Wednesday, February 29, 2012


So you guys remember the video I posted about Pastor Chris Oyakhilome talking about how "self service" aka "masturbation" aka "beat your meat" aka "wiliwank" aka "jerk off" aka "fantasy massage" isnt a sin, but instead is a bad habit. Well yeah I guess his comments have become very controversial and various pastors across the nation are very furious and have denounced such comment. So this was what some so called General Overseaers of churches across Naija had to say..ha ha :

Reacting to Oyakhilome’s comment, the Prelate, Methodist Church Nigeria, Dr. Ola Makinde said there was only one way of Being Intimate permitted by God in the Bible, which is only through marriage.

“There is only one way of Being Intimate in the Bible which is natural. self-service is unnatural and unethical. Whatever is unnatural and unethical is abomination. I leave him to his own opinion,” he said.

According to Pastor Tunde Bakare of the Latter Rain Assembly, every believer must be able to subject his body to control because it could lead to something else.

Popular Evangelist, Pastor Akin Fasawe said self-service is a sin as stipulated in the Bible, saying that death was even recommended in the Bible for those who practiced such things.

“self-service is a sin because when you self-service, you will release. If the minister of God said self-service is not a sin, he can easily tell his church that fornication is not a sin. The Bible recommends death in the Old Testament,” he stated.

According to Primate Elijah Ayodele of the INRI Evangelical Church, it is stated clearly in the Bible that self-service is a sin against God.

“That is his own view. Where did he see it in the Bible that self-service is not a sin? Maybe he has his own Bible. It is a bad thing. Maybe it is in his Bible,” he laughed.

Pastor Akin Akande of the Men of Purpose Ministry stated that self-service is a sin.

“It is like abusing the gift of God. It is heresy. The Bible says it is a sin to derive pleasure outside the content of marriage,” he added.

Pastor Leke Akinola of the Upper Room Baptist, said self induced self-service is a sin against God and that it is heresy for any minister of God to say it is not a sin.

According to Rev. Sam Ogedengbe, “self-service is a sin and it is unbiblical. It is demonic and anyone engaging in it should know that it has spiritual connection.”

Anyways as far as I'm concerned, all these guys are all BUNCH OF CLOWNS!!

As much as I've never liked this Oyakhilome dude, but I still believe that there was nothing wrong in what he said.
Okay, all this pastors wey dey open their mouth dey talk about how the bible says masturbating is a sin against God and blah blah blah blah...Well I got just one question for them. "Where in the bible was masturbation regarded as a sin? As in what chapter biko? what verse huh? Where is written in the bible?

I swear if you look deeply, most of these clowns be beating off their meat on a regular basis...but na them go first open their dirty mouth dey talk rubbish. Since masturbation wasn’t mentioned in the bible, I believe Pastor Chris has the right to say what he said based on his own understanding, likewise the other pastors who are opposing him. But I dont see why they should be attacking my guy left and right, when they don’t have any proof.

Common sense is not common for real……All these so called Naija pastors/clowns need to get their sh** right and start using their brain to think, instead of their dumb a**.
You see that’s why Jesus was the greatest man that ever lived. As much as his teachings was based on what was stated in the bible, but at the same time he also applied great wisdom and common sense to answer a lot of controversial/tricky questions which would have gotten him into deep sh**
I can never expect them to be even as our Savior Jesus, But damn apply a lil common sense nah….shoooo!!
Ohh I forgot…99% of them don’t have the anointing…..they just go to seminary school and graduate with a degree (just like every other degree out there) open a church and start stealing from poor people…Gottcha ;)



This ma dude has been sentenced to death for trafficking of drugs....And where else but Malyasia.

