NAIJA PEEPS AND OUR MOUTH WAHALA...HA HA

 The Minister of Health, Professo rOnyebuchi Chukwu, has described the oral health situation in Nigeria as unimaginable, disclosing that 44 per cent of Nigerians have decayed teeth.


LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL.......HA HA...O BOY SEE YARNINGS EH

You see wetin dey amuse me pass about this news na how they came up with that number "44%" ha ha......mehn you gotta love our country juo. Like we have a database that records how many people that go to the dentist for tooth problems quo?. But as far as I dey concern, that 44% dey even small sef :)

For Yankee here, people go to the dentist at least twice in a year. The first time I went to a dentist here was early this yr. As in ehhn, no be small thing I experience ohh. It all started like 2 yrs ago, I saw this lil hole for my back teeth (one of those big big ones wey dey for back wey we dey use chew well well…wetin be the real name again sef…ha ha) and I took it as something little and not harmful. But as time just dey go on, I come notice say when I chop food, sometimes some food particles go just enter the hole, and it was one very uncomfortable feeling. I gats use pin or toothpick to bring that sh** out. And as time just continue to dey go by, I come notice say the thing don big dey expand, and come deep well…. and anytime I chop something, one food particle must to enter inside that hole. And I got sick and tired of staying in front of the mirror trying to get out this little thing. Cos if I leave that particle inside there, it will make me very uncomfortable. Coupled with the fact say if the thing stay there overnight, the next morning ehhn, na so the smell of the food particle go just combine with the smell of early morning mouth wey dem never brush, thereby producing one kind very strange and disturbing odor when i open mouth to talk. You know when person wake up for morning, na so your mouth go just dey ooze anyhow...then can you now imagine if you come get one kind little meat wey don rotten dey hide inside your mouth? Not kool at all. Not kool.

Anyways, at a point it became so unbearable that I had to go see the dentist. When I reach there ehn, as the man look inside my mouth finish, na so im ask me "when was the last time you went to a dentist"? (this na normal question dem dey ask everybody ohh...make una no come dey think say im been dey ask me such question cos my whole mouth don rotten finish..ha ha ) Then I replied to him "umm I cant remember...probably when I was like 10 yrs or so." Na so the man just look me with surprise like say I commit one kind major crime for not going to the dentist. After examining my mouth, na so my guy tell me say all my back teeth get hole and need refilling sometime soon...but that particular tooth wey carry me come there need major root canal. So I later went on to do the whole thing, and I was so relieved after the whole surgery. But I never go do the other ones shaa. I'm guessing I go do am when the hole don dey open well well. May God help me. As a typical Naija man wey I be, I’m not always proactive, and I don’t just know why :(

I decided to give this lil story of mine cos before I went to visit the doctor, I been tell my friends about this my problem....and to my greatest surprise, almost all my friends I told actually had the same problem too. Some told me they have taken care of it, while some talk say dem never go, but dem go soon go do their own, cos the thing don dey disturb them too. HA HA. I no go lie I was kinda releived when i been find out say no be only me dey waka around with rotten teeth inside mouth shaa :)

I think they major cause of this whole teeth thing na because we too dey take so much sugary things, and barely or seldom see the dentist. The only time we dey go dentist na when our mouth done rotten finish. I just wish we could be proactive about issues like this shaa. So that’s why I was thinking, if almost all my friends wey dey here get some form of teeth problem, and they have access to a dentist anytime here for obodo onyibo ohh.....Then what about my peeps wey dey Naija nko. Infact ehhn, majority of Naija peeps never go dentist before. The only time they've heard of the word “dentist” na either during primary school (remember those days dem dey teach us about different professions and stuff like that) or when dem hear the name from a friend or so.
Therefore left with me, I go even talk say that 44% na small sef. I fit guarantee you say that number suppose be like 80% or so. And if una think say I dey lie, then let’s start from this nawa4u community. Ok to all of una wey dey read this post, how many of una don go see dentist before huh? huh? I fit guarantee say na just very few people….including me…he he :)

One thing I know for sure be say at the end of the day, there's nothing kool about waking up in the morning and walking around town with a rotten teeth inside your mouth. And the worst be say na people like that go dey talk and laugh pass everybody. I remember when I never fix my teeth, na me been dey make noise pass nah (although I've always been a noise maker shaa). Na then we go wan open mouth dey laugh anyhow, without remembering say we dey expose other peeps to danger :(

(nigerian tribune)

UNCLE JONNY THE FACEBOOK STATUS UPDATER

So I'm sure some of you guys are friends with our uncle Jonny on Facebook. As in every once in two or three days, my guy dey update im status, telling the Nigerian people what he has achieved, about to achieve, and dreaming to achieve.


