Monday, January 31, 2011

A NEWS THAT WILL BLOW YOUR MIND!!!!


So I've heard of this boy and his escapades/hits, but never new how detailed they were. Now CNN just exposed and gave us the real story. Read and enjoy :)


FORTUNE -- A luxury suite at the W Hotel in Dallas is as good a place as any to conquer the world. At least it seemed that way in 2007 when Tobechi Onwuhara got the crew together. They'd meet there often, seven or eight of them. Some had nicknames from the Ian Fleming lexicon: C, Q, and E. Others were called Mookie, Orji, Uche. They would spread out on designer sofas and at the wet bar, open three-ring binders, and fire up laptops with hard-to-trace wireless cards. On a nearby table there'd be prepaid cellphones with area codes taped to them. A phone for Southern California. A phone for Northern Virginia. A phone for any place Onwuhara had found the "good money."
In those days, the good money wasn't hard to find. The housing boom had flooded the country with capital. Lenders were making promiscuous loans to unsophisticated borrowers. It was an ideal environment for Onwuhara, 27, a brilliant, pug-faced visionary who favored True Religion jeans and Ed Hardy shirts. Looking out over the neon skyline of downtown Dallas, it was easy for the crew to believe his assurances: He'd make them rich. When the sun glinted off one of his $100,000 diamond-encrusted Audemars Piguet watches, who could doubt it? Every few months he would buy a new Maserati or Bentley. He owned expensive properties in Miami, Dallas, and Phoenix. He even had a secret love condo in the W, where scantily clad women visited in such numbers that one bellhop became convinced that the first-generation Nigerian-American was a porn director.
click below to read more

SHEY I BEEN TALK AM :)



The National Union of True Igbo Movement (NUTIM) has flayed President Goodluck Jonathan over appointment of Bianca, wife of Chief Emeka Ojukwu as a Special Adviser on Diaspora when the former Head of State of the defunct Biafra Republic was still in a London Hospital.

During a news conference in Owerri yesterday, the President of NUTIM, Dr Samfo Nwankwo described the appointment as insensitive, morally wrong and insult to Ndigbo.

He urged President Jonathan to immediately withdraw the appointment unless he would want to create hatred for himself among the Igbos.

“How can you appoint the wife of such a great man as Special Adviser on Diaspora when she supposed to be by her husband’s bed side in the hospital?” Dr Nwankwo fumed.




SHEY UNA DEY SEE THAT THING WEY I BEEN DEY YARN ABOUT EALIER....i'm just a true genius jare.  I knew this thing was going to cause some type of controversy. How u go dey elect person wife when the husband dey for hospital for London. Come to even think about it, im be like say Uncle Goody been get im own personal personal reason for this appointment oh...una know what i mean nah ;)

Anyways but at the same time, why igbo peeps just dey make noise sef......at the end of the day its the woman they suppose to even dey ask some questions cos t the end of the day she's the one who accepted it. If not not, what stops here from coming out and telling GEJ "Thanks for the appointment Mr. Jonny, but i'm sorry i cannot accept it right now cos my Yori-Yori is sick and I need to be right next to him at all times during this period"...shikenah!!!

before i even 4get, WTF is this "National Union of True Igbo Movement sef"???.....so they trying to say that not all igbos out there are true igbos or what???..igbo peeps ehhn..una sabi carry things to another level juo :)

(tribune.com)

THIS GUY DON COME AGAIN


So the presidential Candidate for the National conscience party (ha ha ...see party name ehh), Mr. Dele Momodu, in an interview, said that he would be resident. For the interview, my guy start to dey give us sermon whey someone like him should become Naija's leader due to his experience in journalism and all other bullcrap. Anyways below is a statement the Ovation Magazine owner made when asked "what is your message to the public?"

The message is don’t write off Dele Momodu, there is nothing God cannot do. There is no nation in the world that has lived perpetually in stupidity and backwardness and Nigeria is not going to be an exception by living perpetually in backwardness. I am very determined to carry along especially the young souls, the first time voters, those who have given up hope on Nigeria. I can tell you, we have a very big data base of youth corpers, of unemployed graduates. Like I have been telling all my friends in the media, you don’t have to declare support or endorse Dele on your front page, just give me my own quota.

I don’t have money, but I have good will. How come we want to die without seeing a better Nigeria? Why are we so intimidated by power that we will allow these people to use the same money they have stolen to oppress us?

The only person the oppressed fear in this life, is his oppressor and he will only hope by miracle that one day, God will also turn him into an oppressor. That must not be our case.



I like how optimistic and courageous this guy is. But doesnt it hurt to know that no matter what type of Obama-like speech he makes, this my guy will never even come close to being even a Vice President of Naija....One thing people dey 4get be say to get money dey different from getting power...levels dey nah...So Uncle Dele I would advice you to just stick to providing us with your interesting magazine, and we will be happy with you :)


(vanguardngr.com)

SMART MOVE UNCLE JONNY :)



I'm sure we have all heard about the crazy crazy crazy turmoil going on in Egypt right now. Well as far as i'm concerned i think people are beginning to wake up from their long ass sleep. At first it was Tunisia, then now Egypt...then who knows which country would be next. Its about time people stood up to say smth about how the are being ruled jare. Cos how da hell could one person dey for govt for decades ke...only in Afirca sha.

Anyways back to what i wanted to say.....So our uncle GEJ just recently ordered the immediate evacuation of Nigerians in Egypt.
Umm i gats LOL for this kind news jare.....

