MY NEW YRS EVE HOUSE PARTAY....YESSAA

So if u've met me before, the first thing u will notice is that i luv having fun, doing crazy crazy strange things in public, and finally, I luv luv luv partying my ass off. I also luv entertaining people all the time. So in a nutshell, i luv throwing parties (mainly house parties) and i'll always find a reason to throw one. But this time its for a legit reason tho.

Anyways since i moved from Connecticut to New York, i was like ..."hmm it would be really nice to throw a new yrs eve party at my place this yr. I told wifey and she immediately bought the idea (na she dey even like this kind thing pass sef)......So we've decided to throw a new yrs eve party, and i'll be making my famous sweet jellof rice and chicken, plantain and egg stew, maybe some egusi soup, and lil snacks like cabin buscuit and stuff. People who have tasted my food know that i'm undisputabely one of the best cooks out ther..this one no dey for noise ehh. Abeg person wey don chop my food b4 should come and attest to wetin i dey talk ehh :)

Well, i'm kind of excited for the party tomorrow for the various reasons: My best friend and his wifey-to-be will be coming from Canada, my other best friend will be coming from Ohio, my younger bros will be coming from Naija today, and all my other close pals living in the northeast will all be there. So we'll be talking about 50-60 people showing up for this house party. I'm also very excited cos i'll be very alert so as to take some very funny pictures and videos. U know say anywhere wey Naija peeps gather like this, na there u go see different different type of characters. So i cant wait to just take so many funny pictures and post it here so that una go see as we Naija peeps like to dey kolo. HA HA HA 

So watch out for the picture and videos from the party by next week...HA HA

I GOT SKILLS JUO :)

So i took this pic a while ago. So one day i was bored off my mind, i just looked at the hair on my leg and i was like "DAYUM" ...nawa ohh..all this hair for one person body.....so instead of just staying there stiking out of my skin and doing nothing, i decided to put them to use. So i braided the hair on my leg :)  Yes u heard me right...i braided the hair on my leg :(

Yes it look nasty, gross or whatever ....AND SO WHAT?????

HA HA yeah i know i'm strange but doesnt it just look like a piece of art?????

i too much ehh  :)

THIS GUY EHHNNN

So Atiku Abubakar, has revealed how he escaped landmines set up by presidency officials to ensnare him in corrupt deeds.   infact make i LOL first for this im statement.

Asked if he was desperate to be President, he said:

"I am not desperate about 2011, I have never been desperate about anything at all because if you follow my career you will not find any desperation. If I had been desperate, I would have been President long time ago. I wouldn't have stepped down for Abiola in 1992, I wouldn't have given Obasanjo a chance in 1998, I had the PDP in my hands (like this), I would have taken the nomination in my pocket and I wouldn't have given him the chance in 2003 when everybody said come and take it over."
"So, I am not desperate about it, I will wait for the right time, whenever God says is the right time and Nigerians say is the right time. I am not desperate about it. What am I looking for? I have money to eat till I die!"


STORY STORY.....Its like this politicians see us as foools we no sabi road. Anyways uncle Atiku one thing i know for sure be say God doesnt think there will ever be a right time for u to rule Naija..and also we Naija peeps think its the wrong time for u too......nawa ohh.. Ok lemme see....You paid freaking N2billion each to four delegates in order for u to come out as the Northern candidate, and u get mind dey tell us say u no dey desperate.....O boy see day ligh robbery ohh.
 
(vanguard.com)

OH JOS JOS JOS JOS JOS JOS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

U see this whol crazy turmoil going on in Jos is just ridiculous and thats why i dont even wonna talk about it. I just dont understand why we take joy in killing our fellow man, all in the name of freaking religion this and that bull#$%@.  As long as I'm concerned, this whole thing right now is more politically motivated. So now, na bomb explosion be the new thing wey dem don dey do for Naija.

Sometimes i just silently ask God why why why???.....are we blacks actualy cursed?. Why is Africa different from other continents in terms of our level of progress n' stuff. Why must it be Africans that are faced with hardship. Why do We africans take joy in seeing our fellow brother/sis suffer? Why doesnt anything go forward in Africa. Its really painful to know that the continent blessed with the most natural resources is actually the poorest continent. All these things just really make me start to ask if we are truly lower class animals, just as other races look at us.....Like seriously tho, why must it be the only continent with blacks that face all these hardship here and there....Infact i dont even know what to even think of or say again juo.

Anyways the reason i decided to post smth relating to this whole Jos incident was cause i found smth extremely funny and couldnt help but share it jare.
So there was another bomb explosion (just days after the first one) in a town which is like half an hr away from Jos, and it killed only one person....who? the freaking bearer....so the device was blew up as the bearer was trying to plant it..........??????????

HA HA...DUMB ASS

i no know why we Naija peeps too dey follow follow. To plant bomb no be beans ohh?........nna nawa to these people for real.

15YR OLD KILLS HUBBY FOR 1K.......WTF????

(ha ha..... dont mind the pic oh. Its just a random one)

So a 15 yr old kid confeesed to stabbing her husband to death during an arguement over N1000...U see we Naija peeps just loose our lives for the most ridiculous and absurd  reasons most of the time. If no be for N1000, then na for plate of rice, or loaf of bread, or rat poison, or uneccesarily speeding, fighting, religious crisis...i tire ehh

When asked by magistrate Ijiyode why she stabbed her husband, the suspect said she did not realise that it would lead to his death.. ......Are u f**king kidding me? So she been dey expect say the stabbin go tickle my guy or wetin sef huh?...>WTF!!!! anyways i guess that's what happens when u freaking 15yrs old....lol

She said the family of her husband had turned against her and her children as a result of the incident. She said her inlaws had refused to take custody of the children, forcing her family to care for them.

Wait ohh...so the girl even get children ke...as in not just a child, but childrennnnnn...which mean say dem fit dey two or even pass sef.
Hold on Hold on Hold on......WHATTA F**K IS GOIN ON HERE?
15yr old girl......Already married......Has children....stabbs husband..
If i were the court, i will go after her parents, cos na them cause this whole crap. handing out a premature for marriage. What fuckery!!!!?????


