Monday, May 31, 2010


“In half of the 151 countries recently surveyed for trends in tobacco use among young people, approximately as many girls uses tobacco as boys. More girls use tobacco than boys in some of the countries, including Bulgaria, Chile, Colombia, Cook Islands, Croatia, Czech Republic, Mexico, New Zealand, Nigeria and Uruguay.

Umm think due to the bad reputation we have acorss the globe, i'm actually beginning to believe that a lot of these organizations just like to attach us with anything negative, without doing an actual survey or research.

How dem go talk say women smoke pass men for Naija ke? SAY WETIN COME HAPPEN NAH??????????

You know if this statistics is true, then thats pretty much alaaming.....But to my own perspective, WHO dey lie jare...dem need come explain to me how dem take carry out this their survey juo....Its true a lot of Naija women do smoke. You know back in the days, the only area you see girls smoke is in hotels and its mostly done by prostitutes..But these days mehn, Naija babes don carry smoking to another level, and me self don witness am koro-koro!!!!.....But Regardless, WHO cannot tell me more girls smoke than guys in Naija.....THAT"S BULLCRAP. Come on, like six out of ten Naija men dey smoke tobacco jare..both old ohh, and young ehh, the ones wey dey do am open, and the ones wey dey hide dey do am. So what u talking about...I weedah ohh :)



A South African court has sentenced this our crazy looking Naija bros. Uncle Ndudim Agoha, to 20 yrs in prisonment. He is one of the most wanted drug lords in SA, and he's only lived in SA for 8 yrs. My guy was arrested last yr after police found a substantial amount of cocaine and extacy at his home. The druges had a street value of R100,000 (whatever the hell that is dollars, me self no know jare)
Dem talk say my guy get properties for nice areas in SA, and he's very flashy and a real big spender....No be new thing nah.....obviously like any other Naija tout out there who just started touching what do u expect?

But come ohh...why is it that anywhere we go, we must always leave a bad reputation there?...U know I'm beginning to believe that this is actually a spritual problem that has affected our land...esp, ibos and yorubas :)

Anyways...but DAYUM...Uncle Agoha so that one mean say no popping anything poppable in the club for the next 20 yrs..... no big boy Christmas in Naija for you for the next 20 yrs....By the time u don come out from prison, cars go don dey fly by then....CHAI.. and i believe say u go don buy ticket for this world u go follow miss am too? See major F**K UP EHH.......Nna nawa 4u fact u get luck no be for Aisa wey dem catch u, if not na ur memorial service wey we for don dey do for u starting next yr :)

Drug Dealing....the business for touts and illiterates :)
nothing do uns ajare

Saturday, May 29, 2010


Ummm First of all, is this babe breathing at all? why tha heck is that boy look like a corpse? and why is she even closing her eyes like say the thing dey sweet her? Why is his top black lip suffocating her? why tha heck is she trying to suck out the living goodness out of the guy's lower lip?..............PLS SOMEONE TELL ME WHATTA HECK is going on in this picture....Is this a saliva tranfusion or smth?
U know I be hearing a lot of girls saying that Naija guys aren't romantic and stuff.....But I could also say the same about Naija girls too :) Come on u see what trying to act or be like the western people can cause?
Although i can bet that both peeps dont even know how to spell what they are doing, but to be honest tho, this is just a typical Naija gal kissing :)   Always tryna suck your tonsils out your throat while slobbering you with slime all over....
HA HA ...I love my Naija babes jare, but una know say na true wey i dey talk shaa.


This hooligan has been arrested at the Asaba airoport a few hours after abandoning a movie set in Asaba. No be today im start to dey do things like this. He's known for being a woman-beater and approaching people in a condescending manner. Anyways the local champion self know the kind people wey im dey do all that one with. I can remember last three yrs when he showed up in Naija independence after party in a club in NY. Started acting up like he was the sh**, looking down and talking crap to people. Na im some boys beat am like say tomorrow no dey, and he had to run for his dear life. You suppose trust our Yoruba boys nah :) One thing I know for sure be say he knows he cannot come down to NY, cos boys dey wait am gor hia ehh.
You see na one disadvantage for some touts to becoming famous, cos a lot of them start acting up because of the lil penny they be getting :)
No nmatter how much u train a tiger, im go still be wild animal ehh :)

Thursday, May 27, 2010


A few years ago, she was chosen as the face of Lux...and now the latest entrant into the Nigerian cosmetic market, MUD Cosmetics announced last week that they had chosen superstar Nnaji as the face of the brand in Nigeria.

Well  You deserve it jare. more international recognition for ya. And most importantly, you have always been a good role model to all teenage mothers out there.....

But...But...Umm to be honest shaa, i'm really really trying so so so so so...infact more than hard to see
what others are seeing in terms of this chicks looks and acting :)   She's as good looking as any other good looking girl in Naija (with the help of the usual make-up nah)....HA HA H i dont know what the whole hype is all about.
me don rest my case :)


So our Superchicks played a friendly game with Saudi Arabia this week, and the game ended scoreless (0-0). At the same time Argentina played with Canada, and won (5-0) and the crazy thing be say Messi no been even play sef. Anyways, me no go talk anything yet.....make im no be like say i too critisize our chicks.

Umm..Okay lemme try to be optimistic for once....I believe we drew the game (0-0) cos coach Largerback was experimenting, preparing, and giving untested players a chance to prove themselves, all before he selects his final 23. And the best place to test these players is in a friendly game.....So weare in the right path, and there should be no cause for alarm :)

HA HA NA SO!!...Pako squad :)

Monday, May 24, 2010


Okay the organizers of the SA wolrd cup have officially included sex as either an appetizer or dessert in the world cup menu :). They are soliciting for 40, 000 foreign sex workers to swell the number of estimated 373, 000 fans and hundreds of officials....and majority of the prostitues will be coming from (........) U already know.....HA HA I guess we shouldnt even be surprised at alllllllll.....It's time for my Unilag, Imsu, Esut, Uniport, Ekpoma, Lasu, absu, Nassarawa State Uni, and Unical grils to show us what they do best :)

They are soliciting for 40, 000 foreign sex workers to swell the number of estimated 373, 000 fans and hundreds of officials. Going by this figure, every male fan is entitled to at least one prostitute...CHAI nothing wey man no go see....just watch ...I bet you if this whole plan work out well, people go always dey vote make world cup dey take place for Africa :)


"Hundreds of Niger nationals, mostly women and children, have flooded into neighbouring Nigeria in search of food, officials and residents said on Friday.

