cant get the answer till today......Is it just me or have u guys noticed that anytime our police/military peeps arrest a criminal/armed robber, or when they display them on picture or tv, the perpetrators are always sitting on the ground shirtless and shoeless, with only boxers on. Umm still   wondering if there's a reason for that...probably to make the flogging easier or smth? infact me no just know

Well, whatever the case may be, u just gotta luv our torture system sometimes shaa. Yes we all know it looks babaric, and adopting the Western style of psychological torturing would be better. But mehhnn,when u dealing with the type of hardened over-mature criminals we have in Naija, i swear u no get any otpion but to adopt torturing...since it makes confession very much quicker, easier and sharper :)
The only bad thing about am be say sometimes that kind torture fit even make innocent person start to dey confess to crime wey im no even know about....HA HA

THE EARLIER, THE BETTER.......HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

Although that was a real hard woozing, but this is what i've always thought of doing to any of my sons that start showing some sort of sweetness/sugar in them. I swear say that spirit must to run commot for that boy body sharp sharp ehh.......HA HA HA

Mad funny Sh** tho!!

ONE IN THREE SOUTH AFRICAN MEN ADMIT TO RAPE, SURVEY FINDS...........NAWA OHH

"South African survey in province of Gauteng finds 37.4% of men confessing to rape, while 25.3% of women say they are victims.More than one in three South African men questioned in a survey admitted to rape, the latest evidence in the country of a violent culture of patriarchy.

Researchers found that more than three in four men said they had perpetrated violence against women."

WTF YO.......U know what i think anyone that still engages in raping should be stoned to death. Give me a break, its freaking 2010. Wetin dey worry these peeps sef...na so their own Konji take reach?..nna nawa ohh. Nasty A** Peeps. No wonder AIDS just dey too rampant for there. Its either u go out there and hustle to find one of dem rampant food is ready p***y, or u just grab ur jel and stroke uruself (aint nothing wrong with that too)  

"Some 38.7% of men and 29.3% of women thought that "a woman cannot refuse to have sex with her husband" and 22.3% of men and 8.8% of women felt that "if a wife does something wrong, her husband has the right to punish her".

Yes a male is the dominant one in the family, and all that....but punishing his wife?....WTF..na secondary school be this?...But seriously tho WTF?????..This whole male dominant thingy just needs to stop...U see thats one thing that i luv Yankee for....everyone for here dey equal. Mehhn I swear Africa got a long long way to go. what a pity :(

(bossip.com)

ATTENTION ATTENTION ATTENTION GUYZ!!!!!!!......VERY IMPORTANT !!!

Ever been at home, and wondered what your gf/wife is doing out with her friends? Ever been scared whenever u see ur gf/wife say hey to ur next door neighbor, who's undisputedly more handsome than you? Ever been worried cos ur gf/wife had a past record, but u still married her regardless?  Ever been worried cos ur gf/fiance said she wouldnt give it to u until both of una say for better or for worse for church? Ever been worried cos ur gf/wife works in a bank and she has to meet wealthy guys in order bring in a certain quota at the end of the month? Ever been paranoid about ur gf/wife for no damn reason?
THEN WORRIETH NO MORE!!

The good news is that I know a person that works in the company that produces this unique and very very necessary product, and he can definitely get it on a very good discount price. So my men, if any of una dey interested, just holla me for my email and we talk business.
And as for the ladies, if u wonna know about how to obtain a secret spare key, holla at me too, and we can def work smth out ;)

HA HA .....SEE MEN EHH!!!

U know one of the worst thing u can do in Naija is to go and open ur mouth to tell someone what to play during a draft game. I found this picture very interesting cos it just reminded me of an incident when i been dey PH (prob in my Jss3). So me and my friends been go somewhere for Elekahia (shout out to all ma PH peeps ehh) when we came across two mature men wey been dey play finals for draft, and the place was pretty crowded too.