(punchng.com)

NAIJA WRESTLER DIES DURING MATCH......CHAI

Tragedy hit the indoor sports hall of the National Lagos Stadium in Surulere on Sunday when national heavyweight title contender, Lion Man, slumped and died shortly after losing the belt to Power Lee via a technical knockout. Lion Man, whose real name could not be ascertained at press time, came into the fight hoping to win the belt he lost to Osita Offor, also known as De Ultimate Commander, about five years ago.

May he soul rest in perfect peace.

But ummmmm....these kind nicknames ehhn......Lion man, Power Lee, De Ultimate Commander.......NNA NAWA OHH.  Nothing wey person no go hear for Naija...i weedah ehh .....ha ha


(theguardianng.com)

WHEN NATURE OBSTRUCTS TRADITION/RELIGION/BELIEF :(

So last week, late music czar, Aladji Ayinde Olabode Barrister who died in London (may his soul rest in peace) was suppose to be flown back to Naija for Burial. And due to the heavy snow in London, flights were cancelled, therefore his corpse couldnt make it to Naija at the expected time. why i dey post this be say the Late Barrister was a muslim , and by islamic tradition, my guy suppose enter 6ft within 24 hrs.....

So my question now be say, since flights wer cancelled, and my guy guy's corpes couldnt make it back to Naija within the 24 hrs...............NOW WHAT??????????

:(

AUNTY NAWA FOR U OHH

So our Aunty Dora recently  pledged to resign from her membership of the upper legislative chamber of the National Assembly if after one year of being elected Senator she was not able to positively affect the lives of her constituents in Anambra Central Senatorial district....

Well well ...umm lemme see. Anyways the last time i checked, people will actually say anything in order to get elected. Anyways shaa to my own perspective, i think she would actually do smth tho. Remember those good old days when she was the madam of NAFDAC.....u go fear nah. But her rep just got low as she just entered the Chimpanzee's wagon. Well if she becomes tha Dora of NAFDAC, then me go definitely believe her scatter ehh.

NAWA OHH...WHARRA HELL????

Just take a look at this Bull sh**. I heard this has caused a couple of accidents and the residents have been complaining to the lagos govt constantly to repair this mess.

Infact u know what.....i've always realized that anytime this so called "mber" month just comes around, a lot of crazy ass thing be going on for real. How on earth can this be in the middle of a mjor road. Are u trying to tell me that govt cannot do anything bout this. Even if no do carry smth cover am for the mean time. Dem don dey find people blood weey dem go suck this xmas.....imagine riding on this road at night...Nna nawa for this kind country juo....HABA

WHY ME? WHY ME? WHY ME?

Okay U see ever since i came to this so called Yankee, i believe i've been a very very good boy. I no dey thief, i never kill, i no dey blackmail, i no dey do yahoo, or even engage in any kind bad thing at all......I do help old people cross the road or carry their bags whenever necessary, i do respect my elders. i give alms to the poor, i walk people's dogs....So i no just understand why bad bad things dey like do me sometimes.

Okay so I woke up this morning, took my bath, brushed my teeth, ate some food, and started heading out to work. Only for me to come outside and see this on my sexy Ford Mustang, along with a nice big document on the windshield.

Okay wetin come happen nah?. The document stated that my car has been booted cos i've been owing previous traffic tickets worth $640, and in order for them to take that ugly orange thing off, i"ll have to pay that $640 Gon Gon and sharp sharp at the Police Department. This one no dey for "I'll pay u half, and give u the remaining next week." So I had no option but to pay the money asap. Cos if i waited longer, dem for don tow the car go their garage, and every night it spends there go be extra $100, plus towing fee.

Anyways my reason for putting this up na to let people know say life no easy for Yankee ehh. If person for tell me say i go just give govt $640 just like that...i no for believe nah. See money wey i don dey think of how i go use am for my upcoming new yrs eve party. Anyways thats Yankee for you...from one payment to another. This is shows how law and order is being enforced in the western world. Although i really want Naija to emulate this whole law and order system, but at the same time, nah this kind thing dey make me miss our mother land ehh. If to say na Naija this kind thing no for happen nah...KAI.... Even if it did happen, all u need do is go to the Police people and tell them the most used Naija Phrase "Do U Know Who I Am?"    Dem go fear nah :)

ANOTHER WIFE BEATER KILLS HIS WIFE.......

"Police in Lagos have arrested a middle-aged man for allegedly beating his wife to death. The man simply identified as Kunle Adeola reports say, was in the habit of beating his wife to a state of coma for any slight provocation."

Like seriously whats up with these faggots beating up their wives. And what pisses me off the most is that this crap happens the most in Africa, where we still have these absurd belief that women are second class citizens. When the parents of these women (victims) handed them over to their husbands, "using the lady as a punching bag" wasn't part of the agreement. This is just ridiculous and i detest this so bad. Pls Pls if u a wife/girlfriend beater, then u are nothing but an a**hole for real. Why dont u go fight ur fellow man.

CHAI....God bless the man wey go marry my daughter, and decides to loose his mind one day and lay his hands on her. I swear to my life ama chop of that niggas d**k, roast it right in front of him, and make him eat it.


(vanguard.com)

LAST DAYS FOR KIDNAPPERS IN ANAMBRA........

So Kidnappers engages in a 30 min gun battle with the Police, as they were trying to escape with their victim. So when they were finally overpowered by the police force (shooo...hallelujah ohh) they ran away into the bush with bullet wounds, and left their victim in the car.

Anyways i did put up this post because of what the New Commissioner of Police, Murktar Ibrahim said during the press conference after the incident

“these boys should leave Anambra State entirely. I have not come here to play with them, rather, I am here on a serious mission and that mission is to rid the state of crime. Anambra is not the first place I have been to as police commissioner and all the areas I had been to I did not fail and I do not believe that Anambra will be a place I will fail.

“What I want the people of the state to do is to continue going about their normal businesses. The state must be free from these hoodlums and that is my promise to the Inspector General of Police, Mr. Hafix Ringim, the state Governor, Mr. Peter Obi and the residents.”