Eric Chimezie Oluigbo was arrested while trying to distribute 22,159 grammes of cannabis at a traffic light in Napoh, Malaysia, on the morning of September 1, 2010. He was charged under Section 39 (B) of the Dangerous Drugs Act 1952 which carries a mandatory death penalty upon conviction

Chieyaa...I bet if this dude had a successful drug transaction without being caught, he would probably be one of those nna bros dem wey when dem enter Naija like this ehhn. Dem no go gree make person hia word…na so dem go just dey make noise anyhow, dey go club, spending money like say tomorrow no dey, acting like they God or smth. Yes I know this cos I’ve seen a lot of them too. I keep on telling people, as far as I'm concern, all these people who are making correct doe from drug business are really not as relaxed and as happy as some of us think. Can you imagine being paranoid every freaking second of your life?....cos you scared that you could get busted or killed?...that no be life nah. I did prefer being a poor and happy, than being rich and paranoid (umm kinda..ha ha )

Anyways I still still still still don’t understand how our boys still dey enter places where dem get zero tolerance on drug crimes...upon say plenty of them dey for sanko for thia already. Anyways I guess some people don’t value life as much as others...All in the name of making money kwo? As in inhia dikwa risky ohhh….Kai
But come to think of it, this dude is gonna be killed all because of Marijuana? Come on nah. Well RIP in advance my nna bros :(

Thursday, February 23, 2012


Okay so this was recent video of this my guy trying so hard to explain to us whether jerking off na sin or not...ha ha
And a lot of people have been criticizing the dude over his remarks....calling him a false teacher and so on and so fort. lol...ha ha

Okay as much as I no like this guy at all doesnt mean I will come here and oppose him even when he says the right stuff. And to be honest, In my own perspective, think what he said is true tho. Masturbation is an unclean habit, but not a sin against God." true that true that . As in this na very sensitive issue ohh, and I think he actually handled it in a smart way.

I think the jerry curled hair dude is right on this one tho...afterall things like drinking, smoking, or drug usage are some unclean habits that may not necessarily be a sin unto Baba God. Anways shaa this is one very complicated issue juo, and it all depends on how it is been viewed. Okay make I ask una, why should beating your meat be seen as a sin ke? Afterall I'm using my own hand and my where did I go wrong na? I really wonna know wetin make some people dey call jerking off a in is it because of the fluid wey dey come out after beating your meat, or the brain storming that is invloved? ha ha...I wan know oh :)

and pls pls pls dont tell me that that guy next to Uncle Chris also permed his hair too. Sometime last yr, I remember hearing that a lot of male die-hard pastor Chris fans are engaging in perming their hair too.....CHAI....Bunch of clowns..ha ha

Friday, February 17, 2012



RIP Whitney Austin. And we Naija peeps, Nollywood and 51 Iweka Rd. Onitsha, will all miss your great acting talent :(

Thursday, February 16, 2012


Acting Inspector-General of police, Mr. Mohammed Abubakar has announced in Uyo, Akwa Ibom state capital, southsouth Nigeria that efforts were being made to change the Nigeria Police uniform very soon.

“We are making efforts to change the police uniform to a better uniform to l make you (police officers) to be respected,” Abubakar revealed while addressing officers and men of the Nigeria police force during his maiden visit to Akwa Ibom state after his appointment as acting Inspector General of Police.

Thank goodness. My prayers have finally been answered. Infact if this na the only thing wey this new IG accomplish, then I go clap for am….very small shaa..he he
As much as I’m good friends with a couple of top police officers in Naija, but at the same time, I've always been a big critique of everything that has to do with our police force...especially the toutish ones that they be recruiting from the streets, killing innocents citizens here n’ there just for N20….and I do tell them how I feel whenever I get a chance to hang out with them down here or in Naija….cos me no dey hide my mouth ohh.

Yes I know changing their uniform doesnt make them any better or change their shallow minded selves in any way. But at least that’s a big step shaa. Cos that their black uniform no just try at all.