The number of of Niger nationals in northern Katsina state, which shares a land border with Nigeria, has soared in the past two months, residents said.

Makana said some were so desperate they had been forced to beg door-to-door."

You see I really feel bad for these Nigerien peeps.....their land just barren like say tomorrow no dey. But to be honest tho, no be today wey this people start to dey enter Naija jare. My only problem about these people be say they can be potential danger to our national security on the long run ohh...if i can remember, it's these same people that were meceneries and fueled the Boko Haram and jos crisis?...abeg Naija Govt make una use una brain juo.

But also come to think of it, Naija dey make me laugh ohh...A nation that can hardly feed its citizens, and yet our government dey form Captain planet for Niger Republic....Anyways me i don talk my own shaa :)



You see one thing i know for sure be say na illiteracy dey follow dey kill us pass for Naija. For God's sake we are in the freaking 21st century and yet many people still dey reason like early men dem.
Any unusaul thing wey just happen, dem go talk say na juju

"Residents of Ojuore in Sango area were amazed when a chick with four limbs was hatched by a mother hen last Sunday. And the ever superstitious neighbours suspected it was an act of wizardry by the chicken farmer who is simply known as Bola City."...........LOL for this one :)

HA HA it even gets better..hear this....."Even pregnant women who lived in the same compound with him were said to have deserted their homes because of fear"......abeg fear of wetin ehh? say dem go born pikin wey resemble chicken?...nawa to this people ohh

The poor man has even been sent on exile. And now some Christian as well as Islamic faithful don carry the thing for thier head as usual na, dey talk say make people turn to God, cos the incident had some spiritual significance....tripple LOL for this one :)

This just goes to show u that our country needs to invest heavily on education, cos this is so painful and i just cant stop laughing shaa...this is really NUTS!!! i know why illiteracy is a big disease, and thankGod it is curable shaa :)
Umm and you know what? I go also blame Nollywood for this one too...thats right :)... cos almost all of their wack movies have a spriritual significance to any abnormal situation :)

So basically all the children around the world born with 6 fingers, two heads, 1 arm, 3 legs, 2 different genital organs, or even no genetial organ na juju follow make dem come out like that?......freaking ignorant buffoons :)

well since dem no want the chick, make them kukuma give me jare....extra drumsticks for me :)


Nigerian Police arrest goat!!!

Now this thing happened since Jan, and I didn't know.

First of all, huh?!!!! I thought we had heard it all...

This is what happened. According to the source, the black and white goat was brought to the Police station by the local Vigilante. The vigilante said that the goat was actually an armed robber who turned himself to a goat in order to escape.

Of course as Nigerians we are all aware of what is known as juju or jazz, thanks to Nollywood and other things. So it may not sound strange to hear of a man turning to a goat, afterall we all know the (fake) story of the person that was turned to a yam, and when the woman who had bought the yam from the market wanted to cut it, it started crying,'pls don't cut me!' , some versions say the yam started! that story scared me so much back then, that i never looked at yam the same way again...but...

What is absurd and embarrassing is that not only did the police detain the goat for questioning, the NTA reporter covering the gist actually put the mic. infront of the goat expecting it to talk! Seriously?!!!

Where did this happen? Kwara State.

If you doubt this gist like i did, kindly Google, 'goat arrested in Nigeria' and see the amount of results you'll get! and guess what? On top of the list is BBC News, infact it's only foreign websites that are on page 1.

Shame don begin to dey catch you? as for me, shame no fit catch me again...

Saturday, May 22, 2010


Okay I no even know how this topic just turn to headlines self. Or even what brought about such topic. Or even the essence of the topic, which we should be asking :) But to my own perspective, this is such a wierd and akward question, which will result to having akward answers too. Anyways these were the responses which were gotten from the question "How many time do you suck your wife's breast?"

See question ehh...Why dem no kukuma ask additional questions like ....Is the breast worth sucking? what is the size of the breast? Im don dey sag or wrinkle already? Do you like sucking breast? Do you love breast milk :) ? Do you have a pet name for her breast?......BREAST.. BREAST... BREAST go suck, pikin self go follow suck ehn...why una no fit leave this breast alone self, make im rest jare?...Jeez :)
anyways check out some of the normal, funniest and most ridiculous answers:

Nnamdi Chukwu

I do it everyday. Before I sleep I fondle it, kiss it, play around with it and sleep off. It lures me to sleep. But if my wife is breastfeeding, I stop for a while.

Obinna James

I suck my spouse’s breasts four times a week-Monday, Wednesday, Friday and Saturday.

Dele Momodu for President!!!

Now if you are not convinced that our country is useless, am sure you are now.

First of all who is Dele Momodu? Well, he's the owner of Ovation Magazine. If you no sabi wetin Ovation be, then nah your luck. I no get strength to explain anything.

So after the man don tire to dey snap rich people dem for im mag, im decide say im go be president, mk people sef dey put am for their mag.

On a more serious note, the man has nothing to offer this country. I know we are asking for a change, but Bob Dee? (nah im nickname be dat), c'mon!

Well, am not bothered, bcos the man is just a clown and a jester & what do clowns do? them dey make person laff...

So which party will he join? Maybe im go form im own bcos space no dey PDP or all the other serious parties. Hmmm... maybe OPP, Ovation's Peoples Party or NOPP , Nigerian Ovation's Political Party...nonsense...

Friday, May 21, 2010


The International Agency for Research on Cancer (IARC) and the Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) have determined that benzene is carcinogenic to humans.