So my guy dey actually tell Naija peeps for Egypt to start to dey come back home? U see i'm very happy he actually made such a great step, cos this certainly shows that he has the Naija peoples interest at heart....but come on lets face the fact..una think say these Naija peeps wey dey for there go even listen to wetin uncle Johnny dey jabo? So im dey try convince Naija man wey don suffer to get visa to commot for Naija to come bak home and suffer?...ha ha ....come back come do wetin sef? I can guarantee u that none of the Naija peeps wey dey for Egypt go gree come back.

Anyways Uncle Goody i got an idea for ya..why dont u evacuate everybody wey dey for Jos first..then after that we go talk about Egypt. Cos as far as I'm concerned there is no war in Egypt. Just a people protesting for a regime change...period!!!
U see this our uncle don dey follow the footsteps of im oga, OBJ. Na them dey like to do Captain Planet when it comes to foreign issues...but to solve the problem wey dey for their own backyard na SAT and TOEFL for them......for my land na this kind peeps dem dey call OKA MMA N'AMA :)

Thursday, January 27, 2011

WTF WAS UNCLE JONNY THINKING



So our uncle Jonny just made some appointments recently

Hon. Kingsley K. Kuku as Special Adviser, Niger Delta Affairs;

Amb. (Dr.) Zakari Ibrahim as Coordinator, Anti Terrorism;
Mrs. Bianca Ojukwu as Senior Special Assistant, Diaspora Affairs; and

Oyewole Olugbenga Leke as Senior Special Assistant, Maritime Services.


Okay i think this guy is messing up big time now....Okay Ojukwu is in comma and might not make it and all that, and i know u trying to find a way to get the igbo votes and stuff like that....but i certainly dont think putting this lady will make any difference or change anything. I cant even imagine anyone happily going to vote for Uncle Jonny all because he appointed Ojukwu's wife. (well u never know cos some us us usually think with our a**holes)

Uncle johnny u no just try at all for this one...very lame ass tactics........infact WTF is her role in this whole Diaspora Affairs fuckery? what affairs will she be diasporing sef?

UNF**KING-BELIEVABLE!!!! 

she's beautiful shaa :)


(saharareporters.com)

ONLY IN NAIJA!!!


So 4 voters registration centers, all equipped with the Direct Data Capture machine were discovered in Anambra state. And guess where?

AT A SHRINE IN A FREAKING DEEP & THICK ASS FOREST SOMEWHERE IN THE STATE!!!!

And guess how many people have gone to these locations to register since the past 10 days?

ONLY 200 FREAKING PEOPLE!!!!

U see this is just one of those ridiculous news that u hear only in Naija. So when people in very populated areas like  Onitsha and Nnewi cannot register due to lack of machines, then na for interior bush wey dem go keep four machines. F**king ridiculous.....and INEC is asking for more N6.8 billion for the election thingy. Only in Nigeria that things like this will happen. I swear most of us be bonefied animals..im just remain for us to start to dey chop raw meat.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

NAWA TO THIS GUY OHH...........




HA HA HA....so this 19yr old Idris dude was just arrested for deceiving men and taking money from them. So luck ran out of him/her when he/she went to a bar ,and she/he caught one guys attention. So in the process of the guy trying to flirt with her/him, the guy somehow touched his/her boobs...only for a satchet of pure water just to fall out of her brazier
.
HA HA HA u see this our country Naija ehhn, nothing wey person no go see or hear ehh.

After being arretsed, my guy confessed that he's one of he numerous young men that poses as a lady in order to get money from men. But nawa oh. has it reached this level where people would do anything to get money? When people are so desperate for this money, they even tend to be so oblivious of the dangers that they might face. Imagine a man immediately finds out u got a ball sack just like he does, after he just makes out with u, or slept with you. Thats how a  lot of these type of dudes loose their life...... bcos of crap like this.







But I still dont know how guys could mistake this tout for a woman shaa. Even if na one crate of star wey i drink sef :(
Just take a good look at this crazy looking thing right here...WTF???






(vanguard.com)

WHEN DID TAPPING OF CURRENT BECOME AN OFFENSE ?......HA HA



I just heard a 25 yr man named Godwin Aboye, has been sentenced to a 10 days imprisonment in Abuja for realeasing semen on a female in a queue at a village somewhere in ABJ......ha ha ha  see levels ehh

According to the police/olokpa prosecutor (thee clowns ehhnn), while in a queue at ECWA church for voters registeration, my guy indecently brought out his reproductive organ and pressed it against the complaints buttocks.

“You indecently pressed your manliness against her buttocks and in the process released your sperm and stained her dress without her consent,’’ Odofia said.


                                     WTF?????
Ummmm...abeg make nobody blame my guy jare. U see this incident just reminds me of tapping of current those days in primary and secondary school :)   Nothing dey sweet pass when u use style to make ur body come in contact (even if na partial or impartial contact) with a chick in class....and the sweetest part na if u dey tap current from the chick that u are actually dying for.......that thing dey sweet scatter ehh. And i'm sure its vice versa too, but the girls always wonna make it seem like say na only boys dey tap current :)
So can u now imagine if u are in my guy's situation? You are in a tight queue (u know as Naija queue dey nah....no space whatsoever) and some lady (who probably own a fat and watery/softy nyash) dey right in front of u :(
Ofcourse as a guy, u must get a bone nah.....but in terms of releasing semen in the process????..well i dont know bout that one shaa.....i'm guessing that my guy get some real issues jare
But hey, at least one thing he know for sure is that after all is said and done, "HE STILL BUSTED A NUT".....ha ha

(punchng.com)

THIS BABE LIKE MONEY OHH!!