As I’ve always said, the only way to change the Naija police is to fire all the current ones and start a fresh recruiting, with a minimum requirement of OND or so. Umm okay I take that back, cos firing all the current ones might be too harsh and unfair. How about bringing in international professionals to give them adequate training…And also test all of them for mental illness..and yes I said it. You see when most of us hear mental illness, we just picture somebody with dada hair, naked and running around the streets.....but that’s not always the case juo...cos I know for sure that we got a lot of people in Naija who look absolutely normal, but have some real mental issues deep inside them. (and that’s why here in Yankee, such people are being put on medication. But unfortunately in Naija and Africa in general, we don’t believe in such type of medication...Hopefully our eyes will open one day) And there are a lot of these peeps in our police force.

Yeah back to what I was saying......after passing both written and physical exams, then provide them with the various equipment such as batons, tear gas, handcuffs, walkie talkie...and finally replace that their freaking AK47 riffles to a pistol...cos that shit be scary for real. I remember when my wife came to Naija and she saw our police people with AK47' so fear catch her scatter ehh…ha ha. She kept asking me why our police were carrying such type of guns..or was there a war or smth? ha ha...laugh been wan kill me die that day ehh. The one that scared the sh** out of her was whenever we were driving behind those mopol them, and she will be seeing all of them sitting for the back of their pickup, with their guns facing us. She was like "what is wrong with these people. This is so unsafe"....HA HA

Anyways I guess we go dey use one eye to see wetin this new IG go do…or if he’s all talk..just like his predecessors :)



Big shout out to Miss Adaora Akubilo, a 24 year Nigerian-American model from Windsor, Connecticut. Incase some of una no know, getting a spot in Sports Illustrated's Swimsuit Edition no be beans ohh. Its something that every model would want to have on their resume. So a big kudos to her for making we Naija peeps proud.

But Damn........Its a bout time we hear something positive about a Naija person, since we dey only hear such once in a black moon. Very much needed at this time jare.

Once again a big kudos to the babe.

Hopefully she no be one of those people wey when you ask them where dem from, dem go open their dirty mouth dey talk "I'm American" and not knowing a damn thing about their roots.Yeah there are tons of them like that over here, and its all their parents fault, and they deserve some very good koboko whipping for real. Im dey like one day now, my son go come open im mouth dey tell people "I'm American" and not acknowledging his Naija roots first. Chai...Well, that one no fit ever happen for my house shaa, so there's no need of me thinking of what I will do to him then

the girl bodi set shaa :)


"Governor Rochas Okorocha of Imo State has directed that the salaries of the Commissioner for Finance, John Okafor, and the Permanent Secretary in the ministry, Uchenna Eche, be suspended for allegedly delaying the payment of salaries of some local government workers and teachers." Okorocha, who also announced that his administration would begin paying N100, 000 to students of the Imo State University on Tuesday, warned that his administration would no longer tolerate sharp practices by some of his aides, who he said were in the habits of lodging the salaries of workers in the bank for an accumulated interest.

As in this guy na real action governor oh. My guy is really here to work, and not to chop like other a**holes. I knew he will def make a great impact in Imo State as soon as he entered office though. Just in a short while in office, he has done a lot of positive things in Imo state. And he's doing everything possible to make his state have the best educational system in Naija. You see if Naija could have about 10 governors like this dude, I swear our country will never be the same again. As in almost everybody in Imo State loves him cos he listens to his people. We all know he's targeting that presidential seat, and that’s why he's trying to improve on his scorecard. But at the end of the day, all that matters is that he’s doing a lot of positive stuff for his state..period!!

I hear a lot of people on blogs and sh** always bashing him, talking about him being a big spender, and all his previous actions will come back to hurt him and his State...and blah blah blah blah. Well I got something for all you people criticizing him...."go put your fingers in your buttholes." At least the man is doing something positive for his state, and that’s all that matters. We are in a country were majority of our governors are only looking out for their personal interest, as well as enriching their crew. So why start criticizing a guy who's making positive moves then? You see that’s the problem we have in Naija, and we will never grow with this type of attitude wey we get. If our governors thief money, we go complain...and even when we come get any governor wey decide to spend the govt money on his people, we go still complain...which kind human beings we be sef? According to one of my guy, "We Nigerians have become so engrossed and use to deprivement and enslavement, to the extent that any goodwill from govt now looks strange and tagged with ulterior motive"...HA HA ....which is absolutley true tho.

