THATS HOW WE ROLL IN ABJ CITY BABY....

Umm...just actually remembering that i took this....def wasnt in my right state of mind tooo...ha ha .
Anyways this was just one of those typical days of flexing in Abuja where me and my guys just hangout, get intoxicated, act a fool, and then leave the rest to Baba God to take over...

Thats my homeboy, E-money free-styling, and my other two home boys (shout out to Chike n Ogbans).   So i'm pretty much sure this was after we've been to like 3 different clubs, and we just decided to park by the road to use an ATM....na so the shayo spirit just enter us...so i brought out ma camera as usual...ha ha.....But for real tho, we Naija peeps sabi enjoy ourselves scatter jare....."Mehn if u dont love Naija, F**k u for real ehh"!!!     :)

SHE'S GOIN TO HARVARD!!!!......

So a fifteen yr old Nija girl living with her faily in New Jersey, has been given admission to study in Harvard university. Her name na Saheela Ibraheem. 13 Ivy league schools actually gave her admission, but she decided to go with Harvard.

Well i just tot this is a really good news u know. How many 15 yr old kids u don hear say dey university...and no be any kind university ohh....as in Harvard for that matter...you see these are the kind of news that when you hear it, you just proud to be Nigerian for real. Forget anything, i dey tell u say we nigerians are some smart ass peeps. Just say some of our smartness dey go into creepy things u know :)

The girl plans to study neuroscience or neurobiology....wetin dem be?..me no sabi.....But only the name alone go tell u say that concentration no be beans ehh....ha ha


(Vanguardng.com)

NAIJA POLICE ARRESTS MOST WANTED CRIMINAL.............YAY!!!!

So the Nigerian police have arrested the most wanted criminal in the country, who have killed over 50 victimes including policemen in Abia, Imo and other southern areas......The kingpin name na Emmanuel Nnmdi Ebulu aka "stone"..and he was the second in command to that Osisikankwu guy that was killed a few months ago buy our army in Abia.

This is the guy that have been conducting all these robberies in banks in the south east. Mehn i pity bank workers that time. During that period last year, banks in Abia State even had to close for up to a week, cos the robbery was just too damn much...Even police sef no fit do anything....umm well i no go too blame dem shaa....cos me dey try put myself for their shoes sometimes. I just dey imagine say i be police, and dem tell me say some kind heavy criminals wey carry the most sophisticated guns dey rob one bank. Mehn, i dont think ama go anywhere near there for real, Son!! No be say i dey fear or whatever....afterall i signed up for it...But until my government provides me with updated weapons, intelligence and adequate training to combat these criminals, then i no sure dey near that place  jare.....i no be sacrificial lamb for now :)

Anyhow lemme give our police a lil cheers for this one shaa. Cos we need to get all these lunatics and vagabonds off the streets in order to make Naija (esp Southeast...Mainly my igbo people dem...ha ha) a safer place.

But come ohh....Im be like say good things don dey hapen.....US don kill Osama..now Naija don catch their most wanted criminal...abeg i pray make more of this kind news dey come out jare :)

MY MUM IS WAY KOOLER THAN UR MUM...HA HA

Wouldn't it be nice to have a happening mum....huh? huh? a mama wey go fit   hang out with ur paddy them...a mum u can take out to joints and have drinks with her. A mum that u can gossip with on the phone for hours, and both of ya be cracking urselves up...a mum that be wearing jeans and even looking wey better than your female friends.....a mum that when she's in a passenger seat, people go dey think say na ur girlfriend......a mum that when ur friends come visit u in ur house, they will think she's ur elder sis, and be trying to razzle her...ha ha.....a mum that actually dont give a f**k if u 100yrs old, and she's ready to slap the shit outta u if u f**k up.... a mum that u be hugging and kissing on the cheeks and holding her hands wherever u guys go.....a mum that isnt old fashioned and stuck with all dem local traditional morals/bullcrap.....Well fortunately, THATS MY MUM......Mama thanks for being there for me at all times......U too much jare. U are the best, and i dey believe u scatter ehh.

I hope everyone luvs their mama just like i do luv mine, cos mehn, these ladies do everything in order to make sure that we, their kids are always happy.....Pls always let ur mum know how much u love her.....it makes them feel untop of the world...trust me :)

DEM NAIJA PRAYERS EHHN........HA HA

Ha Ha...i just put up this post cos for some reason it just reminded me of those days wey we small, and our parents go carry us dey go all those long ass late night vigil prayers......Mehn i'm a true child of God, but dayum....all dem long ass prayers be putting me to sleep for real....

Okay back to what i wanted to say......So during my sons birthday, we invited one of our family friends who is a pastor...a real good messenger of God too ohh....I've been to a couple of his preaching n stuff, and Mehn, my guy dey pray scatter ehh....which is good tho, but the prayer sometimes dey take style long juo....So during the birthday party, the next thing i heard was the pastor say "okay we about to cut the cake, but before then, we will pray for Zuriel." Immediately i heard that, i was like "im don happen eh"...by the time this prayer go finish ehhn, everybody wey come go just loose appetite for the cake ehh :)

But funny enof, he didn't pray that that long, which was very very surprising tho....fear even catch me sef.....but the prayer still long small shaa...even my wife on the left come dey bend her neck..ha ha ...But anyways the reason i put this video up was cos it just kept on cracking me up anytime i saw it...For most of u wey never go Naija in a while, or for those of u wey don decide not to dey go church for some reason, I'm pretty much sure this video will surely remind u of dem Naija prayers wey dem dey hole for inside church or for person house...ha ha

But at the end of the day, "prayer is the key to everything," whether u believe it or not...so i no fit vex at all at all....and the amount of amen for this prayer ehhn, me sef weedah ehh ;)

MY ENCOUNTER WITH A REAL ENTERTAINER/FREESTYLER....HA HA

So we went to this joint somewhere in Wuse 2....Mehn thi splace was really nice tho. Its like an outdoor joint and was pretty big tho....chai i don 4get the name ehhhh....anyways so me and a couple of friends all hooked up at the joint to hang out. So while we were there, we saw this dude with his guiter going from chair to chair singing n stuff....so after like an hr, the guy now came to our spot and started singing....Mehn before u know wetin dey happen, we all started bumping our heads.....

