Tuesday, January 31, 2012
So someone just sent me this pic....At first I was like “yeah there's a lot going on in this pic.” But I was still trying to figure out why this pic was sent to me (since the sender didnt put any description along in the email)
So after much scrutiny, I then realized what is was..........ITS THE FREAKING EYEBROWS, DAMMIT!!! :)
The ibotic chicka shaved her damn eyebrows, and drew them back with an eyepencil on her fore-head...ha ha
You see this is what happens when most of you women be shaving off your eyebrows.And I found this so so ironic cos when my wife came with me to Naija, she was shocked to see a lot of women who shaved off their eyebrows and replaced it with eye pencil drawing.......or women that use lip pencil to line their lips black..or the ones that put very thick eye shadow. That was probably the biggest culture shock she received when she was there.
As in ehhn, since we came back from that journey in 09, every now and then, she will just bring up that question "baby why do some Nigerian women shave off their eyebrow, and also add lip pencil to line their lips?" And as I'm writing this post, I still haven’t given her any correct answer till today....I just keep on beating around the bush….cos I really dont know what to say. Umm nope thats not true. I think I actually told her one time that it was probably a culture thing, or they just used to it, and feel it looks sexy one them. But I dont think that she bought that answer....ha ha....and I dont think I can ever give here any good answer for real. Cos as far as she's concerned, she and every other American women find that act very "funny and crazy"..lol.....And me too also find am to be very "CRAZY" too for real...ha ha :)
So if any of una think say you know the reason why our women dey do that kind thing, abeg make you tell me, so that I go give the woman correct answer jare...he he.
Note to all my beautiful Naija/African ladies in general: "There's nothing as sexy as a well shaped natural eyebrow.....In order words, STOP THE WHOLE EYE-PENCIL EYEBROW SHAPING.......NOT COOL...NOT COOL!! :)
I bet you tomorrow nah this babe go come out dey tell people say she be make-up artist :)
Umm if I can remember, didnt our uncle Johnny just promise us that he would reduce waste in governance? Or na only me hear am? or was I dreaming or smth? or didnt I also hear am say the only way to save money go be through subsidy?
You see, what annoys me about Naija be say we too dey do like say na we better pass every other African countries....raising our chest and shoulders high, moving around with nonsense pride...despite the fact say we actually have nothing to show for, if you come to think about it. And I bet you other African countries go just dey laugh us anytime we wan start our usuall noise making. I still dont know why we still living in past past past glory.
I'm still trying to figure out what does our aunty Patience need 32 aides for? I'm guessing its our tax payers money that will be used for this trip shey? Umm just wondering ohh....me no talk anything negative shey? ;)
Anyways, its so unfortunate that during this fuel subsidy protest, we were unable to seize such a golden opportunity to start a revolution. All because of some bunch of NLC leaders/faggots who betrayed us. Well, I guess another time. But till then, lets keep on doing what we do best..."suffering and smiling :)
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
AWKA-THE Movement for the Actualization of the Sovereign State of Biafra, MASSOB, yesterday gave the Nigerian Army 48 hours to release its members arrested and detained in Onitsha since last Sunday, saying its non-violent posture should not be mistaken for weakness.
Addressing newsmen in Onitsha, MASSOB Director of Information, Mr. Uchenna Madu, also demanded release of corpses of the organisation’s members allegedly killed same day for proper burial.
YEAH YEAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH....Until I see am with my own eyes ehh
You see one thing about igbo people be say dem too dey make too much noise. They are usually the victims of any sort of religious crisis or chaos that erupts in Naija, regardless of the region. Everytime na so dem go dey butcher us up and down like fowl, and yet na so so talk we sabi. Dem don butcher us for Jos, we no talk...Boko Haram come dey butcher our people for North, and yet we never do anything. And now Naija army don enter our land dey butcher us ke. Come on Mehn....
It’s pathetic that igbos can’t stand for their own right. And later this so called Massob people go come out dey talk "we are trying to do a peaceful demonstration". Peaceful my a**. Okay where peaceful demonstration don take una go? Those days of Ghandi and Martin Luther King don pass jare. And even if im never pass, such type of demonstration style cannot happen in Naija.