My school mumsi, Mercy Johnson is back at it again. ThankGod say this time she's not doing anything bad :). Anyways she's currently doing a video shoot in Enugu which she's playing the role of a widow.
So as a widows concern in Naija, u gats shave all ur hair during the mourning period (I would have loved to know which set of people actually established this retarded practice... all in the name of culture & tradition my a**)

Anyways our aunty Mercy was given skin cut in the movie...as in real skin cut ehh...this one no dey for low cut or anita baker style... i mean real skin cut wey u go dey see all the dandruff wey dey run things untop ur head.
Well one thing i know for sure is this

"THE MONEY MUST BE DAMN GOOD"......cos i know she didnt just shave her whole hair for peanuts...looking like a...........infact make i no talk anything :)
But come to think about it, thankGod for long hair ohh...if not can u just imagine the........................................................................ (fill in the blank)

click below to see pictures of her baldy.....DAYUM :)


WHY ALL THESE RETARDED QUESTIONS HUH?????????


I swear we Nigerians (and prob some other Africans) are very special type of humans.....Why is it that anytime I decide to use my hard earned money to buy a calling card to call someone back home, and all u gonna hear is them whining about how "u have 4gotten about them".......and the painful thing be say dem no go even gree make u talk sef, although u no owe anyone any explanation tho. Na so so complain complain dem go just dey spice for ur ear.

And before u even know it, the card wey u buy don dey finish for ur eye.....and thats when they will now switch to the next statement of "U are just enjoying alone and u left me hear"....WTF????? for real tho, so what makes u think i'm enjoying alone ke? cos i dey Yankee?...only if people back home knew how hard life is overseas. But when u tell person, dem no go wan gree :(

It just surprises me how different people all keep on saying this same verses when u call them. play play play play, money don finish for ur phone card, without u even asking the person "how u dey" :(

U see i'm still trying to figure out how these people just come up with such conclusions about u forgetting about them and enjoying urself alone.....i just tire ehh

NAWA TO THE PEOPLE WEY DEY GIVE THESE INFO DEM!!!!



Armed robbers in the early hours of yesterday allegedly bombed a new generation bank in Ayobo. It was gathered that the gunmen, numbering about 50, stormed the bank at about 1. 30a.m and operated for three hours. A visit to the bank showed that its bulletproof security doors were smashed with a powerful explosive. Also, three Automated Teller Machines (ATM) and the bank’s security post were wreaked by bullets and dynamites.
Sources revealed that the police have recovered one unexpended dynamite at the scene. 


It was gathered that immediately the robbers arrived the bank, they divided themselves into three groups. One group barricaded the road that led to the bank from Iyana-Ipaja; the second group blocked the road from the other end, while the third forced its way into the bank building. 


I'm just posting this cos everytime a robbery takes place for Naija (both the ones people saw and the ones nobody saw) a specific amount of number must be stated. So now me dey try figure out how people come up with these numbers/info.
First of all if everyone was indoors during this 1am robbery, who da heck estimated that the robbers were 50 in number? how dem take know say the robbers divided themselves into three groups?. Well I wont be surprised if one day, dem go even dey tell us the color of their shirt wey the robbers dey wear for that night, or their car plate number :( 
u never know what info to believe in Naija. 


FYI, our worthless police/touts were nowhere to be found during this operation that lasted for over 3hrs. (as usual) But if na to dey slap innocent people, or take their N50 toll fee, u go see them very present for there....silly ass clowns :)


(sunnewsonline)

Friday, January 21, 2011

WHO TALK SAY LIFE NO DEY SWEET HUH???

WHY ON EARTH WOULDNT YOU BE HAPPY WHEN U HAVE THIS TYPE OF MEAL ON UR TABLE HUH?.........See chow the the fullest ehh. this is actually my first time seeing Indomie, egg and snail join ehh.....very wierd, but looks very very seductive shaa. This just reminded me when i was in Abuja last yr for my NYSC bullcrap. Mehnnn na there wey i come know say different levels dey when it comes to making indomie and egg ehh. I'm sure everyone who lives, or have spent quite a while in Abuja knows where Wine Shop dey (my favorite Naija pre-club joint). Anyways there's this indomie joint close to Wine Shop. To be precise the joint is opposit Excelexio (The capital of ashewo/legebu joint in ABJ).

So after having some drinks at Wine Shop, boys come dey hungry like krase. So one of our men now took us to that idomie joint. Men no be small thing wey i see for thia ehh. As in real professional indomie makers ehh. Some of them done even upgrade from using stove to even using Gas cooker for faster service. I swear when i ate that joint, i immediately became sober sharp sharp. It felt so good that i even had to go there the next night to go make sure say no be my drunkness been make the indomie sweet the last night. Wonna know smth funny? The Indomie was so good that i even took the guy's contact sef (na one calabar guy so....u know say nah those people dey cook scatter pass for Naija). So as i'm loking at this right now, all i just think of i that calabar boy's indomie only :)
Good Bless the people wey make indomie for real.....and also bless all the people (esp hausa and calabar peeps) wey get the talent to make it so good that it even looks better than the picture on the indomie pack :)

Thursday, January 20, 2011

WHAT IF...............

Sometimes when u look at the type of risks that we be taking in Naija ehnn..then u go know say we are just living by His Special Grace. Just like seeing 5 people untop one okada, Conductors holding the side of the bus while in motion, eating bukka without knowing the source of their water, sucking fuel wth ur mouth, pot-holes for airport runway, overloading a car, those people wey dey carry hyena as pets, driving super fast when u know our roads are horrendous....infact im plenty ehh...

