Tuesday, December 27, 2011

NAIJA PEEPS AND OUR MOUTH WAHALA...HA HA

 The Minister of Health, Professo rOnyebuchi Chukwu, has described the oral health situation in Nigeria as unimaginable, disclosing that 44 per cent of Nigerians have decayed teeth.


LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL.......HA HA...O BOY SEE YARNINGS EH

You see wetin dey amuse me pass about this news na how they came up with that number "44%" ha ha......mehn you gotta love our country juo. Like we have a database that records how many people that go to the dentist for tooth problems quo?. But as far as I dey concern, that 44% dey even small sef :)

For Yankee here, people go to the dentist at least twice in a year. The first time I went to a dentist here was early this yr. As in ehhn, no be small thing I experience ohh. It all started like 2 yrs ago, I saw this lil hole for my back teeth (one of those big big ones wey dey for back wey we dey use chew well well…wetin be the real name again sef…ha ha) and I took it as something little and not harmful. But as time just dey go on, I come notice say when I chop food, sometimes some food particles go just enter the hole, and it was one very uncomfortable feeling. I gats use pin or toothpick to bring that sh** out. And as time just continue to dey go by, I come notice say the thing don big dey expand, and come deep well…. and anytime I chop something, one food particle must to enter inside that hole. And I got sick and tired of staying in front of the mirror trying to get out this little thing. Cos if I leave that particle inside there, it will make me very uncomfortable. Coupled with the fact say if the thing stay there overnight, the next morning ehhn, na so the smell of the food particle go just combine with the smell of early morning mouth wey dem never brush, thereby producing one kind very strange and disturbing odor when i open mouth to talk. You know when person wake up for morning, na so your mouth go just dey ooze anyhow...then can you now imagine if you come get one kind little meat wey don rotten dey hide inside your mouth? Not kool at all. Not kool.

Anyways, at a point it became so unbearable that I had to go see the dentist. When I reach there ehn, as the man look inside my mouth finish, na so im ask me "when was the last time you went to a dentist"? (this na normal question dem dey ask everybody ohh...make una no come dey think say im been dey ask me such question cos my whole mouth don rotten finish..ha ha ) Then I replied to him "umm I cant remember...probably when I was like 10 yrs or so." Na so the man just look me with surprise like say I commit one kind major crime for not going to the dentist. After examining my mouth, na so my guy tell me say all my back teeth get hole and need refilling sometime soon...but that particular tooth wey carry me come there need major root canal. So I later went on to do the whole thing, and I was so relieved after the whole surgery. But I never go do the other ones shaa. I'm guessing I go do am when the hole don dey open well well. May God help me. As a typical Naija man wey I be, I’m not always proactive, and I don’t just know why :(

I decided to give this lil story of mine cos before I went to visit the doctor, I been tell my friends about this my problem....and to my greatest surprise, almost all my friends I told actually had the same problem too. Some told me they have taken care of it, while some talk say dem never go, but dem go soon go do their own, cos the thing don dey disturb them too. HA HA. I no go lie I was kinda releived when i been find out say no be only me dey waka around with rotten teeth inside mouth shaa :)

I think they major cause of this whole teeth thing na because we too dey take so much sugary things, and barely or seldom see the dentist. The only time we dey go dentist na when our mouth done rotten finish. I just wish we could be proactive about issues like this shaa. So that’s why I was thinking, if almost all my friends wey dey here get some form of teeth problem, and they have access to a dentist anytime here for obodo onyibo ohh.....Then what about my peeps wey dey Naija nko. Infact ehhn, majority of Naija peeps never go dentist before. The only time they've heard of the word “dentist” na either during primary school (remember those days dem dey teach us about different professions and stuff like that) or when dem hear the name from a friend or so.
Therefore left with me, I go even talk say that 44% na small sef. I fit guarantee you say that number suppose be like 80% or so. And if una think say I dey lie, then let’s start from this nawa4u community. Ok to all of una wey dey read this post, how many of una don go see dentist before huh? huh? I fit guarantee say na just very few people….including me…he he :)

One thing I know for sure be say at the end of the day, there's nothing kool about waking up in the morning and walking around town with a rotten teeth inside your mouth. And the worst be say na people like that go dey talk and laugh pass everybody. I remember when I never fix my teeth, na me been dey make noise pass nah (although I've always been a noise maker shaa). Na then we go wan open mouth dey laugh anyhow, without remembering say we dey expose other peeps to danger :(

(nigerian tribune)

UNCLE JONNY THE FACEBOOK STATUS UPDATER

So I'm sure some of you guys are friends with our uncle Jonny on Facebook. As in every once in two or three days, my guy dey update im status, telling the Nigerian people what he has achieved, about to achieve, and dreaming to achieve.


I remember when he opened a Facebook account, plenty Naija peeps been dey very happy, cos they felt we now have a happening Presido wey dey use technology dey communicate with im people. As in ehn, I sure say some people even been dey feel say one day, dem go get opportunity to even chat with uncle Jonny for online. At then, anything wey Uncle Jonny talk for im status, everybody go just dey “like” the status up and down, dey praise the guy like say im dash everybody for Naija N1 milla, or im don provide 24/7/ electricity. But for the past few months, guyzes don dey vex for Uncle Jonny due to his incapability of handling certain sensitive issues, especially when it comes to the security in the nation. Cos as far as I dey concern, our security dey very very naked and cold. So this has resulted to a lot of people getting so pissed off at him. And the whole fuel subsidy thingy didn’t even help issues. So these days, whenever our beloved presido updates his status, instead of seeing all the praise, na so so vexation comments go just full everywhere……as in PEOPLE DEY VEX EHH…..nothing just seems to work in the country, and someone def needs to be held accountable you know. And who else but the head nukka in charge, Uncle Jonny 

Anyways so as usual my guy posted this yesterday:

As we celebrate the brith of Jesus Christ this Christmas season, I want us all to pause for a while and consider what we are celebrating. We are celebrating the birth of Jesus and the commencement of His life of self sacrifice. Upon a further examination of the life of Jesus, we see that His life exemplified qualities that are needful in nation building i.e. concern for His nation, the world and future generations. He put the interest of His nation and humanity above His personal interest and made the ultimate sacrifice. Those of us who are Christians will recall that Jesus did ask us to follow His example and likewise consider the interest of others and our society. So, as we celebrate Christmas, this message should not be lost on us. Perhaps we should consider how best we can sacrifice today so that our families, our nation, our offspring and future generations can have a greater tomorrow. Nigeria is currently at a time in her national life where she requires sacrifice from all citizens in order that the wellbeing of future generations will be a thing of certainty not speculation. I assure you that the required sacrifice will start with me. Let our corporate sacrifice be our Christmas gift to future generations. I wish all Nigerians a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year in advance. May God keep you throughout this season and beyond. GEJ
 
Yeah and blah blah blah blah blah......Anyways the reason I posted this was because of a reply someone made to his status, and I had to LOL well well....
 
"You have lost the mandate to rule, please if you cannot overhaul your security apparatus,then just resign! we can be slaughtered every day like xmas turkey and u r speaking english."
HA HA BOYS ARE VEXING EHH......LOL......Naija peeps get bad mouth???!!!! lol.




And if this isnt the gayest pic from Uncle Jonny, then I dont know what is :(

WHY I HAVE BEEN M.I.A.........HA HA

Okay so here is the full detail/truth of why I have not been blogging often as before. Una don ready for this tory? Oya lets go thia.

So like about 3 weeks ago, there was this whole spam thingy that was spreading on facebook (I'm sure everyone of us encountered it somehow) and you see a lot of very nasty, and sometimes grusome pictures being posted on facebook. It was really bad and at a point I even come dey think say facebook don enter partnership with xvideos or Bangbros (thumbs up for those of you that know one of those sites..ha ha)

Yeah so one day as I opened my facebook at work (yeah i used to browse during work period...afterall no be only me dey do am jare) and someone sent me this very ridiculous picture of a guy’s pee-pee being covered with metal, and a padlock on it. As in the picture was so funny that I had to save it on my computer in order to blog about it later. Okay so here na where the whole f**k up begin. You see, whenever people send me pictures, or whenever I see any interesting pic that I would like to blog about, I usually download them and save it into my usb hard drive, then delete it from the computer (since na my office computer nahh). When I get home, I can then do the postings.