Highlighting common habits among Nigerians that may expose them to Benzene, the public health physician urged Nigerians, especially people using mouth to draw fuel from vehicles. “All those things have benzene. We should take more of preventive measures by educating people who are constantly in contact with benzene. There should be more public enlightenment and there should be health education and the adoption of basic hygienic principles.

KAA..wetin concern naija man with hygeine?...Na mechanic, agbero or even the average Naija man wey u won go tell make dem no dey suck fuel with their mouth?..cos if na that one, una just dey waist una time...HO HA...
Althogh this na serious issue, but the truth of the matter be say even when educated, the average Naija man no really send for this kind health issues eh...when people dey find all means to make money, then una won go teach them about wetin Benzene dey cause for bodi....ha ha :)



Una dey see the kind people wey dey direct and shoot our Naija movies?....How person go just dey shoot movie with video camera untop im head sef? and why is he looking so damn fugly? why do they all look very hungry?...and wetin be the role of that dude at the back? wetin that guy for singlet think say im dey direct self? in fact there is a lot of questions that needs to be asked in this shot.


for this kind movie nah, instead of hearing wetin the actors dey talk, na the sound of breeze wey u go just dey hear...backdated video cameras, bad sound quality, 10yrs later and still wearing same wig and cloth....... naked children, okada peeps and passers-by just standing and looking while the shoot is going on......playing the same Kenny G instrumentals in almost all their movies...



Naija's number 1 golfer. Mr. Abudullahi Ali, and two of his friends just died in a fatal car accident on thier way to a golf tournament in Minna...seriously how sad.
The painful thing be say my guy just been come back from Cameroun on monday, where he participated and won the West African open tournament.

You see this is a very sad news...another talented Naija guy being killed in a motor accident. You see I dont care weather it was his was at fault or not....My own be say i will always blame our Govt for all this crappy accidents......JUST PROVIDE US WITH SOME DAMN GOOD ROADS.........JEEZ!!!!

But..but...i never knew Naija self been get golf players oh, talkless of even person wey come be West African fact I for like know where dem dey play this their golf self....Na for all those Naija golf courses wey na elephant grass and touch-and-die just full scatter?
Country wey talent full everywhere, but dem no dey promote, or even encourage nperson self.....what a shame!!!

Anyways RIP my man...


National Drug Law Enforcement Agency, NDLEA, in Ondo State have arrested a 78yrs old man and  members of his family for possession of indian hemp weighing three tonnes.

This is one of those news when i saw, and I was like "why the heck is this even making headlines self?"....afterall ibo dey everywhere for why should they hold the poor man self.....

But Na im I come realize the amount wey dey involved ehh....FREAKING 3 TONNES OF IBO!!!!!!!........GOODNESS GRACIOUS EHH.....thats equivalent to like 3000 kilograms or equivalent to 6000 pounds...or equivalent to 100 skinny Somalians or hausa peeps :)    This na ibo wey fit last from generations to generations ehh :)

According to the Commander of the Agency, "Nicholas explained that Indian hemp from Ogbese in the State “were being sought after all over the world because of its potent nature........

Ooooolaaalaaaa. Well well well, one thing  i know for sure is that i've put smth on my to-do list....."Visit Ogbese town next time i go to Naija"  :)...if any of una won follow, make una let me know jare, so we can go help eliminate this weed business and make the Ogbese land a better place for mankind ;)

Tuesday, May 18, 2010


To show his commitment to ushering in the era of electoral uprightness, President Goodluck Jonathan said he would set up a facebook account to create an interface for brilliant contributions from all Nigerians.

President Jonathan, who stated this at the 26th Convocation Ceremony of the University of Port Harcourt on Saturday, also said he had directed the economic team to design programmes for the growth of small businesses

HA HA...Well uncle Jonny, opening a facebook account isnt a bad idea....but im be like say people never tell u say Facebook dey very addictive...No loose focus ohh...before u know am, u go don start to dey poke all these small small pikin them...Anyways abeg do dey open ur account quick jare, make i add u as a friend...and i go continuously dey poke u, sotey u go even tire for me self...and u better make sure say u no block me too :)

AND...UMM...BUT it just me or our Naija presidents are so funny looking???..Like seriously.......infact dem suppose make handsomeness as part of the pre-requisites to become a Naija president jare :)



Naija's Drug enforcement agency just arrested a politician, Mr. Eme Zuru Ayortor, 52 at the Murtalar Mohammed Int'l Airport. He allegedly swallowed 2 kilograms (nearly 4.5 pounds) of cocaine to fund his election campaign.....

This Fugly looking Mo-fo been dey try board flight to Germany, when a scanning machine been start to dey shout "alert alert...make una check this man ohh.!! be like say something dey im belle ehh"  :)

Agents said they found up to 100 individually wrapped cocaine inside the fool's pot belle. "The agency says the politician claimed his failed 2007 run for the Edo state House of Assembly ruined him financially and smuggling drugs was the only way he could fund his 2011 election bid."
Ha Ha nothing wey person no go hear for this our Country.....Anyways i guess this one na real hungry politician wey dey try to enter into the Looters club. Dont worry Uncle Eme, ur political dreams can still come true...Running for Inmate President inside Kiri-Kiri wont be a bad idea at all at all....I swear u will win with a landslide in there :)

HA HA ....Another Man trying to steal from our country...HUNGRY FOOL :)


Monday, May 17, 2010

9ice and Ruggedman's phone gist.

Now some of us know 9ice and some know Ruggedman. If you don't, see the pictures above. 9ice nah the lepa & Rugged nah the other one wey dey form gangster.

We also know that 9ice and his wife Toni Payne have separated. His publicist told the press (so our musicians get publicists?) some months ago about the breakup. The thing no consign us before o, suddenly rumors come they fly say nah bcos of Ruggedman the marriage scatter.

What fueled this rumours was a song on 9ice's recent album, where he sang about catching his woman with another man. The track is called 'once bitten, twice shy'.
Then Rugged called 9ice and asked him to clear the air and stop the rumours flying about. Nah so their beef take start.

