ITS BEEN A WHILE.......BUT I DON SHOW....DAH DAH DAHNN!!!!!

CHAI.......First of all before I say anything, I just wonna say a big thanks to all of you that have been worried about my whereabout. Its people like you guys that make me just do what I do. To be honest, this is my first time logging into this blog for over 4 months now. As in ehhn, It even took me three times to put in the right username and password....I know what an a** I am :)

Anyways I've been MIA since March due to various reasons...and no be everything wey man go talk about for here nah. To cut story short, Grandmumsi passed away in April, so I had to go to Naija for the burial in May. And as we all know, trying to blog all the way from Naija na sucide misison, cos before your internet load finish ehhn....na die ehh :)
And did I forget to mention that we had a beautiful baby girl in April too...so everything don complete for me ehh....So now I don get my boy and girl...As in everything don complete for me ehh...ok I'm lying.. I never get my Bentley GT coupe yet..And yes I said it, "Bentley GT coupe"  :)

Ok, so came back end of May....and for some reason I dont even know why I never decided to check my blog....Ok ok ok I know why shaa.....Well boys have been on their hustle/grinding ohh....Una suppose know every nah when it comes to making that money. Trying to open up a business in Naija, and mehn, thats one of the most frustrating things ever. You see I always wonder why im be say na only for Naija wey nothing dey ever go the right way. To register company anywhere in the world no dey take up to 1 day, or highest a week. But if na for naija ehhn..as in people wey dey sail around the world don go two laps finish, and yet you go still dey wait make dem do ordinary registration for your company.

Anyways I'm back and I promise to be updating this blog at least twice a week. If no be say na because of bruial wey carry me go Naija ehhn, I for don snap plenty crazy pics and taken epic videos of things wey i been see with my koro-koro eyes ehh...Everyday in that country is an adventure.God bless us for real.

Abeg make una tell all your friends about my blog, and try invite people to come check it out too. Both Naija and Ghana peeps..cos I'll be blogging Ghanain stuff every now and then...Cos is it just me or Ghana be having the craziest and weirdest news all the time. Dem people are crazy over there ehh. Acting porn movies and sh**........ha ha I love my Ghainan peeps all day juo.  Azonto for life.....And to all of una wey don run finish, abeg make una come back jare.. Charity begins at home...ha ha
God bless all of us, God bless Nigeria (he he), and God bless Africa

Pls if you come across any crazy news or pic that is worth sharing, abeg no hesitate to send am to my email (aachigbu@gmail.com) and I go post am and give you credit.

BANANA SALE 101...

Okay so someone just sent me this picture of this dude selling banana in a classy way. As in my guy knack im coat and tie..looking all clean and professional and ish....as in this na the type of guys wey you go see dey work for bank or NNPC sef.
Lmao.... MAD MAD FUNNY SH**
I just hope this is a joke shaa......But if this is for real for real?  THEN VERY SERIOUS PROBLEM DEY OHH :(

But at the same time, if this dude dey sell banana for real for real, then I'm guessing he's wearing this outfit so that people go pity am or smth. Anyways whatever the case may be, its still a good marketing strategy on his side shaa....ha ha
Imagine say you dey for traffic, and wan buy banana.  As usual, enough banana sellers will storm to you at the same time, and it will be hard for you to even know who to buy from sef. And all of a sudden, this dude just appears. I bet you say you actually wan pay this my guy more attention, and even buy his banana at the end. You know why? Well As for me I dont know why ohh. But one thing I know for sure is that there's just smth about this executive banana man that none of us can even resist ;)
And his bananas are looking very fresh and yellow too? come on nah...why I no go patronize this dude then?..ha ha   :)

I WANT TO GO TO OBODO OYIBO...PERIOD!!!!

A man suspected to be suffering from mental problem was overpowered Monday, by passengers after he had gained access to the most secure part of the international terminal, the airside, at the Murtala Muhammed Airport Lagos.
THISDAY gathered that on getting into the tarmac, the man, whose identity could not be ascertained, shouted, "I want to go abroad; I want to go to Europe. Please give way for me to go."