But this time when I saw this crazy picture, I saved it on my desktop, and was going to later transfer it to my usb drive by the end of the day. Unfortunately before the day was over, I had an emergency call from home, so I told my oga, and he let me leave early. So na im I immediately took my jacket and vamoosed out of the office like flash....and forgot to shut down my computer :(

So the next day when I been come office, I went to tell my boss how everything went…and when I was about to leave his office, na im my guy just call me "umm Alex please can you have a seat cos there's smth I would like to discuss with you about." Inside my mind I just dey ask myself "Chai wetin happen now ehh…wetin I don do ohh?" Then my guy come tell me "There was something very disturbing that we found on your computer and......" Immediately the man just talk that first sentence, inside me I was already saying "Chai my own don finish today ohh. God abeg come and take special intervention right now before this people decide to pursue me commot here." (you know say na when we enter serious quanta wey we go just remember God sharp well..ha ha how sad) Infact under that short period of time the man been dey talk to me, I no even been hear most of wetin im been dey talk cos my mind just been dey think of plenty things...and I been dey pray make God help me make I no break this man head for hia if he decides to give me the "Donald Trump finishing move"

Anyways, so after im talk finish, na im I come explain to am say na my fault, and that pic was there cos I run a blog and wanted to post it on my blog.....yes ohh, i had to explain that to him, before my guy go come dey think say I be one of those people wey dey addicted to all dem fetish, nasty and weird type of porn dem. (cos that pic was really disturbing shaa...I no go lie).
If no be say the man like me ehhn (because of my crazy and funny self), dem for don pursue me right there. Even the guy been use im mouth tell me self. So later that day, they now printed out a "company computer and telecom policy agreement" and made all the employees to sign it. And it clearly stated that any employee wey use the office computer or phone for a non-related business use, will be told bye bye :)

So since then ehhn, even to even use google (which we can legally use to search for addresses and certain ambiguous words) dey fear me die...ha ha ...i just dey do things jeje since then. I go enter work from 9am-5pm, and person no fit even check im mail...which is so frustrating cos come on, lets face it, every employee do use their work computers for non-work related stuff often during work time. Even some of my co-workers dey vex for me cos I don spoil their show too....I no blame them shaa..me too dey vex for myself, cos this na actually the first time for my whole 27 yrs wey i don become scape-goat, and ITS NOT KOOOL!!! Sometimes I go just dey ask myself "why I forget to turn off this computer nah? Why I come f**k up big time like this sef?" ...he he
Anyways so that’s the reason why I haven’t been blogging lately....and by the time I finish work for the day, me reaching house na usually around 7 or 8pm...and by then I don tire...and that no be time wey I go dey talk about blogging nah. And besides, I gotta spend time with the fam u know ;) .......and even when weekend reach, I no even get time cos I gotta catch up with all the activities and paroles wey dey go on.

But anyhow anyhow....BOYS MUST ALWAYS FIND A WAY EHH.....

So after all the emails from some "nawa4u" members, asking me why I never post anything since, or if I dey alive so...lol...I was so touched by the emails cos it made me see how much most of you guys appreciate this crazy blog of mine. And that’s why I'm back and I'm very very gingered. I'll be posting twice every week this time around. Make I no lie, i missed blogging too shaa.

As usual, nothing does you, me, us, them, they, their, those...ha ha...Merry Christmas to you all in advance, and God bless Naija/Africa.

WHAT PEOPLE WILL DO FOR MONEY

This happened in PH a couple of days back. People trying to go deposit a huge amount of cash in a bank, and all of a sudden armed robbers go just corner you for somewhere, and its a wrap!!!


What i'm just trying to say is that everybody's life is in danger in Naija, regardless of your status. Okay let’s look at it this way: If you get money, then you better believe that there are some people out there that would want to rob your a**, and even eliminate you at the end. If you work in our law enforcement sector, you can be targeted or set up at any point in time…and their life is even dey critical danger especially when dem carry that their kpai kpai kpai gun to go fight armed robbers wey their gun dey sound like doo doo doo doo doo doo. And na very special intervention go make you even survive such incident. And even if you be citizen nko, wey no even get money, your life is still in danger.

 Imagine you were the driver of this car, trying to go deposit cash in the bank along with the police? Imaging you were the female cashier in the back seat accompanying the driver and police to go deposit una oga money? So this na to show you say we all are in danger in that our beloved country called Naija. As in Human being dey die like chicken on a daily basis for that country......how sad :(

Monday, December 19, 2011

HE'S LOST HIS PEE-PEE....CHIEYAAA



So in Lagos, a father came home and saw a boy screwing his 20 year old daughter. And my guy got so aggravated and he beat the boy black blue. And he felt the beating wasnt enough, so he went ahead to matchette my guy, and finally used the same matchette and cut of my guys middle leg :(

But what we dont know is actually what happened though. Who knows maybe if the guy was really raping her, or maybe fear been catch her as her pupsi been see them, and she decided to save herself from trouble by saying that the guy been dey rape am?


Ogunbanwo was alleged to have sneaked into Akpati’s home when the victim was alone and forcefully Were Intimate with her. The father allegedly caught him on top of his protesting daughter.

The girl, it was gathered, was crying and attempting to free herself from him when her father came in. The father was so angry that he reportedly took a machete and cut Ogunbanwo all over his body, including his joystick.

Infact this story dey somehow jare.......Some questions really need to be asked. First of all if the guy been dey try to rape her, why couldnt she scream for help or smth....and they said the guy sneaked into the man's home....mind you dem no talk say the guy been break into the house ohh...or the guy been enter through window....so for him to have sneaked into the house, then no be person wey open door for am? or the guy na winch? nawa ohh.....Infact this girl story no just dey reason well for my brain jare. But if what she's saying is actually true, then na the guy go find trouble nah. Rape is one thing I do not tolerate, and a lot of women Naija are being raped on a daily basis, and no necessary/drastic measures have been taken in order to prevent these babaric act occur, as well as prosecuting these rapists, and putting them behind bars.

The accused was brought to court by the police to face the charges but when the presiding magistrate, Mrs. M. B. Folami, saw the pitiable state of the accused, she ordered the police to arrest the father of the victim (Akpati) and others involved in the battering of the accused and charge them to court for assault.

She explained that under the law, the accused is presumed innocent until found guilty, adding that nobody should be allowed to take the laws in his hands.

LOL LOL.....but yeah the nukka took laws into his own hands shaa. LOL. Umm but wait ohh... "accused is presumed innocent until found guilty" .........for Naija wey we dey so? since when? Cos the last time I checked, it was the other way round :)

At the end of the day, a p***y has been damaged for life (if it was actually a rape shaa) , a d**k was lost. Which kind news be this sef....Abeg my guys need to start controlling themselves juo....What ever happened to hand n' lotion ehhn sef...the safest and easiest way :)

(pmnewsnigeria.com)

AFRICAN PARTY I ATTENDED OVER THE WEEKEND......HA HA

So me, my younger bros, and one of my bad guyzes, Big Mike Aggrey.....we went to this Naija/Ghanain Party somewhere in Brooklyn this weekend. First of all it was like 20 degrees that night I swear. As in  the cold no been dey look anybody face ehh. So when we got there, the line was kinda long. But we come dey console ourselves say the line go move quick. After parking and going to join the line, na im my brother come remember say im forget im id card for house. So we had to come up with a plan. I gave him my id card to show the bouncer, and before he went in, he gave it back to me. I had to go stay at the back of the line, so that by the time the bouncer reach my turn, im go don forget say im been see that same id card some mins ago. and Yep, it did work..but the problem now na to enter. I'm sure some of una don go some kind clubs where dem go just dey only allow like 2 people to dey go inside every like 5 mins....and they always going to give an excuse like "there are a lot of people inside, and we waiting for people to leave out, before we let others in." Or "there are a lot of guys, so una go wait outside until babes start to dey come".....as in WTF?  So yeah the line was showing no sign of moving, and I was standing in the same spot for over 15, going to 20 mins ohh.....and mind u, the cold wey been dey that night ehhn...infact the cold been get teeth, dey bite person I swear.