For real, Naija get talent ohh...na just money dey insult people badly....This guy is a real clown...we laugh die ehh....and what made me appreciate his talent was that he was doing it with so so much happiness. i wish we were all like this man.....But the man na real bad guy tho...im just dey use style dey talk some kind slick bad stuff...ha ha

The guy entertained us the whole night and we kept on giving him money....i swear this guy chop of to 5k from us ehh....He was so funny and entertaining such that one of my guys even took his contact and invited him to come play for his wedding which was coming up in two weeks.
Anyways what i'm trying to say here be say whatever u doing, just do it with all ur heart...cos u never know who's watching :)
watch every second of this vdeo...i swear this guy na clown.....Unfortunately only people that understand igbo will enjoy it better tho cos he spoke in igbo...so if u not igbo, just nodd ur head and act like u know wetin dey happen ;)

TRAFFIC POLICEMAN DANCING ALANTA EHH.....

For most of u that live in ABJ, I'm sure una don come across that police man wey dey dance while controlling traffic...infact i think there are about 3 of them in ABJ. Mehn these guys are the sh**. When i went to Naija in 09', i promised to ake that guy a real good video and show my peeps here, but time no come dey. So as i went this time around, i just spotted him from afar, and brought out my camera to get him. Although it was late, but i still got a good piece of him tho...HA HA .....i caught him on tape when he was doing "ALANTA" in 2 separate incidents.....this guys are so entertaining that u go even dey pray make traffic dey, so that u go dey look them...ha ha

U JUST GOTTA LOVE NAIJA JARE :)  peeps just create ways to have fun while doing their daily job.

PEOPLE DEY VEX EHHH.....HA HA

Okay so i was running out of gas..okay make i talk am the way wey we Naija peeps dey call am.....REWINDDDDDD!!!!!!!

Okay so i was running out of fuel :) in my car, so i was desperately looking for fuel and had to drive all the way down to NNPC towers area, were they have two gas stations that are open 24/7. So while on the queue, na so one girl wey dey sell orange just come for my passenger window dey shout "BUY MY ORANGE..BUY MY ORANGE OHH!!...i was like "shoooooooo." na so dem dey sell orange for hia? or this babe just dey vex ehh. So i now asked why she dey shout for my side...and she started explaning to my how nobody don buy her orange since morning. I felt so so bad for her, and decided to by orange from her. But before i did that, i told her to re-enact the whole scenario again, so that ama have it on video....HA HA yeah i know i'm a problem shey?..ha ha ....

But at the end of the day, this is what we all talking about....Naija is so so messed up..people hustling to make a living. Sometimes i see all dem people selling some kind things, and i'm like "how da hell do this people actually survive from selling these lil bullcraps?" its a pity that our govt cannot help its people....anyways shaa, until then, God dey.

THE ACCIDENTS I CAPTURED ON MY WAY TO ABUJA

Okay this was the first accident i saw on my way to ABJ. This was like after my driver told me that we were approaching the deadliest road in Naija. And I caught this one like 30secs right after i turned on my camera. E remain small things, the bus for tumble..thank God it wasnt that fatal like the 1st one.

Anyways thats Naija for you. And most of the time, na impatience dey cos all these accidents....NAIJA DRIVERS ARE MAD IMPATIENT FOR NO DAM REASON...JEEZ....WHERE THE F**K U RUNNING TO........u see sometimes na we dey cause some things for ourselves...later we go dey cry. Like seriously WTF is that bus doing on the other side of the incoming cars?...thats cos he was freaking speeding and prob had no other place to put im head...stupid ass!!!....

For those of you that didnt see the second one i captured, Below is the video, and it happened like about  20 mins after the 1st one....thats Naija for u.....NO GOOD ROADS....COUPLED WITH LUNATICS ON THE WHEEL

ALOMO BITTERS......U WAN TRY??? HA HA

Okay so i think i'm kinda addicted to this thing called ALOMO BITTERS...like seriously ohh...and this addiction just started as i go Naija recently. i'm sure most of my peeps here know what Alomo Bitters is. But for those of u wey no sabi wetin i dey tarn, then make i explain am to una. Alomo bitters is one very crazy drink that got a lot of alcool in it. it is only N250. Its in a green bottle with yellow cover. Its a Ghanain drink, but the company have successfully pushed the drink into other west African countries and so many people are loving it ehh. The drink's functions includes: made from natural herb; making you get drunk quick and nice; having its own different type of drunk feeling; fights against malaria and some other small small sickness wey person fit get; and finally, its good for staying long in bed (as of what i heard ohh)

This this got like 40smth % alcohol in it....as in ehhn no be small ohh...But Mehnn the tatse is just disgusting ehh. Its very bitter n sh**...........but regardless there's just smth abouth this drink that has made people love it, as well as becoming way too popular, and thats what i would like to find out shaa.  But anyways on a good day, me go personally take Alomo Bitters over Moet, Rose, Greygoose, Vodka, and other alcohol them. I dont know if its cos of how much alcohol content in such small bottle, or the fact that its mad cheap, and gets the work done, or its cute plastic bottle....HA HA .