HA HA i think i luv this guy already....u see this na why i luv my hausa peeps...This just reminded me of my good friend Hassan, the former Commissioner of Police of Rivers State, and his PA, Isah Abdul-Majid whom were sent to PH during that period wey kidnapping became a regular thing. The reduced that whole kidnapping sh** drastically. ....OMO NO TIME FOR COCK AND BULL STORY EHH ...straight up business for real

EXCLUSIVE!!!!.............HOW ATIKU WON IBB.

So one of my best friend's pal came from Naija, and we all chilled during the weekend n stuff (shout out to Muktar and Mustapha). Anyways from one thing leading to another, we started talking about wealthy peeps in Naija. And we were talking bout how rich IBB is. The guy just started laughing at us and told us that IBB isnt close to Atiku when it comes to money. At first i wanted to ask him "my guy u dey smoke smth?" But i just chilled and wanted to see where he was coming from. So he now told us how IBB lost.
This na exclusive news wey people no know about ohh, and its coming from a very reliable source. So u hearing it first on this blog :)
So he first asked us the question "Would you have ever thought that IBB, who is a well known guy, with the highest connection both in and outside of Naija, loose to Atiku, a local and unknown guy who has no recognition anywhere.

He told us how there were 8 delegates to capture in order to win. Atiku got 4, while IBB and the other dude (i don 4get im name juo) shared the remaining.

SO THIS WAS HOW HE WON......u ready for this??????????
Atiku gave each of the delegates N2billion in order to get their vote......AS IN N2BILLION OHH....not 2 million. Therefore he gave a total of N8billion to the four delegates. An offer that i believe both u and me will not even think twice on weather to accept or not :)

The guy knew this cos Atiku called his dad (who was one of the northern delegates) and offered to give him that amount if he voted for him. But unfortunately his dad was already voting for IBB, since they were long time classmates and very close friends. So he turned down the offer. (at least thats a legitimate reason to turn down such)

So here's my question tho. If he spent N2Billion on four people in order to come out as the Northern PDP candidate, then how much will the criminal spend when its time to go against uncle Goodluck Johnny in order to capture the PDP ticket?????????????????????????????????

GUESS WHO'S KFC SPOKEMAN NOW....HA HA

KFC KFC KFC KFC.......aka Kentucky Fried Chicken, the worlds most popular chicken restaurant chain arrived Naija last yr, and has been growing. Dem just recently opened another location in Ikeja, and guess who was there to endorse it....who else but OBJ aka Baba.(u just gotta luv this criminal sometimes...ha ha )

Former President, Chief Olusegun Obasanjo has described Kentucky Fried Chicken (KFC), as an international brand that would bring a lot of good to Nigerians. 

Umm WTF????.....i for like some explanation on this one. cos me for like know what type of good that KFC will bring to Naija?...Nna nawa ohh...their chicken na holy cominion? Like say we never dey chop chicken before shey?...Southern Fried chicken dey, Tantalizer dey, Mr. Biggs dey, and all other nice fastfood joints wey full Naija. So me for like know wetin this monkey dey actually yarn. Their chicken taste like every other well seasoned fried chicken for goodness sake. There's no biggie bout it. If to say na those our local fowl wey dem dey use, then maybe i for don understand. But its not.


Also, wetin come concern Chimpanzee with Chicken sef..........WTF!!!!!!

I wont even be surprised if he's the own who owns all these KFC in Naija, cos with baba, a lot of things are possible :)


(thisday.com)

LETS PRAY FOR UNCLE JONNY NAHHH......

So, as the election is coming closer, All these politicians don dey go seek for different sources for powers in different places in order to make sure say them win. Anyways that one concern them shaa. Everyman get im own life to live, and judgment too.
 So our Uncle Jonny Being a christian, has been going to church lately (at least that the only one he tells us that he goes to). So during his visit at the Redeemed church in lagos last friday, this was what he said

“It is only God that can help me to change things. Pray for me now that I am the sitting president of your country. Pray for me not to deviate from the fear of God,” the president stated.
No worry uncle we will surely pray for u, as long as u no dey use people head for rituals, Senior men cultist involvement, or other crazy as things that most of ur peers/politicians dey do.

But wait ohh.....Is it just me or our uncle Johnny dey like say im dey carry basin untop im head? HA HA HA

and uncle Adeboye, this ur trouser color ehhn...na die ehh :)

NAIJA SCIENTISTS DISCOVERS HEAVENLY BODY..........SHOOOOOO?????

 (ha ha This is not the man ohh...this na just some random pic i put up...just tried to find a pic of someone that would look like a black scientist...ha ha)

  

Nigerian Born Scientist Dr. Alph-onsus Ekwerike of Science Medicine Research, has discovered a new heavenly body tagged 2010 TL 78.

USA,said this discovery was done on September 15,2010 but got confirmed last month with due credit to the discoverer, Dr. Alphonsus Ekwerike. In his congratulatory statement on Dec.9,2010 to Dr.Alphonsus Ekwerike,he said "Now, keep in mind the discovery won't be numbered for 3-10 years.

Additional observations will be made over the years until the orbit is fully refined. It is at that point that the discovery is numbered and placed into the world's official catalog. Your discovery is now in the provisional stage, and being monitored by the Minor Planet Center." 

Okay as we all know the only thing that made me post this thing was just because i hear say na Naija man wey dey the news. Cos as far as i'm concerned i no understand any crap wey all this scientist dem people just dey spit for mouth. When i been hear "heavenly body," me self come dey think say my guy been don discover/capture one kind creature from space. Only for me to dey hear TL 78 this, 3-10yrs that, and blah blah blah blah blah.....Me sef tire ohh 

(vanguard.com)

NAIJA CITIZENSHIP DON BECOME HOT CAKE OHH.....HA HA

No fewer than 97 foreigners from the United States, Republic of Benin and Lebanon were presented Nigerian citizenship certificates at a ceremony in Abuja on Tuesday by the Minister of Interior, Capt. Emmanuel Ihenacho (retd.).