Anyways Uncle okorocha Nothing do you jare. I dey with you all the way, and I pray for you to never fall our hand :)


Tuesday, February 14, 2012

WHATTA!!!!!!..............NAWA OHH

HA HA .....I swear nothing wey person no go see for Naija ehh. Where we go start with my guy now ehn? As in I no even know wetin to talk again sef. As in this guy na bad guyzes ohh. Ok tell me how many men do you think will be willing to dress like this (on their freaking wedding day ohh). This guy get liver jare. As in my guy get cape, crown, mini gown, ninja turtle back ribbon....infact I believe this would have actually been a perfect picture if he had a sword on the other hand,...ha ha. Anyways nothing do this man long as his wife likes it, then I guess that’s all that matters shey? Or ummmm……….whatever!

But one thing I know for sure be say if any man wey wan marry any of my female cousins (dont you like how I had to add the word female to be precise? cos these days ehhn, anything can happen..ha ha) decide to show up in a ballerina costume or some other type of crazy looking sh** like this......then na there wey people go no say krase dey worry me once in a very very while.....Cos at the end of the day, its a freaking wedding and not a Halloween day.

From his appearance, to the way im dey hold im wife hand sef, you can certainly tell say this guy don watch too much love cartoons dem....all those Cinderella, beauty and the beast and sh** load of others.
And look at his best man in the background....see as im just resemble criminal...ha ha . Nothing do any of these people jare...God bless their marriage.

But wait ohh… it just me or this guy looks flaming :)


(shout out to Frank for providing this disturbing pic...ha ha )

Ever had one of those friends that are so so dumb or so so slow, sotey when dem do something crazy in public, you go even dey embarrassed pass them?...ha ha. Yeah thats right cos I have a couple of them and for some reason I just cant get rid of them. And I'm sure people will prob be saying the same thing bout me too...ha ha

Its like taking same friend to the bar or a social gathering, and he/she will be the only one to get pissy drunk and start acting a fool......And at the end of the day, na you wey shame go even catch pass sef. The worst go come be when people go dey ask you "Is he/she your friend?" or “do you know him?” ...and you go dey scramble for the best answer to tell them. And you no wan say only yes right away, cos dem fit start to dey look you somehow too. I guess that’s when you try to prevent the "show me your friend and I'll tell you who you are" effect :)
And have you ever noticed that this type of situation usually happens when it’s a party or a get together that a friend of a friend invites you to…and you guys don’t know anybody there. Maybe you might know a couple of peeps there, but your drunk pal knows zero person there, and that’s where he/she decides to display their madness :)

I'm sure most of us don put our friends into different categories: we all have a friend we only call during time for partying; we all have a friend we call for advice; we've have a friend we just love hanging out with cos they funny; or we all have a friend we love hanging out with cos dey mad slow and dumb and we love making fun of them; or we all have a friend we love hanging out with cos dem get money...therefore we are always on a full scholarship anytime we go out with them..yeah how bout that one!!!...all you awoof peeople..I know una :)

So just judging by this pic alone, which category do you think this clown would fit in? Or would you like to have this type of guy as your friend? And also which category do you yourself fit in too? Cos as for me, if you take out the dumb part and the awoof part...then I possess all the other qualities :)
Okay I lied.....Ok add the awoof part...but my own awoof dey moderate shaa.....I only accept to be on full scholarship if that particular friend offers to buy a drink or whatever for me...And I also give people both full and partial scholarship when necessary. Unlike some guys wey dey always wait for person to sponsor them first...he he

Tuesday, February 7, 2012


 Nemesis has caught up with a 26 year old Nigerian man who was arrested after he was seen with cocaine packed in two big tomato cans worth 5million Naira.