Okay just take a look at this scenerio right here. I'm sure we all see this as a normal thingy and nobody even send. But this na the last thing wey u go ever see for any wetern world. What if something enter one of that ram head, and it decides to jump out of that Hilux, thereby causing some type of accident or so. Or what if that ram wey dey near that man just suddenly use im horn push my guy commot for the hilux?  There are so many what "ifs" to be asked in a lot of risks that we take.

We are so so zero proactive when it comes to security and safety issues......umm infact all issues jare :(

JOS....A CURSED LAND?

I'm not putting this pic up to gross anyone out..but i'm putting it just to show u the length wickedness in our country, Nigeria.
Ever since this whole Jos turmoil began, i refused to post much about it cos it just hurts me to even listen or write about how our innocent brothers and sisters have lost their precious lives all because of religious differences.

Things like this just make me know that this satan satan satan that we always talking about, is not some type of supernatural creature that lives in hell, just as most of us think.......cos as far as i'm concerned, this satan dude is actually living in the midst of us. How on earth can people be this mean, or een have the mind to perform this act to a lil girl?..When on earth will we come together and live happily regardless of our religion or belief?  This is absolutely pathetic and i dont even know what elese to say. Pls my people lets keep Jos and our country Nigeria, in prayers cos there's just a lot going on at the same time. Only God can save us..

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

I KNOW THIS NUKKA DIDNT JUST BRING OUT A TOY PISTOL @ 3:22mins.............HA HA


U see my new yr resolution na to support anybody/thing that puts a smile on my face. And thats why i'm actually coming out to confess that i'm beginning to feel this VIC.O guy ehh....ha ha ha ha ha
Anyways at the end of the day, i just hope he comes out and tell us "u assholes just got punked"...ha ha ...cos i ...i...infact i dont just know wetin i go talk sef, cos i no know wetin be this man ultimate goal/intention.
Well make i no lie, i do respect his courage an zeal to create these songs tho.....na im solely sponsor, produce and directed all his vidoes. Make we give this guy credit for real. At least he's bold enough to do smth that no human has ever ventured doing :)

N/B: if u're ever having a really bad/stressful day either at school or at work, then all u need do is play one of this clown's songs...I can guarantee u that ur mood will change drastically :)

Monday, January 17, 2011

I KNOW SPECIAL TYPE OF CORPERS......!!!

Guys abeg make una look this pic well well and tell me that u dont u see some sort of sugar/sweetness running through the veins of these so called NYSC Corpers?

Abeg just scrutinize this pic well. THOSE POSES KE.... and this whole using waist-bag in camp ehhn...nawa ohh....yes its a great idea cos its the safest way to hold ur necessary belongings right there with you...but nothing is as ridiculous as seeing a grown as man wearing that thing round his waist, and walking around happy, and smiling....and then posing like this for a picture?...Come on, Son!!!

WTF?????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



U see na this kind things dey actually make me wonder when our spell will be broken. WTF is a spiritual soap for goodness sake? So they trying to imply that if u use this nonsense to bath, then evil spirit no go dey follow u again or wetin sef? On a very serious note, Naija is one of the countries with the  most ignorant people. I no just know why we too dey carry this whole christian/spiritual thing to the next level. And the thing wey dey pain me be say a lot of these same ignorant people have been exposed to education, technology and the realities of life..but yet they choose to remain ignorant/foolish.

U see if its all those illiterates/touts that buy this soap, i no for too send (cos its not their fault) But what makes me go nuts be say na the people wey get even up to a Matsers degree and PHD go dey patronize this bulll#%@. When shall we get out of this curse that has been laid on us ehh? Wetin be this? Maybe it would have been nice to have a section on the pack where they would write "results might differ depending on the last time u sinned"........

THIS IS TOTAL GARBAGE!!!!!

and let me make this straight right now....if u my friend, and u have this crap sitting somewhere in ur toilet, or if u've ever thought of buying this piece of sh** before.....then pls pls pls dont f#$%@  talk to me anymore. thanks.
(ha ha ...see as devil dey run with im knife for the pic....funny ass clowns)

NAWA OHH......

HA HA.........just cant stop laughing. But for real ehhn, na God dey really save us for Africa ohh. Cos can i magine all the obstacles and things that we face on a dialy basis, but yet we still strong. Can u imaging how dem dey take make all this public food? some of the people wey dey cook am no just send at all....dem dey ready to blow thier nose with their fingers, and still use the same fingers to pour crayfish inside the food they cooking. Thats even from the cookers side ohh....then can u imaging the environment where the food is being cooked? i don see mama-put wey dem dey cook their food near toilet (and u suppose imaging how all those Naija public toilet dem dey nah) 

So all these occur on a daily basis, but yet we dont get sick as much. We too much jare. But dayum that food is looking good juo. Beans with two two slices of bread untop?..kai see chow nah. My boarding school peeps  know what i'm talking about. Then u come soak Ijebu garri chop am with this meal....OH LORD!!!!