A breakdown of the number shows that 44 became Nigerian citizens by registration, 38 by naturalisation while 15 were past approvals communicated after last year's ceremony. Of the figure, 53 are male and 44 female.
Speaking during the event, Iheanacho explained that the beneficiaries had been rigorously scrutinised and found worthy of Nigerian citizenship, having satisfied the provisions of the enabling laws and been found to be of good character and conduct.
The minister advised them to discharge their fundamental obligations and responsibilities faithfully and serve their new country diligently.


Ummm very interesting. But all I can say bout this is.....LOL LMAO LMFAO LWKMD HA HA ...go Naija :)


and is it just me, or our passport color just looks so mad boring :)


(punchng.com)

15YR BOY CHOPS OFF UNCLE'S HEAD FOR JUST 8K..............NAWA OHH

So this crazy looking thing called Wasiu Odenewu, cut his Uncle's head and sold it for N,8000. Alright so here is how it went down. Wasius friend's bros who lives in Lagos, came back to the villa and told his bros that he needed a human head (fresh or dry one). So the bros now told Wasiu bout it, and Wasiu brought up the greatest idea."Lets go to my deceased Uncle's grave and use his head".....WHAT A FREAKING GENIUS !!!!!!
Anyways they carried out the operation, but were later caught.

"The suspect confessed that he was forced to commit the crime due to financial constraints"

WHATTA?????????......15 yr old boy dey talk about financial constraints???.....Whatta heck is this world turning into for goodness sake????. 

I guess sometimes, just looking at a person's face alone, u can just tell what that person is capable of doing.....Just take a look at this eyesore right here, and tell me that he doesn't look like someone that works in a mortuary. Now i'm beginning to believe  motion that fugly/crazy looking mutherf#%kers are more likely to commit a crime more than their normal/good looking peers :(


(nigerian tribune)

PASTOR RAPES 4YRS OLD GIRL.................??????????????????????????

One thing i know for sure be say if Naija was a sophisticated as Yankee or England (in terms of video cameras and being able to detect crimes successfully) I swear so many ridiculous and crazy things will be brought to light.

39 yrs old pastor in PH was just arrested for defiling a 4 yrs old girl........AS IN 4 FREAKING YRS!!!
The lil girl complained to her mumsi bout pains down there, and told her mumsi that the pastor was the one that touched her there. When the police went to arrest him, at first, my guy been dey deny the thing, but he later confessed that he did it in her anus.  ???????????????

"Police source said he told his interrogators that he deliberately avoided the girl's private part because his big 'manhood' could do irreparable damage to the baby."................WHATTA F#%K???????
The suspect blamed satan for his shameless act and begged for leniency.....(yeah yeah, as usual, the devil is being blamed for every damn thing...both the ones im do, and the ones wey im no even know about)

This is probably one of the most disgusting incidents i've ever heard. And later people begin to wonder why i feel that 98% of Naija pastors are fake....And yes i said it...FAKE!!!!

NOLLYWOOD....OLD vs NEW

Anybody remember this movie back in da days...HA HA HA.
Just wondering, is it just me or I just love dem pioneer Nollywood movies.
Mehn i no go lie, i been enjoy those Nollywood movies of 2000-2004. They were mad interesting and sometimes scary at a point sef. Movies like this one, Oracle, and even Evil Men....HA HA

U see that was when Naija movies been dey sweet scatter....when u have the likes of Pete Edochi, Kanayo, Charles Okafor, Ejike, Zach Orji and others...These na real senior men wey been make Naija movies sweet ehh......
No be all these nonsense movies wey dem dey do now. Cant stand mostof these new movies for real.....Mainly major Bullcraps

GOOD NEWS FOR ABIA AND SOUTH-EAST NAIJA ZONES :)

 YESSAH....this is the break we have been waiting for with regard to this whole kidnapping thingy....So the most Notorious Kidnapper (Osisi Ka Nkwu) in Abia State, and South-East in general, has been killed by the Naija military during a gun battle. U see no be today i don dey hear this guy name ohh. For the past few yrs, this guy don terrorize Abia State, was feared by every resident, and he seemed to be above the law (cos he was Orji Uzor Kalu's boy). At a point, the criminal even threatened the Govt to give him amnesty just as they gave the real Militants who were actually fighting for a real purpose....lmao......See liver nah...But i guess Jonathan felt enough was enough, and in September, he sent the Naija military to take over Abia State in order to curb out these touts.
Well this is a very great news to Abia state and will def send a message to all those kidnappers there. But come to think about it, so the fool actually even attempted to engage in a battle with Naija Army?...As in Niaja Army wey no dey hear come or go?......Nawa ohh....some people get mind for real......"Naija army una too much jare"

But wait ohh......on the other hand, wouldn't it have been better to capture him alive? i no just know why these military guys no dey uses common sense sometimes. Na so dem do the Boko Haram leader, and now this guy. Why dont they get a lot of info from these guys before killing them...nawa to them sometimes jare

Anyways I'm happy bout this move tho...One man down, so now it would be nice if u guys could go to the House of Rep & Senate to grab the rest of the criminals :) 

ABOUT 80 NAIJA PEEPS DEPORTED WEEKLY FROM YANKEE.....CHAI

So the US deports about 80 Nigerians weekly, due to their non legal immigration status. You see i dont know why traveling out of Naija is a do or die affair these days. If everybody wan travel, then who the heck will be back in Nigeria then? Yes things are hard back home, and everyone is trying to go find greener pastures somewhere else, since our country has been unable to provide for its citizens. But at the same time, its just getting out of hand, cos when when these peeps travel outside Naija, a lot of them end up not have the right documents...Therefore u become a living vegetable (since u cannot work, school or do anything relevant as a source of living)...So the next thing would be for u to get involved in illegal activities.

I keep on telling my peeps back home that this Yankee wey dem dey hear about is a very tough place to live. Majority of the money u make goes straight to monthly bills (phone, electricity, cable, car, internet,  insurance, credit card etc.). And mind u this na when u dey work ohh.... So u can now imaging being here illegally and no source of income :(
  At least in Naija, u dont even get to think of most of these bills n stuff. But when u tell people back home, im go be like say u no want make dem progress. So that's why we are now seeing a lot of this whole deportation thing going on now in the US and UK.
At the end of the Day, our Govt is to be blamed for all this mess.....and the one wey dey even pain me pass na when i hear say dem deport Nigerians from Ghana.....LIKE SERIOUSLY???!!!