Nzeka Christian(suspect) was Nabbed by the officials of the Murtala Mohammed International Airport, Ikeja, Lagos where he tried to smuggle this drugs into Malaysia. he was also alleged to have contacted spiritual support after sleeping for days at a church and asking his pastor who knew nothing about his line of business to pray for him for his successful mission.

Yeah this wont be the first and last time we are going to hear about people trying to smuggle drugs out of Naija. We have seen different techniques these potential a**holes use in order to beat the system....And I've always wondered why do people still keep on trying to smuggle drugs out of Naija? Arent they aware that people are being caught on a daily basis at the airport? But now I’m beginning to have this feeling that there are also a good number of people that are very lucky and beat the security system. If not, I no sure say people go still dey get mind to dey do this kind business, especially knowing the fact say your life dey at stake.
Anyways I found this particular one very very funny cos of two reasons shaa:

Firstly, This guy na very smart man ohh. As in he didnt want to use the “swallow” or “butt-hole fixation” technique (cos I'm sure he felt that way wasnt reliable anymore..ha ha) So my guy decided to use "tin tomato"...of all things ohh!! I dont get it tho....I'm just here wondering how he got to put that thing inside the container, and if he resealed it back or smth? As in this na very strong man ohh...ha ha.

Okay lemme see….Mr. genius travelling out of Naija with two massive tin tomatoes. Like say dem no dey sell tin tomato for where you dey go shey? I'm just trying to imagine the kind of ridiculous answer he gave when asked why he was travelling with two big tin tomatoes...ha ha...I bet he already rehearsed his answers prior to him getting to the airport :)

Secondly, wetin dey make me laugh pass na the the way our police dey handle criminals when dem catch them. But our police dem wicked ohh…ha ha. If na person property wey you theif, dem go snap you picture along with that particular thing wey you theif...and dem dey always make sure say you hold the thing well, while dem dey snap you your full picture (f**k mugshot..ha ha)...HA HA...and the faces of these suspects are always priceless.
See as dem make my guy hold im 2 big tin tomatoes with ease....and just chilling, like say nothing dey happen….HA HA…

Anyways the guy suppose dey thankGod say na for Naija wey dem catch am shaa…Cos if to say im for make mistake carry that thing reach Malyasia, and dem come catch am for there? As in Malyasia of all places ohh? Chai!! ……infact this guy suppose change im name to "Lucky" I swear :)



You see my heart is deeply saddened to hear about this recent development. I cant forget the first time Gala came out. that sh** was like candy to me. Almost everyday on my way to school, I swear I dey buy up to five. As in I was so addicted to gala eh....and I'm sure some of una had this same experience too :)

I no go lie when I was coming to school in Yankee, the things that I knew I was going to miss dearly was my Cabin biscuit, Gala, and indomie. But the good thing was that you could buy cabin and indomie for African stores for here. But you will hardly see gala in any store, since it has to be eaten while fresh.

Even sef when dem been increase gala to N50, that thing been make me vex scatter ohh. I remember one of my guyzes even calling me to tell me about the news (cos dem been know say I no dey carry my gala play back then….ha ha)
And now N70? Come on nah.....for wetin nah? why this people just dey f**k up sef? Now dem go come talk say na subsidy cause am shey?
Infact Gala don fall my hand finish. Even when I was back in Naija last yr, I didnt eat gala as much as I used to. This na because I been notice say dem no dey put enough meat inside as before. I noticed this cos it wasn’t as tasty as before. So I decided to buy one gala and perform surgery on am. As I just open inside, to my greatest surprise, the meat wey dem put no even reach half of my pinky finger. As in ehhn, dem for don kukuma dey sell us only the bread-looking part nah....cos no damn meat was inside that thing. I was so disappointed juo.