I remember when he opened a Facebook account, plenty Naija peeps been dey very happy, cos they felt we now have a happening Presido wey dey use technology dey communicate with im people. As in ehn, I sure say some people even been dey feel say one day, dem go get opportunity to even chat with uncle Jonny for online. At then, anything wey Uncle Jonny talk for im status, everybody go just dey “like” the status up and down, dey praise the guy like say im dash everybody for Naija N1 milla, or im don provide 24/7/ electricity. But for the past few months, guyzes don dey vex for Uncle Jonny due to his incapability of handling certain sensitive issues, especially when it comes to the security in the nation. Cos as far as I dey concern, our security dey very very naked and cold. So this has resulted to a lot of people getting so pissed off at him. And the whole fuel subsidy thingy didn’t even help issues. So these days, whenever our beloved presido updates his status, instead of seeing all the praise, na so so vexation comments go just full everywhere……as in PEOPLE DEY VEX EHH…..nothing just seems to work in the country, and someone def needs to be held accountable you know. And who else but the head nukka in charge, Uncle Jonny 

Anyways so as usual my guy posted this yesterday:

As we celebrate the brith of Jesus Christ this Christmas season, I want us all to pause for a while and consider what we are celebrating. We are celebrating the birth of Jesus and the commencement of His life of self sacrifice. Upon a further examination of the life of Jesus, we see that His life exemplified qualities that are needful in nation building i.e. concern for His nation, the world and future generations. He put the interest of His nation and humanity above His personal interest and made the ultimate sacrifice. Those of us who are Christians will recall that Jesus did ask us to follow His example and likewise consider the interest of others and our society. So, as we celebrate Christmas, this message should not be lost on us. Perhaps we should consider how best we can sacrifice today so that our families, our nation, our offspring and future generations can have a greater tomorrow. Nigeria is currently at a time in her national life where she requires sacrifice from all citizens in order that the wellbeing of future generations will be a thing of certainty not speculation. I assure you that the required sacrifice will start with me. Let our corporate sacrifice be our Christmas gift to future generations. I wish all Nigerians a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year in advance. May God keep you throughout this season and beyond. GEJ
 
Yeah and blah blah blah blah blah......Anyways the reason I posted this was because of a reply someone made to his status, and I had to LOL well well....
 

"You have lost the mandate to rule, please if you cannot overhaul your security apparatus,then just resign! we can be slaughtered every day like xmas turkey and u r speaking english."

HA HA BOYS ARE VEXING EHH......LOL......Naija peeps get bad mouth???!!!! lol.




And if this isnt the gayest pic from Uncle Jonny, then I dont know what is :(

WHY I HAVE BEEN M.I.A.........HA HA

Okay so here is the full detail/truth of why I have not been blogging often as before. Una don ready for this tory? Oya lets go thia.

So like about 3 weeks ago, there was this whole spam thingy that was spreading on facebook (I'm sure everyone of us encountered it somehow) and you see a lot of very nasty, and sometimes grusome pictures being posted on facebook. It was really bad and at a point I even come dey think say facebook don enter partnership with xvideos or Bangbros (thumbs up for those of you that know one of those sites..ha ha)

Yeah so one day as I opened my facebook at work (yeah i used to browse during work period...afterall no be only me dey do am jare) and someone sent me this very ridiculous picture of a guy’s pee-pee being covered with metal, and a padlock on it. As in the picture was so funny that I had to save it on my computer in order to blog about it later. Okay so here na where the whole f**k up begin. You see, whenever people send me pictures, or whenever I see any interesting pic that I would like to blog about, I usually download them and save it into my usb hard drive, then delete it from the computer (since na my office computer nahh). When I get home, I can then do the postings.

But this time when I saw this crazy picture, I saved it on my desktop, and was going to later transfer it to my usb drive by the end of the day. Unfortunately before the day was over, I had an emergency call from home, so I told my oga, and he let me leave early. So na im I immediately took my jacket and vamoosed out of the office like flash....and forgot to shut down my computer :(

So the next day when I been come office, I went to tell my boss how everything went…and when I was about to leave his office, na im my guy just call me "umm Alex please can you have a seat cos there's smth I would like to discuss with you about." Inside my mind I just dey ask myself "Chai wetin happen now ehh…wetin I don do ohh?" Then my guy come tell me "There was something very disturbing that we found on your computer and......" Immediately the man just talk that first sentence, inside me I was already saying "Chai my own don finish today ohh. God abeg come and take special intervention right now before this people decide to pursue me commot here." (you know say na when we enter serious quanta wey we go just remember God sharp well..ha ha how sad) Infact under that short period of time the man been dey talk to me, I no even been hear most of wetin im been dey talk cos my mind just been dey think of plenty things...and I been dey pray make God help me make I no break this man head for hia if he decides to give me the "Donald Trump finishing move"