But damn can u imaging being deported back to Naija?...wetin u go tell ur friends?...HA HA HA.....Well the good part about it be say u get to travel back to ur homeland for free....and free plane food too :)

THESE GUY IS JUST MAKES ME LAUGH....

Senate President, Uncle David Mark recently described Naija airports as the most embarrassing thing. So i'm just here wondering why he's just realizing this now, cos these are the same airports which he has been using all these yrs.. Or maybe i'm guessing he was always high whenever he went to these airports. So, probably didnt smoke this time around. 

“Something seriously needs to be done about the state of our airports if we need to develop as a nation. We talk about 20:2020, but these are the variables that can make that possible.
“The environment at the airports is dirty, everything is wrong with our airports, it is either the conveyor belts are not working, or lift not working or even the air conditioning not working. We need to really improve.”

Anyways Uncle  i certainly I agree with you on this one. So how we go take go about am now huh?.....cos all this ur complain and speech no go solve anything.........OHH YESS i have an idea. Shey u make about N100milla per month? Umm why dont we donate ur salary in order to help refurbish the airports....and trust me, that quidi will go a long way :)

STOLEN VOTING MACHINES RECOVERED...

 So 16 of the 20 Direct Data Capturing machines which is supposed to be used in the 2011 Elections was stolen...Why e be say anything wey we do dey always get K-leg huh?........Every time, something important dey always dey stolen or missing. Na so we put satellite for space (that's even if we actually put one up in the first place) and weeks later, they said it was missing. Govt money..stolen. Election equipments..stolen. Everything stolen, missing, dead, escaped, kidnapped...it must be one thing or the other. This our dear country sef ehhn, i don tire ehh what a joke.
Mind u, when this incident occurred, INEC immediately came up and said that the stolen machines didnt belong to them. But as soon as the machines were recovered, this was what they said:



In a statement, Kayode Idowu, the Chief Press Secretary to INEC Chairman, Attahiru Jega, in Abuja, said the machines were recovered by Thursday afternoon. The statement said that security agents were working to recover the remaining four machines, as well as apprehend the people who stole them.

Wait a min...I tot INEC earlier said the machine wasn't theirs......NAWA OHH....WTF?

(www.234next.com)

THIS IS ABSOLUTELY UNACCEPTABLE....!!!!!!!!!!

Everyone should know the basics of kissing by now, and I dont care if u 15 or 100yrs old. I hear a lot of peeps complaining that their partner dont know how to kiss. I no blame una jare (victims of terrible kissing technique), cos this is definitely one example. Yes, they are old peeps and what not (prob our parents their age group)..but come on...are u tryin to tell me that this guy havent seen people kiss on TV before. Okay lets just assume that he actually havnt seen any one kissing both in a  movie, or even in real life......but at least there are some basic things which i believe that every normal thinking human should just know how to do naturally without being imparted in any way.

Example: I dont think God had to come down from Heaven in order to teach Adam (and other male animals  like goats, lions monkeys) about sex education, in regards to what hole he should stick his d**k into, performing different positions, or even having to stroke in and out in order to make sex feel good....All these things just happen Naturally for Goodness sake......Jeeez

Therefore my guys and babes, if u kissing ur partner, and u open ur mouth as wide as this cat right here...then trust me, u definitely doing smth very very very wrong :)
Jeeez...thankGod i never had to deal with this type of yawa juo :)

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

ONLY IN NAIJA EHH......THE LAND WHERE U SEE THE STRANGEST PEOPLE, AND THE STRANGEST INCIDENTS. .......Nothing wey person no go see ehh....this is just too hillarious.

NAIJA MILITARY SCHOOLS.....U JUST GOTTA LUV THEM.

(shout out to all my Navy, Army and Airforce Secondary school Pals out there)

Growing up as a child, I was one very crazy and mishiveious kid, and mumsi noticed that very sharply....So  the old-girl vowed to put me in a Military Secondary School when I grow up (and me been dey think say the woman dey joke). I remember going to Nigerian Military School (NMS) Zaria, to start my JSS1 class. Only 3 weeks going into the program, na im i just quit sharply eh...Mumsi had to come to Kaduna to come get my black ass.....(but DAYUM that school is no joke ehh)
So the woman come carry me go put for Airforce Secondary school,  PortHarcourt....at least this one wasnt that bad, since it was a day school, and it was like 5 mins away from home :)   Anyways I was there for 3 yrs, and completed my Junior WAEC there. But i guess mumsi's heart wasnt fullfilled yet, and putting me in a day school didnt help matters cos I was still a crazy kid. Either playing ball half of the school day, jumping out of the window whenever the burser comes to find people wey dey owe school fees (and the funniest thing bout the whole situation is that i always paid my school fees on time, but i just loved the thrill of jumping off that window....HA HA ...my Airforce peeps know what i'm talking about) or looking for someone to fight with,cos I was kinf of a semi-bully back then :)
Na im this woman just carry me go put for Navy Secondary School PH, where i began my SS1 and finished from there. (straigh up boarding skul with crazy ass military personnels). So that has been my journey with military schools ohh. But I'll never regret going to a military school, and I promised that my kids will go to one too, cos its makes ya tough u know.

Caution: the only disadvantage of military boarding schools, is that sometimes when u come back home for vacation, you just look like a freaking AIDS patient....esp when u have a big head like me :)   ha ha ha

NAIJA POLICE..... VOLUME 10

So on Sunday early mor mor, a man named "Femi Best" ran into a car conveying a Divisional Police Officer, who was on mofty with two of his men. So they chased poor Femi in their tinted honda Accord, until Femi finally stopped in front of a Police Station. Na so the Police boss just came out of his car, brought out his gun, and shot Femi several times in the head before the poor guy could even explain anything to them. A Sr. police officer is now telling the public that the DPO who committed the crime had been arrested, detained and they are investingating the incident......Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah....

And our Gov't Really want us to believe that these touts are really our friends?.....REALLY?

Tout/illiterate turned police, or Illiterate/tout turned politician....Only in our beloved Naija!!!