You see ehn, its such a pity that even mad man sef don tire to stay for Naija....I guess we can also blame fuel subsidy on this one. Think about it tho, right now I sure say im go dey very hard to find left overs for dustbin, talkless of free meal sef. Everybody just dey hold their pocket very tight. So I no blame my guy jare.

But I no go dey surprise too if this na one normal guy wey just disguise himself to see if maybe luck go dey im side that day. Cos mehn these days in Naija, people will go extra measures in order to get what they want. The last time wey I dey Naija, na so I just dey see different types of people claiming to be mentally ill or handicapped...all just to get money. But the more I come dey look them closely (especially if I see them in  different locations) the more I come notice say these dudes even dey 100% healthy pass me sef. As in ehhn, people will disguise themselves in a way you've never imagined in Naija....all just to get that qudi :(

And as much as I no blame all the people wey wan commot for Naija by any means necessary, but at the same time, I wish these people could only understand say life in Yankee or Europe no be bread & beans ehh. Especially with the poor economy in these regions, life is now tougher than ever. I'm sure majority of our Naija people outside Naija (especially those with no working permit) will attest to what I just said. And I bet if you provide these same people with free plane ticket to come back to Naija, majority of them no go even think twice ehh.  Life is freaking tough everywhere now, and people should start getting that into their skull, in order to avoid becoming a nuisance to wherever they end up at. And its about time we stop having this mentally of "he went to Yankee and he's become successful. Therefore I need to go to Yankee too so that I will become successful too"  PURE BULL$#&%.
We all different, and cos smth worked well for you doesnt mean its going to work well for me.

But wait ohh....Did they just say that the mad man gained access to the most secure part of the airport without been accosted? So what if to say na person wey carry explosives ke?    Chai....Naijaaaaaa :(

(thisdayonline.com)

WHY WOULDN'T YOU LUV THIS DUDE?

Masses: Vicko You Suck
Vic.O: I know I can sing and rap

Masses: Vicko is a disgrace to the entertainment industry
Vic.O: I'm a son of God and I can rap

Masses: Vicko stope wasting money makinf all these useless videos cos you suck entirely
Vic.O: Money is not my problem cos I'm a son of God and I love what I'm doing

And it goes on and on and on........

But guys on a very serious note, I dey take God name beg all of una....abeg anything wey Vic.O don do una, abeg make una forgive the guy, and you all should try as much as possible to start liking this dude and his songs abeg. even if na by force, make una try am :(

As for me, I've always been a Vic.O fan ever since he came out, and u guys know it :)
And the more I watch this dude, the more I begin to find out that this guy na one very very unique individual. Think about it tho. If it was another individual that everyone was dissing and telling them that they suck....I bet you that person for don quit tay tay. But this guy is just adamant about his music talent, and doesnt give a crap about all the negative stuffs that almost everyone has said to him. Think about it....How many people do you know that actually have the kind of heart and non-giving up spirit wey Vic.O get huh?

Anyways abeg make una like Vic.O for me. He's really putting his whole heart and soul into this his music career thingy...Therefore my brothers and my sisters (in my Vic.O's voice), I dey take Baba God name dey beg una....pls try your best to start liking Vic.O's very unique talent. And he also seems like a pretty nice and fun guy too. I swear if God bless me with money ehhn, I'll throw a huge party in NYC by the end of the yr...... and guess who will be the invited artist that will perform? Vic.O (hopefully if dem give am visa shaa) and we shall have a lot of cool fun :)
But seriously can you imaging Vic.O performing? I swear its gonna be the most entertaining event ever.

ViC.O FOR NOBEL PEACE PRICE !!!!.. keep doing your thing jare..

THE WILIWANKA CONTROVERSY :) BEAT IT OR NOT?

So you guys remember the video I posted about Pastor Chris Oyakhilome talking about how "self service" aka "masturbation" aka "beat your meat" aka "wiliwank" aka "jerk off" aka "fantasy massage" isnt a sin, but instead is a bad habit. Well yeah I guess his comments have become very controversial and various pastors across the nation are very furious and have denounced such comment. So this was what some so called General Overseaers of churches across Naija had to say..ha ha :

Reacting to Oyakhilome’s comment, the Prelate, Methodist Church Nigeria, Dr. Ola Makinde said there was only one way of Being Intimate permitted by God in the Bible, which is only through marriage.