Everytime na so so Biafra/Massob wharever wey igbo peeps don dey carry for head for how many years now, and yet nobody send for them. See Boko Haram wey just come out yesterday don dey even make our government dey shiver sef....This is to show us say the only way you can make your message heard in Naija is by being violent. Unfortunately that’s what it has come up to. Cos if you start to dey do Ghandi style, even your children-children no go fit still send your message to the government.
I'm sick and tired of a these fake threats jare. If you want to shoot, then shoot and dont talk. Jeez. Anyways make we dey see shaa. Shey 24hrs don pass...so we have another 24hrs left. So make we dey see the outcome. As much as nobody wants violence, but I think its about time these whole Massob guys change this their "peaceful demonstration" bullsh**, go equip themselves and be ready for war. Cos this is just getting out of hand. Our so called army (which we all know is controlled by the north) cannot do this to OPC or Boko Haram....But na always for igbo people body wey dem go dey do gra-gra!!
One thing I know for sure be say if igbo peeps continue this their whole "talk and no action bullsh**," then 100yrs from now, The only time people will hear about Igbos will be in history classes"...cos by then we go don go extinction finish :)
But how can we achieve our goal when we igbos cannot come together as one? If we truly start war now, before you know it, our government will meet some of our ndigbo leaders and bribe them and their boys...and before you know it, war don end. I guess people are right when they say "na we like money pass" :(
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Okay so I'm a big fan of all types of dance moves, especially the African ones. And yes I can step really good too. People wey sabi me me go fit attest to my dancing capabilities nah :)
My favorite dance steps...Umm lemme see...Galala, Makossa, Swohh and ofcourse my all time favorite, "alanta" :)
As in ehhn, when Alanta came out, I was going crazy over the dance step...Its just mad kool. Even sef, I dey dance alanta when I go Yankee clubs....and na so people go just dey look me (I'm sure they prob be like "WTF is this nukka doing"?...ha ha)
Anyways I never thought there will be another dance step as sick as Alanta. But I guess I was wrong. Last October when I threw my house party, one of my Ghanaian pals brought his cd and gave the DJ to play. And when the songs came up, he started doing this crazy dance step...and people just gather am dey shout, dey ginger my guy. And I was like "wow this step correct ohh." At first I thought he was just making it up, but when I later went to a couple of Ghanaian parties, I then realized that a new dance has come to light. "AZONTO"
As in I love this dance step so much. Its just mad kool ehh. I think it’s kind of a mixture of African dance mixed with London "migraine skank" or whatever dem dey call am for there sef.
To be honest, I gotta say that this “azonto” dance step (and the songs that go with it) just put Ghana back on the map ehh. We all know Naija has always got the craziest and hottest dance steps. There's even this new Naija dance step called "etighi". Yeah its really cool too. But Mehn I swear this "AZONTO" dance step is just untouchable right now. And sorry My Naija peeps, I'm going Ghana for now. Azonto all the way.
YES CHARLAY CHARLAY CHARLAY:)
And is it just me or Ghanain artists are also stepping their game up big time too :)
Big ups to my Ghanaian people jare
Friday, January 13, 2012
Guys I swear I don invent new language ehh..jokes aside. So if any of una get link to the people wey dey produce dictionary, abeg let me know, so they can include my new word. At least make im be say Naija man don invent smth nah. Anyways here it is:
Definition: A prosade is the art of combining a protest and a crusade at any given place and time. In the beginning phase, the protesters lead the movement. Then towrads the end, a "man of God" takes over. Such event can only be seen in the West African country of Nigeria.
Okay so this picture was among the many pictures I received regarding the fuel subsidy protest thingy in my homeland, Imo State. So at first, when I was scrolling at the pictures, They looked like a typical protest picture....and I was happy that my people have finally decided to join their fellow brothers across the country and say “enough is enough” you know.