 U see during this kind of game, everybody dey always dey quiet. But i dont know what made one guy to open his mouth and told one of the 2 players "put am for here".....I think that was actually the first day i saw someone's head been broken with coke bottle....no be small porousing of head eh. After that day, i vow say i no go ever go near anyplace dem dey play draft.....cos people like me wey get big mouth are very very likely to be victims :)

ME DON DEY TIRE FOR THIS DRUG TRAFFICKERS OHH

The National Drug Law Enforcement Agency (NDLEA) seized 17 kg of cocaine which was imported from Brazil, which is worth N150m...and mind u this occurred in Murtala Mohammed Intl. Airport ohh...Dem talk say most of the cocaine was concealed in 18 plastic pipes allegedly imported by one michael Chuckwu (of course it has to be our Igbo bros nah)
So after has was caught, he started the normal/usual Naija confession of "i didnt know what got into me" or "its the devil" Bullsh**.....blah blah blah blah blah crap crap crap crap crap!!!
 He also said he was promised a fee of $5000 if sent it successfully (this peeps are just fools)...And there were several incidents of other people caught with cocaine from this sam flight...and trust me, the are all my igbo brothers as usual :)

BUT DAYUM!!!!......Some peole get serious liver ohh. I cannot even picture myself carrying coke from my house to my neighbors, then talkless of from one country to another. Una dey see the kind thing wey money make person dey do?

U know I always ask myself "why do people still keep on ingesting or hiding drugs in order to bring it in or out of Naija....dont they see other peeps that have been caught?
But now I'm beginning to feel that this whole drug transportation stuff its way more deeper than what me and u know. If it was smth impossible, i'm sure people wouldnt be wasting their time doing it. But i think its either there's a way to beat the system (i guess u just gotta be among the lucky ones).. or u have a real solid, and i mean solid solid connection.
Still waiting to hear about an hausa man carrying drugs ..ha ha :) 


(odili.net)

INSURE HIPS KE????

So, in a recent interview, Mercy Johnson was asked what part of your body do you treasure most?
My hips. I wil like to insure them if there is need for it.
ummmm BU HA HA HA HA HA ..see person wey wan insure their hips shaa. U know at some point i was even about to say yes u should...but ehhrrrr, i take it back. In fact make i no talk anything sef :)

As I always said right from the start and in my previous posts, the only reason i wont say anything bad about my Sr. Mercy Johnson was cos she was my skul mumsi back in those days for secondary school (shout out to all ma Navy PH peeps jare).
But come to think about it, the Interviewer na big fool for asking such question, cos i believe the answer is so so obvious. Or na her face she go choose before?   :)

DEFINITION OF KIRI-KIRI.....MAN'S WORST NIGHTMARE..

As for me, i will personally define Kiri-kiri as an institution where when u go in as a bag guy, and then come out as a Saint...and thats just if u make it out by God's grace tho....
I know some of una don dey hear of Kiri-Kiri and how ridicoulosly scary the place is.....Well this is what the standard Kiri-Kiri looks like....Omo no time ehh....You are on your own!! (ha ha see as my guy for left dey sleep untop another person head)

So next time ur mind, or someone tells you to partake or involve yourself in anything illegal....all u just need do is just close ur eyes, spread ur hands, take a real deep breath, and finally picture urself being in this type of environment......I guarantee u say that bad intention of urs go erase very very sharply :)
Wouldnt it be so so nice if they put all those our criminals AKA gov't officials in here?...This should be home for them.

MY EXPERIENCE AT THE NAIJA EMBASSY IN NEW YORK LAST WEEK!!!!!!...........

So the car I bought for my mumsi last yr got bad in Naija, and the didnt have the spare parts there. So i had to buy the part here. But sending it back to Naija by would cost a fortune. So luckily my mum hooked me up with one of her colleague's relative who works at the Naija Embassy in NY (since with his position, he can send goods back home for free). So i had to go meet up with him at the Embassy in order to give him the parts. AND THAT WAS THE GENESIS OF MY NIGHTMARE!!!!!.

To be very honest tho, I think we Nigerians just have a certain general type of Spiritual curse or smth, cos we never seem to change our ways, regardless of our various locations around the world. Just reaching there, u can already start smelling Naija within the 10yards radius of the building....and I'm not even trying to funny right now. Going inside there was like a market place...na so so yoruba u go just dey hear (no offense to my yoruba peeps tho) the air is damp, mouths are smelling, saliva flying up and down, people arguing, body odor/smell of fish, some very very mean looking/unattractive faces

The worst of all was that THEIR CUSTOMER SERVICE THERE IS ZERO...The workers have no respect and regard for people who come there for any passport or visa related issue.....always looking mean and unfriendly..asking or talking to you like you stole something. Infact it was just Terrible, Pathetic, sickening and definitely one of the most disgusting sites I've ever seen.......I swear everyone that works there needs to be fired and sent back home.

I bet u, anyone who has been to Naija Embassy in NY can definitely attest to my story.

ROBBERS RAID RAM MARKET IN LAGOS, AND GUESS WHAT HAPPENED NEXT???