“There is only one way of Being Intimate in the Bible which is natural. self-service is unnatural and unethical. Whatever is unnatural and unethical is abomination. I leave him to his own opinion,” he said.


According to Pastor Tunde Bakare of the Latter Rain Assembly, every believer must be able to subject his body to control because it could lead to something else.


Popular Evangelist, Pastor Akin Fasawe said self-service is a sin as stipulated in the Bible, saying that death was even recommended in the Bible for those who practiced such things.


“self-service is a sin because when you self-service, you will release. If the minister of God said self-service is not a sin, he can easily tell his church that fornication is not a sin. The Bible recommends death in the Old Testament,” he stated.


According to Primate Elijah Ayodele of the INRI Evangelical Church, it is stated clearly in the Bible that self-service is a sin against God.


“That is his own view. Where did he see it in the Bible that self-service is not a sin? Maybe he has his own Bible. It is a bad thing. Maybe it is in his Bible,” he laughed.

Pastor Akin Akande of the Men of Purpose Ministry stated that self-service is a sin.


“It is like abusing the gift of God. It is heresy. The Bible says it is a sin to derive pleasure outside the content of marriage,” he added.


Pastor Leke Akinola of the Upper Room Baptist, said self induced self-service is a sin against God and that it is heresy for any minister of God to say it is not a sin.


According to Rev. Sam Ogedengbe, “self-service is a sin and it is unbiblical. It is demonic and anyone engaging in it should know that it has spiritual connection.”


Anyways as far as I'm concerned, all these guys are all BUNCH OF CLOWNS!!

As much as I've never liked this Oyakhilome dude, but I still believe that there was nothing wrong in what he said.
Okay, all this pastors wey dey open their mouth dey talk about how the bible says masturbating is a sin against God and blah blah blah blah...Well I got just one question for them. "Where in the bible was masturbation regarded as a sin? As in what chapter biko? what verse huh? Where is written in the bible?


I swear if you look deeply, most of these clowns be beating off their meat on a regular basis...but na them go first open their dirty mouth dey talk rubbish. Since masturbation wasn’t mentioned in the bible, I believe Pastor Chris has the right to say what he said based on his own understanding, likewise the other pastors who are opposing him. But I dont see why they should be attacking my guy left and right, when they don’t have any proof.

Common sense is not common for real……All these so called Naija pastors/clowns need to get their sh** right and start using their brain to think, instead of their dumb a**.
You see that’s why Jesus was the greatest man that ever lived. As much as his teachings was based on what was stated in the bible, but at the same time he also applied great wisdom and common sense to answer a lot of controversial/tricky questions which would have gotten him into deep sh**
I can never expect them to be even as our Savior Jesus, But damn apply a lil common sense nah….shoooo!!
Ohh I forgot…99% of them don’t have the anointing…..they just go to seminary school and graduate with a degree (just like every other degree out there) open a church and start stealing from poor people…Gottcha ;)

(news2.onlinenigeria.com)

WHY OUR PEOPLE NO DEY CARRY EAR HEAR SMTH SEF?

This ma dude has been sentenced to death for trafficking of drugs....And where else but Malyasia.


Eric Chimezie Oluigbo was arrested while trying to distribute 22,159 grammes of cannabis at a traffic light in Napoh, Malaysia, on the morning of September 1, 2010. He was charged under Section 39 (B) of the Dangerous Drugs Act 1952 which carries a mandatory death penalty upon conviction

Chieyaa...I bet if this dude had a successful drug transaction without being caught, he would probably be one of those nna bros dem wey when dem enter Naija like this ehhn. Dem no go gree make person hia word…na so dem go just dey make noise anyhow, dey go club, spending money like say tomorrow no dey, acting like they God or smth. Yes I know this cos I’ve seen a lot of them too. I keep on telling people, as far as I'm concern, all these people who are making correct doe from drug business are really not as relaxed and as happy as some of us think. Can you imagine being paranoid every freaking second of your life?....cos you scared that you could get busted or killed?...that no be life nah. I did prefer being a poor and happy, than being rich and paranoid (umm kinda..ha ha )