Anyways long story cut short, i luv this Ghanaian sensation called Alomo...i even carry am all the way from Naija come Yankee. But unfrtunately i brought back only 4...so i don dey take my time dey drink them very very slowly so that dem no go finish quick jare. I wish they do sell it here in these African stores around....i'm hoping they do ohh...infact that go even be my next mission..."find any African store wey dey sell Alomo Bitters". I remember taking 2 of this bottles, and i swear i blacked out. in a good wey shaa...not acting a fool or puking and all that stupid sh** tho ;)

Umm ok 4 all u people that like trying things for the first time...do me a favor......"Go drink a full bottle of Alomo and the smoke some weed after that"!!!!!!   i bet u its the greatest feeling in the world...HA HA..lol

WHO TALK SAY FATHERHOOD NA BEANS HUH??...HUH???

So last two weekend, my lil man, Zuri, just turned 1yr (and he's one of the most good looking kid u will ever see... so all of una wey get lil daughters, or will have lil daughters in the future, start sending your applications in order to book him early ohh...ha ha) Anyways that day and it was one of my best moments jare. I was so so happy and proud to be a daddy... Yes i'm sure most of you guys go dey surprised say i get pikin. Well make i just tell una say I no give girl bele just like that ohh....or had a baby mama and all that stuff. NOPE. I went the right way. Yes I'm still in ma mid 20's and i got married 3yrs ago, to one very beautiful and lovely chicka ehh......and yes she's akata :)
Well married life has been good so far....no regrets shaa.....except sometimes when i wan commot with my guys, and i know say i no go fit go :(     ha ha

Anyways the reason i just thought bout this was cos i've been a daddy for the past one yr, and mehn, na actually now wey i start to dey pity my parents...cos i dey see wetin dem been dey suffer when i been small.....i swear no be to born pikin ohh..but na to take care of am in a good and Godly way. O boy ehh person no dey rest i swear... Druing their 0-7month period, they look so helpless and u have to do everything for them right there.....change napkin, clean their behind, feed them, put them to sleep, and all other craps involved. Even sef, u wey be the parent go dey pray make the pikin start to crawl sharply.....Then when time for crawling reach, u no go fit rest again, cos u gotta be monitoring where the crawling to at all times, make dem no go put smth crazy inside their mouth. Then u go start to dey wish make dem dey waka quick quick...and when that time comes, trust me, its not fun at alll. O boy my pikin no dey stay one place ehh....always looking for one thing to do every second. Infact me don almost tire ehh....Last two nights, i been even dey consider to auction the boy.... ha ha

Well, at the end of the day, my boy gives me so much joy that I even dey forget say i get plenty problems for my life :)    So my bros and sis, make una cherish the moment u have with ur kids...and always bless them, even when they doing smth wrong...cos that tongue wey dey take shelter inside our mouth dey very very powerful.....So always bless them and train them in the way of God :)

But i still wan aution am shaa :)

THE NEW CABIN BISCUIT BOX.....DO U DIG IT OR NOT??

(Shout out to Uneks Enemali for providing this pic)

So as most of you know, I'm a very very very big fan of cabin biscuit. I even recently put up a post talking about how I was so in love with cabin biscuit during my secondary skul days.....and how i fell out of love with it when i recently went bak to Naija......and how i tried so so hard to fall back in love with this dry ass, but very sweet biscuit :) ..........and to be honest tho, I actually did fall back in love with it, cos i just remembered how it helped me survive during dem boarding skul days n stuff. But as i said earlier in my other post, the main thing that made me fall back in love was the picture of the two red couple right in front of the box. Is it just me, or just looking at those red couple just makes u wonna eat cabin so bad??....umm umm well i guess its just me then :(   yeah i'm wierd like that and so what?? ha ha ha

Anyways After boasting about my new love and our hot steamy romances, one of my close childhood friends (Uneks aka Uncle Lambert) just sent me a message on facebook saying " Oh boy i just saw ur new post on your blog about cabin....But I just been wan tell you say dem don change your red couple to another set of couple." At first i thought he was joking, cos why will Cabin change its famous red couple pic to smth else?...For freaking goodness sake, i've known those red people all my life. Mehn i swear they were the coolest couple ever. They are the only couple that i think have lived together all these years peacefully and eating their cabin happily....COME ON NAH....Cabin WHY WHY WHY?????!!!!!! wetin dem do nah????

So I now told him "Oh boy u dey serious?"...........and he was like "Yes nah..Infact I go even send you the new pic to your email."     And that was when i come realize say this no be joke again ohh. So while i was waiting impatiently to see the new pic, all that was running inside my head was "Wetin this new people go resemble sef?" "Will they be as happy as the red couple?" "Will they be cool as hell?" "Will they be smiling back at me when i look at them"? "What will be their skin complexion?" "Will i like them and will they like me too?"  Infact ehhn, plenty plenty things been just dey run inside my head shaa ;)

And when the pic finally came, i opened it, and BEHOLD, I SAW THE NEW COUPLE.....at first i didnt know whether to laugh or cry or be happy or angry. But now I know where i stand on this pic......wonna know how i feel?.......okay...well lemme put it this way...i certainly believe that all my appetite, romance, and love for cabin has entered 6 feet below :(

Cos as far as i dey concerned, this new pic is PURE GARBAGE!!!!...shikenah

WTF???????????????????????

Okay this is like the 3rd time i'm seeing this type of Bullsh**.    Crazy looking local ass peeps changing saliva in a babaric and inappropriate way....all in the name of kissing ke. Its freaking 2011 and by now i suppose believe say everybody go don dey exposed to civilization somehow. Infact lets forget about civilization sef....Lets just talk about our natural instincts first. Na natural instinct been make Adam know say im gats put im banana in a particular area in order to make Eve dey moan, as well as giving her bele. Therefore i was thinking same natural instinct should guide people when trying to kiss nah...whats all this ridiculousness for goodness sake?