Now first of all Rugged effed up by recording the gist and throwing it out there, but gist nah gist...

Now all this one no consign me b4, until I come here the english wey 9ice blow for Rugged ear. I no get strength to write the whole thing, so nah the part wey dey interesting I go write...

9ice: '' Ruggedman from me to you, am telling you hoha, READ MY LIPS, it is not Ruggedman I am talking about.... let people talk, WE ARE NON-PEOPLE, WE ARE let them talk.

Now, you and person dey talk for fone, u dey tell am to 'read your lips'? how im wan take do am? nah im ear im go use read am?

2: ''We are non-people, we are stars...hmm nah wah oh! so Snoop Dog no be person abi, nah star im be...

Okay o, so Twinkle-twinkle little star, how I wonder what you are. I think una don know d answer to that question, nah 9ice and Ruggedman. So anytime you sing dat song to any small pikin, tell am say no need to wonder wetin the star be.

Sunday, May 16, 2010


You see these days I dont really get mad at some Naija peeps that be telling people they are from Ghana or other Afircan countries out ther.....Like seriously if you wan do business with person for hia, and u call that name Naija,.....In fact just forget about it. Just loose the tie for your neck, dey go back house. How shameful.

Isnt it so funny how one of the Law enforcement officers also stated:
"You start thinking about homeland security issues. You start thinking about how many others are there like this. If she's able to do it, that means there's something in the system we need to look at," Copeland said.

Ha ha my guy no fear i dont think u need to look at anything in ur system. cos that no go solve the issue...No be Naija again u dey deal with? The more techniques u try to secure your system, na the more technique wey we dey find to break into am....
UMM but Yoruba people their own fraud these days don dey on another level ohh...dem and Igbo people self, i no even know which people dey carry 1st now :)




Below are the list of players that will be missing the world cup either due to their poor performances in their various clubs, or injuries.

Ronaldinho - Brazil
Alexander Pato - Brazil
Adriano - Brazil
Totti - Italy
Fernando Gargo - Argentina (thankGod)
Kareem Benzima - France
Lisandro Lopez - Argentina  (thankGod)
Charlie Davis - USA
Esteban Cambiasso - Argentina (thankgod)
Ruud Van Nistleroy - Holland
Zanetti - Argentina (thankGod)
Patrick Viera - France
Samor Nasri - France

Well, the truth of the matter be say i no really send for any of these guys ehh. But Come on, Ronaldinho??? How on earth can anyone exclude this guy from a team? THIS IS NUTS.....This dude had one of the best seasons this yr. Wetin dey worry this Dunga self....I swear this world cup will be boring jare...I guess I wont be seeing any leg over, heighting, dalu, snake bites, and all that good stuff :(
Can u imagine..No likes of Ronaldinho, Okocha or Zidane in this worldcup...Infact na cricket and pool wey i go kukuma dey watch during that period jare.

"And the latest news is that the Super Eagle's coach has decided to make a change to his controversial World Cup rooster, cos he believes experience matters. So Rashidi Yekini, Okocha, Taribo, Amunike and Finidi  are now on the new List :)
NA LIE OHH...I just dey play juo..i know some of u guys were prob saying WTF????..nothing do una jare :)



I thought this was pretty kool and so so random, so i decided to post it.
Okay my lil bro was playing Grand Theft Auto 3 on Playstation. And u know how when u get into any car, u can turn on different radio stations and listen to different songs.
While playing, he got into a car and tuned into some random station inside the car, GUESS WHAT SONG CAME UP?...................Freaking Fela's Zombie and Sorrow, tears and blood............At first both of us were like WHATTA..... we thought we were dreaming or smth. Hearing Fela's music in a video game?

So i had to go see if someone had it on youtube, cos I still tot our PS 3 was bugging. But i guess not, cos its actually Fela's music playing :)
The extent of Fela's recognition around the world is unbelievable, and his Music has influenced so many people out there. They even have a Fela show now in Time Square, NY.....This is certainly one of the biggest music icons in the world......U will always be remembered jare.

Saturday, May 15, 2010

ARMED ROBBERS INVADE CHURCH AND STEALS PASTORS CAR...AND GUESS THE PASTOR'S REACTION :) don reach thios level? So-tey even people don dey go thief for church....anyways anything is possible in our dear Naija :)

Okay i find this news very funny. In Ibadan, five gunmen in a toyota camry trailed Prophet Elijah Akinadehe, General Overseer of Christ Apostolic Church, Lion of Judah Worldwide, located in Ibadan (na so). The prophet was in his Prado jeep, and when he reached his church,  they opened fire, and got into his jeep and told his driver to drive out of the church premises. After driving a couple of miles, they told the pastor and his driver to get off the car., and the robbers ran away with the Prado Jeep.


After the pastor and his driver found their way back to his church, he started crying and this was what he had to say:

"That Prado Jeep was my favourite car and it was like my mobile room. They even stole my mobile telephone handsets, cheque books, two big bags containing my clothes and pairs of shoes. I am finished"


Instead of thanking God for saving his life and not being killed or kidnapped, the fool was busy talking about his car and other material stuff that he lost....This is to show you how much material things mean to most of we Naija peeps :)

Anyways Mr. so called prophet, if i could remember, Jesus did not use car to preach, He had only one garment, and nah ordinary slipas wey my guy been dey wear. You want to be like Jesus but you do not want to do what Jesus did.
 Infact question mark just full for most of these Naija churches jare..and this is why i dont take them serious. A country wey the amount of churches go soon plenty pass our population, yet we no dey progress :)



This criminal right here, Mr. Frank Rajah who is a so called top Ghanaian Director, is at large over his alleged rape, molestation and sexual assault to an underaged housegirl, Chinemelu, during his stay in Naija to shoot a movie in Asaba, Delta. He’s alleged of having canal knowledge of a house-help, right inside the house they used as location a couple of weeks back....See Liver ehh