So this week, two armed men were shot dead, while one escaped, after they raided a ram market somewhere in Lagos State.

Yes we're all probably thinking that these robbers went to raid this market in order to take the cash that the ram sellers made during the Sallah period...

But can you believe that these retards went there around 2am with their mazda car, shot sporadically into the air in order to scare everyone....and finally and quickly selected three fat rams and put them inside the boot of their get-away car. 

THEY GOTTA BE F**KING KIDDING ME.........

14 YR OLD GIVES BITH TO A BABY FOR HER DAD.......LORD HELP US!!!

This 14 yr old girl just had a baby for her 50 yr old father....YES, HER F**KING FATHER. and she's begging the govt to come and take the child, since she cannot stand the shame and stigma

"The girl is also concerned about the health condition of her new born baby as some traditionalists in her community (masquerade) have warned her not to breastfeed the baby, as doing so could result in her death and that of her child".....nawa 4 these people ohh..how the f**k will breast feeding the baby lead to death? i guess another this is why it sucks to be unexposed, uneducated and ignorant

Anyways the irony of this whole thing was that its the same father that almost beat her to death when another guy toook her virginity 4 yrs ago...YES U HEARD IT, 4 YRS AGO (do the calculation urself)

"Less than four years after, the same father forced and had sex with me. He had sex with me each time I finished menstruating. I warned him that it would result to pregnancy, but he didn’t listen to me.”

Wait a min......WHATTA F**K IS GOING ON HERE....SO FROM THE LOOK OF THINGS, SHE WAS ENJOYING THE WHOLE INCEST??....INFACT I'M DONE WITH THIS BULLSH**!!!


(odili.net)

OHH NIGERIA......

When u look at this pic, the first thing that comes into your mind is spectators watching a very interesting football game. But thats not the case right here.
These are all people who came to write the NDLEA recruitment test. And this is just PH alone ohh. I heard almost 5000 people went for the one in Lagos.

THIS IS JUST PATHETIC AND UNACCEPTABLE....I'm totally short of words. You spend a quarter of a century in school, finally graduate, and then find it almost impossible to get a job.
Since there are no jobs available, then why wouldn't people turn armed robbery?...why wouldn't people go into kidnapping? why wouldn't people find every possible means to leave this damn country? the Gov't have failed its youths. I swear Nigeria is the only country in the world that Nothing ....AND I SAY NOTHING AT ALL FUNCTIONS!!!!

ONLY IN NAIJA

Okay this is just ridiculous. And i think its high time that people who claim to do all these things should be arrested, tortured, and finally given at least 40 to life imprisonment. How person go open mouth dey talk say im go fit perform these miracles ke? and the most painful thing about it is that there are tones of ignorant people who are very adamant, and believe that this sh** works.....Anyways wetin concern me sef :)

NOLLYWOOD SPLIT OVER "DIRTY SECRET MOVIE"..........NA SO

So there's a real big buzz regarding this movie "dirty Secret" and it has recently caused a lot of controversy in Nollywood. So manay people are critisizing the actress, Tonto Dikeh claiming her role in the movie is un-African, untraditional and shameful. Others say she is only being a professional and she has the right to choose what role to play
One thing i know for sure is that Naija has the most Hypocrites ever. I bet u all these people talking trash bout this lady, are the same people that enjoy watching Pornographic Hollywood movies. And I bet u they will even secretely grab a copy of this movie and masturbate to it.......and the next day, they come out barking & critisizing.

SHE'S A FREAKING ACTRESS FOR GOODNESS SAKE!!!.....I just find this really really ridiculous cos  if it was a man who exposed his body, nobody go talk say na un-African. Afterall wasnt she acting the scene with a man? So why the heck is she the only one being critisiced then?

I'm so so so sick and tired of people talking about smth being un-African, untraditional, abomination, shameful, un-female like...blah blah blah blah blah...crap crap crap crap crap...IT'S FREAKING 2010 FOR GOODNESS SAKE!!!!...JEEEZ...and the funny thing is that when these same Hypocrites go to the US or Europe, they immediately drop all their culture crap, and begin dey do Americana

Infact who know where i fit buy the film juo.....At least its smth creative and unique, and i'll prefer watching it over the usual same ole Nollywood movies with the same storyline.

MEET CHELSEA'S NEW ASSISTANT COACHEH.....

Michael Emenalo has been appointed Chelsea's assistant first-team coach following the departure of Ray Wilkins last week. Emenalo had been working as head opposition scout for the club since October 2007 but will now make the transition to coaching.