Anyways, so after im talk finish, na im I come explain to am say na my fault, and that pic was there cos I run a blog and wanted to post it on my blog.....yes ohh, i had to explain that to him, before my guy go come dey think say I be one of those people wey dey addicted to all dem fetish, nasty and weird type of porn dem. (cos that pic was really disturbing shaa...I no go lie).
If no be say the man like me ehhn (because of my crazy and funny self), dem for don pursue me right there. Even the guy been use im mouth tell me self. So later that day, they now printed out a "company computer and telecom policy agreement" and made all the employees to sign it. And it clearly stated that any employee wey use the office computer or phone for a non-related business use, will be told bye bye :)

So since then ehhn, even to even use google (which we can legally use to search for addresses and certain ambiguous words) dey fear me die...ha ha ...i just dey do things jeje since then. I go enter work from 9am-5pm, and person no fit even check im mail...which is so frustrating cos come on, lets face it, every employee do use their work computers for non-work related stuff often during work time. Even some of my co-workers dey vex for me cos I don spoil their show too....I no blame them shaa..me too dey vex for myself, cos this na actually the first time for my whole 27 yrs wey i don become scape-goat, and ITS NOT KOOOL!!! Sometimes I go just dey ask myself "why I forget to turn off this computer nah? Why I come f**k up big time like this sef?" ...he he
Anyways so that’s the reason why I haven’t been blogging lately....and by the time I finish work for the day, me reaching house na usually around 7 or 8pm...and by then I don tire...and that no be time wey I go dey talk about blogging nah. And besides, I gotta spend time with the fam u know ;) .......and even when weekend reach, I no even get time cos I gotta catch up with all the activities and paroles wey dey go on.

But anyhow anyhow....BOYS MUST ALWAYS FIND A WAY EHH.....

So after all the emails from some "nawa4u" members, asking me why I never post anything since, or if I dey alive so...lol...I was so touched by the emails cos it made me see how much most of you guys appreciate this crazy blog of mine. And that’s why I'm back and I'm very very gingered. I'll be posting twice every week this time around. Make I no lie, i missed blogging too shaa.

As usual, nothing does you, me, us, them, they, their, those...ha ha...Merry Christmas to you all in advance, and God bless Naija/Africa.

WHAT PEOPLE WILL DO FOR MONEY

This happened in PH a couple of days back. People trying to go deposit a huge amount of cash in a bank, and all of a sudden armed robbers go just corner you for somewhere, and its a wrap!!!

What i'm just trying to say is that everybody's life is in danger in Naija, regardless of your status. Okay let’s look at it this way: If you get money, then you better believe that there are some people out there that would want to rob your a**, and even eliminate you at the end. If you work in our law enforcement sector, you can be targeted or set up at any point in time…and their life is even dey critical danger especially when dem carry that their kpai kpai kpai gun to go fight armed robbers wey their gun dey sound like doo doo doo doo doo doo. And na very special intervention go make you even survive such incident. And even if you be citizen nko, wey no even get money, your life is still in danger.

 Imagine you were the driver of this car, trying to go deposit cash in the bank along with the police? Imaging you were the female cashier in the back seat accompanying the driver and police to go deposit una oga money? So this na to show you say we all are in danger in that our beloved country called Naija. As in Human being dey die like chicken on a daily basis for that country......how sad :(

HE'S LOST HIS PEE-PEE....CHIEYAAA

So in Lagos, a father came home and saw a boy screwing his 20 year old daughter. And my guy got so aggravated and he beat the boy black blue. And he felt the beating wasnt enough, so he went ahead to matchette my guy, and finally used the same matchette and cut of my guys middle leg :(

But what we dont know is actually what happened though. Who knows maybe if the guy was really raping her, or maybe fear been catch her as her pupsi been see them, and she decided to save herself from trouble by saying that the guy been dey rape am?


Ogunbanwo was alleged to have sneaked into Akpati’s home when the victim was alone and forcefully Were Intimate with her. The father allegedly caught him on top of his protesting daughter.

The girl, it was gathered, was crying and attempting to free herself from him when her father came in. The father was so angry that he reportedly took a machete and cut Ogunbanwo all over his body, including his joystick.