Anyways I still still still still don’t understand how our boys still dey enter places where dem get zero tolerance on drug crimes...upon say plenty of them dey for sanko for thia already. Anyways I guess some people don’t value life as much as others...All in the name of making money kwo? As in inhia dikwa risky ohhh….Kai
But come to think of it, this dude is gonna be killed all because of Marijuana? Come on nah. Well RIP in advance my nna bros :(

IS WANKING A SIN?....HA HA

Okay so this was recent video of this my guy trying so hard to explain to us whether jerking off na sin or not...ha ha
And a lot of people have been criticizing the dude over his remarks....calling him a false teacher and so on and so fort. lol...ha ha

Okay as much as I no like this guy at all doesnt mean I will come here and oppose him even when he says the right stuff. And to be honest, In my own perspective, think what he said is true tho. Masturbation is an unclean habit, but not a sin against God." true that true that . As in this na very sensitive issue ohh, and I think he actually handled it in a smart way.

I think the jerry curled hair dude is right on this one tho...afterall things like drinking, smoking, or drug usage are some unclean habits that may not necessarily be a sin unto Baba God. Anways shaa this is one very complicated issue juo, and it all depends on how it is been viewed. Okay make I ask una, why should beating your meat be seen as a sin ke? Afterall I'm using my own hand and my brain...so where did I go wrong na? I really wonna know wetin make some people dey call jerking off a sin....as in is it because of the fluid wey dey come out after beating your meat, or the brain storming that is invloved? ha ha...I wan know oh :)

and pls pls pls dont tell me that that guy next to Uncle Chris also permed his hair too. Sometime last yr, I remember hearing that a lot of male die-hard pastor Chris fans are engaging in perming their hair too.....CHAI....Bunch of clowns..ha ha

BB PING.....IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT :)

YOU SEE THIS A PERFECT EXAMPLE OF WHAT HAPPENS WHEN LOCAL CHAMPIONS GETS HOLD OF A BLACKBERRY...AND START TRYING TO IMPRESS THEIR PEERS BY ACTING LIKE THEY'RE VERY CURRENT ABOUT WHATS HAPPENING ACROSS THE GLOBE.......pingin babash jagon bull&#% fuckery and so fort :)

RIP Whitney Austin. And we Naija peeps, Nollywood and 51 Iweka Rd. Onitsha, will all miss your great acting talent :(

ITS ABOUT FREAKING TIME.....

 
 
 

Acting Inspector-General of police, Mr. Mohammed Abubakar has announced in Uyo, Akwa Ibom state capital, southsouth Nigeria that efforts were being made to change the Nigeria Police uniform very soon.

“We are making efforts to change the police uniform to a better uniform to l make you (police officers) to be respected,” Abubakar revealed while addressing officers and men of the Nigeria police force during his maiden visit to Akwa Ibom state after his appointment as acting Inspector General of Police.

Thank goodness. My prayers have finally been answered. Infact if this na the only thing wey this new IG accomplish, then I go clap for am….very small shaa..he he
As much as I’m good friends with a couple of top police officers in Naija, but at the same time, I've always been a big critique of everything that has to do with our police force...especially the toutish ones that they be recruiting from the streets, killing innocents citizens here n’ there just for N20….and I do tell them how I feel whenever I get a chance to hang out with them down here or in Naija….cos me no dey hide my mouth ohh.

Yes I know changing their uniform doesnt make them any better or change their shallow minded selves in any way. But at least that’s a big step shaa. Cos that their black uniform no just try at all.

As I’ve always said, the only way to change the Naija police is to fire all the current ones and start a fresh recruiting, with a minimum requirement of OND or so. Umm okay I take that back, cos firing all the current ones might be too harsh and unfair. How about bringing in international professionals to give them adequate training…And also test all of them for mental illness..and yes I said it. You see when most of us hear mental illness, we just picture somebody with dada hair, naked and running around the streets.....but that’s not always the case juo...cos I know for sure that we got a lot of people in Naija who look absolutely normal, but have some real mental issues deep inside them. (and that’s why here in Yankee, such people are being put on medication. But unfortunately in Naija and Africa in general, we don’t believe in such type of medication...Hopefully our eyes will open one day) And there are a lot of these peeps in our police force.