And as I dey for line there, I ben dey vex die ehh, and so many things come dey run inside my mind. Things like: Why my brother even forget im id card, and I now have to go through all this for this kind non-friendly weather ke? Or why is it even cold like this in the first place. which kind nonsense be this sef? Or which kind useless club be this wey I come so? Or why am I even here in the first place sef?
No be small thing ohh. Na there you go know say cold fit actually dey get partial contact with person brain sometimes ohh. I'm sure people wey don experience severe winter could attest to what I'm saying.
Anyways after almost turing into an ice block outside, I come finally enter inside......I never even take like 3 steps inside, and behold, EVERYWHERE WAS SMELLING LIKE PUBIC HAIRS......esp the ones wey dem never wash :(

The hall was so big, and the place no even full half way sef. Na im I come dey wonder why in the world did those guys keep us outside that long? And also the fact say dem come dey sell fried rice like 6ft away from the toilet no come even help matters at all. Infact ehn, It was just one of those days that you find yourself in a place where you go start to dey question yourself like "WTF am I doing here?"  Damn that place was smelling ehh Its just one of those odors that should be regarded as "illegal". That sh** just messed up my weekend juo. Cos I really dont see why at this stage in life, a certain group of people still no know wetin be deodorant...and if you look well well, na those kind people wey dey like to dance pass everybody...dey open mouth and armpit anyhow :(

NAIJA CHILDREN AND ANAL SEX.......WHATTA!!!??





Not less than 12 percent of public secondary school students in Nigeria practise anal sex while 12.1 per cent of university students and 15.2 per cent adolescents in northern Nigeria engage in the act.

Shoooo.....As in anal sex ke? nawa ohh. You see ehhn, growing up as a little kid in naija now dey very very dangerous ohh. The length at which children dey learn bad bad things these days ehhn..its very alarming. I was so surprised to see say primary school children don dey f**k sef. Which is very very ridiculous. Back in our primary school days, we werent even thinking as far as chooking a girl sef.  You see "Tapping current" (the act of having some type of body contact with a girl, and acting like you no know wetin dey happen at the same time) was okay for us, and we were very satisfied with that. I remember those days for class wey when I sitdon with girl, and if our laps just dey touch each other (since na short nicker wey we dey were for school then), I go just dey very excited and aroused,...ha ha. That tapping current was enough for me, and I wasnt even thinking of anything more than that sef. But these days, its seems like tapping current is now for nusery school children...and the primary school children don graduate to chooking. What is this world turing into ehh?

You see here for Yankee, we Naija peeps dey see all these american kids as spoilt. why? Cos most of them start having sex during their teenage age....they even have boyfriends or girlfriends at that age, and their parents are aware of it (ha ha you fit imagine even person wey dey for SS3 for Naija dey go tell im papa say im get girlfriend? im chop krase? ha ha). In a nutshell, most are very open about their sexual activities. And I don notice say we Naija peeps like to dey criticize them pass. But the irony of the whole thing be say the kids in Naija are 100 times worse I swear. Parents dont even know what there kids do when they not around.

And to be honest I think these events will keep on going on due to the type of parent-children relationships we have in Naija. As for me, I don make up my mind say I go dey discuss with my children about everything that has to do with boy girl relationship and sex. This way dem no go dey hide dey do things behind my back. (although the cant sef, cos me be old soldier for all those kind things nah..he he) All those our old a** Naija parents think say na to dey enforce strictness wey go make their children not to do bad bad things...ha ha. Na the more reason why the pikin go wan go try am sef.....esp girls ;)

But this news need to be taken very serious ohh......If to say na just normal sex dem dey talk about, me no for dey surprised nah....But we talking bout anal sex right here...as in chooking in the nyash hole......thats some real disturbing sh** for real....

(nigerian tribune)

VICK.O.........THE GREATEST :)



You see I was one of the first people that was supporting this dude, even when everyone was making fun of him :)
This would have been a great interview, if not for this gial.....where in the world did they find her from. She just dey jabo my own Vick.O up and down. And wetin dey pain me pass sef be say uncle Vick.O just dey im own world. CHAI. See life ehh.

You remember when this guy's video came out, we were all wondering if he was joking, or he was for real. And I'm sure even till today, some people still dey unsure whether this guy really dey serious ehh. But as for me, I don make up my mind say this guy na one very delerious guy, and he sees life totally in a different way from us. This guy na genius in his own way ohh. And we can make fun of him as much as we want, but guess what? My guy still dey get our attention.....whether in a negative or positive way, whatever he's doing to us is working...ha ha
But yeah man, My guy Vick.O don dey go places ohh. Before una know now, one day una go hear say Vick.O dey come perform for New York. Infact that day ehhn, I go personally make sure say I buy front ticket seat. Only if the dude knew I was his number 1 fan :(

My favorite moments:
Hello Vick.O..........Hi :)
I'm not rich but I'm not hungry
I style like 2 pac
There are lot of thousand girls

I swear this guy go live long for us jare :)

Thursday, December 15, 2011

I DON SHOW I DON SHOW......

OKAY OHH MY BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE I'M OFFICIALLY BACK FOR REAL THIS TIME AROUND......AND EXPECT MY LATEST CRAZY POSTINGS THIS SATURDAY...........and I'll also confess why I havent been blogging for the past two weeks.....ha ha.



God bless all of us jare :)
Nothing does we Naija/African peeps...."always suffering and smiling" ha ha

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

CHAI......I'VE BEEN ABSENT OHH.....I DON DIE!!!!

ABEG ABEG ABEG MY PEOPLE MAKE UNA NO VEX JARE.........I haven't posted anything for almost going to two weeks. So many things have been going on for these past few days, and I've been trying to get some sh** together you know. My people no be small ohh....Infact If I start to dey gist una wetin happen to me ehhn, una no go believe. I actually made a quick surprise visit to Naija, and I was kidnapped over there. If no be say I be correct guyzes ehhn, these people for don use me get christmas money. Infact I go give una the full gist when I resume my postings this week ;)

But yea I promise I'll be back in full force by this thursday shaa.....AND TRUST ME, I GET PLENTY GIST THIS TIME AROUND EHH........Nothing does any of una.  Wish you all the best of luck.....AND WATCH OUT FOR MY POSTINGS BY THURSDAY.

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

NAWA OHH...........BOLOMBOLO IN THE MAKING :)


For this my nna bros mind nah, im don take picture with Nnenna Minaj. You see I no just understand some guys ohh. Cos you don see bolombolo, your brain go just dey malfunction anyhow.
After listening to so many different conversations over the past few yrs (and yes I was only listening ohh…I wasn’t contributing abeg..make my wife no come kill me juo...ha ha), im be like say Naija guys don dey like boobs pass nyash ohh. And if care is not taken, boobs go soon give nyash a run for its money…ha ha . Cos these days, na so so boobs wey guys just dey talk about whenever they gisting about women.
But make I no lie, afr
aid go dey catch me to take picture with this my aunty for here ohh. Cos the only thing wey I go dey think for my mind be say something fit just enter the babe head, and na so she go just turn to my direction, then come bite my ear or do something very nasty-scary to me :(

Umm..shooo...oops..looks like someone was using her keg as table platform shaa....Una no dey see something like salt untop am? They were probably using her bolombolo to lick the salt and lime after taking some tequila shots :)

umm but Dayum that’s some big a** boobs for real....Chai, only if the face could go through some major re-adjustments here n' there......then she go make sense wellu wellu.
Umm wait...whatta haeck did I just say? ehhhh..urggghhhhh...nnnaaahhhh.. Okay I take that back...maybe I should have replaced that "wellu wellu" to "somehow" or "kinda"
:)

FINAL OLIVER TWIST COMEDY VIDEO (CARTOON)....HA HA HA



Okay so you guys remember the Oliver twist animation that I posted here some weeks ago. Well the people that made it (AREA) just sent me their latest and last Oliver Twist series. After this one, they will start producing more comedy videos, which should be out in the next few weeks...I cant wait ehh :)

Anyways abeg make una check am out....I watched it, and all i can say is this: VERY FUNNY & CREATIVE. Double Kudos to this AREA people jare.

And also abeg make una check out their facebook page. This way, you will know who they are, and what they do. At least lets all support our fellow Naija peeps with talent and are using it for something positive.
http://www.facebook.com/ajiri.agborua/posts/110134109102012?ref=notif&notif_t=share_comment#!/pages/OurOwnAREA/197667290265388

HE HAS DONE IT AGAIN........

(pic of Uncle Femi with his last baby mummy)

Our Uncle Femi don give another of im dancers belle ehh. If I could recall, he just had a child like some months ago by one of his other dancers. And this is actually the 3rd dancer that he's planting his seed inside. Mehn this guy na very very strong man, and he shall live very very long ohh..he he. Just to let you guys know, our Uncle Femi already has 5 kids from 4 different women. Three of the ladies each have one, except for the igbo woman amongst them, Munachi, who has two kids for him (ha ha i guess that igbo punani got ma dude whipped…wont be surprised if the babe from Owerri or Enugu..ha ha ). And now this new one now go make am 6 children from 5 different women.