Since the shooting took longer than expected, this local champion used all that time to plot his runs. So whenever their hosts left for office, Uncle frank used the opportunity to find all means to lure the lil guy been dey use the normal and common African molestation tactics such as touching her small small, smiling at her, and giving her the change whenever he sends her to buy food n stuff. And before u know it, my guy don dey molest the house pikin. It was gathered that even when he later moved to a hotel, he sent for her to come over, and the molestation continued....and that was were they got caught.....CHAI......see wetin chewing gum and all those keeping of extra change don cause the poor girl....eve

Buy the time the news reach the girl's master, the police was sent to go arrest Mr. Rajah...but by the time dem reach im hotel, my guy don waka tay tay (ha ha Naija they ever accomplish any objective?)
As for now, my guy has been placed on persona-non granter in Nigeria and entire movie industry (whatever that means self)

ANyways this is just the one that made headline....Too bad there are hundreds of thousands of kids that are being molested in Africa (especially Naija) on a daily basis....We really need spiritual cleansing jare


Abeg anybody know if Kidnapping dey Naija stock market? cos i think I'm very interested in buying some shares :)
Like seriously im be like say kidnapping na the very new lucrative business for Naija ehh.

This Ibotic babe right here, Nkechi Madu, 20  kidnapped her ex-lover's three yr old son, and demended N800,000.
When asked why, the chick explained that she did it due to anger and vengeance on the boy’s father; Akeem Okerinde who she believed sexually used and dumped her..........LOL for that one.
When she was caught, this was what she had to say:

“I am shocked at my behaviour,” she said in a quiet voice: “I don’t know what came over me. I will have to go for deliverance in church if I come out of this problem."

Umm I'm happy someone finally didnt blame it on the devil this time around...and my sister trust me, you will surely go for deliverance after u spend some good time at Kiri Kiri :) I'm so excited for u

umm i guess anything now in Naija can cause for kidnapping.....ummm why u slap my brother? infact i go kidnap u.........Why u dey look my wife like that? infact i go kidnap u.......This babe no gree make i enter her. Infact i go kidnap her..... You no wan put jara for me? infact i go kidnap u.......This boy/girl body fresh well well. Infact make we kidnap am.......this pikin why u no greet me this morning? Infact i go kidnap u



Thursday, May 13, 2010


It just doesnt get any worse than this.......For some reason i dont know whether i should blame the economy this time, or blame Uncle Lucifer, or fact i dont just know jare.

45 yr old Mr.Tanimowo Hunge has been arrested by the Ogun state police for allegedely abducting his 16 yr old son, and demending N100,000 in ransom.

"Hunge, who wept profusely, blamed the devil for the crime. According to the CP, the suspect tricked his son who lives in Lagos with his brother in-law, Joseph Dosa, to come home. His father later abducted him and got in touch with Dosa that John had been kidnapped and the abductors demanded N100,000 ransom.

Dosa later told reporters that efforts to get the alleged abductors‘ telephone number from the boy‘s father proved abortive as he was said to have claimed that the abductors warned him not to release the telephone number to any other person."

When the info got to our police, they made the money available in order to attract the rat....AND GUESS WHO SHOWED UP TO CHOP AWOOF CHEESE????...Uncle Hunge :)

He later confessed to the crime and said "“It was the devil. I used to have money. It was hardship that pushed me to this level and I only pray that God will save me from this problem,”

I so so so love how when these people are caught, dem go dey blame uncle Lucifer for both the ones im do ohh, and the ones wey im no even know when the thing been dey happen self.

But this guy no try at all shaa. HA HA
Imagin when they asking him what crime he commited?...and he's like "I KIDNAPPED MY OFFSPRING".......HA HA HA HA ..........such a dumbass :)



The new Divisional Police Officer in charge of Ajeromi Police Station, Ajegunle, Mr. Slyvia Chinedu (CSP) has lamented that kids as young as 10 years old openly smoke marijuana on the streets of Ajegunle.
“You need to see the number of girls from Ajegunle moving out every evening to go and prostitute in Apapa, Ikeja and Lagos Island on daily basis. Same thing goes for the number of your children who are armed robbers and move out everyday from this environment to go and rob in other locations."

I certainly believe this is a disturbing issue...but before I start to dey lament, Mr DPO,  make I first LOL for this your name self....SLYVIA ke!!!! nawa to u, and the person wey give u this kaain name :)

Anyways Aunty Slyvia you never see anything yet nah.... No be Ajegunle wey u dey talk about? So why are you acting like this is something new?..what do you expect when people are leaving in abject poverty and dont know how how they will be able to eat the next day.  Dont blame them jare..blame our Government/Political touts for looting our money and leaving us with nothing...and me self go also blame you and your local/illiterate boys too for accepting bribes, and sometimes doing shady businesses (supplying ammunitions) to these criminals.

So i guess we are back to square one :(


After how many weeks of hiding in Naija, this idiot (from ordinary supermarket cashier in london to a governor) has finally been arrested in Freaking Dubai by agents of INTERPOL based on an international arrest warrant issued by the United Kingdom government in respect of money laundering charges.
This is such a great news, and the beginning of fighting curroption in our Naija. Na so dem go dey catch all of them one by one.

EFCC una don try....
But..but..wait ohh.. come to think of it, shouldnt this raid start from the earlier looters of our national account, like mr. IBB, OBJ, Odili and other political touts out there? Or una dey fear face?
Anyways until then, EFCC una never still impress me shaa

Check out the pictures of the loot found in just one of his houses in Naija.


Why am I even surprised self.....Afterall 99% of our Politicians, Police, law enforcement and Judicial personnels are all bonefied touts and Hooligans :)

Anyways "The National Judicial Council on Wednesday ordered Justice Habibu Idris Shall to retire as a judge of the Bauchi State High Court after he was found to have acted in a manner incompatible with his status as a judge."The judge was said to have failed in an alleged bid to kidnap his victim by attempting to force him into the boot of his car.
Like is he for real?...The number one person wey suppose dey abide by the lwas of the land, as well as act as a role model... nah the same person wey dey pull shirt dey fight for road..THIS IS JUST BALLOONY
I dont think you guys understand the level of this situation....this one no be law student, or cut-n-bail lawyer, or solicitor, or even magistrate.... IT"S A FREAKING JUDGE FOR CHRIST SAKE!!!
In fact I'm through with this bullcrap!!!