THIS OBJ GUY NA CLOWN EHH............LOL

U see this chimpy ehn, na one kind guy so....u just gotta admit that he is one very powerful, and funny guy as well (and did i 4get to add criminal). Anyways after the primaries which Atiku lost, everyone was obviously waiting to see what OBJ was going to say.. So they asked him what was his reaction to the outcome of the primaries...and my guy responded
"I'm laughing"
Remember this was the same statement he made last yr Nov. when Atiku emerged as the Northern consesus candidate. At then he told reporters
"I dey laugh"

“The Atiku Campaign Organisation assured all of them that the former Vice President still has a lot to offer and that this is not the time to write him off. *I’m laughing — Obasanjo However, Chief Obasanjo when asked to comment on the outcome of the PDP presidential primaries said what happened made him laugh.


Asked as he made to enter his car with number plate Abuja AZ 988 KWL whether he was still laughing, he said, “I am laughing.” He quickly entered the car and was driven away. The PDP BoT Chairman had on Thursday November 25, 2010 laughed over the emergence of former Vice President Atiku Abubakar as the Northern consensus candidate.

HA HA...this chimpy na just clown for real. I guess Atiku failed to realize that this power we hear of is being held by a very few men/women in Naija, and in order to get what u want, u just gotta be loyal to these criminals, if not u go just dey waste ur time and money.
So now the N8 Billion he spent in orther to emerge as the Norhtern candidate is all gone..as in just like that ohh.... this one no dey for "if i dont win, u will gimme back my money" business ......CHAI

But umm..is it just me, or is it only in Naija where Chimpazee dey laugh human being :(             ???????


(vanguard.com)

Thursday, January 13, 2011

WHATTA................ HELL NAH!!

(shout out to Ochai for providing this disturbing pic)


U see i no just understand why people continue to do this to themselves for real. Right from time, nature has made in such a way that if our body is allergic to smth, then our brains immediatley makes us to stay away from such thing whenever we come across it.
 Make i use this opportunity to say smth.. Abeg if u are impossibly photogenic, and yet u still keep on taking tonnes of pictures, then pls pls pls i dey talk God name dey beg u.... quit the bull crap. since u are allergic to cameras....therefore stay away from it pls :)
If u are this dark (blue black), then u dont need to be seen taking pic at night for freaking goodness sake.....WHY WHY WHY  DO SOME PEOPLE STILL DONT GET IT????? If no be say i dey see other white people for the background, i for kukuma think say the girl been dey pose behind a blackboard or smth.
And i'm still trying to figure out why is it usually guys with this color that will always want to take pic with a white girl ....and at night time too??!!!!!!! 
I bet u this onyibo chick was mad wasted (since thats what they do best) and i could just imaging her reaction when she sees this pic the next day (when she's sober)......ha ha

GOODY VS ATIKU...........HA HA

HA HA I guess the pic is self explanatory. U see If to say na for the western world, after scrutinizing their comparisons, i swear Atiku will not even have any chance of winning our uncle Goody Goody. But guess what????....Na Naija we dey ehh!!!...this kind tactics dem no dey too work for hia. Matter of fact, in Naija, nah even the people wey no go skul dey usually win political seats pass.

Although me dey get double mind about this our uncle Goody, but at the same time i gotta give this guy probs jare. He's the only politician to actually go through these various positions without even contesting or lobbying for them  for even one day. Thats the reason i feel this guy was destined to get this job. Although i dont think he's the messiah of Naija, but I strongly feel he's like John the baptist, who's coming to pave the way for our messiah (next presido).

But dayum.....what i still dont understand is "How da heck did Atiku even got a VP role" :(
Diploma in Hygeine? lol

NAIJA...THE COUNTRY WITH THE HAPPIEST PEOPLE



(shout out to Amadi for sending the link)

I think this is a very good article that everyone of us should read. Yeah Its so true and interesting.
But what i keep on asking myself is this...."for how long will we continue to put on this happy face and act like all is well????"....whereas most of us dont even know where to get our next meal from :)
Yes we are the happiest people this and that....i know say na we caryy happy for head pass for this world ....but come to think about it, na happy wey we go actually chop?

Anyways below is the article written by Bim Adewunmi  http://www.guardian.co.uk/global/2011/jan/04/nigerians-top-optimism-poll
The arrivals hall at Murtala Mohammed international airport in Lagos has the kind of humidity that feels like a warm towel. The minute you shake that off, you notice the massive board that proudly welcomes you to Nigeria. Underneath the greeting, written in cheery, cursive script, is the tagline: "The happiest place in the world!"


When I last visited Nigeria, that poster made me laugh like a drain. But now a global survey has confirmed it: in a 53-country Gallup poll, Nigerians were rated at 70 points for optimism. By contrast, Britain scored a deeply pessimistic -44. Why so glum, Britain? And what in the world makes Nigerians so happy?

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

ARE U F%#KING KIDDING ME???.....FOR REAL?.... LIKE FOR REAL?...HA HA HA HA



(shout out to my own person, Paul for providing this retarded video)

I for really love to know which village dem bring this guy from.....WTF ????!!!!.....at first when i saw this video, i was like "is he for real?"  I don laugh sotey the muscles for my face don weak finish. But on the real tho, I dont blame people like this. Na their friends that should be held responsible for their failure and falling of hand. Okay let me put it this way.....if smth ever enters my head one day, and i just decide say i wan start to dey rap or sing (which i'm zero good at) and my friends come dey ginger me make i do am......Then I'll certainly know say dem no be my true friends at all.

I swear this is even worse than that "Ikebe na money woman" Come on on nah...why some people their job na just to dey fall our country hand huh?....We dey an era where Naija artists are doing big thing and people in different countries are beginning to apppreciate our music....and thats when one ibotic container boy decided to do this camera phone video shoot.....HA HA HA HA HA HA HA ........i cant take it anymore...i cant.. i just cant ehh.....nothijgn is just right, starting from when u click play, tilllll 4:09mins...... even the babe  no just try at alllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll.......HA HA HA HA. ..i just cant take it any freaking moreeeeeeeeeee!!!