Yeah back to what I was saying......after passing both written and physical exams, then provide them with the various equipment such as batons, tear gas, handcuffs, walkie talkie...and finally replace that their freaking AK47 riffles to a pistol...cos that shit be scary for real. I remember when my wife came to Naija and she saw our police people with AK47's.....na so fear catch her scatter ehh…ha ha. She kept asking me why our police were carrying such type of guns..or was there a war or smth? ha ha...laugh been wan kill me die that day ehh. The one that scared the sh** out of her was whenever we were driving behind those mopol them, and she will be seeing all of them sitting for the back of their pickup, with their guns facing us. She was like "what is wrong with these people. This is so unsafe"....HA HA

Anyways I guess we go dey use one eye to see wetin this new IG go do…or if he’s all talk..just like his predecessors :)

(pmnewsnigeria.com)

FINALLY....................SOMETHING POSITIVE

Big shout out to Miss Adaora Akubilo, a 24 year Nigerian-American model from Windsor, Connecticut. Incase some of una no know, getting a spot in Sports Illustrated's Swimsuit Edition no be beans ohh. Its something that every model would want to have on their resume. So a big kudos to her for making we Naija peeps proud.

But Damn........Its a bout time we hear something positive about a Naija person, since we dey only hear such once in a black moon. Very much needed at this time jare.

Once again a big kudos to the babe.

Hopefully she no be one of those people wey when you ask them where dem from, dem go open their dirty mouth dey talk "I'm American" and not knowing a damn thing about their roots.Yeah there are tons of them like that over here, and its all their parents fault, and they deserve some very good koboko whipping for real. Im dey like one day now, my son go come open im mouth dey tell people "I'm American" and not acknowledging his Naija roots first. Chai...Well, that one no fit ever happen for my house shaa, so there's no need of me thinking of what I will do to him then

the girl bodi set shaa :)

OKOROCHA..........THE ACTION MAN!!!!

"Governor Rochas Okorocha of Imo State has directed that the salaries of the Commissioner for Finance, John Okafor, and the Permanent Secretary in the ministry, Uchenna Eche, be suspended for allegedly delaying the payment of salaries of some local government workers and teachers." Okorocha, who also announced that his administration would begin paying N100, 000 to students of the Imo State University on Tuesday, warned that his administration would no longer tolerate sharp practices by some of his aides, who he said were in the habits of lodging the salaries of workers in the bank for an accumulated interest.


As in this guy na real action governor oh. My guy is really here to work, and not to chop like other a**holes. I knew he will def make a great impact in Imo State as soon as he entered office though. Just in a short while in office, he has done a lot of positive things in Imo state. And he's doing everything possible to make his state have the best educational system in Naija. You see if Naija could have about 10 governors like this dude, I swear our country will never be the same again. As in almost everybody in Imo State loves him cos he listens to his people. We all know he's targeting that presidential seat, and that’s why he's trying to improve on his scorecard. But at the end of the day, all that matters is that he’s doing a lot of positive stuff for his state..period!!

I hear a lot of people on blogs and sh** always bashing him, talking about him being a big spender, and all his previous actions will come back to hurt him and his State...and blah blah blah blah. Well I got something for all you people criticizing him...."go put your fingers in your buttholes." At least the man is doing something positive for his state, and that’s all that matters. We are in a country were majority of our governors are only looking out for their personal interest, as well as enriching their crew. So why start criticizing a guy who's making positive moves then? You see that’s the problem we have in Naija, and we will never grow with this type of attitude wey we get. If our governors thief money, we go complain...and even when we come get any governor wey decide to spend the govt money on his people, we go still complain...which kind human beings we be sef? According to one of my guy, "We Nigerians have become so engrossed and use to deprivement and enslavement, to the extent that any goodwill from govt now looks strange and tagged with ulterior motive"...HA HA ....which is absolutley true tho.