Infact this story dey somehow jare.......Some questions really need to be asked. First of all if the guy been dey try to rape her, why couldnt she scream for help or smth....and they said the guy sneaked into the man's home....mind you dem no talk say the guy been break into the house ohh...or the guy been enter through window....so for him to have sneaked into the house, then no be person wey open door for am? or the guy na winch? nawa ohh.....Infact this girl story no just dey reason well for my brain jare. But if what she's saying is actually true, then na the guy go find trouble nah. Rape is one thing I do not tolerate, and a lot of women Naija are being raped on a daily basis, and no necessary/drastic measures have been taken in order to prevent these babaric act occur, as well as prosecuting these rapists, and putting them behind bars.

The accused was brought to court by the police to face the charges but when the presiding magistrate, Mrs. M. B. Folami, saw the pitiable state of the accused, she ordered the police to arrest the father of the victim (Akpati) and others involved in the battering of the accused and charge them to court for assault.

She explained that under the law, the accused is presumed innocent until found guilty, adding that nobody should be allowed to take the laws in his hands.

LOL LOL.....but yeah the nukka took laws into his own hands shaa. LOL. Umm but wait ohh... "accused is presumed innocent until found guilty" .........for Naija wey we dey so? since when? Cos the last time I checked, it was the other way round :)

At the end of the day, a p***y has been damaged for life (if it was actually a rape shaa) , a d**k was lost. Which kind news be this sef....Abeg my guys need to start controlling themselves juo....What ever happened to hand n' lotion ehhn sef...the safest and easiest way :)

(pmnewsnigeria.com)

AFRICAN PARTY I ATTENDED OVER THE WEEKEND......HA HA

So me, my younger bros, and one of my bad guyzes, Big Mike Aggrey.....we went to this Naija/Ghanain Party somewhere in Brooklyn this weekend. First of all it was like 20 degrees that night I swear. As in  the cold no been dey look anybody face ehh. So when we got there, the line was kinda long. But we come dey console ourselves say the line go move quick. After parking and going to join the line, na im my brother come remember say im forget im id card for house. So we had to come up with a plan. I gave him my id card to show the bouncer, and before he went in, he gave it back to me. I had to go stay at the back of the line, so that by the time the bouncer reach my turn, im go don forget say im been see that same id card some mins ago. and Yep, it did work..but the problem now na to enter. I'm sure some of una don go some kind clubs where dem go just dey only allow like 2 people to dey go inside every like 5 mins....and they always going to give an excuse like "there are a lot of people inside, and we waiting for people to leave out, before we let others in." Or "there are a lot of guys, so una go wait outside until babes start to dey come".....as in WTF?  So yeah the line was showing no sign of moving, and I was standing in the same spot for over 15, going to 20 mins ohh.....and mind u, the cold wey been dey that night ehhn...infact the cold been get teeth, dey bite person I swear.

And as I dey for line there, I ben dey vex die ehh, and so many things come dey run inside my mind. Things like: Why my brother even forget im id card, and I now have to go through all this for this kind non-friendly weather ke? Or why is it even cold like this in the first place. which kind nonsense be this sef? Or which kind useless club be this wey I come so? Or why am I even here in the first place sef?
No be small thing ohh. Na there you go know say cold fit actually dey get partial contact with person brain sometimes ohh. I'm sure people wey don experience severe winter could attest to what I'm saying.
Anyways after almost turing into an ice block outside, I come finally enter inside......I never even take like 3 steps inside, and behold, EVERYWHERE WAS SMELLING LIKE PUBIC HAIRS......esp the ones wey dem never wash :(

The hall was so big, and the place no even full half way sef. Na im I come dey wonder why in the world did those guys keep us outside that long? And also the fact say dem come dey sell fried rice like 6ft away from the toilet no come even help matters at all. Infact ehn, It was just one of those days that you find yourself in a place where you go start to dey question yourself like "WTF am I doing here?"  Damn that place was smelling ehh Its just one of those odors that should be regarded as "illegal". That sh** just messed up my weekend juo. Cos I really dont see why at this stage in life, a certain group of people still no know wetin be deodorant...and if you look well well, na those kind people wey dey like to dance pass everybody...dey open mouth and armpit anyhow :(

NAIJA CHILDREN AND ANAL SEX.......WHATTA!!!??

Not less than 12 percent of public secondary school students in Nigeria practise anal sex while 12.1 per cent of university students and 15.2 per cent adolescents in northern Nigeria engage in the act.