WHY THIS BABE DEY F@#% UP NAH????????? :)

Guys make una meet miss Beverly Naya. So i been hear say this babe is an upcoming actress for Naija. She spent her life in London, but now back to the Mother land to pursue her acting career. Thats good of her tho.
Anyways let me not get distracted jare..ehennn as i wanted to say.....so the babe was recently interviewed n' stuff....so as uaual nah, our Naija Interviwes can never be complete without they ibotic interviewer asking the interviewee about their love life (we too like to pucknose ehh)
Anyways this was her answer to the question:

“It’s my career at the moment. Of course, men come in droves, both with genuine intentions and ulterior motives, but I found out that the best thing at the moment is to be in a relationship with my career.

Distraction should be the last thing on my mind at the moment and dating now is just a form of distraction especially at my age. Aside that, if I was in a relationship with a guy probably based in London because that is why I have greater part of my life and I’m here in Nigeria pursuing my career, that would be a very selfish act and I’m not raised to be selfish.”

My friend go and sitdon somewhere jare....as far as we guys are concerned, u are being severely selfish right now.... so dont tell us that nonsense. How this babe go talk say dating nah form of distraction for her age...at 22 KE? nawa to her ohh.
Anyways looking at the trend of interviews with these Naija entertainers, i don notice say majority of them just dey lie anyhow cos dem sey for front of camera...so they want to say smth that will make them look like a good boy or gial. How this grown as woman want make we believe say no guy dey service her sef....
Infact since u have decided not to share fruit basket with us, then just Go jare....we guys no send for u.
What a waste of mout/lips ....smchew :)

Monday, January 10, 2011

ANOTHER YAHOO CONVERSATION.....#573!!!

Okay so I was just chilling as usual, not looking for trouble and respecting myself......na im i open my email just to see whats good. And behold i got one of dem funny ass yahoo mails. And i decided to play along as usual.....so i decided to post this conversation up cos i found it very interesting. Below is the conversation between me and the guy. HA HA ..i just luv my yahoo boys eh. Too bad sometimes their spam emails be going to the wrong people :)


InboxX

©2011 GoogleUk New Year Promotions

You won £ 500,000.00GBP. (CGPN):7-22-71-00-66-12, Ticket number: 00869575733664, Serial numbers:/BTD/8070447706/06, Lucky numbers:12-12-23-35-40-41(12). Contact Mr. Bernard Graham for more details


Contact info: Mr. Bernard Graham
E-mail: mr.bernardgraham@gmail.com
Sincerely...
©2011 GoogleUk New Year Promotions...Jan 4 (5 days ago)


Reply           Forward
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Reply
alexander to mr.bernardgrah.
show details Jan 5 (5 days ago)

Hello Mr. Graham,

I was told to contact you. WHERE IS MY MONEY?

thanks

- Show quoted text -

On Tue, Jan 4, 2011 at 5:26 PM,
©2011 GoogleUk New Year Promotions wrote:

click below to read more...ha ha

THESE NAIJA CHURCHES EHHN



Just remembered this video and decided to post it. U see this na that thing wey we dey talk about Naija churches. U see how happy this clown is happy to be in the house of God. and his prob giving. And i bet u say the pator is prob saying in his mind "Mr man put that money in there and go and sit ur poor a** down, make better members come put money juo. If u look now, na only 20 card wey im put inside ther"   and little does our poor Bro Franklyn know :(  His reward shall be in heaven
Thats if he's genuinly dancing for God and not the camera tho. cos i know say we Naija peeps too like attention :)

Friday, January 7, 2011

ONLY IN NAIJA I SWEAR!!!....

Guyz do u know there's smth in Naija called "Witches and Wizards Association of Nigeria" (WITZAN). Definietly one of the most ridiculous and absurd organization i've heard about. Anyways this organization just warned aspiring presidential candidate, our uncle Atiku, to withdraw from the election contest ASAP in order for him not to be humiliated. No be small warning ohh. They even claiming that they warned late MKO Abiola about june 12, but he was stubborn, so they dealt with him. They also claimed to have dealt with late Abacha too for executing Ken Sarowiwa....nawa to this kine organization ohh...i weedah
Anyways below is just part of a memo from the organization:

The National Co-ordinator, Witches and Wizards Association of Nigeria (WITZAN),



“About six months ago, long before General Ibrahim Babangida decided to enter the race for PDP’s presidential ticket, witches and wizards told him that he was wasting his time. We told him in clear terms that he would never secure PDP ticket, and that he would drop by the wayside. This was reported by some national dailies. What eventually happened to IBB? He was humiliated. He who has ears, let him hear very well, witches and wizards do not double-speak. We are messengers from the spiritual world, and anybody that disobeys us, is doing so at his own risk.


“When we warned Babangida to stay away, that he was going nowhere, some of his agents told us that we are fake witches. That Babangida has other witches praying for him to win PDP’s ticket. From what happened to Babangida later, we now know who are genuine and fake witches.


“Witches and wizards are also stakeholders in the project called Nigeria.


“Jonathan’s victory is assured and sealed in the spiritual world, but he will face many challenges. He should not be afraid. He will conquer his opponents. Witches and wizards are praying for this nation. We wish Nigeria well, but what has been revealed to us in the spiritual world is alarming.