Chelsea confirmed the move on their official website: "Chelsea Football Club are pleased to announce the appointment of Michael Emenalo to the position of assistant first-team coach. He moves up from his previous position of head opposition scout.

NOW THATS SOMETHING TO BE EXCITED ABOUT. Its like a our class of 94 are still the best products we've ever had......Likes of Kechi, Siasia now a head coach, Finidi George just got appointed as a Technical crew for one of the Spanish club side..and now Emenalo.

Make una keep up the Good work Jare.....I dey believe una scattter

In fact me sef dey go take FIFA exam juo..make I turn to Agent jare...u never know ;)

AND THE WINNER IS................

(shout out to Donchichi Oji for providing this crazy ass pic)


You know if u guys could remember the PDP goat i posted sometime ago...I actually tot that was the funniest goat make-up. But then there was the other goat that was dressed as a skul teacher with hair tie and all that.......But for this one right here???........DAMN  LOL

Ummm.... I think i can finally conclude that this is the result of a high unemployment rate in Naija. Cos people just got too much damn time on their hands, and begin to think outside the box. Cos if person dey work for office, im no go dey think of how to dey dress up goat, or carry gun, or dey do yahoo and all other stuff.....just keeping it real

But this pic is just mad funny and creative tho...ha ha

NAWA OHH..........WHATTA HECK???????????????????

(shout out to my Ghanaian pal, TP for providing this pic)

OKAY THAT'S IT!!!!......I can finally, and strongly conclude that Nollywood  has officially ran out of names for their movies. I guess that's what happens when 1million movies are being released every month....and 98% of them always turn out to be either same old stuff, or total bar-bash. And yes I'm a big fan of these two young looking midgets, but is it just me or I'm sick and tired of seeing both of them acting together in different movies? Cos they both very brief looking individuals doesnt mean that they always have to be in the same movies....GOSHHHH...I just dont know if these so called producers think with their brains for real....Cant someone just come up with something new or unique for goodness sake!!!.......No creativity whatsoever in making, and also naming a movie. Today na Small Shit..tomorrow go be strong Shit,,,,next week go be Diarrhea....WTF!!!

U see this situation of Nollywood's lack of improvement over the years does correlate with our bad government system. But this time, it has nothing to do with corruption. No politician or Gov't official can be blamed for this one. Therefore I'm beginning to feel that each and every one of us should be blamed for our country's present situation (regardless of ur status) ..........and if we dont start changing our mindset and way of reasoning, then i certainly believe will never move forward......SHIKINAA!!

SEE MAJOR FALLING OF HAND EHH...HA HA HA

I definitely saw this one coming.
U know say no be today wey Coke don dey do big boy for where Pepsi dey. Well, i guess this na the outcome :(
I believe we can relate this incident to we humans. Therefore this nah for all of una wey like to dey go gra-gra for another man territory.  Cos thats what u'll get when u mess with the wrong crew.....ha ha ha ha ha

THEY GOTTA BE KIDDING ME RIGHT????????????

You see sometimes I no just understand onyibo people sef...So when people dey wey never see food chop, na im person come dey offer $1000......JUST FOR MISSING DOG KE???........Nawa ohh. For Naija self, even N50,000 dey too high for missing human being (since life has no value over there).
Anyways make i no lie shaa, sometimes i do admire the way they show affection to their pets tho. But that one no mean say i go place 1000 freaking $ for ordinary animal wey some people dey even think of how to use am make stew....For Wetin Nah??????...Anyways I for no mind to go find this dog shaa. Cos I'm a very very big fan of Awoof :)
But unfortunately i honestly believe say the real owners of that dog don carry am :)
dem even name the exact time wey the dog been loss...ha ha......nothing wey person no go see for this world

VIDEO OF NOLLYWOOD ACTRESS BEING ASSAULTED BY OUR ONE AND ONLY USELESS POLICEMEN/OLOKPAS..

I dont know if u guys have heard of  Ufuoma Ejenobor. Heard she's a popular Naija actress, and she was recently (like 2 weeks ago) assaulted in public by the policemen attached to convoy of the Lagos State House of Assembly Speaker, Adeyemi Ikuforiji. The incident was caught on tape, and after watching it, all i gotta say is that the woman really gave them a run for their money...and at the same time I swear this lady na 1st class TOUT!!!!...DAYUM


Thats Naija for u...the land were even the craziest of people wear suit and tie :)

WIFE DEY BEAT HUSBAND....SHOOOOOOO!!!!!!