Anyways Uncle okorocha Nothing do you jare. I dey with you all the way, and I pray for you to never fall our hand :)

(dailytimes.com)

WHATTA!!!!!!..............NAWA OHH

HA HA .....I swear nothing wey person no go see for Naija ehh. Where we go start with my guy now ehn? As in I no even know wetin to talk again sef. As in this guy na bad guyzes ohh. Ok tell me how many men do you think will be willing to dress like this (on their freaking wedding day ohh). This guy get liver jare. As in my guy get cape, crown, mini gown, ninja turtle back ribbon....infact I believe this would have actually been a perfect picture if he had a sword on the other hand,...ha ha. Anyways nothing do this man juo...as long as his wife likes it, then I guess that’s all that matters shey? Or ummmm……….whatever!

But one thing I know for sure be say if any man wey wan marry any of my female cousins (dont you like how I had to add the word female to be precise? cos these days ehhn, anything can happen..ha ha) decide to show up in a ballerina costume or some other type of crazy looking sh** like this......then na there wey people go no say krase dey worry me once in a very very while.....Cos at the end of the day, its a freaking wedding and not a Halloween day.

From his appearance, to the way im dey hold im wife hand sef, you can certainly tell say this guy don watch too much love cartoons dem....all those Cinderella, beauty and the beast and sh** load of others.
And look at his best man in the background....see as im just resemble criminal...ha ha . Nothing do any of these people jare...God bless their marriage.

But wait ohh…..is it just me or this guy looks flaming :)

SHOW ME YOUR FRIEND, AND I'LL TELL YOU WHO YOUR ARE!!...HA HA

(shout out to Frank for providing this disturbing pic...ha ha )

Ever had one of those friends that are so so dumb or so so slow, sotey when dem do something crazy in public, you go even dey embarrassed pass them?...ha ha. Yeah thats right cos I have a couple of them and for some reason I just cant get rid of them. And I'm sure people will prob be saying the same thing bout me too...ha ha


Its like taking same friend to the bar or a social gathering, and he/she will be the only one to get pissy drunk and start acting a fool......And at the end of the day, na you wey shame go even catch pass sef. The worst go come be when people go dey ask you "Is he/she your friend?" or “do you know him?” ...and you go dey scramble for the best answer to tell them. And you no wan say only yes right away, cos dem fit start to dey look you somehow too. I guess that’s when you try to prevent the "show me your friend and I'll tell you who you are" effect :)
And have you ever noticed that this type of situation usually happens when it’s a party or a get together that a friend of a friend invites you to…and you guys don’t know anybody there. Maybe you might know a couple of peeps there, but your drunk pal knows zero person there, and that’s where he/she decides to display their madness :)

I'm sure most of us don put our friends into different categories: we all have a friend we only call during time for partying; we all have a friend we call for advice; we've have a friend we just love hanging out with cos they funny; or we all have a friend we love hanging out with cos dey mad slow and dumb and we love making fun of them; or we all have a friend we love hanging out with cos dem get money...therefore we are always on a full scholarship anytime we go out with them..yeah how bout that one!!!...all you awoof peeople..I know una :)

So just judging by this pic alone, which category do you think this clown would fit in? Or would you like to have this type of guy as your friend? And also which category do you yourself fit in too? Cos as for me, if you take out the dumb part and the awoof part...then I possess all the other qualities :)
Okay I lied.....Ok add the awoof part...but my own awoof dey moderate shaa.....I only accept to be on full scholarship if that particular friend offers to buy a drink or whatever for me...And I also give people both full and partial scholarship when necessary. Unlike some guys wey dey always wait for person to sponsor them first...he he

JAMES BOND IN THE MAKING...HA HA

 Nemesis has caught up with a 26 year old Nigerian man who was arrested after he was seen with cocaine packed in two big tomato cans worth 5million Naira.

Nzeka Christian(suspect) was Nabbed by the officials of the Murtala Mohammed International Airport, Ikeja, Lagos where he tried to smuggle this drugs into Malaysia. he was also alleged to have contacted spiritual support after sleeping for days at a church and asking his pastor who knew nothing about his line of business to pray for him for his successful mission.