Nigeria is a great country, witches and wizards can help restore its lost glory.


ummmm...HA HA HA HA HA HA HA THATS ALL I GOTTA SAY BOUT THAT ..........WTF???

BUT SERIOSULY THO, WTF IS THIS SH#%????

Thursday, January 6, 2011

MOST NAIJA CHURCHES = TOTAL RUBBISH

I'm sure some of u guys are either fans or members of this criminal right here. But not me...so i'm just gonna speak my mind like i always do, and tell it like it is :)
 
So my man for Naija just told me that on new yrs eve, he was going to Christ Embassy church to celebrate the new yr. And when he he got there,  guess what happened?? "THEY WERE CHARGING N1000 FOR ENTERING THEIR CHURCH FOR THE NEW YRS EVE SERVICE" and their reason was cos the seats weren't enof.....WTF???

And about 25,000 peeps attended the service...so we talking of N25 milla...and this no include the offereing and other bullcrap ohh.
U see this is why i stay away from all these Naija churches. Now pls tell me whats the difference between this and a 419/Yahoo-Yahoo boy huh? This is literally day light robbery for goodness sake. U know sometimes i feel that members of most of this fake ass churches have been hypnotized by the pastor or smth...cos how will someone in their right thinking mind actually pay 1k to enter a church service????? On no circumstance should anyone pay any sort of money to serve the Lord.
Its like some of these churches were the pastors were caught doing smth totally againts what they preach (eg. like the incident were that pastor in Lagos burnt two of his members alive, or other incidents were pastors sleep with their members wife) But what surprises me the most is that some members still go to this same churches regardless. And u telling me smth isnt wrong somewhere??? and u see thats why we cannot move forward as a nation, cos some people see black and call it white.  Sick n tired of all these fake ass pastors stealing from the poor. F@#king Criminals.........seriously this type of shyt just pisses me off for real.

ALL THESE LOCAL ASS NAIJA MEN ....NAWA FOR UNA OHH

So one local man posted this on a forum, and tot this was one of those crazy stories that we keep on hearing over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and ove and over....infact i don tire jare...enjoy :)

I NEED HELP. MY MARRIAGE IS ABOUT TO END. I AM A DEVOTED CHRISTIAN.

I BROUGHT MY WIFE ABROAD, TO START A BETTER LIFE, NOW SHE HAS HER STAY,SHE HAS CHANGED COMPLETELY. I SPENT ALL MY SAVINGS AND EVEN BORROWED TO RELOCATE. NOW SHE HAS ACCESS TO THE FAMILY FUNDS, BECAUSE SHE IS A SOLE SIGNATORY TO THE ACCCOUNT DUE TO THE METHOD WE USED IN GETTING HER CITIZENSHIP. NOW SHE INSULTS ME AT EVERY OPPORTUNITY, THREATENS TO TAKE THE CHILDREN FROM ME. ALL THIS IS BECAUSE SHE WANTS ME TO LEAVE SO SHE CAN DO WHATEVR SHE LIKES WITH THE FAMILYS ACCOUNT. SHE SAYS I DONT HAVE RIGHT OVER THE FAMILY ACCOUNT AND THAT SHE HAS PAID ME WHATEVER I SPENT TO BRING HER ABROAD, I HAVE THOUGHT OF LEAVING HER BUT I FEEL FOR MY CHILDREN WHO ARE STILL YOUNG, I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO. AND TO COMPOUND THINGS MY PAPERS ARE STILL PENDING WITH THE HOME OFFICE .IF I DECIDE TO TAKE THE CHILDREN BACK TO NIGERIA I FEAR FOR THEIR FUTURE ESPECIALLY NOW THINGS ARE WORST THAN BEFOR. WHAT DO I DO? SHOULD I JUST LEAVE AND FORGET ABOUT THE MARRIAGE AND ALLOW HER TO TAKE CARE OF THE CHILDREN,WILL MY ACTIONS AFFECT THE CHILDREN LATER? I TRIED TO IRON THINGS OUT BUT HER BEHAVIOUR IS GETTING WORST.

HA HA HA .....is this clown actually asking us "wetin im go do?" My friend face the consiquences as a man juo. When u been wan marry the gial, u no been ask anybody "wetin u go do" Now u don come for internet  dey write article in capital letters, so we go know say na urgent situation :)

U see it still surprises me that some Naija men abroad still go back home to go find their so called wife/angel/virgin Mary/miss loyal. I still dont understand why these foolish men think that girls back home are way better than the girls outside Naija. Then they go back and marry these ibotic b#*&% and bring them over. And later u go dey cry say the woman dey fusrate ur life? Ofcourse she would fustrate ur life...what do u expect when u bring her here, and she start to dey know her right, and she go dey see fine fine boys here and there. And anytime she looks at u, she gon be saying to herself "whatta heck am I doing with this old fugly ass clown?"

So abeg i don tire to dey see people dey ask for help during this type of situation. Wetin u want make we help u for nah?...when u been dey go find the so called good home girl, i'm sure u didnt need help looking for her :)  And the painful thing is that there are thousands of Naija men in this situation (mainly in Yankee and Jand).......foolish old hags :)

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

NAWA FOR THIS CHICKA OHH

I Dont know if some of u know this girl sef...anyways she goes by the name Sasha, and she claims to be a good Naija female rapper. As for me, i've only heard one of her songs sha....and dont get me wrong i was a lil lil bit impressed tho :)
Anyways she recently posted in her tweet that entertainers should have their own private plane. This was as a result of the frequent cancellation of flights and delays tho.