 So an 84 yr old man named Olokodana (just had to put that randomn pic up...ha ha ) went to court an accused his 45 yr old wife, Adenike, of beating him up whenever she gets drunk. And now he wants the court to disolve their 14yr old marriage, as well as grant him custody of their two children who are aged 15 and 13.
U see, when I first heard the whole beating story, i felt bad for the man...but when i now heard of him talking about taking his two children, then i knew this guy must be smoking some really really unhealthy stuff. U are almost clocking a century, and u talking about having custody of ur kids. Wetin u go teach them for goodness sake. This is just ridiculous. This na the problem with a lot of Naija marriages.......women marrying men who are old enough to be their dad, all because of money or whatever the case may be.......If i do the calculation well, so that means that the man had the 1st pikin when he was 69yrs....He must be freaking kidding me!!!!

Anyways although the woman pleaded guilty and promised to change here ways, the judge decided to end their marriage. I think that was a good decision too ohh,  if not, only fear and frustration alone fit make that old man kpeme one day.....Everyday it must be one thing or another in Naija.....HA HA

(punchng.com)

SHE'S BACKKKKKKK...........I LUV IT... I LUV IT..... I FREAKING LUV IT

U see, I've always been a fan of this lady, ever since she released her first and one of my favorite songs, "Genetalia"......and she just keeps on geting better and better at what she does....HA HA
I swear she deserves a record deal ASAP........check out her new release ehh....LOL LOL LOL......"wet vagina, juicy vagina" "Vaga-vaga-vaga vagina...where can u see sweet vagina" "penetrate?"......THIS WOMAN NO GO KILL ME EHH.....i swear i'll pay to go watch her perform
also need a ring tone for this :)

ADVANCED PLANTAIN SELLING.................HA HA HA

I guess this is one of the advantages of that BB pinging technology...."Plantain Transaction via BB pinging". It doesn't just get any better than this. But on the real tho, i swear we are one of the smartest people on earth...I guess when u are in a business where there's lots of competition, u just gotta find a way to outshine your competitors....by any means necessary ehh.

Anyways if any of una need ma guy BB ping number, just holla me......and this is not just ur ordinary plantain seller...as u can see, this one na sophisticated (the original) plantain boy, who's on his major grind, and all about his papers/cash. Business before pleasure.  Therefore only serious buyers pls :)

AND THIS IS SUPPOSE TO BE SEXY????

(shout out to Hafsa for providing this pic)

There's nothing as ugly as two crazy looking chicks with the most crazy looking weaves, dancing in a crazy looking way. This na the type wey I dey call "meet, greet and eat" or "fast food" babes. Cos all u need do is meet them on the first day, send them like N750 phone credit, and before u know it, they will be right on ur bed the next day. But if u want a quicker alternative, then all u need do is to meet them that same day, carry dem enter one nice eating joint, and show them some other lil activities/merriment here and there....and they will be all in your sheets that same day.
I know its painful, but that's just the honest truth and also the honest procedure :)     And unfortunately, that's what a lot of Naija girls are turning into these days. Anyways thankGod say none of my female friends act this way (not that i know of shaa)

But wait ohh....is it just me, or whenever i see this type of ibotic babes, all i just think of is the smell of armpit and pubic hairs?????

SEE BY FORCE CHOOOKING EHH..............

(shout out to Hafsa for providing this disturbing pic)

Ha ha ..I'm sure some of us have had this experience as kids....
But Damn yo!!!...on some real sh** tho, I don't just understand why majority of Naija parent have to rough handle their kids. This looks more like a punishment to me, than smth relieving. Just looking at this scenario alone, u can tell say this mama dey use all the vexation wey dey her mind dey pour am for the small boy..The way s/he's holding the butt-cheeks, as well as the strength she's using to squeeze the living air into that pikin's hole.....NNA NAWA OHH...me no just understand this kind brutality ohh.
Of-course no (right thinking) human-being would love the feeling of air or water being pumped into their a**-hole.....but at least the giver should show some respect, and be somewhat gentle when performing such stunt to the taker/victim :)
me don talk my mind finish ohh

AND THESE VAGABONDS ARE SUPPOSE TO BE OUR FRIENDS??????

So last week in Ajegunle, these three area boys were sighted fighting, and passersby, drivers and passengers where running helter-scelter (except for those foolish hawkers in the background) in order to prevent being hit by any form of accidental discharge.