Anyways, as I said earlier, this man na really strong man, and im be like say my guy dey try beat im own pupsi record (although I dont even see that happening, but you never know..ha ha ) This is pretty interesting ohh....This na to remind una say elephant no dey born monkey ehh...like papa like pikin :)

Well I have nothing much to say, but to hail our Uncle Femi. Everyone has his own life to live, and my guy is definitely living it up jare. As long as money dey, nothing dey happen ehh. But my only problem be say it looks like he didnt learn anything from his father’s death shaa. What happened to protecting yourself with a rubber?

Ummm but wait a minute......No be this same guy wey been dey promote condom at some point back in da days for Naija? I guess someone has been saying one thing and doing another.
Anyways Femi nothing does you juo :)

Anyways RIP Fela....the greatest man to ever come out of Nigeria (in my own perspective shaa)

THE PIC SAYS IT ALL........


Looking at this picture alone, you no even need agbara Okija to tell you say something inappropriate dey happen inside that room, and these kids are up to no good too :)

Either dem dey watch one of their guyzes doing bad thing with one girl (make I talk like small pikin..ha ha ), or dem dey watch one naked girl sleeping....Or each person dey wait for their own set :)

This na one of those things wey most boyz suppose don experience somehow during our teenage period (and if you didnt, then sorry for you...cos ur time don pass) ha ha . I remember when I was like 14yrs or so, and I used to go to our boys quarters to go and watch our drivers acting yellow film. I been dey always look through the keyhole, and although I couldn’t see everything through that little hole…but hey, half bread is better than chim-chim ehh. But mehn this life ehhn...its just funny to remember how curious we were during our teenage age. Those days, to watch all those bad bad things go dey sweet us for body anyhow (whether on TV or live), but our only handicap be say we didnt really have access to the right resources you know. Except for some cable channels wey been dey try small during that period (shout out to all my people that used to watch Bravo channel for night back in da days) ha ha. And even when we did have access, somehow somehow there will be an older person (uncle, aunt, guardian, papa, mama, bros sis, nanny) for house wey go just kill our moral finish. And inside my mind, I'll be like "ohhhhhh make this guy commot here nah make I watch this yellow film with ease and happiness" :)

Oya ohh, Back to what I was saying. So even if I guessed wrong about what these guyzes are looking at, well one thing I know for sure for sure be say whatever they are looking at must be something very very interesting and intense too....and definitely something they are not supposed to be looking at. Even sotey dem don dey even touch each other for bodi sef....Nawa ohh.

And there's no way you can tell me that these boys aren’t up to something fishy...if not, person no for take this picture in the first place. And also looking at the scenario, you can see say na batcher house....and we all suppose know by now say nothing holy dey ever happen inside batcher house ;)


(ever watched or heard people having sex? Mehn that shit can make one mad horny ehh....ha ha)

Thursday, November 17, 2011

MINISTER OF INFORMATION KE!!.......WHERE DID THEY FIND THIS A**HOLE?????


Labaran Maku, the Minister of Information, has expressed concern over the increase in the number of social media in the country. Mr. Maku made the observation on Tuesday in Benin City during the meeting of members of the Nigeria Union of Journalist (NUJ) Constitutional Review Committee.
Represented by Kingsley Osadolor, a legal practitioner, Mr. Maku said the rise of social media in the country was a phenomenon that needed to be addressed as part of the constitutional amendment or in the nearest future. He said the revolution that was taking place in Egypt, Syria, Libya and other Arab states was as a result of the reports dished out by the social media.
Mr. Maku warned that the increase in the number social media might result in some traditional journalists losing their jobs.
``What business should the social media have with the NUJ? That is an important phenomenon that needs to be considered,'' he said.

Umm... I think this has to be one of the dumbest comments ever made by any Naija Minister...especially when you are a Minister of Information for that matter.


So my question is this: "How the hell did this pant become an information minster???? You see this is what happens when you give people positions which they have no experience whatsoever in. Only in Naija you will see a medical doctor being appointed as a Minister of finance, or an accountant being appointed as a minister of health...how the heck does these things relate to each other for freaking goodness sake? Majority of these ministers are given positions that are not related to their field in any way. Just beacuse you want to put your person in the system doesnt mean you should give them any sensitive position, which they have no idea/experience in. This is one of the reasons sh** doesn’t work in that country.

For a whole Minister of Information to come out and say such fuckery...that’s just Ludacris for real. Or this tout no know say na actually im Oga, uncle Johny, wey dey even use social media pass us self. Everytime my guy dey for Facebook laying out one agenda/economic policies or the other. I remember that first time when our lovely uncle Johny opened a facebook account and started putting up positive and optimistic status, everybody go just dey hail am, and praising him for his ideas and plans to make Nigeria great once again. But since people have realized that he's all "talk and no action," na so guyz don dey vex nah. These days whenever he puts up a status, na so people go dey curse am from left right center. Well Uncle Goody, I guess you cannot blame us for all the negative comments on your facebook status shey? Cos no be motivational speech wey we go chop. We need actions jare.

And this fool dey there dey talk about NUJ (Naija union of Journalists)...I never even knew that body still existed sef. The last time I even heard name was probably in my social studies class in primary school. Well  I'm guessing afraid don dey catch these our so called leaders cos they know say one day one day, we Naija people will come out and say "enough is enough." (I dont know when that day will come shaa). You see I was a huge fan of Uncle Johny and I believe he was the chosen one that will change Nigeria for good. But I'm beginning to change my mind small small. So far, there have been no major changes since he entered office, instead things are even getting worse in our beloved country. And the fact that he has surrounded himself with stack illiterates like this one right here, doesn’t even help matters.

Minister of Information ni!!....what a douchebag.....smchew :)

(234next.com)

BEFORE AND AFTER......WETIN UNA THINK???


 So this Nollywood actress Rukky Sanda (I've never even heard of this chick till today sef) underwent a plastic surgery....and she went on to twitter to defend herself about her decision.
Okay so before I used to be against people doing plastic surgery, implants, lipo and every other surgeries in order to make them look good and appreciate their body. I remember me and my wife used to argue about this topic. But over the years, I've changed my opinion and decided not to judge people. Yes we should all be happy with the way God made every one of us, but at the same time, I now feel there's nothing wrong in trying to correct a particular part of your body, especially if it's something that makes you feel uncomfortable with the way you look. Lets be for real here, I'm sure most of us have one particular part of our body that we would change, if we were given the opportunity to do so. I feel one of the worst things that can happen to anyone is not being comfortable with your own body/looks, which inturn, makes you always self conscious and inferior (esp when you surrounded by correct guyzes and girlzes). So if you have the money to correct that particular flaw of yours, then why not nah? Or will you continue to remain self conscious and mad at your body/looks for the rest of your life? for wetin nah. If you not happy with yourself, then I wonder what you gonna be happy about then. As for me, if to say I get one particular part of my body that I dont like, I go change that thing if I get money...but unfortunately I dont. So thankGod I dont have to deal with such problem..he he

Well back to what I was saying.....So this was what she recently posted on her twitter account. (And speaking of twitter account, I'll soon be opening one ohh....thanks to all the pressure from my friends. So I'll let you guys know when I open one...and abeg make una follow me. This way you will be getting the latest stuff about all the crazy sh** that be going through this my brain on a daily basis)







Umm okay ohh aunty Rukky take am easy...nobody dey fight you nah. Yes I totally support what you saying. But in my own perspective, I believe it only becomes a sin when:
AFTER A PLASTIC SURGERY , YOU COME OUT LOOKING MORE LIKE A POTENTIAL BAD GUY FOR A HORROR/SCI-FI MOVIE."  Now thats from fryingpan2fire. ha ha

This is my advice to my people who are thinking of doing some type of surgery in the future: If you cannot afford a reputable/experienced plastic surgeon, then fogerrrrit. Cos you dont wonna come out of that operating room loooking like our aunty Rukky. You dont wonna have that reaction when they give you a mirror to look at your new self, and immediately inside your mind, you gonna be like WHAATTAA F**K??. But at the same time you go dey console your self, saying "Its not bad shaa." And you try to convince or force yourself to like it. But you know deep deep deep inside your mind, you still saying WTF DID I JUST DO?!!... ha ha.  I'm sure we've all had this type of "consoling ourselves" experience before in various incidents. I usually get this mostly when I get a haircut that I dont like. ha ha

Anyways I felt she was a very fine chick before the surgery. Dont you guys think so? But now, I think she's more of a beautiful man..ooops sorry I mean she-male, after the surgery :)
Aunty Rukky abeg no mind wetin these haters dey talk. Carry go. Nothing do you and your plastic face jare.