Tuesday, May 11, 2010


OYA OHH...IM DON HAPPEN.....We have all been anticipating for this time to come...this way, we go know whether this our so called new Super Chickens...Oops I mean Super Eagles coach sabi wetin im dey do sef :)

Umm...and so far I think he has made a decent decision tho. Anyways Super Eagles coach, Uncle Lars Lagerback has announced the 30-man preliminary squad for next months world cup.

Goalkeepers: Vincent Enyeama (Hapoel Tel Aviv/ISR), Dele Aiyenugba (Bnei Yehuda/ISR), Austin Ejide (Hapoel Petah Tikva/ISR), Bassey Akpan (Bayelsa United)

Defenders: Taye Taiwo (Olympique Marseille/FRA), Elderson Echiejile (Rennes/FRA), Chidi Odiah (CSKA Moscow/RUS), Onyekachi Apam (OG Nice/FRA), Joseph Yobo (Everton/ENG), Daniel Shittu (Bolton Wanderers/ENG), Ayodele Adeleye (Sparta Rotterdam/NED), Rabiu Afolabi (SV Salzburg/AUS) and Terna Suswan (Lobi Stars)

Midfielders: Kalu Uche (Almeria/SPA), Dickson Etuhu (Fulham/ENG), Mikel Obi (Chelsea/ENG), Sani Kaita (Alaniya/RUS), Haruna Lukman (AS Monaco/FRA), Yusuf Ayila (Dynamo Kiev/UKR)

Strikers: Yakubu Aiyegbeni, Victor Anichebe (Everton/ENG), Chinedu Obasi (TSG Hoffenheim/GER), Nwankwo Kanu, John Utaka (Portsmouth/ENG), Obafemi Martins (Wolfsburg/GER), Brown Ideye (FC Sochaux/FRA), Peter Utaka (Odense Boldklub/DEN), Ikechukwu Uche (Real Zaragoza/SPA), Obinna Nsofor (Malaga/SPA), Osaze Odemwingie (Lokomotiv Moscow, Russia) 

Umm..not bad not bad at all
BUT PLEASE CAN SOMEONE TELL ME WHAT DA HECK IS DANIEL SHITTU, JOHN UTAKA, AND (_____) DOING IN THAT ROOSTER ???? as for the 3rd name, in fact make i no even talk self, cos i do really like him tho.....and I'm sure he will be a pretty good motivator from the bench :)

and where is our beloved Okocha? Cos as far as I'm concerned, even though he's like 93yrs, he's still better than everyone on that list. Jay Jay come back abeg :)


Monday, May 10, 2010


HA HA Pls make una hear wetin this idiot been talk.

If not for this news, I wouldnt have even known that this guy existed. Thats to show u how infamous he is.
Anyways this tout, Victor Moses who plays for Wigan FC, told our world cup coach, Sir Lagerback  that the only way he would agree to play for the Super Eagles was to be assured of a place in the World Cup-bound team without going through the rigours of screening and playing friendly matches.

Lmao....Abeg make person tell me where this Zombie come from self?

Anyways this was Largerbacks reply. "A boy na lie long as me dey coach this tem, u no dey go anywhere. Look me well well for face, I resembele all these una Naija coaches them. Kpata kpata, the only way you dey follow us go world cup go be through tv, from the convinience of your home :)

Uncle Largeback I dey believe you die ehh...carry go


You know for Yankee here, a woman can do a man's job as long as she's is fit for it. But for Naija, no be so ohh...imaging where woman be shoemaker or bus conductor for naija? That one be say everybody go dey look her like say she thief something..

Well thats the case here. This lady right her, Miss Titilayo Ojo, 25, who only holds an ordinary national diploma (OND), don decide say hunger no go kill her for this Lgaos wey she dey ehh......The babe decided to earn living by driving commercial tricycle AKA the famous Keke Maruwa.

And Guess what?  She works from 5:30am to 9:30pm, saving all the money from this business in order to further education!!!
I certainly respect this babe from the bottom of my heart. How many girls out there get liver to do this kind job. Instead they will decide to go into prostitution, dey do big girls and living a fake life....Infact Miss Titilayo I'm your biggest fan. If to say na those days wey money been dey enter my hand well well, i for don open Keke company for u, make u dey run am. Its alll good tho.

Friday, May 7, 2010


Please take a look at this picture, and you really want to tell me these are 17yr old girls? and all real women without ball sacks? You be the judge !!
You see news like this just makes me begin to believe that corruption can never be eliminated in Naija...Cos the thing just dey our blood.
"South Africa has officially lodged a protest against Nigeria on allegations of fielding overage players during their 2010 U-17 Women's World Cup qualifier at Opperheimer Stadium, South Africa on Saturday"

They warned Naija in the first leg, after loosing 5-0, but Naija still came back in the second leg with the same players....HA HA HA ... I just love my country jare..nothing do us ehh
Well, if South Africa is crying about some players being overage, then that that mean say sand still dey inside their eye nah....Cos as for me, those Naija football chicks, including the ones wey be real women ohh, and the ones wey just change to women ohh, are all over aged. I swear say none of them for that team dey less than 26 :)  
But come to think about it, how many 17yr old girls for Naija dey think of football sef? No be same 17yrs old girls for Naija wey dem still dey teach how to wear pad for Naija:) ?  You see its not like Yankee where teenage girls look so mature, and their parents encourage them to play soccer, and put them in different summer training camps and stuff. I fit even remember those primary and secondary school days for Naija wey me and my friends dey fear to even talk to girl wey talk say she like to watch ball, talk-less of playing ke..!!!

Anyways South Africa I dey feel una pain jare. Me too for complain if I notice say i dey play against the opposite sex... and dem come  tear me 5-0 ontop :(



So this guy did actually release this "Fall in Love" video. AFTER LIKE 17YRS WHEN THE SONG DON REIGN FINISH, AND ALL THE CHILDREN WEY BEEN HEAR AM DON DEY UNIVERSITY NOW....Well I dey guess say na mandatory issue for Mo Hits to do video for every song now.