Anyways I think I have the perfect idea for our new Mr. IG of Police.
Fire all the police officers that have no sort of educational background whatsoever, or make them go back to skul. Henceforth, hire only police officers with at least Polytechnic education. Increase their salaries, so they can be able to at least take care of their family, instead of thinking of collecting bribe all day. Give them adequate training... and pls pls pls change their freaking uniform for goodness sake (esp the Olokpa ones)

Anyways why am i even seeing this as a big deal sef....afterall if our law-makers/looters can fight in public, then who cant?....
click below for the rest of the pics.


(compassnewspaper.com)

WHAT"S UP WITH THIS WHOLE SUCIDE THINGY?

So a 17yr old girl named Peace Asukwo, committed suicide cos her 21yr old level 300 boyfriend, Fisayo Tifase in Lagos.
She hung herself after her boyfriend told her that he was no longer interested in their relationship of two years. and the painful thing was that she was an orphan.
Well, too bad for her, cos i don tire to dey hear about these lil kids hanging themselves here an there.... like they've had the most problems in life or smth.....smchew
But wait a min..........if their relationship has been for 2yrs, then that means he started going out with her when she was 15...WTF?

DEAD GIANT WHALE IN LAGOS.........!!!!

Okay ohh, for some of you that dont know, last week, a large whale was washed off to the bank of Lagos Bar beach, and thousands of people rushed to go see the gigantic sea creature. U see, if to say na for all these developed countrries wey such thing happened, they would have called in scientists to come do some examinations and experiments, and later start lying to us about how the whale don live for hundreds of yrs and all that bull crap.............But since this happened in Naija, u suppose trust our people nah..OMO NO TIME EHH......People were there present with their butcher knives. See massacre nah. U just gotta love us jare.  See as men just dey happy nah
Anyways below are two videos. This first video was at night when the Whale landed..then the second video was the aftermath.....and check out the guy in the 1st video in 1:28mins......WTF IS HE TALKING ABOUT FOR GOONDESS SAKE??????????????......ha ha ha
Caution before u watch: Too much illiteracy and ignorant comments in both videos :)

WTF...............WTF.......WTF............WTF?????????????????

(shout out to Hafsa for providing this scary pic)                                                                                           Yo I swear u see girls are definitely one of  the most wicked creatures on earth. There is no way u will tell me that this lady right here doesn't have friends. U see that's why i like guys jare.....if a guy wears smth that doesn't look good, his friends will tell him straight away, in order to save him from embarrassment when they go out. But for girls?..that one na just opposite.....I'm 100% sure this lady is doing this just because someone obviously told here she looked amazing and her make up was on point (and trust me that would never come out from a guys mouth). So if u look well well, na her fellow woman wey dey hype her up. 

Anyways make i use this opportunity to let most of u girls know that this is how most of u look when u go  clubbing and other functions (esp Naija girls)....and i'm dead serious about it.... too much make up for goodness sake. So pls dont just listen to what ur girls say when u guys are going out. take a proper look at urself in the mirror and figure it out urself. Ofcourse they will say ur make up looks good, even when it's  a disaster. This is cos they want all attention to be on them and not u, the clown looking one..Jeez cant believe some of u guys dont know this by now.

Too much Pancake, lipstick, using eye-pencil to line the lips, shaving all ur eyebrow and using eye-pencil to shape it in an upwards direction...WTF ARE Y'ALL THINKING???????

NAIJA PASTOR CAUGHT WITH INDIAN HEMP........UMMMMMM

So a Naija Pastor named Stephen Emeka Anazondo, 50, was arrested recently at the Ghanaian border for possessing 51 parcels of substances suspected to be Indian hemp. Dem talk say the parcels were stashed well well in some kind secret places in the car, so that nobody go fit trace am. But i guess my guy was unlucky.
And yeah i know a lot of people will be condemning the man and all that. I woulda really loved to condemn him tho. But if i do, then that means that I am indirectly condemning Ganja too...which is impossicant nah ;)

U see growing up as a kid, I was so scared of weed, the smell, and the people that smoked it too. U know say for Naija, anyone who smokes weed is regarded as a bad boy/hooligan/tout/area boy/criminal. But the truth of the matter be say weed is one of the best natural herb/medicines out there..and u will only believe it once u try it. Then u will now see why people across the world are pushing to legalize it :)

It takes you to another special level where u begin to see, understand and interpret things in a different perspective (sometimes in a good way, and sometimes senseless) Therefore in a nutshell, I would definitely listen to a pastor that smokes weed all day, than the pastor that doesn't, instead and all he thinks of is either how to fornicate with other mens wife, or embezzle church funds :)