MY PARTY PICS...YEAH THATS HOW I ROLL!!!

Yeah so remember last month I told you guys I was going to throw a big birthday party for me and my wife, and I was going to post the pics here later. Well, I was hoping to capture some great moments during the party, but unfortunately I was too high and tipsy to even know where my camera was...ha ha I just luv me eh. So these are some of the few pictures which my wife took with here iphone (yeah iphone is the sh** and I hope to get one sometime when I grow up. f**k BB ..ha ha)

Anyways the party was so much fun. I had over 100 people show up. ThankGod I have a loft apartment which was able to accomodate all that amount of people. One of my celebrity neighbors brought some of his celebrity friends who were actors...We had two DJs, and I gave them some of the latest Naija songs to play during the party, and they were loving the songs. Sotey one of the Dj's came up to me and told me to download all my Naija songs from my laptop for him, cos that was the first time he was hearing Nigerian music, and he was going crazy over our songs. Shekpe just full everywhere and people just dey shayo dey go. both guyzes and girlzes ohh. I even set up my two big hookahs, and people were just smoking that thing like say tomorrow no dey. Infact at a point I dont think there was any sober person in the building (except my wife I believe). Almost everyone was intoxicated...and una already know what comes next after drinking a lot shey.....Horniness/Hunger :)  Yeah thats right...cos according to my law, the more you drink, the hornier/hungrier you get ;)  A lot of people began to show their true colors when that alcohol began to kick in their system. Boyz their eyes just dey red anyhow where dem dey find woman. Even the women too their eye come dey show green light too. But yeah its just crazy to see wetin alcohol fit do person eh. That sh** can make you become the boldest nukka in town eh...ha ha

At the end of the day, It was such a great party, and everyone started telling me to throw another one for the new years eve. Na im I just dey laugh inside my mind dey talk "this people think say na to dey throw party wey I come do for obodo onyibo shey? When I never find money wey I go even use buy ticket to go Naija, then na to throw another party in less then 3 months shey?"  We Naija people too like grooving jare. Even some of my foreign friends came up to me and where like "Damn you guys know how to party for real." HA HA. You gotta love us ehh!!
Anyways click below to see the pics....nothing does any of una jare (yeah and thats me after the party with my own personal cake...yeah I'm greedy like that)

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

MUST READ...VERY VERY TRUE!!!

I just saw this post online, and I found it very interesting and worth reading. This is because its pretty much sums up everything that I always say, when it comes to Obodo Onyibo. This is definitely something that we Naija peeps should read (esp those ones trying to come down here)  Anyways enjoy :)


Are you thinking of migrating to the United States?


Written by Sabella Ogbobode Abidde


Whether you believe in the Biblical account or in the evolutionary theory of creation, humans have always migrated. In other words, migration has always been part of the human experience. Migration can be internal or across borders. Over time, we have seen several migration patterns. In Africa for instance, there was the Bantu migration; and in Europe, there was the Serb and the Irish migrations, including the German’s eastward expansion that is generally referred to as the Ostsiedlung Migration. In the United States, there was, between 1910 and 1970, the exodus of African-Americans out of the Southern Belt to other regions of the country.


And why do people migrate? Well, there are several sociological theories that attempt to explain migration. Nonetheless, there are two basic hypotheses that explain this phenomenon: the pull and push factors of migration. Simplified, the pull theory says there are factors abroad that pull people to leave their homeland, i.e. uniting with spouse or other family members, and also, the prospect of economic and social opportunities abroad. On the other spectrum are the push factors, i.e. escape from political and other forms of persecution, ecological disasters, wars and searing poverty at home.


In more recent times – and especially in the case of Nigeria – people migrate because of the shrinking political and economic space; and also because of the searing poverty and the wanton lack of government services that have come to characterise Nigeria. In the last three decades, at least, Nigeria has become a very difficult place for the young, the restless, and the enterprising to realise their goals and ambition. At the very least, the cost of realising such goals and ambition gets exorbitant and frustrating every passing year. Why, the argument goes, would any sane person want to remain in a country that stifles dreams and ingenuity? You remain, it seems, only if you want your life and your talent, wasted.

Between 1950 and 1980 or thereabout, the most popular destination for Nigerians wishing to migrate outside of the African continent was the United Kingdom. There are several reasons for this; but the most obvious reason was Nigeria’s colonial ties with Great Britain. And within the West African-sub region, it was Ghana. Again colonial linkage comes to play. Even today, it is reasonable to say that Ghana is the preferred destination for Nigerians who seek refuge abroad. Outside of the continent, however, the United States of America seems to have replaced Britain. There are several reasons for this. However, the most obvious is the fact that the US offers more economic, political and social opportunities.

There are historical documents to show that for centuries people have been flocking to the US to seek sanctuary. Others came in search of a better life. In all, there have been four waves of migration: from 1600 or thereabout until 1820; the second wave began in the 1820s through the 1870s. But, the heaviest period of migration was from the 1880s through the 1920s when an estimated 25 million immigrants made the US their home. The fourth wave began in 1965. In the case of Nigerians, it is safe to say that the migration, in very high numbers, began in the 1980s. And it hasn’t abated.

In spite of the allure of the US, life is not as rosy and as smooth as prospective immigrants think. That is to say that life in America is not as is sometimes portrayed to those Nigerians who dream of crossing the oceans, or the Sahara Desert, to this part of the world. There are two Americas. For a good number of Nigerians, life in America can be tough; it can inflict both physical and mental pain. For many of us, it can be disorienting. It weighs on the soul and saps ones energies. It is neither a painting nor a picture; but more like a series of never-ending nightmares. For the lazy, the unlucky or the unrealistic ones, life in America can be likened to a whirlwind of shattered dreams or unmet expectations. For these unfortunate ones, life in America can become a source of sadness, deep-seated anger and mental depression.

On the other continuum is the second America: a land of inexhaustible opportunities. It is indeed the land for those who are daring and have the courage to extend frontiers. It is the land that rewards those who work hard and smart. It is the land that rewards those who persevere and keep going even when they fail. It is the land of law and order, of those who believe in due process. America is the land of God and gods, a land for the believers and non-believers. It is the land of dream merchants, of fabulists, tale-spinners; and of the high and low achievers. It is also the land of pipedreams, broken dreams and untold anguishes.

From my own vantaged point, there are four types of Nigerians here: those who are truly living the American Dream; and the middle incomers who live a steady but banal lifestyle. But the vast majority of Nigerians live almost on the margins: no extra disposable income, no fat bank account or investment portfolios, and no annual vacation to top tourist destinations. But for the grace of extra income, they’d fall off the slope. And finally, there are those Nigerians, for whom life can be cruel.

When very many Nigerians come home on their periodic visits, they do so, in many cases, after several months and/or years of financial planning. They have to because they have bills to pay. And in the 2-4 weeks they spend in Nigeria, they have to be sure they do not overspend, otherwise, they’d go broke. And you never ever want to be broke in Nigeria (if you are visiting from America). Not quite a secret but let me tell you: Most Nigerians I know would rather return home permanently. But many can’t. Others won’t. In the minds of many, how to contend with uncertainties of electricity, potable water, fetid environmental conditions, armed robbers and many other deficits, is the nagging question. For instance, many know that dogs and cats in rural Alabama receive better medical care than most human beings in Nigeria.

And so, as you plan and prepare to migrate, you must critically and carefully weigh all your options. Do you want to leave the familiar for the unknown? Do you really want to? There are several great things about America, i.e. security and the availability of human needs (water, education, healthcare, food, etc). But are you ready to live in a country that can be lonely and individualistic? There are many things the average Nigerian values, but he or she will not find those things in the US. And are you ready to leave all that you know and love and cherish to start life all over again? Frankly, if you have attained certain status, it might not be wise to migrate. Just visit, if you can.

May I also say that if you have very low tolerance for failures and mistakes, it might not be wise for you to migrate. If you think the world owes you, or have low tolerance for abuse and disappointments, you might as well not migrate. In the end though, nothing I or anyone else says matters. The decision to migrate – to engage in a journey that can be unpredictable – is basically yours. We all must go in search of our dreams. For some of us, our dreams lie at home; but for others, it can only be found overseas. At home or abroad…good luck!

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

OH YES....I BELIEVE SHE DID IT........HA HA



A 51 year old Nigerian-born UK resident nurse, Omolayo Abayomi, has had her Nurse's licence withdrawn by the UK Nursing and Midwifery Council for throwing her hands into the air and begging for Jesus to help, as a baby she was supposed to be taking care of suffered a heart attack.