“Maybe we need an airline strictly for entertainers…hmmmm soul plane or pigeon plane? Air traffic is seriously needing a Brt (BRT) lane!”

 But Nawa ohh.....cos u don rap and feature for a couple of songs, and now u considering urself an entertainer?...Enter-wetin? u see this na the problem with all this upcoming Naija entertainers wey never go anywhere yet.  Anyways shey entertainers should have their own private plane huh..then go buy one nah..wetin u dey wait for?
Nna ehhn..nothin wey person no go see or hear from some of these our local champions these days oh....When people like the Adenuga's and the Dangote's suppose dey talk about private plane, then housegial wan follow talk join.............DUMB ASS CHICK :)

DUMB + SLOW...............NOT A GOOD COMBINATION AT ALLLL


So i do go to some Naija online forums once in a while, and i must tell u...u will see the most ridiculous questions and most ridiculous peeps in there. Tell me why a guy wrote this...and mind u he's being serious about it too.

Hi fellows, the problem am having currently now with my babe is that she don't allow me touch her phone, she always insist that i should not go through her phone which kept me wondering.

please what could be the cause because right now i feel insecure, she started this since she came back from where she was serving.
please i need your candid advice on how to deal with this, because i love her so much and we are planing to get married by August, but this new attitude left me thinking, i have try several ways to talk it over with her to tell me the reason why i should not touch phone, but she don't say anything reasonable.


thnxs

WHATTA HECK IS WRONG WITH THIS DUDE????????
yes i know some women dont like guys going thru their personal stuff and what not...
but the idiot mentioned that she just recently started this behavior ever since she came back from servi(ci)ng another man :)
so seriosuly, WTF IS WRONG WITH THIS DUDE FOR REAL?????
anyways i think my advice for this dumbass is to let me give him a real dirty ass slap right in front of his face for being such a dummy.
I no go surprise say one day she go even carry another man come ur house....and u go come online dey ask people "I need your help, what should i do"........i just hate slow ass mofos for real :)

UNCLE GOODLUCK NAWA TO U OHH.............AH AH?

So an emergency meeting was held this week in Abuja by our one and only uncle Goodluck. The so called meeting was just to talk about the rate of this whole bombing bullsh**t going on all over Naija, as well asfinding the best solution to eliminate this nonsense. So finally the best idea they made was to create a new position called "Anti-Terrorism Chief"
I would really really luv to know whatta heck this so called person would actually be advising the president. To my own perspective, this is just another way of wasting money, paying huge sum of salary to people who barely do crap. I no ust understand sef...why cant a a group of people from the Army be chosen and trained in regards to combating this so called Terrorism stuff (and yes i decided to skip the police cos i beleieve say by the time those olokpas get all the training and knowledge needed, Terrorism for Naija fit go done be old news nah)......So i dont think there's need for all this new creation n stuff.
Uncle Goody I know u are doing everything possible to make sure that we luv u...but u no need to over do am nah.....me no just dey understand some kind decisions and statements wey u don dey make for a while now ohh. Anyways me go dey take eye dey look u from far shaa :)


(next.com)

Monday, January 3, 2011

BIG WOMAN DIES WHILE TRYING TO DO BAY WATCH :(

Okay as we all know, a lot of crazy ass sh** be going on in Naija just few days into the new yr. So a Sr. Advocate of Naija (SAN) drowned in a private beach in Victoria Island while trying to rescue her Secretary.

U see this life ehhn...nawa ohh....nobody just know when im own time go reach ohh :(

So the woman joined her fellow colleagues to go celebrate the end of yrs party, and na so she just lost her life as she was trying to rescue her secretary who seemed to be drowing.

U see i no just understand wetin dey happen for hia.
Firstly, wetin carry the damn secretary enter the water sef?  If u cant swim, then sit ur ass down somewhere and dont try to prove smth.
Secondly, its just ridiculous to know that these so called private beaches no even get any efficient and effective alert life guards on a 24/7 basis. Just putting life guards and giving the the necessary equipments needed to perform the job na Jamb again....shooooo

And to even add iodine to the wound, when the police was ask about the incident this was what one of their spokesman had to say:

"We just heard that a SAN drowned at the Oniru Private Beach but we have not been fully briefed. So, we cannot make any comments on it until we complete our investigation into what had happened

ARENT THESE GUYS SOME REAL BIG TIME DUMB A**HOLES? :(


(punchng.com)

WOMAN GIVES BIRTH TO PADLOCK..............NAWA OHH

So late last week in Port Harcourt, a woman was said to have given birth to two identical padlocks....umm to be honest i would have actually luved to LOL about this ridiculous story, but at the same time, this na serious issue ohh.

Although facts of the unusual delivery remained sketchy as at press time, it was gathered that the ‘mother’ and the padlocks had been taken to an undisclosed church for prayers.

Sources told Daily Sun that the expected joy of a mother and her husband turned to overwhelming pain and embarrassment when after a protracted labour, the woman delivered the two strange objects. After the initial shock and confusion, the husband of the woman was said to have contacted the leadership of his Pentecostal church for spiritual advice.

LOL @the mother and the padlocks.

U see if u tell someone people this story, the gone think that u probably high or smth. I would have also thought the same way if someone actually told me this bullcrap. But if not that I've lived in Naija and seen some realy crazy ass incidents myself, i no for even believe this kind story. This is what u call "wickedness in high places"..and later everyone begins to wonder why we not moving foward as a nation :(

but umm...some of these stories ehhn...nawa oh..padlock ke???..ha ha

(dailysun)