But for real tho, u cannot tell me that picture doesn't look so damn tantalizing :)

(ghananewsagency.org)

WTF IS THIS SH**

 (shout out to Hafsa for providing this ridiculous picture)

Guys trust me. I'm in the same boat as u are on this one. I'm still trying to figure out whatta heck is going on in this pic.
Me dey try understand if this guy dey do this thing make people dey run or fear am? I can remember those days for secondary skul when we won go shit for people land, and u will see red ropes tied around the land, and people go dey talk say if u shit on that land, u go die..or even some peeps taking off all their clothes before they fight..like say that go make them more stronger...or even some people walking around with chicken head as their necklace....All na just to put fear for person bodi ehh. Didnt believe and will never believe all that Bullsh**

Only in Naija ehh....THE LAND OF RIDICULOUSNESS.....ha ha ha ha
in fact this guy get luck say i no dey there. I for personally kidnap both him and the pot join.  im dey krase :)

MY PEOPLE ABEG MAKE UNA JUDGE OHH

Ladies and Gentlemen say hey to Miss Funke Akindele. If most of you dont know, Miss Funke is a Naija actress (mainly acts yoruba movies tho).....and if u've watched any of her movies, then u will certainly testify that this lady got some talent for real.
Anyways good for her shaa....But me personally get problem with her ohh....and trust me it doesnt have anything to do with her acting. Anyways In a recent interview, she said she's a sexy lady.   !!!!!       ??????????????????????????????????????

Ummm well i no even know wetin to talk self cos that her response just weaken my whole nerves. Omm ok how will i put this in a way that doesnt offend her.

Well Well Well, in my own perspective, Miss funke is:
Smart?......Oh Yess
Entertaining?..... Yup
Great actress?.... Hell yeah
Ugly?.... Umm chai..this one hard ohh...well, not really
Beautiful?.... Hell nope
Sexy?.....I dont know bout all that tho.

DOG SHOW FOR NAIJA.........SHOOOOOOOOO!!!!

UMMMMMMM....WOW.....Well me no been know say We Naija peeps don dey even host dog shows. But on a serious note tho, why must we always wonna emulate the white man....Its a Freaking Dog for Goodness sake!!!....JEEEZ....Anyways shaa make una see una Country Dog show pictures which was held during the weekend....and the little boy right here was the winner. nice one tho. I was even surprise there was no nkita in the show....Chai see f**k up nah :)

Well, all i can say is LOL LMAO......HA HA HA.   
click below to check out pics:)

NLC DEY GO STRIKE OHH!!!

Okay ohh incase some of una no know..especially most of u outside Naija, The Nigerian Labor Congress (NLC) will be embarking on a 3 days industrial strike, starting tomorrow Nov 10th. This is because they are demanding an increament on the minimum wage. Right now, the minimum wage in Naija is 17K, and they are pushing for it to be 18k......SMCHEEW
At first when i heard they were going on strike cos they wanted an increase in salary, i was in support of them and actually thought it was a great idea, since N17,000 is a very little money u know. I was thinking they were pushing for smth like 25K to 30K or so. Only for me to hear say na 18K dem dey push for...So NLC is trying to tell me that na only extra N1000 dey make dem go for National strike ke? these peeps don fall my hand scatter.
Anyways Uncle Jonny come-on just give us the extra N1000 jare, ..afterall its nothing when compared to what all those political criminals/touts embezzle from our government on a daily basis.....
One thing i know for sure be say this strike go mess a lot of things up ...abeg Uncle Jonny do smth juo...Nawa ohh

NAWA FOR WETIN DEY HAPPEN FOR THIS PICTURE OHH!!!!

Yeah we Naija Peeps are used to Seeing traders selling Okrika cloths and what not. I remember Oil Mill Market which opens every Wednesday (my PH peeps know what i'm talking about) and u see people selling all sorts of stuff by the road side.All just for them to be able to make some source of living.

Anyways I just find this "bend-down-select" pic very interesting and some questions really need to be asked here.

1st question: WHY THE HELL DO I SEE MALES SURROUNDING THAT PRODUCT???
2nd question: JUST WONDERING WHO IS  THE SELLER AND THE BUYER HERE!!
3rd question - WHY DA HECK DOES THAT YELLOW BRA MATCH THE GUYS YELLOW SHIRT?? (umm and yellow chair)
4th question: AND WHY THE HECK DID BOTH GUYS PICK OUT THE MOST FEMININE COLORS (pink and yellow)????
5th question: THAT AREA DOESNT LOOK ANYTHING LIKE A FREAKING MARKET
And Lastly, WHY THE HELL WILL SOMEONE (whether man or woman) CHOOSE TO BUY A FREAKING OKRIKA UNDERWEAR FOR GOODNESS SAKE????