According to Daily Mail UK, Omolayo Abayomi 'panicked' when the child, who suffered from a chronic lung disease, turned blue and stopped breathing in his cot at home. The nurse called for divine intervention more than 20 times before the vulnerable boy's mother told her to 'shut up'.
The nurse was constantly saying "Jesus help him" and waving her arms around,' a hearing was told.

ATTENTION to all my Naija peeps in Naija:

When you about to travel out of Naija in order to go find greener pastures in the Western world, you better drop some of your ridiculous religious beliefs back at the airport.....cos dem sh** wont save your a** once you cross that Atlantic ocean.

You a freaking resident nurse and you see your patient dying, and instead of you to take necessary measures in order to prevent further disaster... u dey there dey call God name. Like he's gonna come down and perform a miracle, just cos your lazy a** didn’t know what to do? Ofcourse there are some situations where you have no option but to leave it to God to take care of (after you have done your own part ohh). But I dont know why we just have this mentality that God must come down and do every freaking thing for us. Then why did he give us brain then? He might as well have put fufu inside our brain nah...or made us all airheads. But he knew that if he didnt give us brain, we go just become his parasites forever....which unfortunately most of us still are :)

At least if she tried to act fast and take necessary measures in order to help the child survive, then I'm sure this wouldn’t have been news. But the woman dey there dey call God for expedited intervention. And I could just imagine how she was doing it too. Probably closing her eyes, walking up and down the room, snapping her fingers, making very serious/ugly facial expressions, praying loud and spicing the whole room up with saliva (such a typical Naija prayer format)

Anyways time don reach wey we gats dey use our brains for real. No be every small thing wey happen wey we go just dey call God up and down. I wasn’t surprised when I saw this tho. This is what you expect when you can get a Doctor or nursing degree in Naija in just a few yrs, when compared to getting it in the western world. We got no adequate training whatsoever. Instead to hand out degree na the only thing we sabi. So why wouldn’t she start praying to God, since she doesnt know WTF she's was gonna do.

For Naija ehnn, when you see some of these so called doctors or nurses, and when they open their mouth and speak, sometimes I'm like "how da f**k did this nukka get his degree for Christ sake?" I remember when I was in secondary school, I had this crazy pain on my lower left part of my stomach. And when we went to see the doctor, do you know my mum didnt even finish telling him my experience, and this doctor immediately concluded "Its appendix and we will take him to the operating room asap, because the thing is deadly" ?????????????? Mind you no test whatsoever was taken on me ohh...and the guy don already conclude say na appendix. If no be say I'm lucky to have a smart a** mum, dem for don go tear tear my belle finish that same day... all in the name of appendix kwo? But she was hesitant and we later found out it wasn’t even anything close to appendix. It was just an unusual stomach pain.

Its so painful to see that we are brought up in a society where we dont wonna use our brains to take certain decisions anymore. Instead we feel God is always there to do smth for us...NA NUKKA. Sh** doesnt work like that. And trust me, that’s one of the major things killing us in Naija. This woman don go fall our hand for thia now. Well If she’s a citizen, then she go enjoy some good time for Jail. But if she’s a non-British citizen, then she should be happy cos she will be getting a free transportation to the airport, and a free flight back to Naija. How lucky she will be..especially now wey ticket fare dey very expensive :)

GUYZES ARE VEXING EHH.............


Congrats to the one and only Duncan Mighty. My guy just purchased a Rolce Royce Phantom, and marked it with a plate number "PH 1st SON"

Nothing does you jare. Enjoy ur life. Afterall you worked for it. But this life dey funny ohh. This was a guy that a few yrs ago, he had absolutely nothing. This goes to show you that you should never look down on anyone. Today you can be nothing, and the next day, you don blow scatter.

When I was in Naija in March, I had the opportunity to meet this dude one day in PH, for one of my guyzes studio..... I remember him telling us he was just coming from gov't house, and Governor Amaechi gave him N150 milla, in order to organize the concert in PH which he brought in all the famous Naija artists to come perform. He's indisputably one very talented artist, mad mad kool, and very humble too. That was the day I even found out that he actually produces his own songs. Which means he makes his own beats, writes his own freaking songs and produces it all by himself. Therefore the more money in the bank for him :)

And I can guarantee you that this is the only guy in PH that can come out and drive this Rolce Royce in PH with no security whatsoever…and no one will even think of kidnapping or harming him. Why? Cos he's loved by everyone in PH. You need to see the way people luv this guy in PH ehh. Even during the concert night, the crowd was trying to fight the security guys and cause serious wahala. Different People came on stage trying to calm the crowd, but they got even more violent. But immediately they went to bring Duncan Mighty to come out and talk to them….mehn everybody just listened to him. I remember when he came out on stage to address the angry crowd, the first thing he said was “If I do you do you” then the crowd just went bananas and replied “if I do you wrong before, sorry ehh, I no dey perfect ehh.” Mehn that shit just made everyone calm down. That sh** was so powerful and it really gave me an insight of how influential musicians are. It was just a memorable night for real. So as I was saying, my guy is really PH 1st son ehh, and he’s good to go eh.

Keep up the good work and keep on making hit songs for us to dance to juo. God bless you my man...with your crazy crazy crazzzzzzy looking self :)

OUR NORTHERN BROTHERS GOING GREEN......HA HA !!

So since our government have been unable to take care of its people, I'm guessing some guyzes don dey go find various measures in order to make ends meet. And our northern brothers have once again proved to us that for the fact say you dey see most of them dey do meguard/aboki/indomie/tea...that no mena say dem be dummies ohh...ha ha   So some people came up with a plan to build a house with bottes..........!!!!?????????? yea u heard me right..bottles..as in all those coke and eva wine bottle them wey all of una dey drink dey throway anyhow ;)

“This is the first house in Africa built from bottles, which could go a long way in solving Nigeria’s huge housing need and cleaning the badly polluted environment,” project initiator Christopher Vassiliu said during a tour of the building.

Okay ohh....Bottle house ke? Ha ha ..I like how they trying to make it look like "yeah bottle house is gonna be the koolest thing in years to come."  Like say the house will be looking so modern and ajebo-ish shey? Imagine someone telling you "I live in the bottle house estate." I dont know bout u guys, but as for me, my response go be "bottle gini? WTF are you talking about"
Anyways great concept tho...and this na the kind things wey suppose be news jare..at least smth positive...kinda :)   Good to see that some of our people are using their brain for smth positive.
But at the end of the day, its still a freaking "bottle house" Kudos to whoever brought about this idea juo..nothin did you :)

(ca.news.yahoo)

RECENT RELIGIOUS VIOLENCE IN THE NORTH!!

OK I THINK ITS HIGH TIME NAIJA SHOULD BE SEPARATED. Cos nothing positive has come out of Nigeria. Instead its been religious conflicts here and there, claiming hundreds of thousands of innocent lifes. If nothign has been done to stop these various religious violence over the years, then I dont think anything will work now. Therefore In order to save the lifes of innocent people and stop this whole religious crisis, I hereby support the division of Naija...make everybody do dey go im papa house jare....before these people use all of us do suya. Afterall no be by force say two people wey no like each other must continue to live under one roof....this is just absolutely ridiculous. A country where life is worth  nothing...what a shame!!

Friday, November 4, 2011

ONLY IN NAIJA EHH........

(Shout out to my sis, chichi Orji for providing this crazy a** pic)

Animal Cruelty...check!! Over loading....check!!  Fuel exposure....check!!
 Okay ohh.....people wey dey go village….I don see una nah. And I can guarantee u say if u look inside that moto, you go see nothing less than 7 humans sitting in various uncomfortable styles, but I bet they happy shaa.......with an extra ram on someone’s lap.


One of the major problems about Naija is that we have zero safety measures. Every time, na so so gov't we go dey blame for everything. But the honest truth be say we too no dey help ourselves at all. The last thing you will see in any Western world is a car that is terribly overloaded...talkless of even having an animal inside boot. Why won’t our cars life span be too short, when we dey pack things wey heavy pass the car, inside the car itself? Now if this car come get some kind of serious accident, or fire come catch am, everybody go come out dey cry, dey talk say na devil.......as usual.

My peeps as much as I put some of these pics for fun, but at the same time we should be aware that most of these crazy stunts we be pulling in Naija is very dangerous, and a lot of people have died as a result of having that "I dont care" or "nothing go happen" or "God dey" attitude. Abeg if you dey Naija, and u see an overloaded bus or car, no enter ehh. Cos if we keep on having this "God is in control" attitude, then a lot of us will continue to disappear from the face of the Earth very early. Afterall heaven dey help those wey dey help themselves jare. You cannot put all this sh** in your car, and have the nerves to open your dirty a** mouth to tell me "God is in Control" THAT'S SOME SERIOUS BULLSH** FOR REAL!!