Just looking as this pics alone ehn, kiss no come dey hungry me at all at all for real. ........so so so unsexy..AND THOSE TRIBAL MARKS?????? na na na na na na na na na na ...very very unsexy, i must say!!!

THE DIFFERENCE IS CLEAR..........HA HA HA

Okay so during my 2 months stay in Naija, can u believe i never rubbed any lotion on my body. All I did was just wake up, brush (before i use bad breath kill person jare), take a shower, dry myself, and wear my cloth sharply. Even me sef come dey surprised cos even when i go out, my skin doesnt get white/ashy. I think its mainly cos of our beautiful weather too. But if to say na for Yankee wey i baff finish, and i no rubb lotion ehhn..i swear before u even leave ur door, all ur body go just dey very white, thereby making u look homeless n sh**. U know say for Yankee here, people dey always make fun of we Africans cos some of us no dey rub cream. So when u get in the train, if u cant tell who's African just by their face, then u can tell by their skin toughness/dryness. And mind u, na mostly other African countries dem dey fall our hand like this ohh...cos we Naija peeps are usually on point :)

Anyways back to what i was saying shaa...so the night i was leaving back to Yankee, i did the same routine: shower, dry myself and wear my clothes very sharply...but smth been dey tell me for my mind say make i rub lotion ohh, but i was like "nothing dey happen jare." So as i just enter that plane ehhn, mehn it was mad cold in there, and before u know wetin dey hapen, my skin don dey do me somehow...i now checked in between my fingers and started noticing how it gradually started tuning to ashy right in front of me. O boy ehh i wan mad. I then took of my shoes to see my feet...AND BEHOLD, THE ASHINESS DON REACH ANOTHER LEVEL EH.

So in order to avoid embarrassment of any kind, i just quietely go beg one of the hostess for back, if dem get lotion. The lady talk say make i give her like 5 mins make she finish wetin she dey do. But by the time she saw how white, dry and how desperate my feet needed moisture, the lady come know say na really urgent situation....and she immediately went to get lotion for me.

So i rubbed the baby oil lotion on my left foot first, then i decided to take a pic of both feet to see the difference :) pls just look at the ashiness only ...i no put this pic for any of una to start to dey look how hairy my leg dey, or how uncoordinated my nails dey :)   

FATAL ACCIDENT I WITNESSED ON MY WAY TO ABUJA.........

 

So I was in PH for about 3 weeks, and my next destination was ABJ. So i was excited to go there, but the biggest f**k up for ABJ is when u dont have a place to live, or a car to drive. So in order to make life easier and fun for me, I decided to drive my car which i bought for mumsi (but the woman no dey use am sef cos she dey fear for all dem kidnapping and stuff..poor lady..ha ha ) This way i'll be able to drive round ABJ city, as well as flexing...lol.....So I got a driver to drive me down to Abuja...and Yes i no sabi the road, and so what?...ha ha. And luckily too, one of my friends decided to come along for the ride. Mehn the driver was mad crazy ehh. Left PH 7am and Arrived Abuja 3pm. Everything was all good, not until we got to that Lokoja area. As we got there, the driver immediately told us that it was the deadliest road in Naija, and a lot of crazy accidents happen there on a daily basis. So i immediately became alert, brought out my camera and waiting to get any crazy incident that could happen while on our way. (and also telling my driver to reduce his speed, if not i go break im head)

Can You believe that i saw two accidents happen happen right in front of me in just a 20 mins span?

 That is to show you how bad our govt is. Mind u, this is the only road that leads to abuja from the south, and its suppose to be a major federal highway....but an u believe it is just a one lane road that contains both goin and coming cars. HOW PATHETIC!!!. Anyways here is one of the videos. GOD HELP OUR COUNTRY FOR REAL!!!

ONLY IN NAIJA........THE LAWLESS NATION ;)

 (Shout out to Chima Okpalaoka for this useless picture)



U see as i dey post this story, i just dey imagine an NYPD officer actually drinking alcohol while on duty. Una dey see the kind useless people wey sppose dey take care of the Citizens?

 A POLICEMAN + DRINKING STAR WHILE ON DUTY = UNF**KING-BELIEVABLE

This is straight up bananas u know...U see na things like this dey actually make me believe say im go take a real long while (prob our next generation) before our police image will change for good.
I just dey imagine say i dey for office, and all of a sudden, some kind evil spirit just enter me, and i just open canned beer dey drink for where everybody dey....then that one be say i go start to dey find new job the next day, cos no one's gonna take such crap over here, and even in Corporate organizations in Naija too, cos i'm very sure they hire responsible graduates...(not all the time shaa...ha ha )

Imagine say after this fool don shayo finish, u come jam am for checkpoint dey shout for am....i swear if u come out alive, then u a lucky man.....cos thats how all these police fools be killing innocent people while intoxicated.

BUT WAIT OHH....AND THE NIGGA SMOKING A CIGARETTE TOO??????  
Okay i think i'm officially done with this bullcrap!!!!