But as I kept on scrolling down, na im I come see the protesters dey kneel down hot korota ohh, dey even raise their hand up join sef. So me come be like "shooooo"...who's making them do this nah, and why why why? So within the 5 seconds wey I been dey look the picture, my mind don dey go plenty places in regards to wetin make this people dey kneel down like this. Then I immediately recalled that the last time I saw a bunch of grown ass people kneel down like this and raise their hands up, na for church. Inside me, I was like “I was like I hope its not what I'm thinking ohh.” Then I decided to keep on scrolling down...and BEHOLD, there's a reverend father in the house!!! .....and I'm sure una already know wetin I wan talk nah ;)
Yeah so I believe It’s only in Naija that you will see these so called "men of God" go just appear in the most random places/events ever. Like lets be for real right here....Its a freaking protest for goodness sake, so why bring in a reverend father in this? Why is he there? Okay as im don come now, anything don change? or dem don give dem special key to Imo State government house? I don’t understand why most of we Naija peeps fail to realize say no be everything wey we go just dey call God name up and down. There are certain situations that we have to take matters into our own hands in order to get the type of result that we want. And this Fuel subsidy is a good example. If we all come together as one, there are certain actions we could take that would make our government to revert the fuel price. There are also actions we could take which would drastically change our government system for good, thereby making all our so called leaders accountable to we the citizens. Afterall a few countries did it recently. So we should start taking necessary actions, instead of waiting and hoping for God to come down from heaven and change the fuel price for us.
And nobody can tell me that he came with the sole purpose of joining in the protest.....na pure lie be that oh. Dude had this sh** all planned. Even making the protesters dey kneel down for that hot korota wey fit wound person knee cap...But guess what? My guy is standing tall ehh...ha ha. And I fit bet you say at the end of that day, that guy been collect offering money. Believe me!! Mehnn Only if we used our God given brains most of the time....and I swear things will be much much better for us.
Just look at the lady with the cap on the left side, she just dey into the whole thing, like say dem dey give present to the person wey sabi kneel down pass. Or even look at the lady with container of garri for her head….holding her garri firmly with one hand, and raising the other one up…….CHAI…I just feel for my people
GUYZ WAKE UP...THIS SHOULD BE A FREAKING PROTEST, AND NOT A CRUSADE !!!!
Thursday, January 12, 2012
A group, Coalition of Niger Delta Youths, yesterday, threatened to shut down oil facilities belonging to various multi-national oil companies in the region if government fails to revert to N65 per litre in line with the yearnings of the majority of the Nigerian masses. ‘We are giving President Jonathan 24 hours ultimatum to reverse the pump price to N65 and failure to do so, we will go back to our communities and when we go back to our communities, we will ensure that all the oil installations in the creek is made not to work
Ehenn...na now guyzes are talking sense. In my own perspective, this is prob the best way to make uncle Johny think twice about this absurd decision he took.
So this is what I think would happen if these guys really execute their attacks, instead of giving empty threats jare:
Niger Delta youths blow up foreign oil facilities.....Oil production will be shut down.........price of petrol for Yankee go come rise up...then our Uncle Obama and the American people go wan know wetin dey really happen for Naija......CNN and other major networks go come dey show the world wetin dey happen for Naija........then Uncle Obama go come call Uncle Johny dey ask am "Johny how far you nah? I just dey see wetin dey happen for your area. But nawa4u ohh…you no dey try at all. You know say US election dey come up soon, and I dey try do everything possible to revive my economy for hia, in order to get re-elected. So if you know want make serious yawa burst between me and you, then you better put that petrol price back to N65, or to a much lower price sharp sharp. Then after I get re-elected, you and your government fit do anything wey una wan do....You dey hia me so?" And uncle Johnny go probably tell am "Uncle Bam Bam, not only have I heard everything wey you just talk, but I dey also believe you scatter ehh."
Then Uncle Johnny go come announce say after much consideration, he has decided to change the whole subsidy thingy. Then the Nigerian people will live happily ever after.....and everyone will forget about occupy Naija……and our suffering and smiling levels continues :(
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
So I'm sure most of you guys saw that video where Bishop Oyedepo slapped the living krase out of one chick who claimed to be a “witch for Jesus”. LOL.....as in ehn, me self was surprised when I watched it cos I never saw that coming eh. What I found very interesting was how this video just gained international attention recently. Mind you, this was a video that has been on youtube for almost a year now. But for some reason the thing has received so much attention recently...sotey it was even posted on worldstarhiphop.com :)
Well, a lot of people supported the Bishop's action, while others condemned it shaa. As for me, where do I stand? Umm well it depends. As much as I believe that 99% of Naija pastors are criminals, I still got some kind of respect for this dude tho. I remember like 7yrs ago, when I came back to Naija, my aunt took me to his church for a sunday worship, and mehnnn.....see church ehh. Even as I enter there, fear been catch me sef. The size of this dude's church is unfreaking-believable. Infact that Canaan land na city on its own. I was shocked for real. I gotta say the dude is smart tho. Even my younger bro is a very big fan of the guy. I remember when my bro been dey Naija, sometimes when I call am, im go tell me say im dey go Winners Chapel for spiritual week. Sometimes I go wan even ask am "O boy nawa4u ohh. Why you dey leave PH dey go all the way to Winners wey dey for Lasgidi? Na so the church take sweet you reach?" But I usually held back my words….make im no be like say me no want am to grow spiritually in Christ you know :)
Anyways I started getting irritated when my bro used to tell me how this guy commands people and boasts...and how he got a private jet....and so on and so forth. And I'm like wo wo wo...This nukka actually got himself a private jet? And majority of his congregation are struggling to make ends meet. And when Sunday comes, they give all their money to this dude, all in the name of tithes/offering/sowing a seed?