GAY CHURCH IN ANAMBRA......NAWA OHH

Okay ohh....So a Gay church just opened somewhere in Anambra State...The name of the church na "Day Spring Assembly" but the peeps in the community call is the "skirt church".........HA HA
The pastors where seen going around the community and preaching to people that there was nothing wrong with a man sticking his d**k into another man's butthole......it doesnt even get worse ehh...They even dey talk say any man is free to sleep with another man's wife, as long as say na the woman don approve am.

You see this is one of the major disadvantages of the Western influence on us. I bet ya, even 5 yrs ago, this type of sh** couldnt happen in Naija..esp in an igbo village for that matter. Dont get me wrong, I have a couple of gay frieds, and I dont, and will never have any problem with gay peeps, cos i believe everyonehas the right t do whatever they want u know........But when it comes to opening a gay church, and talking a whole lot of sensless stuff?.....NAH NIGGA
Aside that, the church members had, while mounting the rostrum, preached that any man was free to take another person's wife to bed, provided the woman gave her consent.

FACE OF HARDSHIP.........

(Shout out to Hafsa for providing this pics)


So my partner in crime, Hafsa Daba, who is one of Naija's  most talented photographers out there, sent me this pic which her friend/fellow colleague (Augie Kuta) captured during the 2010 Abuja Carnival).........and all i gotta say is DAYUMMM!!!
On a real serious note, Hardship get very very very big significant impact for person face ohh. For all of us wey dey outside Naija, I'm sure we can certainly testify to this one :)  U see hardship has always been part of us, sotey the thing don even become genetic issue for some people, while others dey catch the disease as aresult of certain circumstances.
U see I believe we Africans are very beautiful people (umm not all shaa), but na just this hardship thingy dey make some of us to start to dey get very strong and disturbing/alarming facial structures. Sometimes when u see black americans or black people that live outside Africa, they usually have a fresh look (i believe its bcos of the weather, and not being exposed to doing any form of tedious/ridiculously cray hard job).......If nah lie i dey talk, then go and live in any Western country for up to a year. I bet you when you go back to Naija to visit, u go see as people go just dey comment on ur skin, and how fresh u look.
Caution: results may vary ohh. ....make some people no start to dey think say once dem enter any Wetsern country, dem go just start to dey fine automatically.....Therefore if  the individual's ugliness is too deep, then even if u like, go leave  for yankee for 100 yrs, i swear it wont make a difference

So in a nutshell, my people (especially the ladies), when u looking for a prospective husband, better make sure that "good looks" is one of your top priorities abeg. F**k all that "he is a nice guy or wealthy guy or faitjful guy or quiet guy or reserved guy bullsh**" ......Yes i know say no be fine wey u go chop, but at the end of the day, if u bring in crazy looking innocent kids into this crazy world, then u got urself to blame. I don talk my own finish :)

WHAT IS THIS WORLD TURNING INTO?

Just take a look at what a father did to his daughter..all in the name of witchcraft....and u telling me we dont have devils in human form?
This girl right here, Comfort Sunday who is just 14 yrs old was bathed with acid by her own father, who accused her of being a witch.

When would this whole ignorance and some crazy traditional crap end in Naija and Afirca as a whole? U bring in a pastor, he says your child is a witch, and the next thing you do is to find any measure to eliminate the precious soul you brought into the world. And the most painful thing is that there are hundreds, or even thousands of children in Naija that are victims of this whole witchcraft thingy, and have gone through all sorts of torture from their own family members
In fact I dont even know what else to say anymore....illiteracy plus ignorance na just one very bad combination









(vanguard.com)

5 SS3 BABES RAPED IN OWERRI.......NAWA OHHH

So about 10 Dare devil hoodlums reportedly broke into the premises of Owerri Girls Secondary School last Sunday and raped five senior secondary school students. They stormed the SS3 dormitory between 1:00am and 2:00am but escaped when our snail-like Imo State Police Command showed up. (u suppose trust them nah..always coming after the damage has been done.
The principal narrated that the thugs were armed with cutlasses, rods and even guns....and escaped through a hole which they created through the school fence. The Police Divisional Officer alsco confirmed the incident.

He said his men were able to rescue the school security officers, whose hands were tied to their legs by the rampaging rapists and assured the students and their parents that security had been beefed up in the school.

Ummmm......Creating hole through a fence; fully strapped with guns and cutlasses; tying the hands and legs of school security officers...........All this long process just to stigmatize innocent girls. You see Owerri is without a doubt, the land with the most chicks and the most free P***y in Naija as far as i'm concerned....and these hooligans decided to go on a raping spree, instead of putting at least a lil effort in controlling any babe?...The kind thing wey dey happen for Naija sometimes ehnn..me i no just understand. This is totally
unacceptable


(vanguard.com)

GREAT NEWS FOR MA IGBO PEEPS..

As part of measures to promote and project the Igbo Language and cultureAnambra State government has concluded plans to commence academic activities at the Ogbaru School of Igbo LanguageGovernor Peter Obi, who disclosed this at an interactive session with Igbo indigenes in Lagos State at the Ndigbo Secretariat, Victoria Island, said the state has made the language a compulsory subject in its primary and secondary schools, adding that candidates that lacked credit in Igbo Language and culture would not be employed in the state civil service from 2015.

EXCELLENT....You see this is the type of news wey me i dey like to hear. And I believe this is happening at the right time too, cos these days, its hard for our generation to even speak igbo for up to 2 minutes without including an english word. This is unlike Hausa and yoruba languages. Therefore I'm very happy about this project......Good job Uncle Peter. YOU ARE A FREAKING GENIUS :)
 
Only disadvantage:: Too much crunk igbo can make it very hard to change your accent whenver you find yourself overseas :)
 
 
(thisday.com)

KIDNAPPING IN COTONOU KE?....NAW AOHH

So basically, one of these Genius Kidnappers was like " Mehn there's so much commotion, complication and much chances of getting caught during any kidnapping mission ohh. WHY NOT TAKE IT ACROSS BOARDERS, AND KIDNAP OUR FELLOW NIGERIANS?"..............perfect idea right?