NAIJA GREETING = MONEY 4 HAND :)

Why is it that in Naija, whenever someone gives u a heavy greeting such as "Shun Sir" "Chairman i dey hail" "Baba u too much" "Welcome Sir" "Chairman we dey believe you" "Morn Sir" "U welcome Sir" "Senior man i dey hail" ...and all the others that come along with the whole sir sir thingy.....They always want smth back from you, which is "MONEY" U see i dont just understand...and when u no come give them, na so so vex go dey show for their face. i just hated the fact that when i drive into anyplace, people go just dey call me Sir Sir Sir like say i senior them. Which kind false life we dey live sef ehn? Sometimes the kind VIP service dem give me ehhn, even me sef wey no hold nshi-shi for pocket come dey fill like say i be one kind bad guy so. Sometimes u just feel so obligated to give them smth

U know i've always wanted to know whats up with this trend which has been going on for a while now. Why will a 60yr looking old man be calling me sir....person wey go fit keep me as im grand pikin sef.....nawa ohh. And the worst of all be say if u manage to give them even N100, na so their face go just strong finish. Some of them go even get mind to tell u "Sir try add smth nah" while some go just dey bone dey go..........FOR MY OWN MONEY AGAIN?...SHOOO...nawa to human beings ohhh...esp Naija human beings.......ha ha

The one that even cracks me up the most na when the person use im two hands dey shake me,.........i'm like WTF ARE U DOING, SON!!!??? cos the last time i checked, i no be Igwe, Oba or Sultan eh? Nawa to my people juo. Nothing do us :)

ASHEWO & ABUJA.....VOLUME 4.......HA HA HA

Okay i'm sure most of una know say Abuja na the headquarters of ashewos in Naija....As in ehhn u cannot even go out and see a girl who just likes u for who u are...instead they are liking u for what u can offer for them.....I been dey ABJ for almost three weeks and i can comfortably tell u say 95% of the chicks in ABJ be runs girls. (the remaining 5 na chicks wey their parents get money well well, so dem no send for all dem crap....and funy enof sef, most of them are already out of the country sef.

But on a serious note, the ashewo rate in that land is alarming.......i swear i tot there was a time that they chased all of them away...but i guess na the main political chairmen dey patronize these chicks, so they just had to let them back into the state....and it looks lik ebusiness has been booming for them lately...HA HA
Its so funny too that all these ashewo girls all come from the East coast....as in PH, Abia, Imo, Anambra, Enugu, and how will i forget Calabar & Akwa Ibom ;)   

After scrutinizing the whole Ashewo scenerio, I've cme to conclusion that just like Yankee, Abuja can also described as THE LAND OF OPPORTUNITY. Cos all these girls come from different parts of the country, Some come from good homes while some dont, some are already professionals in the game, while some just dey do apprentice...some of them are university students while some are not....Infact ehhn, their problem plenty jare.  But in a Nutshell, they are all there to make money, and since ABJ is a place where there are a lot of big boys in town, then i'm very sure before these girls go out at night, they always pray for God to send the right man that has the paper to take care of them......Yes nah...afterall which babe wouldnt like to be spoilt with money huh?...and also make una no forget say Ashewo dem get feelings too ohh, and would like to settle down too one day ;)

Therefore the influx of ashewo into Abuja has even reached unprecedented heights sef, cos a lot of these girls have heard of how their fellow girlfriends wey been dey share bed with them for skul, are now driving range rovers, infinity, Mercedes, bmas etc.....so dem go wan follow too nah....HA HA HA

But what i'm still trying to figure out is this tho....So these babes will keep on sleeping with different guys every night until the find the Mr. right guy?   :)

ABJ CITY VS CRACK....

Okay so one day we were at Krixtal Lounge (i'm sure most of una wey don go ABJ know the joint na)....and one of my boys saw one half cast looking chick outside the club......she prob fulani or smth (that one concern her jare).
Anyways so while my guy was chatting up with her, she was like "i'm about to leave to my hotel, cos i wonna go smoke with my friends...and my driver/friend is waiting for me"
So as a happening and bubbling guy, when u hear the word smoke, the first thing wey go enter ur mind na weed....so my guy come ask her "una get weed?"....and she just said the magic word "YES"   :)
So na im my guy no wan loose the control....so he told us that he would follow the girl in their ride, and me and the other guys should just follow them behind to the hotel.  Na so i just carry myself dey drive for their back dey go. Reaching the hotel nah, everyone came out of the car...so we all formerly introduced ourselves....

As we come enter the room, mehn na im gbege don start ohh....there where like 2 other girls that look like her....i swear those girls were fulanis....and from the way they look and the kind things dem been wear, i could vividly tell that they come from a rich family. So my guy just dey Ginga...drinks don come out ohh....guys don start to dey happy cos dem don start to the roll the weed....and yes, skunk to be specific :)    Even me wey sleep been dey catch sef, my eye come dey open small small.

So while everyone was just chatting up, na im two of the two chicks just tell us to excuse, and they went into the bathroom, along with her so called driver/friend.....me sef come dey wonder why all of them dey enter there nah....the bathroom door was open, and there was a long mirror hanging on the door. So we just dey use style dey look thru the mirror to see wetin dey happen, before these strangers carry use do blood money ohh..ha ha .... Can u believe that these lil fulani chicks just brought out 2 pipes. me come dey wonder.....Shoooo...which time dem start to dey use pipe dey smoke weed...nawa ohh.....and all of a sudden, she brought out some white looking hard substance and they lit up that joint. and i was like HELL F**KING TO DA NO!!!!!......am i actually seeing these lil girls smoke crack right in front of me? (well actually inside the toilet..lol) ......O boy ehh na im sleep just commot for my eye sharp sharp

After they finished smoking, they came out and started chattting with us...i swear i been think say i dey movie.....even their so called driver/friend come dey ask one of my guy wetin be im name...and after my guy told him, he still kept on asking him like every 1 minute...and kept on doing this over and over and over and over and over and over.....Na there wey i just conclude say CRACK IS JUST THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN TO ANYONE, I SWEAR!!!....even the girls come dey talk, dey pause, dey talk, dey pause, dey talk, dey pause....inside my mind, i was like "WHERE DA F**K AM I FOR REAL?"