But for some time now, there have been rumours that Koko bobo has been involved in a hot sizzling romance with our aunty Nnaji for some time now. But I guess our aunty has decided to tell us her own involvement in this hot sexy romance wey we dey hear of.

First of all, for una info, the highly celebrated amorous affair in the video, was said to be scripted. I'm sure some of you guys got excited when you watched the video. Dont worry u not alone :)

"The sexy and very articulate star actress, Genevieve, mother of one who jumped into music sometime ago, we learnt, confided in her friends when the tale of their rumooured affair hit the street that D’Banj is not her kind of man “It’s ridiculous, though, D’Banj is not a bad guy, the fact however remains that, he’s just not fit into my kind of guy” She was quoted to have said.".....Umm DAYUM..why she gats play my guy like this nah? This is not just fair sha :)

“The fact that Genevieve was handsomely rewarded for the role she plays in the musical video has not made her to be linked romantically with the kokomaster. As I am talking to you right now, she is not comfortable at all with the whole set up.” Her friends said.

Anyways, if dem like make dem dey do sizzling hot romance ohh, or no romance at all.....that one concern them, cos i no dey benefit anything from am....primary skul kids :)



So where dem dey try to bury this poor man in his home state in Katsina, hostilities broke out between youths and security agents at the Katsina township stadium.

The yawa been burst when the security agents tried to stop the youths from entering inside the stadium to witness the burial....Na im the youths vex ehh....their own bros for that matter? So they went on a rampage, attacking police and soldiers..

WOW....These hausa boys really get liver shaa....fighting soldiers of all people? Naija Soldiers Ke???.....Dem get luck say na during Yaradua burial. Cos if this happened on a normal day, those soldiers for use them do shooting training. You suppose trust Naija army nah...
Anyways thousands witnessed the burial, including couple of governors, and some notable criminals and non criminals in Naija.

 R.I.P uncle Yar "Adua. Umm....But you still dey owe us the 7 point agenda shaa :(


You see this is one of those stories that just makes me weep for Naija. Although I blame the economic melt-down in Naija for this situation, I also believe that "stupidity" also played a very very important role in this incident.

Okay here's what transpired. A woman was fetching water from a well in her neighbourhood, and her 1000 naira  note fell inside the well. She now promised to share the money 50/50 to anyone who brings it out.

But before the woman don finish her sentence, one Mr. Bosofa guy wey dey claim Michael Phelps for the area, don already pull im shirt dey dive dey go inside the well. But when he failed to come out, another guy wey dey do gra-gra decided to dive inside the well and rescue Bosofa and the 1000 as well :)  But ma guy no come show any sign of coming out too. By the time they were brought out of the well, the were already dead.


I'm 100% You guys were already thinking of People like Jonathan, Wole Soyinka, Obasanjo, Adenuga, Clifford Orji :)  or one of the so called big names or noise makers in Naija....But not this time shaa....levels don change ehh

Well, this my guy wey dey here has made we Nigerians proud, and I ask that we all blow him brotherly and sisterly kisses for his great work (pls only do if u are comfy blowing kisses at people shaa. no be by force)
"Time magazine named the 28-year-old Nigerian, Nnaemeka Ikegwuonu, as one of the '100 most influential people in the world in its May 2010 edition."

The list was divided into the category of leaders, artists, thinkers and heroes. Ikegwuonu, who was listed in the artists' category, was born in 1982 and lives in Imo State. (shout out to all my Imo peeps)
"According to Time, he has, since his high school, been developing ways to help Nigerian farmers. He was identified because of his reported dedication to improving the lives of rural people and his commitment to environmental protection and sustainable agriculture."

You see this serves as a lesson to all of us.....Whatever you do in this world, always try to give your fullest. Cos you never know who is watching your good work.....If not, we suppose dey question Time Magazine wetin carry them go Imo Imo State, of all places.... and who even show them road go ma guy dommot sef.

But on a serious note tho, I really think we suppose to have more than one Nigerian on this list...Come on we are like 150 trillion of us scattered all over the world, and na only one person dey rep us?...make we dey see shaa



Our dear Chimpy made headlines this week.


I certainly understand what he was trying to say, but he just crossed the line jare. How dare him?...Im be like say this guy no really know who Jesus Christ be......Man wey dey multiply fish and bread? Or same man wey turn water to wine? U dey krase?..Or same baba wey been dey waka for water like say na nothing dey happen?.... this no be film tricks ohh.....Or same man wey dey read people mind like say tomorrow no dey?.... and fear no dey catch this man to make such statement?

Anyways the Christian Association of Naija (CAN) called him a "devil incarnate" due to his statement, which it considered blasphemy.

They also told OBJ that he needs special deliverance......LOL...But our monkey no like to carry last as usual nah...So he replied to the bishops that they are the ones who need deliverance.
U see i no even know why these Bishops just dey go back and forth with this man sef. How on earth do they expect an animal,  (Chimp for that matter ) to be delivered? na waste of time nah.

But the truth of the matter be say we all Naija peeps need deliverance shaa..nobody is exempted :)


Umm.... to be honest i never knew that sex workers even existed in the North ohh..wetin come do the Sharia law nah?....Or 100 strokes of cain no dey enter these babes again? Cos I sure say dem go don flog them tire? Umm...this is really a strange news to me tho.

Anyways Kano state Jisbah board have just arrested 200 comercial sex workers. Ha ha see as dem name am "commercial sex workers" like say na one kind important occupation soh. Abeg na "ashewo" jare.  But the worst thing about the whole situation was that majority of them were tested positive to HIV/AIDS.

Also the Commander General of the Board stated that those who are christians among them will be handed over to the Christian Association of Nigeria (CAN) Kano state chapter and  those who were Muslims will also be properly taught and   counseled  on why they should desist from an act against humanity.