Nigerians resident in Cotonou now live in fear following a rising wave of kidnappings in that city, which is the economic capital of neighbouring Benin Republic. No fewer than six abductions for ransom have been recorded in Cotonou in the last six months, and Nigerians have been fingered or proven to have been involved in these crimes.

The latest incident took place on Sunday, November 21, 2010; when two children of Mr. Mike Orji, Assistant General Secretary of the Nigerian Community Union (NCU), Cotonou; were abducted from their home, while their parents were on an outing.

Now I can Finally Conclude that some of we Naija Peeps do find joy in Polluting/infecting anywhere we go :)
esp my igbo brothers...no offence tho. just keeping it real.....u know what i mean. Wont be surprise at all the day i go hear say dem kidnap person for places like Yankee, Jand, or Canada

 
(dailysun.com)

WHY NIGERIANS COME HOME TO MARRY

Months ago, I posted smth bout Naija guys overseas who ignore the girls here, and go back home to marry some bush ibotic chick, and bring them to Yankee. Anyways below is a very interesting and informative article which was written by Sabella Ogbobode Abidde, and it give you an insight on the whole marriage thingy.



 WHY NIGERIANS COME HOME TO MARRY

The United States Embassy has data indicating the number of Nigerians who come to join their spouses in the US every year. In this instance, no attempt was made to collect such data. However, several trends were deduced from several exchanges that took place with friends and friends-of-friends and acquaintances in several enclaves in the US. Some of the patterns that emerged include the fact that no fewer than 310 folks embark on this voyage - of which eighty per cent are women. Of this, about two-thirds are Christians with post-secondary education; and two-thirds are between the ages of 25 and 37. Of the base number, eighty-five per cent are from the southern region, with eighty-seven per cent appearing to come from financially-disadvantaged homes.  

MY RECENT CONVO WITH A YAHOO BOY.....VOLUME 5 :)

So as usual, i always receieve scam emails here and there...and sometimes after reading the mails, i just sit down and be like "DAMN" the guys that write these things are very smart (although a lot are mad dumb too)....I wish the time they used to think of all these type of stuff was better used in doing something positive or so u know. Anyways just as i promised you guys that once every month, i'll post a convo i have with any yahoo child....well here is one of those yahoo emails that i found interesting ...HA HA ...and click below to see the full conversation.


Winning Notification...(Google End Of Year Giveaway)


InboxX

Reply
©2010 Google Online Promotion              show details Dec 1 (1 day ago)


You won £ 500,000.00GBP. (CGPN):7-22-71-00-66-12, Ticket number: 00869575733664,

Serial numbers:/BTD/8070447706/06, Lucky numbers:12-12-23-35-40-41(12). Contact

me, Mr. Graham Benfield for more details: E-mail:
mrgrahambenfield.online2010@gmail.com

Reply  Forward



click below for full conversation :)

WHATS UP WITH THIS WHOLE NAKEDNESS THINGY NOWADAYS?????

So I just heard that The National Association of Nigeria Female Students (NANFS) just gave a seven-day ultimatum to the governors of the South-east zone to re-open the state universities, or face the wrath of female students in the area.


 The students warned that they would be forced to mobilize all Nigerian female undergraduates to demonstrate naked on the streets of Abakiliki, Awka, Enugu, Owerri and Umuahia should the governors fail to comply with their ultimatum which commenced yesterday.

SMCHEWWW......AND THATS SUPPOSE TO BE THE FREAKING SOLUTION????

At first i even thought they were threatening to destroy cars, burn down buildings, rape guys and other bad bad and hurtful things :)
Only to come hear say dem won go naked........These girls are def. not serious. I bet ya these are the same babes that dress half-naked happily, on a daily basis..So what difference would it actually make when u now protest naked?...i guess its just the presence of pubic hairs and the anger on their faces (thats if they will even look mad)
Anyways anybody that has info about the venue and date fo this nakedness fiesta should holla me asap, and..... cos this sounds more like a fun parade than a protest to me :)

HELL F**KING NO!!!!!!.....WHATTA...

(shout out to DonChichi Oji for providing this ridiculous pic)


Una dey see that thing wey i don dey talk about? too much pancake and helter-scelter make-up.

Please please please...and i'm praying someone would actually contact me and tell me that this was just a halloween costume, or the lady was used as an exhibit in a museum or smth..... WHARRA HELL IS THIS FOR REAL????

I swear if to say i see this masquerade for road, me for personally walk up to her, pull that crazy looking wig out by force, and tear off that crazy looking lashes or extender or extension or whatever the heck dem dey call that thing. Okay let me put this way....If u are a facially challenged female, then make-up can only do very little good for ya regardless of  how much u put.
Yellow, light blue, grey, pink, white black, purple, orange...and the most painful thing of all be say she go dey feel say she fine...... I swear some Naija chicks need to be banned from seeing or even using make-up ever, and ever.  Cos this one don pass Ludacris!!!

WTF IS THIS ?????????

Damn Son!!...Seriously, Wetin be this??.....U see i no just understand some guys for real. Its freaking 2010 for goodness sake and peeps still get liver dey do sexy pose with pot belle? Come on !!

Ofcourse everyone wasn't created to have a fit or athletic looking body....but if you still young (ages 18-35), there should be no reason to look like this clown....and later y'all be getting mad when ur girl talks about me or Tyson beckford or Trey song or Will Smith or any other bad guys like us out there....ha ha ...Anyways i got 6 words for u.........Go Run That Sh** Off, N*%#@

This nah one very big problem about we Naija guys. We be talking of how our dad got a beer belle....but the funny thing is that we following the same path too. You go just see person for road, and the first thing u notice na im belle before im face...how pathetic :(

Okay lets say worst case scenerio, lets manage the pot belle.....But nappy hair now growing and surrounding the airbag area?????....UNACCEPTABLE!!

NAIJA TORTURE SYSTEM...........