Thats when i finally concluded that all dem things people be talking about "drugs in Abuja" is real. There's just so so much drugs in that land and too bad they get into the hands of all these spoilt rich kids (esp the hausa/fulani ones) Anyways shaa, after the guy come dey act like say spit wan start to dey leak from im mouth, like imbecile, na im me and my guys just run jare......nothing wey person no see for that land i swear!!!..now i see why there's a saying that goes "crack is wack"

ALL DEM NAIJA MOVIES EHHN???...NAWA OHH

(Shout out to Obiamaka for sending me this bullcrap)

BUT LIKE SERIOUSLY, WHATTA????

This is actually the name of a movie ohh...shey i been tell una say Naija movies don officially run out of movie titles.

But u know the funny thing is that both our movie and entertainment industries are still in its growth stage...dem never even reach maturity stage yet. Therefore i believe more exploitation needs to be done ehh :)

Yes we have produced gazillions movies, but there's still smth aint right with our movies. Ok lets face the fact, will u watch a Jim Ike movie over a Danzel Washington movie????????????  :( :( :(
Now u see what i'm talking about ehn....maybe the only people wey go watch Jim Ike movie Over Danzel's na those people wey NEPA no dey even show face for their area...and when the light even come sef, na so so Local news @7pm or all dem crazy low budget Naija movies wey de go dey watch.....or all those fake fake actor and boze movies wey plenty people go just gather dey watch from person window...HA HA ..that shit be mad funny tho.

Anyways back to what i was saying...Well, until we start making quality movies with content, and producing quality actors...as in quality actors ohh.....then thats when i go clap for our Naija movies.
But until then...........THEY ARE ALL BABASH :)

but on a serious note tho...."I should Abortion?"     WTF IS THIS SH**?

MY PRECiOUS CABIN BISCUIT!!!!!

I dont know why i just like this biscuit ehh........Okay let me be honest tho. Yes i was mad obsessed with cabin during the secondary skul days.....grinding it and mixing with milk and sugar,  and finally soaking the sh** out of it. Mehn soaking cabin was the ish in boarding skul jare....All my boarding skul peeps know what i'm talking about nah.

So when i was back in Naija, i bought one box of cabin. I used better blueband butter with am, and mehnn, that stuff was off the hook. Then few hrs later, i soaked it. See enjoyment scatter ehh. i swear i felt like a million box ehh...HA HA

But for some reason, on the second day, i noticed that i wasnt feeling cabin like i did back in the skul days. I no even know whether na bcos person done grow from that childhood age, or just say man don dey see better food dey chop nowadays :).    Anyways whatever the case might be, i tried so so hard to know what might have made me just fall out of love with my favorite biscuit on earth. All my friends know say i no dey carry cabin play sef. There was even a time i posted on my blog that i was craving for cabin...and before u know wetin dey happen, 4 days later my secondary skul daughter bak in da days sent me a box of cabin all the way from Canada (I luv u my lil baby Nneyen Umana)

Anyways to cut story short, i now decided to find a way to fall back in love with this lovely innocent biscuit.......AND GUESS WHAT????......I FOUND MY LOVE BACK :)

I'm sure u guys will be wondering how...well let me tell u the secret.....After staring at those two red face couple in the front of the packet (i just dey wonder where the heck they got them from, and who actually decided to color them red shaa), and also the way dem put the buscuit for their mouth, and the happiness on their faces as they trying to get their first bite........infact all these just made me fall back in luv jare. Welcome back Cabin and i'm glad to have u back. Thank you for making our childhood, puberty, and adolescent period, fun jare. And i promise i will never let u go anymore....(if ur company no fuck up shaa)

THUMBS UP IF U LUV CABIN JARE!!!!.....regardless of how dry it is....ha ha ha

OUR JOURNEY WITH ABJ ASHEWO THEM........HA HA HA

Okay so one good friday so, me and two of my friends and a set of twin (names withheld..ha ha ) went to Krystal Lounge. So na so we dey inside club dey flex dey go ohh...so we went to the VIP and one of the twin was buying the drinks for all of us....we drank up to 5 hennessey that night ehh...no be small money wey the guy spend. So as we all know nah, wherever there is cheese/crayfish, rat must always find im way there... So na im ashewo dem come dey see wetin dey happen nah, so they found a way to get into the VIP, and my guys come carry them ohh... But the funny thing be say the twin1 wey been dey spend the money been talk say im no dey carry any ashewo cos he doesnt give a damn about them , and he's just trying to do him......HA HA HA HA ...

So time don reach to go house nah, all my guys except me and the twin1 been no carry any ashewo. So as we come reach house, my guys come dey wire these girls mercilessly ehh......so the way the chicks come dey moan start to dey make the twin1 to the think twice ehh. Before u know wetin dey happen, my guy just commot for im bed to go see if im go follow wire one of the ashewo wey our friends and im twin2 been dey f**k already.......HA HA HA

Before we know wetin dey happen, the twin1 wan enter im brother room, but my guy been don lock door already ehh. Na im twin2 just shout
"o boy why u dey disturb me nah? shey we been tell u to carry ashewo for club, but u been dey do chariman...go sleep jare".........HA HA HA HA

Then luckily im come enter one of the unlocked room where our guy1 been wan start to dey f**k,....na im twin1 just tell them say im wan join too....but dem no gree am.  before u know wetin dey happen this thing don turn into serious issue ohh. the ahsewo and the guy talk say make im commot, but my guy no gree (he was drunk still).  and the next thing we heard from him was:
"I bought all the drinks u guys drank, i gave everybody a good time, the ashewo them been come meet una cos the saw how the drink was flowing. It is my money, the girls are suppose to be mine too....so how u go dey tell me say i no go fit fuck too huh?"................HA HA HA HA 


Mehn i couldnt stop laughing ehh...and to even make the matter worse, i now came into the room to solve the problem....so while the twin1 finished explaining his part to me, the next thing that came out from my guy1 mouth was 
"O boy Alex no mind this fool jare...when we been dey tell am to carry ashewo, im been dey do big boy....so now conji don catch am, im wan come carry my girlfriend"
immediately he said that, i was like ........????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????