Anyways back to what I was yarning… So Mr. Bishop recently responded about the video, and this was what he said
The Bishop who was unrepentant said "People now complain on the Internet that I slapped a witch. If I see another one, I'll slap," Still, he bragged today, "It is my ministry to slap!"
LOL LOLZ LOLZ....Oga shey na your ministry to slap.......foolish man. You see this is how you know people that boast a lot, and feel like they're mini gods.
This na the same man wey been go see late Yaradua when he was sick, and after the meeting, he refused to respond to the questions regarding the president's condition as of then. Instead he stated
"It is true that I visited him, "It is a private visit, and I don't owe the public any obligation. It is a private visit and I don't want to comment further on it."
Like Really?? You see these days, I dont even blame these pastors so much. It’s all those so called members that I blame. We Nigerians are so caught up with this whole Christianity and Faith thingy, that we hardly use our brains anymore to think outside the box. And that’s why we easily become the mugus of these so called pastors/bishop/apostles/prophet/evangelist and all other names they be giving themselves.....all in the name of Christianity. Chai. Mehn God get plenty things to judge on that faithful day ohh.......
MY PEOPLE OPEN YOUR EYES AND STOP BEING DECEIEVED BY MOST OF THESE A**HOLES. I know some people might be offended because I dey criticize their daddy (You know say all these loyal members of churches are very very quick to defending their pastors....ha ha)
Anyways what I would really wonna know is this......Yes I know the bible said "Thou shall not suffer a witch to live"...and Mr. bishop can use that to underpin his decision to whoozing the chick. And he could also argue that he wasn’t slapping the girl directly… instead it was the witch inside her that he was targeting, since it used her to make mockery of God...okay fair enough.
Oya ohh lets do a lil Nawa4u algebra right here in regards to the incident.
If "Bishop + girl who claims to be a witch = SLAP"
Then "Bishop + Big politician or Wealthy member who claims to be a witch = ???????"
That’s Naija 4 u my people….the land of oppression :)
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
You know its only in Naija that you will see a group of people come together to do smth, but when yawa come burst, you are on your own. Thats one thing I dont just understand. If you take a look at previous protests in other parts of the world, when one person is being arrested, other people will do everything possible to save the guy...and if they cant, they will prefer to get arrested too. Thats what I call unity. And this is why Naija will always remain Naija, and will never move forward. We lack unity and spirit of struggle and revolution I swear.
I sure say una hear as one girl been dey say "see what they are doing to this boy" Duhhh, yes they are beating the living krase out of him, and all of una wey dey claim protesters just dey there dey look film...instead of bonding as one and finding a way to prevent the guy from being pounded. Yes I know say out police people their head no good, and them fit shoot people wey come close....but come on, you cant tell me if all those protesters come together and approach those olokpas, they will oepn fire.
Anyways so this is what I believe is going to happen. "Double the fuel price, the citizens will be mad and there will be a major outcry and protests around the nation, then at the end of the day, the FG will reduce the price to somewhere around N100/liter...and we the citizens will feel we our voices have been heard cos we fought a good fight...and then we will foolishly accept this new price....and the whole protest and whining will just end all of a sudden....and we will continue our suffering and smiling ...as usual.
In my 27 yrs on this planet earth, I believe the most absurd thing I've ever heard is that the 5th largest oil producing country in the world have been importing oil for the past few yrs.....why? cos all their refineries are broken down, and there's no money to repair them. But yet billions of Naira are being stolen every month by the government officals????? This is even worst than when some of my American friends ask me if I see lions walking around in my neighborhood back in Nigeria...... or even when people call afirca a country.
This type of situation really makes me ashamed of my beloved country for real.