Ummm Ummm....HA HA HA HA HA HA HA ..thats all I gotta say :)

Wednesday, May 5, 2010


Umm as far as I am concerned, this dude was dead since december. its his memorial or smth we should be talking about now sef. After all the money that was being spent on his health, he still passed away. This is to tell you that money cant by life. I wonder who and why they decided to pull of the plug.

Instead of Turai and the cabals to let the poor man resign and have time to recover long time ago, dem just no gree. Now they see what they've caused.

I personally believe he was a great guy and had a lot of positive dreams for our nation. As soon as he declared his assets when he became president, thats when I was like "I LOVE THIS GUY. "But unfortunately he was surrounded by criminals and vagabonds whose aim were to loot the country.

I'm just here thinking of all the propaganda surrounding his health and all the lies that his wife, Turai and her cabals have been feeding us about his recovery all this while

Anyways I would still like to know who really talked to BBC news, and who signed the december budget, and why they smuggles this man into his own country like an illegal alien. Lots of questions need to be answered here. Anyways I trust Jonathan on this one.

RIP Mr. President. Even if you didnt complete any of your so called seven point agenda, I still believe you were a honest and great man shaa.

18 Naija Guys to be sentenced to Death!!!..Oh Lord

You see what pisses me off the most about this story is the location. If to say na Yankee, I for understand.

BUT COME ON IT'S FREAKING INDONESIA.....A WHOLE WRETCHED PLACE WHERE DEM DEY CHOP RAT SELF......and its like my naija bros. them still dont get it that Asia is the last place to ever dream of doing drugs.

Anyways 18 Naija guys were condemned to death by Indonesian court in 2008 for alleged criminal cases, including drug smuggling. And they are scheduled to be executed anytime between June and August this year.

An Onitsha based human rights lawyer, Barrister Melly Chukwuemeka Eze, is appealing to the National Assembly to take concrete steps with a view to getting reprieve for the condemned Nigerians. "According to Eze, “I have it on good and reliable authority that officials of Indonesian government who opened discussions with the Nigerian delegation are now expressing disappointment over an apparent display of unseriousness on the part of Nigerian government over the diplomatic move already initiated by Nigerian government officials”.

What is our Gov't (ministry of Foreign affairs) actually doing about this situation? No be to dey do gri-gri for Naija....Time don reach for una to go into political negotiation with ordinary Indonesia, but una don dey run....Later we go dey claim "Giant of Africa"  

Those on death row are Kingsley Okonkwo, Michael Titus Igwe (Real name-Izuchukwu F. Ezimoha), Uchenna Cajethan Onyenworo, Ekperedike S. Olekama, Adam Wilson (real name-Emmanuel Okari), Hillary K. Chimezie, Eugene Ape and Humphery Ejike, Okwudili Ayotaeze, Obinna Nwajiagu, Daniel Enemuo, Fredrick Lutter (Real name-Benjamin Obiora), Sylvester Nwaolisa, Gabriel Nnadi, Dennis Anumona and Ikenna Ezenwune, while Stephen Rashid, Joseph Ndaba, Ken Michael and Obinna George are currently serving life imprisonment.

Ummm.....Ummm....I hate to say this, but....but...chai see my igbo peeps eh....I just pray for the special intervention..... if not, R.I.P guys :(

(daily sun)

Monday, May 3, 2010


I dont know what show these people were contesting for. But whatever it was, I bet you its was mad serious ehh...
If you combine all the groundnut oil wey dey their body, I swear you go fit use am make stew ehh .
But...WOW..... Imaging say these kain men catch you for one corner for night....your own don finish be that nah :(

See my guy for middle with 4 pack for front of im pot belle....Chai u dey mad? u won try?
Infact na this kind men our political Godfathers/criminals dey hire to go cause confusion during election period.
I dey believe una die ehh... 

Sunday, May 2, 2010


First of all, I think its about time they should change their slogan which says "Police Is Your Friend" to "Beware of Untamed Illiterates in Uniform"

Anyways I'm not surprised at all. What else do we expect when our government gives rifles to people who cannot even common spell their full name, talk-less of differentiating between their left and right hand.

Anyways wetin happen be say this my guy wey dey here was chilling with his friends on the block (as in dommot), and they were talking about one housegial so, and suddenly the same girl passed them. So they started laughing, since the felt that was so coincidental. But before dem know wetin dey happen, two police guys driving by came out from their car, and one hook my guy for im belt, asking why he was laughing at him. As the boy tried to explain to them, they refused to listen, and dem start to use my guy dey do punching bag. Before u know wetin dey happen, the Olokpa don bring out im pistol, come tear my guy for leg... And right now my guy is about to be amputated.

THAT'S NAIJA POLICE 4 U.........My people abeg make una dey stay at least 100 yards from these untamed animals abeg


You see, I do really feel for my country. If you guys could recall, some years ago in Lagos, more than 10,000 peeps applied for one particular job.
Now its 2010 and we are still witnessing something similar to that.
What makes me feel for these people the most is that they are just writing this exam for the sake of it. Cos me know say the chosen people for the job already dey their house dey laugh dey sleep :)

Imaging being among that crowd in the exam hall...Mind u its like 7000 degrees in there...So you fit just imagine the heat, sweat, body and mouth odour, mess, armpit, and all other yama-yama wey go full that hall :(

Wonna know the worst part of it all?....The exam got cancelled......

NAIJA SUPER MODELS...volume 4!!!!

As you guys all know, at least every once in two weeks, i try to get the best model pic straight out from Naija.
For real tho, whatta hell was this kid/man ( i no even know which one im be self) thinkin? Umm i think i do like the concept tho. Nice suit and a 50 and over bicycle to go with it?....I'm thinking smth more like a cool, calm and collected village headmaster or so.


Mr. Chimaobi Martins Kanu, a Corps member serving in his fathers land at South East zone of Edo state, has single handedly provided drugs for deworming over 3000 children in the community.

You see if we can all think and act like this our bros. right here, Naija will be a better place for real :)
This is the kind of news we need to be hearing.

but....but....WTF is the Edo state govt doing to help out???..Jeeez