Sometimes I dey tire for we Naija peeps ohh.....U know say u dey do smth wey fit cost u ur life, but yet you dey talk say “God is in control” ke? Other people that have died through accident as a result of things like this....who been tell u say God no love them too? So what makes you think u special, and believe say Angel Michael dey for front of your car with sword, then Garbiel, Uriel and Raphael dem go dey for back and corners dey protect your wrecked a** car? Cos u don turn to Daniel for den shey?

That saying "Common sense is not common.” Na now I dey see say that quote really make sense, and I think it should become a subject that should be taught in all our educational institutions across Naija. Hopefully this way, we will slowly eliminate the ignorant and animalistic/babaric behavior that most of us possess.

And I'm pretty sure that ram was like "make dem kukuma come kill me nahhh..which kind extra torture be this one ke?...f**k this sh** jare.  ha ha

TIRED OF ALL THESE FAKE A** PASTORS.....WTF???



You see my people, e dey very very unfortunate say majority of we Naija peeps still dey fall for this type of sh**. You secretly hire some people to come to your church, and they start acting like wild dogs...all in the name of "holy spirit dey catch them." WTF is wrong with people YO!! No be today this thing start, but yet people still dey believe all these bullsh**. Don’t get me wrong ohh, I'm not saying there are no real situations like this out there ohh. But just as I always say, 99% of Naija pastors are all full of BULLSHIT!!!!..and yes i fully spelt the whole word this time around, cos thats what they truly are.....PURE FRAUDSTARS. Infact I would prefer a Yahoo person any day over these stupid a** self-proclaimed pastors.


What even amazes me the most is that even when some of these fake pastors have been exposed, you will be expecting to see a lot of people leave the church. But lye lye ehh. That’s even when some people will support the pastor to the fullest sef. A pastor is being exposed for either having sex with the married women in his church, all in the name of spiritual uplifting. Or he stole money, or he was using charms....and mind you, there's full evidence to show that he actually committed the crime ohh. But yet you will see grown ass people that should be able to tell whats right and wrong, coming out to support him. And the crazy thing is that most of these people claim to have travelled far and wide, well exposed, got all types of educational degrees and sh**. But yet dem go dey fall zombie just for the basic stuff that even a 5 yr old can figure out. I dont just get it.

For Naija, if you no go church on Sunday, people go dey look you like say you be devil himself. We are so caught up with this whole religion thing that it has really eaten our brains badly. Some people never miss Sunday church service before sef...and yet anytime you see them, nothing has changed in their freaking life. You see them wear same sh** to church every Sunday (with no deodorant on them) they not moving forward...instead they looking hungrier than ever. Why? COS THEY GIVING THEIR WHOLE FREAKING MONEY TO THEIR SO CALLED PASTOR, who inturn, uses it to buy a Hummer jeep and living the good life. And later these so called pastors go stand for pulpit and open their rusty mouth and preach to you that "you shouldn’t focus on the material things of the world." REALLY? LIKE REALLY SON???

Infact I no wan start to vex this Friday, make this whole issue no come mess up my weekend jare :)   It just sucks to see how easy our people can be manipulated by these thugs called pastors, all in the name of Christ. Infact you know what? I think I'll have to make some trips to a couple of Naija churches next time I go back. And I can’t wait for the pastor/prophet/bishop/apostle to call me out to prophesy to me, (U know say dem like to dey target any new member wey come) and anything wey im tell me, I go just dey tell am "my friend I dont think you are getting your prophecy right. The one I can’t even wait for am to happen na if im make mistake wan touch my head or touch me in general all in the name of “trying to put the holy spirit in me”....I will so slap the living sh** out of his hand. And I'm very serious about this ohh...cos it’s about time somebody needs to use one of these a**holes to set an example.

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

THE ADVANTAGE OF OBODO ONYIBO.....PART 3 !!!!!

HA HA .....to be honest tho, this is so so so true. I guess that’s one of the biggest benefits of we Naija (African) peeps coming to live/school in Obodo onyibo. Over the years, I've always wondered why the Western world really makes we Naija peeps look very fresh whenever we get a chance to go live/study over there. Is it their food? Or their weather? Or their lack of hardship? I'm thinking it’s all of the above shey ;)


Okay you think say I dey just wan talk? Alright then, think of all the crazy looking people that you knew back in secondary school...and this includes peeps who's faces look rumpled, or peeps that look like they malnourished, or peeps that look like they be doing farm work on a 24/7 basis. When these peeps manage to travel to Obodo Onyibo (esp Yankee & Jand) and spend a couple of years there…..when they come back to Naija, I swear you can def tell the difference. Even sef it’s so obvious that if a person enter Naija now and walk on the street, people can def. tell that you just came from Obodo Onyibo. I remember when  me and two of my guyzes from Yankee came back to Naija in February, everywhere we went to, people go just dey look us...people go dey call us Yankee boys, while some guys go dey call us sweet looking boyz (u see if no be say I know say our Naija guys no mean am in a gay way, I for don seriously ask them who dem dey call "sweet looking"…cos that’s so gay….ha ha ). Although I no go lie, sometimes we spoke in Yankee accent (una know say me be truth talker nah) But trust me, it was very unintentional...and I dont mean speaking in slangs like calling water, "warer" ohh….abeg abeg abeg I’m not into such fake life jare. But that wasnt the case, cos even when we went to clubs, some bold peeps will come up to us and ask if we from Yankee. So I’m guessing its more of the looks and swag....he eh

So I decided to ask some of of my peeps for Naija how dem dey take identify person wey just come back from Obodo Onyibo. While a few were giving blah blah answers like “wearing earrings or having tattoos (which I felt was ridiculous, cos nowadays so many guys for Naija dey wear earrings, and a lot of females and males don dey get tattoo….and yet these people have never travelled outside Naija) majority of them said "na the freshness of the skin and facial looks too…. HA HA

As much as this is mad funny, it’s still true talk tho. But I just find it amazing how some peeps for Naija go fit identify person wey just dey come from Obodo Onyibo shaa. No be small talent be this ohh :) Well, a perfect example would be me (u know I love cracking jokes at myself sometimes) When I came to school here in 2003, I was looking all skinny and crazy looking, and by the time I went back to Naija for Christmas in 2004, I looked totally different. Even all the guys that looked big and buff back in secondary school days, now looked like little kids to me. Even me sef come dey fear myself eh, cos I really did change drastically (thanks to the food, gym and facial hair..ha ha) I believe its def. the hormones they put in their food that makes peeps get big and mature quick tho. Cos then in my 1st yr of college, almost all the American kids that were my age don already get bia-bia full for their face...and me still dey do night vigil just to even get at least one strand for my chin. Na so I just dey greet some of these guys, without knowing say I be either their mate, or I even senior them sef. But later shaa, I come dey believe myself jare..boys come dey mature well, dey big, dey fine wellu wellu. Im no mean say I no been fine when I been dey Naija ohh. I’ve always been a fine bomboy, but I just needed something in order to bring out the main beauty in me…..wink wink.

Isnt it so funny how when some peeps go back Naija, dem no go wan stay under sun for even 5 mins. And when you ask them why? Dem go tell you “cos it will make them dark, and thereby losing the freshness of their skin.” As much as I understand where they coming from, but at the end of the day, I still find such reasoning very pathetic.

Anyways I still believe that the Western world is one of the toughest place to live (esp Yankee and Jand) and I always try as much as possible to let my friends know this, but yet most of dem no wan believe, and dem wan come see am for themselves (and I no blame them at all shaa). And trust me, I'm planning on moving back to Naija by the middle of next yr. (cos believe it or not, the best place to make money faster is in Naija). But one thing I know that any Naija/African person will benefit from the western world is the availability of excellent social amenities, as well as their food, and their weather.