I can strongly say that gala was much tastier and richer when it was N20. But it just lost its quality after it went to N50. So now I just dey wonder wetin im go dey taste like now they increased it to N70.

Anyways ThankGod there's something called "alternative" shaa. I tried “chivitas superbite” in Naija, and I must say that theirs was way better than gala...enough meat full the thing scatter ehh.....and very soft (yeah I like my gala looking white and very soft. I'm sure all the hawkers wey I don buy gala from go dey vex for me cos I like to go through that their carton well well in order to pick out the whitest, freshest and softest looking ones ;)
I guess a lot of people will be joining the chivita superbite band wagon, since its way better than gala now...and its still N50. The only people I feel for are the gala hawkers. But I'm sure the smart ones will also have Chivita in that their carton too :)
Maybe now na only the people wey dey work for gala go come dey buy, dey chop their own product

You see its so unfortunate that the quality of most of our home made products (regardless of their industry) often decline, instead of improving.....and I wonder why...oops I'm lying....Cos I totally forgot thats how we do in Naija ;)

Friday, February 3, 2012



Anyways as far as I dey concerned, I don't think there's anything wrong if our FG pays the school fees of our diplomats children (afterall na our gov't send them go their various locations nah). But I know a lot of people will disagree, and feel the diplomats should be responsible for paying their own children's school fees, since dem dey make too much money, accompanied with all the great benefits the get too (which I also agree too)......But for FG to spend N4.8b?...come on in this money we dey talk about no be beans ohh.

Ok lemme just break it down this way:


Umm if I could remember, didnt Uncle Johnny tell us that if fuel subsidy isnt removed, our economy will collapse?  what an epic statement..ha ha :)
and the funny thing be say our so called Reps are all acting mad and hard, like they gonna do a damn thing about it.

"The House of Representatives foreign affairs committee headed by Nnena Elendu-Ukeje on Thursday expressed shock at the huge bill the foreign affairs ministry spends annually on school fees.
Lawmakers said ministry officials have been presenting such fees and other expenditures of the ministry in bulk without details, names of beneficiaries, thereby allowing officials a freehand to later adjust the approved figures, and spend same unilaterally."

HA HA we dont know its gonna be business as usual ke......U GOTTA LUV NAIJA...the strangest country on face of the earth :)



You see ehhn, anybody for Naija wey tell you say "crime doesn't pay"...that person just dey im own little empty world :)

But this life dey funny ohh. See this guy ehh...tout of all in real bad guy ehh... na now the person wey dey travel overseas anyhow dey inspect training facilities for our Federal government.
Incase some of you guys dont know, Boyloaf was one of the militant leaders that dropped his arms and embraced the amnesty program by our Federal gov't.

And abeg dont get me wrong ohh...cos i'm actually proud of him and his other militant colleagues like Tompolo and co.....and as much as I wasnt a fan of Yaradua, i really give the man props on his amnesty program for real.

But to my own perspective, what I really find disturbing about this whole situation is this.  "what happened to the whole emancipation that these various militant leaders were talking about?" Or can I can I come to conclusion that all these guys were all fighting for their own pocket, and not for their people? Secondly, what type of message is this type of news actually sending to our youths?"
Go to university...get your degree....barely find any job....remain unemployed, till.....who knows :(
f**k school....find a reason to fight the gov't...become a nationally recognized tout/freedom fighter...and our gov't calls you for negotiation...and before you know it, you are over-laughing straight to the bank.

Anyways I've always supported these Niger Delta Militants right from the get go, cos I felt it was about time they stood for their own right. But I just hope they're still focused and never forget to see their various Niger Delta communities as their number one priority.....shikena

But money sweet oohh....see a whole boyloaf wey dey stay for creek, no dey wear shirt, no dey na im dey fresh like this...come resemble better person...HA HA .....who talk say money no good ehhh :)