There's just a lot going on in this picture jare....THIS IS F**KING CREEPY YO!!!!!
In fact me don start to dey fear some Naija guys for real

46% OF NAIJA PEEPS ARE ILLITERATES......WORD?????

"More than 64 million Nigerians, constituting 46 per cent of the country’s 140 million population, are illiterate and cannot contribute to socio-economic development of the country."

I'M NOT SURPRISED AT ALL NAH

How pathetic...No wonder everybody wey u see for road just dey behave like tout. And i'm sure this is just the people who didnt go to school ohh. What about the people that went to primary, secondary, and even graduated from University, but yet their IQ dey either beyond low, or even non-functional? Why?..cos they frreaking made their way to school through bribing, or even dubbing (trust me i know people wey don graduate from primary, secondary and even uni through copying alone) . 
Matter of fact sef, make dem add extra 24% join untop, making it a total of 70%. Trust me, that should be the real freaking number we should be looking at.
Well, i will always blame the Gov't as usual...Period!!!  But u wonna know where u will see a whole bunch of illiterates all in one place?...........then take a tour to the House of Rep, Senate, and our Police Force :)

(www.nigeriandependent.com)

GUESS WHO'S NOW IN CHARGE?????

Uncle Siasia has officially been named as the new coach of the the Super Chicks....Oooops sorry i mean the Super Eagles squad. Congrats my man and i wish him the very best. I met the guy like 3 yrs ago in ATL.... me and him yanned for some time. Real kool peeps i must say.
Anyways I believe NFF made the rigth decision here. Infact we are now on our way to winning the next World Cup  :)         yeah right

umm what did they say was his salary again?..like N5 million  per month?....see qudi ehh....just wondering what his sign on fee was then :)

WHAT AN A**HOLE!!!

So this criminal was recently boasting that he pays lecturers $1million per month in his school (American University of Nigeria) which is located in one of the northern states. (i no even know which one sef)

Anyways, you see this is just one of those very random and absurd news that i hate coming across. Why da heck will you pay a professor $1 freaking million a month? Dem get PHD for mind reading or special powers?  Nna nawa to this man ohhh....This is probably the most ridiculous statement I've heard in while. Ma guy even went further saying this:

"Today I do not derive one kobo from all the investments I have made in education. Rather, in the university I still continue to pay the American lecturers one million dollars every month because the school fees that they are charging are not even enough to fuel the generators that they are running because the university was built to American standard"

Mr. Atiku, abeg If u open such school, and u still running on a huge loss, THEN SHUT THE F**K UP AND CLOSE THE DAMN SCHOOL GAT-DAMMIT!!!!!!!!...And ohh i have an idea for you ohh...why dont you use that same $1million and award educational scholarships every month to children across the country.....Jeez yo, is it that hard to come up with such brilliant measures?.....Or I guess some of us are just naturally dumb!!!!

(punchng.com)

NAWA TO PEOPLE OHH

Quick advise...When u start to dey take picture for night, and all u see is just ur teeth and eyes, then problem dey ohh.

And wetin dey pain me pass about this picture na just the fact say my guy just dey happy anyhow....just dey open teeth. 
But on some real sh**, thats one black ass nukka juo... this one don pass black abeg...this one na blue-black........Infact na this kind black wey fit even stain person cloth sef..
JJC carry go jare...nothing does you and your female counterpart :)

MY FACE NO DEY FEAR YOUR FACE :)

Wait ohh.... i won ask one question wey don dey disturb me for some time now. Why is it that most of the people that usually involved in all forms of negative activities are usually the ugly/hardened/crazy looking fellas huh? Maybe some of una no go agree with, and una fit dey vex cos of what i just said..But we all know say na true. Okay see this man wey dey here. And make all of una dey truthful to urselves.....what was the first thing u thought about when u saw this pic? Cos as for me, 2 things just ring inside my head as i see am.....professional Rapist or Criminal...Can u u picture this my guy being a doctor, pastor, or working in the Corporate world? would be very interesting tho/
But dayum.......imagine this man catch u 1-one-1 for one kind corner so for night....ITS A FREAKING WRAP  EH!!!