ATTENTION: These changes I dey talk about actually depends on the individual ohh....cos most times if you a really crazy looking individual...even if u like, make you live for Yankee for 100 yrs.....U AINT CHANGING SH**. You still gonna be the same crazy looking guy everyone knows. And even when you tell peeps say you just dey come from Obodo Onyibo, dem no go believe u ehh. Matter of fact, im get the way you go even tell people say you from Yankee, and dem go even beat you join sef….cos dem go feel say you dey play with their intelligence…ha ha

Once again, Thank you Obodo Onyibo for actually bringing out the hidden beauty in some of us. And If you one of those people, can I hear a YAY :)

And If u one of those peeps living in Obodo Onyibo (esp for more than 2yrs) and you still havent had any drastic change in your looks in general...well, I'm sorry….cos its never gonna happen then :(
But wait I think you should still say YAY shaa….cos bad as im bad, at least you should be grateful that you are in obodo onyibo too. So lets say YAY to that ;)

NAIJA HALLOWEEN...SHOOO

So last 2 days was Halloween. I used to celebrate it back in my University days, but ever since I've been with my wife, she has prevented me from not celebrating it, since she doesnt believe in it and stuff like that. And I see where she's coming from shaa, so therefore I've decided that me and my family will not be celebrating Hallowen in any way. Be it dressing up or going out for trick or treating. Although when Halloween comes, I usually wish I could dress up shaa :(

 Anyways so I saw a lot of crazy costumes and sh** that night. ThanksGod my apt. complex has a buzz door, so this way I didnt have to bother about kids coming into the building and knocking on my door.... doing the whole "trick or treat..aksing me for candy and blah blah blah blah.
Anyways so two Naija peeps decided to do show us their own halloween costume. And after seeing this picture the only thing I gotta say is

"WHY DO WE NAIJA PEEPS LIKE TO DEY CARRY THINGS GO ANOTHER LEVEL?".....ha ha  

I'M NOT SURPRISED ONE BIT!!!!

You see even if I'm to go to a church in Naija, It def. has to be a church owned by nobody....good example would be like an Anglican church or so.
Cos as far as I dey concerned, 99% of all these new generation churches are all FUCKERY
FUCKERY......... FUCKERY........................... as in F**KING
FUCKERYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!

Friday, October 28, 2011

WTF IS THIS SH** ???????????


(shout out to Victor Ogolo for providing this disturbing pic)





And NAFDAC actually approved this?











OYA THAT'S IT. I'M DONE BLOGGING....WTF YO!!!

ABEG WETIN YOU GO DO??....MY GUYZES AND GIRLZES :(


(shout out to Tobiloba Lawal for providing this very interesting post)

This is a true story about a recent wedding that took place in Lagos. This was a huge wedding with over 300 guests. After the wedding at the reception, the groom got up on stage and took the microphone to talk to the crowd. He said that he wanted to thank everyone for coming, many from long distances, to support them at their Wedding. He especially wanted to thank the bride's and groom's families for coming and to thank his new father-in-law for providing such a fabulous reception. To thank everyone for coming and bringing gifts and everything, he said he wanted to give everyone a special gift from just him. Taped to the bottom of everyone's chair (even the chairs of the wedding party) was a manila envelope. He said that was his gift to everyone, and told everyone to open their envelopes. Inside each manila envelope was an 8x10 picture of his best man having sex with the bride. (He had gotten suspicious of the two of them and hired a private detective to trail them weeks prior to the wedding.) After he stood there and watched the people's reactions for a couple of minutes, he turned to the best man and said ''F--- you!'' he then turned to the bride and said ''F--- you!'' and then he turned to the dumbfounded crowd and said..... ''Thanks, I'm out of here.'' He had the marriage annulled first thing that Monday morning. While most of us would have broken off the engagement immediately after finding out about the affair, this guy goes through with it anyway as if nothing was wrong. His revenge: 1) Making the bride's parents pay over 320,000/= for a 300 guests wedding and reception. 2) Letting everyone know exactly what did happen. 3) And best of all, trashing the bride's and best man's reputations in front of all of their friends, their parents, brothers, sisters, grandparents, nieces and nephews, etc. Did the guy go too far?

Well in terms of asking if the guy went too far...to my own perspective,.....infact I no just know wetin to answer jare. Abeg make una help me for this one ohh.

But damn the groom na really one very special type of human being I swear. If na me wey this kind thing happen to, I dey 200% sure say my brain no go even fit go this far to planning such thing......this na some real silent killer eh...DAYUMMMMM!!!

SOMEWHERE IN OGUN STATE..........


So this is a picture of a primary school located in Ogun state. You see its 2011, and it's just painful to see that such type of school still exists in our country....a whole Giant of Africa/5th largest oil producing country in the world. This is a state who’s former governor/tout Gbenga Daniel, looted all the lootables while in gov't. Okay yes none of us for hia be saint, and I'm sure if most of us are given the opportunity to be in power, there's a big possibility of us misusing it. But what I don’t just understand is this..."how could someone steal billions of Naira, and yet have no remorse whatsoever of doing smth positive for the people who elected him." I DONT JUST GET IT AT ALL. Look at governors like Fashola of Lagos, Amaechi of Rivers, and Godswill Akpabio of Akwa Ibom. You think say these people no dey loot money too? Ofcourse they do. But for the fact that they are doing tremendous jobs in their various states, nobody really cares about whether dem dey thief or not. So I dont just understand why these other government touts cant do the same. As I always told my guyzes, Imagine say person like Uncle Jonny, or any other future Naija president, actually come out and provide 24hrs electricity in Naija. That will be the greatest achievement of any Naija president nah. And even after that, if he comes out and openly steal govt money, nobody go vex for am. Even sef nah we Naija peeps go dey beg am make im thief more...he he. Why? Cos he has achieved what no other Presido has, and life is now made easy for we the Nigerian peeps. ITS JUST FREAKING COMMON SENSE. Do smth that will have a positive significant impact on your people, and then you will be loved forever. But instead most of these our so called leaders/baboons just wan suck every last drop of milk wey dey Naija breast, and do nothing...as in absolutely nothing....Na Nukkas. No be so eh.


And the most ridiculous and painful aspect of the whole matter be say 2days ago, this na wetin come out for news.
Abeokuta — The Ogun State government will spend about N2 billion on textbooks it intends to provide for six million students in public primary and secondary schools in the state. The state's Commissioner for Education, John Odubela , who disclosed this to newsmen in Abeokuta yesterday, said the textbooks would cover all subjects. He also noted that the schools would be mandated to monitor the books, while the government would improve school libraries for safe keeping.

You see ehhn...the kind amounts of money wey person don hear for Naija news ehh....now sef, million too small....these days its usually billion this, billion that. At least once in three days, You will hear a news that talks about billion this and that on various projects. And yet there's nothing to show for it.
So my question is this ohh...."why can’t the Ogun State govt use this so called N2billion they claiming to use for books, and build real standard schools?" Cos as far as I dey concerned, this is just pathetic and unacceptable.

This is why I will forever give the biggest props to Gov. Amaechi of Rivers State. Pls if you have never been to Rivers State, or if you haven’t been there lately, then you have to go see for yourself. If you go to all the state schools across the state (even in the most remote/local areas in the state), they all have the same building plan, excellent learning environment as well as recreational facilities......each student have their own personal laptop in class......infact, everything is all American standard....and its FREE.
Now thats someone who understands the importance of education to children, who would inturn be the future leaders.

I think its reached the point where its only God’s special intervention that will change Naija :(

(sahara reporters & allafrica.com)

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

HE SURE DID GO TO AFRICA. NAIJA TO BE EXACT!!!

You know I still just dey wonder why we no dey like do things the right way. Even when it comes to ordinary costume sef. I know some of you will just look at this thing, and take it lightly...cos afterall its just a costume...no biggie shey??? Well, as for me, I no dey take this sh** lightly at all. Cos just think about this....children watch Kids television and they all know who the f**k Barney is.

Even the children wey no even get cable for their house even know who baba Barney be. They all know him as one big fat purple animal thats always having fun and singing with kids....."i luv u" "u luv me" "we are happy family" and blah blah blah blah (just wondering who made Barney feel so comfortable that he thinks he could actually call us his family...ha ha, nothing wey man no go see ehh). And mind you, these kids already know at the back of their mind what Barney looks like ohh.....Then all of a sudden, they see something looking like this just appearing from nowhere.....Or you no know say this kind thing fit affect these children psychologically?

You see one thing on tv looking like A, then when you see it in real live, it looks like Z. Come on nah. And you know say children dey very very smart, and dem no dey hide mouth. You see as no pikin even dey near the so called Barney sef. I'm sure all of them go dey tell their parents say this no resemble the Barney wey dem dey see for TV ehh....ha ha
But damn the people wey organize this thing no just try at all. See major falling of hand shaa :(
from the look of the picture, im dey like say the person wey dey inside the costume sef wan even collapse. I sure say the ventilation na die ehh...ha ha
Can we just do smth right for once?....jeeeez