So later the twin1 come call one of our guys wey dey for PH. (mind u this is like 5am in the morning oh) . twin come dey tell the guy say "ye,s guys will always fight, and settle back immediately.....but wetin dey make am go crazy about this whole situation and why he called him by this time of the day na to let am know say guy1 been call ashewo im "girlfriend"!!!


HA HA HA HA HA .....Mehn its way more funnier if u witnessed it in person.....i been laugh sotey i no even know when i sleep sef...woke up the next morning and started laughin.......
"person dey call ashewo im girlfriend"............nothing wey person no go hear for Naija
HA HA HA HA HA 

THINGS PEOPLE WILL DO JUST FOR INDOMIE....AND EGG :)

So me and some of my peeps where chilling at one indomie joint near Wine shop in ABj.......We just dey our own ohh, dey wait for our sexy indomie to come out make we chop.......Na so one guy from no where just enter the place in a hurry like say person been dey pursue am...he immediately told the DJ there to reduce the song immediately that he wants to say smth very very important that just happened now. Mehn everybody come dey wonder maybe the guy been escape from robbery or so.

Na im my guy just open mouth talk "Make all of una listen, Jesus is coming in the month of May, and 21st to be specific. Everybody just dey look am, and my guy still dey talk.  So we now asked him why im be say na on the 21st im wan come.....why not another date?...my guy no fit answer. some people come ask am say how im take know?..my guy no fit answer. All he did was to keep on repeating it the we shall see what will happen on the 21st of May. Na im some people for there come wan slap am sef...even the DJ come turn im radio up. Yet my guy still dey there dey insist on wey go happen.

So while im just dey talk dey go, one guy wey been dey next to us with im babe no been dey talk anything...im just been dey observer the noisemaker since. So after like 5 mins, the messenger still dey argue with some boys for there, na im the guy wey dey next to me come tell the waiter to give the messenger 3 indomie with 3 eggs make im chop. So i come ask the guy why is he trying to give this guy food....na im my guy just tell me
"o boy this is naija and a lot of things dey happen wey people no dey notice. if u look this guy eye well well, u go see say no be am dey for here. Only very few people wey know the koko go see say na hunger dey worry this guy.


I been think say this guy just dey talk ohh...but as dem bring out that indomie ehhn, i swear i've never seen someone finish a food so fast like this so called messenger did. After im chop finish, im tell my guy "My Chairman u too much. Thank you"


HA HA HA HA HA HA ....MEHN U JUST GOTTS LOVE NAIJA EHHHHHH

WHAT HAPPENED TO EQUALITY HUH?

So while i was in Abuja, and word on the streets was that there are some top notch shops in exclusive areas like Asokoro, Maitama and Wuse II , where u must call and make an appointment in oder for you to come shop at their location

"Insisting that decency and quality service delivery were the hallmark of the clothing hall, Oloyo stressed that “it is a must that you make a call, then we’ll now be expecting you to come here to buy something. Anybody cannot just walk in here like that.
“Actually, if we make it a place where anybody can come, you know, some people will just come here check on the types of products that we have here but they cannot meet up to buy the kind of products we’re having. They will be thinking that it is the type of products that other people are having outside that we have here, but when they come here they find it difficult that it is the type of thing they cannot purchase then this place will later become like a general market place, that is why we make it a system that some standard people will call us before they come. We wait for them to come and buy what they want to buy."

LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL.......BUT STILL SHAA, WTF??????  una dey see the kind thing wey too dey cause trouble for Naija?  But u know its so so so crazy to see that most of these wealthy ass guys here are criminals...oops i meant politicians :)  and wetin dey even pain me pass be say when we the masses see these kind people for road with their sirens and convoys and sh**....na us go dey hail them pass...what a shame and a pity that some ibotic idiot go just manage to make money by stealing from the govt or smth.... and then feel they are way better than every one else. Naija is crazy for real ehh

NAWA 4 U IS BACK........

umm make una no mind the pic ohh...i no been die ohh...was just MIA in Naija ;)

Anyways back to what i wanted to say.....YESSSA...............I AM BACK OHH........THANKGOODNESSS. U know a lot of people be sending me mails talking about why i no dey post stuff again on my blog....some people even been take am very personal ehh. lol

Naija was mad fun tho.....so many krazy ass shyt i saw, and i caught some of them on camera...so i got a lot of funny crap for u guys ehh. no be small thing

Anyways i wonna use this opportunity to beg all of una say make una no vex cos i didnt post anything for the past month or so. Una suppose know say no be my fault nah. First of all, we all know the internet connection in Naija is just too lazy. and secondly una suppose know how Naija paroles dey nah. Naija is always on a fast lane, and especially when u in Naija for a specific period of time, u just want to be everywhere at the same time....nobody wan miss out on any activity ehh.

Anyways shaa that is the past.....Well i'm back and my regular posting continues....and i'll be posting stuff everyday...and trust me, its gonna be some real crazy stuff ehh....