Shoooo.....As in anal sex ke? nawa ohh. You see ehhn, growing up as a little kid in naija now dey very very dangerous ohh. The length at which children dey learn bad bad things these days ehhn..its very alarming. I was so surprised to see say primary school children don dey f**k sef. Which is very very ridiculous. Back in our primary school days, we werent even thinking as far as chooking a girl sef.  You see "Tapping current" (the act of having some type of body contact with a girl, and acting like you no know wetin dey happen at the same time) was okay for us, and we were very satisfied with that. I remember those days for class wey when I sitdon with girl, and if our laps just dey touch each other (since na short nicker wey we dey were for school then), I go just dey very excited and aroused,...ha ha. That tapping current was enough for me, and I wasnt even thinking of anything more than that sef. But these days, its seems like tapping current is now for nusery school children...and the primary school children don graduate to chooking. What is this world turing into ehh?

You see here for Yankee, we Naija peeps dey see all these american kids as spoilt. why? Cos most of them start having sex during their teenage age....they even have boyfriends or girlfriends at that age, and their parents are aware of it (ha ha you fit imagine even person wey dey for SS3 for Naija dey go tell im papa say im get girlfriend? im chop krase? ha ha). In a nutshell, most are very open about their sexual activities. And I don notice say we Naija peeps like to dey criticize them pass. But the irony of the whole thing be say the kids in Naija are 100 times worse I swear. Parents dont even know what there kids do when they not around.

And to be honest I think these events will keep on going on due to the type of parent-children relationships we have in Naija. As for me, I don make up my mind say I go dey discuss with my children about everything that has to do with boy girl relationship and sex. This way dem no go dey hide dey do things behind my back. (although the cant sef, cos me be old soldier for all those kind things nah..he he) All those our old a** Naija parents think say na to dey enforce strictness wey go make their children not to do bad bad things...ha ha. Na the more reason why the pikin go wan go try am sef.....esp girls ;)

But this news need to be taken very serious ohh......If to say na just normal sex dem dey talk about, me no for dey surprised nah....But we talking bout anal sex right here...as in chooking in the nyash hole......thats some real disturbing sh** for real....

(nigerian tribune)

VICK.O.........THE GREATEST :)

You see I was one of the first people that was supporting this dude, even when everyone was making fun of him :)
This would have been a great interview, if not for this gial.....where in the world did they find her from. She just dey jabo my own Vick.O up and down. And wetin dey pain me pass sef be say uncle Vick.O just dey im own world. CHAI. See life ehh.

You remember when this guy's video came out, we were all wondering if he was joking, or he was for real. And I'm sure even till today, some people still dey unsure whether this guy really dey serious ehh. But as for me, I don make up my mind say this guy na one very delerious guy, and he sees life totally in a different way from us. This guy na genius in his own way ohh. And we can make fun of him as much as we want, but guess what? My guy still dey get our attention.....whether in a negative or positive way, whatever he's doing to us is working...ha ha
But yeah man, My guy Vick.O don dey go places ohh. Before una know now, one day una go hear say Vick.O dey come perform for New York. Infact that day ehhn, I go personally make sure say I buy front ticket seat. Only if the dude knew I was his number 1 fan :(

My favorite moments:
Hello Vick.O..........Hi :)
I'm not rich but I'm not hungry
I style like 2 pac
There are lot of thousand girls

I swear this guy go live long for us jare :)

I DON SHOW I DON SHOW......

OKAY OHH MY BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE I'M OFFICIALLY BACK FOR REAL THIS TIME AROUND......AND EXPECT MY LATEST CRAZY POSTINGS THIS SATURDAY...........and I'll also confess why I havent been blogging for the past two weeks.....ha ha.



God bless all of us jare :)
Nothing does we Naija/African peeps...."always suffering and smiling" ha ha

CHAI......I'VE BEEN ABSENT OHH.....I DON DIE!!!!

ABEG ABEG ABEG MY PEOPLE MAKE UNA NO VEX JARE.........I haven't posted anything for almost going to two weeks. So many things have been going on for these past few days, and I've been trying to get some sh** together you know. My people no be small ohh....Infact If I start to dey gist una wetin happen to me ehhn, una no go believe. I actually made a quick surprise visit to Naija, and I was kidnapped over there. If no be say I be correct guyzes ehhn, these people for don use me get christmas money. Infact I go give una the full gist when I resume my postings this week ;)

But yea I promise I'll be back in full force by this thursday shaa.....AND TRUST ME, I GET PLENTY GIST THIS TIME AROUND EHH........Nothing does any of una.  Wish you all the best of luck.....AND WATCH OUT FOR MY POSTINGS BY THURSDAY.