This is one thing that i've noticed right from my childhood days, but i still cant get the answer till today......Is it just me or have u guys noticed that anytime our police/military peeps arrest a criminal/armed robber, or when they display them on picture or tv, the perpetrators are always sitting on the ground shirtless and shoeless, with only boxers on. Umm still   wondering if there's a reason for that...probably to make the flogging easier or smth? infact me no just know

Well, whatever the case may be, u just gotta luv our torture system sometimes shaa. Yes we all know it looks babaric, and adopting the Western style of psychological torturing would be better. But mehhnn,when u dealing with the type of hardened over-mature criminals we have in Naija, i swear u no get any otpion but to adopt torturing...since it makes confession very much quicker, easier and sharper :)
The only bad thing about am be say sometimes that kind torture fit even make innocent person start to dey confess to crime wey im no even know about....HA HA

THE EARLIER, THE BETTER.......HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

Although that was a real hard woozing, but this is what i've always thought of doing to any of my sons that start showing some sort of sweetness/sugar in them. I swear say that spirit must to run commot for that boy body sharp sharp ehh.......HA HA HA

Mad funny Sh** tho!!

ONE IN THREE SOUTH AFRICAN MEN ADMIT TO RAPE, SURVEY FINDS...........NAWA OHH

"South African survey in province of Gauteng finds 37.4% of men confessing to rape, while 25.3% of women say they are victims.More than one in three South African men questioned in a survey admitted to rape, the latest evidence in the country of a violent culture of patriarchy.

Researchers found that more than three in four men said they had perpetrated violence against women."

WTF YO.......U know what i think anyone that still engages in raping should be stoned to death. Give me a break, its freaking 2010. Wetin dey worry these peeps sef...na so their own Konji take reach?..nna nawa ohh. Nasty A** Peeps. No wonder AIDS just dey too rampant for there. Its either u go out there and hustle to find one of dem rampant food is ready p***y, or u just grab ur jel and stroke uruself (aint nothing wrong with that too)  

"Some 38.7% of men and 29.3% of women thought that "a woman cannot refuse to have sex with her husband" and 22.3% of men and 8.8% of women felt that "if a wife does something wrong, her husband has the right to punish her".

Yes a male is the dominant one in the family, and all that....but punishing his wife?....WTF..na secondary school be this?...But seriously tho WTF?????..This whole male dominant thingy just needs to stop...U see thats one thing that i luv Yankee for....everyone for here dey equal. Mehhn I swear Africa got a long long way to go. what a pity :(

(bossip.com)

ATTENTION ATTENTION ATTENTION GUYZ!!!!!!!......VERY IMPORTANT !!!

Ever been at home, and wondered what your gf/wife is doing out with her friends? Ever been scared whenever u see ur gf/wife say hey to ur next door neighbor, who's undisputedly more handsome than you? Ever been worried cos ur gf/wife had a past record, but u still married her regardless?  Ever been worried cos ur gf/fiance said she wouldnt give it to u until both of una say for better or for worse for church? Ever been worried cos ur gf/wife works in a bank and she has to meet wealthy guys in order bring in a certain quota at the end of the month? Ever been paranoid about ur gf/wife for no damn reason?
THEN WORRIETH NO MORE!!

The good news is that I know a person that works in the company that produces this unique and very very necessary product, and he can definitely get it on a very good discount price. So my men, if any of una dey interested, just holla me for my email and we talk business.
And as for the ladies, if u wonna know about how to obtain a secret spare key, holla at me too, and we can def work smth out ;)

HA HA .....SEE MEN EHH!!!

U know one of the worst thing u can do in Naija is to go and open ur mouth to tell someone what to play during a draft game. I found this picture very interesting cos it just reminded me of an incident when i been dey PH (prob in my Jss3). So me and my friends been go somewhere for Elekahia (shout out to all ma PH peeps ehh) when we came across two mature men wey been dey play finals for draft, and the place was pretty crowded too.

 U see during this kind of game, everybody dey always dey quiet. But i dont know what made one guy to open his mouth and told one of the 2 players "put am for here".....I think that was actually the first day i saw someone's head been broken with coke bottle....no be small porousing of head eh. After that day, i vow say i no go ever go near anyplace dem dey play draft.....cos people like me wey get big mouth are very very likely to be victims :)

ME DON DEY TIRE FOR THIS DRUG TRAFFICKERS OHH

The National Drug Law Enforcement Agency (NDLEA) seized 17 kg of cocaine which was imported from Brazil, which is worth N150m...and mind u this occurred in Murtala Mohammed Intl. Airport ohh...Dem talk say most of the cocaine was concealed in 18 plastic pipes allegedly imported by one michael Chuckwu (of course it has to be our Igbo bros nah)
So after has was caught, he started the normal/usual Naija confession of "i didnt know what got into me" or "its the devil" Bullsh**.....blah blah blah blah blah crap crap crap crap crap!!!
 He also said he was promised a fee of $5000 if sent it successfully (this peeps are just fools)...And there were several incidents of other people caught with cocaine from this sam flight...and trust me, the are all my igbo brothers as usual :)

BUT DAYUM!!!!......Some peole get serious liver ohh. I cannot even picture myself carrying coke from my house to my neighbors, then talkless of from one country to another. Una dey see the kind thing wey money make person dey do?

U know I always ask myself "why do people still keep on ingesting or hiding drugs in order to bring it in or out of Naija....dont they see other peeps that have been caught?
But now I'm beginning to feel that this whole drug transportation stuff its way more deeper than what me and u know. If it was smth impossible, i'm sure people wouldnt be wasting their time doing it. But i think its either there's a way to beat the system (i guess u just gotta be among the lucky ones).. or u have a real solid, and i mean solid solid connection.
Still waiting to hear about an hausa man carrying drugs ..ha ha :) 


(odili.net)

INSURE HIPS KE????

So, in a recent interview, Mercy Johnson was asked what part of your body do you treasure most?
My hips. I wil like to insure them if there is need for it.
ummmm BU HA HA HA HA HA ..see person wey wan insure their hips shaa. U know at some point i was even about to say yes u should...but ehhrrrr, i take it back. In fact make i no talk anything sef :)

As I always said right from the start and in my previous posts, the only reason i wont say anything bad about my Sr. Mercy Johnson was cos she was my skul mumsi back in those days for secondary school (shout out to all ma Navy PH peeps jare).
But come to think about it, the Interviewer na big fool for asking such question, cos i believe the answer is so so obvious. Or na her face she go choose before?   :)