And also i wonna take this opportunity to thank u all that read my blog...i never knew how big it was until i went to Naija. A few people i never knew will come up to me, and be like "are u the nawa 4 u guy?".......my heart been cut severally ehh. But i just had this satisfaction inside me that people actually appreciate wetin i dey do

God bless all of una jare...nothing do anybody ehh. :)

SO START COMING BACK TO nawa4u.blogspot.com TO SEE MY EVERYDAY POSTINGS. AND ABEG SPREAD THE WORD TO ALL UR FRIENDS TOO SO THEY CAN KNOW OF A WEBSITE WHERE THEY CAN COME AND LAUGH WHENEVER THEY MAD, STRESSED OR SMTH ;)

ANOTHER CRAZY FORUM POSTING.....

 HA HA HA ...okay so i just saw this on a daily independent section. So this is what some guy wote to a lady, Mrs. Agatha ( i believe she's and advisor when it comes to all dem men and women relationship bullcrap)...Mehnn thankGod for internet now ohh.....people are now able to express themselves anonymously :)    I just dey imagine where this guy go come dey tell people this kind thing in person :)...mad funny sh*** tho


Dear Agatha,

Kindly tell my wife and I what to do to improve our sex life. As a man, my organ is small and my performance cannot last more than five minutes. My wife, on the other hand, is near frigid. She doesn’t contribute a thing to our lovemaking. She leaves the entire job to me. 

Our marriage is two years old. I am already thinking our marriage is a mistake. This isn’t what I envisaged when I got married.

Although we both got married as virgins, I believe that lovemaking should be more fun than it currently is between my wife and I.

Deep inside me I feel something is missing in our marriage. I am seriously itching to know what it is.

Please help me.

Frank.

Well, if to say i be the so called Mrs. Agatha, below would have been how i will reply the small pee pee Frank :(

HA HA HA HA HA HA ...............U THIS MORON!!!.....nawa for u ohh....U dey beg me to help u ke.....help u as in which levels nah?  My friend if na true true say u and ur wife both disvirgin una selves, then why are u bothered about having a small kanda, or not being able to perform at a longer time huh? Cos i'm not sure she would actually care bout all that stuff tho. 

Anyways look here Mr. Frank, no be everything wey u go dey seek for advice.....u suppose dey use ur brain sometimes jare.....so my friend get ur ass up and go to a porn store and by a freaking pennis enlarger, since i'm sure that would make u happy...and as for the performance angle...havent u heard of Viagra, or if u no too get money to buy am, then i'm sure u must have heard of alomo bitter drink :)   Or u even know what? i think ur performance is bad now cos u are just starting, so the thing still dey sweet u well well...but dont worry maybe in the next 2 yrs, u go don develop stamina and long performance....its like going to the gym nah :)

I'm sure this two things will help in bringing back your confidence and making u happy :)

and tell that ur wife to start to dey use her brain too ohh.....cos staying like a log of wood during sex na one very very uncool and unsexy thing :)

BLACKBERRY MADNESS IN NAIJA EHH

Okay so now in Naija, the only thing thing wey dey reign now na blackberry.....when my friends been dey tell me when i been dey yankee, i tot it was a  joke......but mehnnnnnnn, this whole blackberry thingy is on another level here i swear...its like a freaking drug addiction. if u no get blackberry, then that mean say u never even land......Chai.. the kind things wey i dey see ehhn.....these days sef, nobody dey give out number anymore....cos all u just need na that so called BB Ping stuff.

And u suppose trust our Naija guys nah.....As in ehhn,  boys don use Blackberry dey enter a lot of chicks. All u need do na to tell them say u like them and u go buy blackberry for them tomorrow.......and before u know wetin dey happen, dem don open leg saraaaaa for u. and the painful thing be say sometimes only very few of the babes go actually dey lucky to even finally get the blackberry...........the onesd wey dey reign now na the Bold 2 model......na so so bold 2 Bold 2 u go just dey hear everywhere. But the chairman of them na the Blackberry Torch......Infact ehhn, if u hold that one for hand ehhn, na so people (both men and women, depending on the one wey u want...ha ha )  go just dey ready kiss ur black nyash anyhow, and at any point in time ehh ;)

Its so so so funny cos once upon a time, Nokia was the number 1 phone in Naija, but now na them wey i dey even pity pass......Cos a new Canadian product is in town, and his name is BB, and he's here to stay for good ;)

NAWA TO PEOPLE OHH

(Shout out to Shakirat for the pics)

Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm....

Infact u know what?....i'll just act like i did not even see this thing posing in front of the camera. There is so so so so much going on in this pic. From head to the sole of my guy show nah total F9. WTF was this nukka thinking for freaking goodness sake huh??????

Infact lemme stop sef cos i remember i said i couldnt see anything in this pic....except for that babe backside  :)
So u guys should judge for urselves jare.

SMTH EXCITING FOR U GUYS :)

Since i no fit start to write till next week, i just tot i should put this up for most of u guys who didnt get a chance to see my Favorite entertainer right now......Ladies and Gentlemen, i present to u, the most talented, and my good friend, VIC.O......LETS ALL HAVE OUR KOOL FUN.........HA HA HA HA HA ....moron :)

MY ABSENCE FROM NAWA 4 U :(

My Brothers and sisters. abeg make una no vex for me. Lots of u guys have been sending me emails asking me when i go put up another news.....Just that I have been very very very very busy here in Naija......and una know as our internet connection for here dey nah....before person go even open internet connection for hia ehhn....na WAEC.....and also i no come naija to come dey open teeth for people face nah....I'm here to hustle. cos this place na real jungle ehh.....na so so dinasours full for here ohh....no barneys at all at all :)

BUT I DEY PROMISE UNA SAY BY NEXT WEEK I GO RESUME MY POSTINGS...AND TRUST ME I HAVE SOME REAL FUNNY PICTURES AND CRAZY NEWS EHH.......

Nothing do all of una jare...