Yeah this wont be the first and last time we are going to hear about people trying to smuggle drugs out of Naija. We have seen different techniques these potential a**holes use in order to beat the system....And I've always wondered why do people still keep on trying to smuggle drugs out of Naija? Arent they aware that people are being caught on a daily basis at the airport? But now I’m beginning to have this feeling that there are also a good number of people that are very lucky and beat the security system. If not, I no sure say people go still dey get mind to dey do this kind business, especially knowing the fact say your life dey at stake.
Anyways I found this particular one very very funny cos of two reasons shaa:

Firstly, This guy na very smart man ohh. As in he didnt want to use the “swallow” or “butt-hole fixation” technique (cos I'm sure he felt that way wasnt reliable anymore..ha ha) So my guy decided to use "tin tomato"...of all things ohh!! I dont get it tho....I'm just here wondering how he got to put that thing inside the container, and if he resealed it back or smth? As in this na very strong man ohh...ha ha.

Okay lemme see….Mr. genius travelling out of Naija with two massive tin tomatoes. Like say dem no dey sell tin tomato for where you dey go shey? I'm just trying to imagine the kind of ridiculous answer he gave when asked why he was travelling with two big tin tomatoes...ha ha...I bet he already rehearsed his answers prior to him getting to the airport :)

Secondly, wetin dey make me laugh pass na the the way our police dey handle criminals when dem catch them. But our police dem wicked ohh…ha ha. If na person property wey you theif, dem go snap you picture along with that particular thing wey you theif...and dem dey always make sure say you hold the thing well, while dem dey snap you your full picture (f**k mugshot..ha ha)...HA HA...and the faces of these suspects are always priceless.
See as dem make my guy hold im 2 big tin tomatoes with ease....and just chilling, like say nothing dey happen….HA HA…

Anyways the guy suppose dey thankGod say na for Naija wey dem catch am shaa…Cos if to say im for make mistake carry that thing reach Malyasia, and dem come catch am for there? As in Malyasia of all places ohh? Chai!! ……infact this guy suppose change im name to "Lucky" I swear :)

(vanguardngr.com)

GALA NOW N70........NAWA OHH

You see my heart is deeply saddened to hear about this recent development. I cant forget the first time Gala came out. that sh** was like candy to me. Almost everyday on my way to school, I swear I dey buy up to five. As in I was so addicted to gala eh....and I'm sure some of una had this same experience too :)


I no go lie when I was coming to school in Yankee, the things that I knew I was going to miss dearly was my Cabin biscuit, Gala, and indomie. But the good thing was that you could buy cabin and indomie for African stores for here. But you will hardly see gala in any store, since it has to be eaten while fresh.

Even sef when dem been increase gala to N50, that thing been make me vex scatter ohh. I remember one of my guyzes even calling me to tell me about the news (cos dem been know say I no dey carry my gala play back then….ha ha)
And now N70? Come on nah.....for wetin nah? why this people just dey f**k up sef? Now dem go come talk say na subsidy cause am shey?
Infact Gala don fall my hand finish. Even when I was back in Naija last yr, I didnt eat gala as much as I used to. This na because I been notice say dem no dey put enough meat inside as before. I noticed this cos it wasn’t as tasty as before. So I decided to buy one gala and perform surgery on am. As I just open inside, to my greatest surprise, the meat wey dem put no even reach half of my pinky finger. As in ehhn, dem for don kukuma dey sell us only the bread-looking part nah....cos no damn meat was inside that thing. I was so disappointed juo.

I can strongly say that gala was much tastier and richer when it was N20. But it just lost its quality after it went to N50. So now I just dey wonder wetin im go dey taste like now they increased it to N70.

Anyways ThankGod there's something called "alternative" shaa. I tried “chivitas superbite” in Naija, and I must say that theirs was way better than gala...enough meat full the thing scatter ehh.....and very soft (yeah I like my gala looking white and very soft. I'm sure all the hawkers wey I don buy gala from go dey vex for me cos I like to go through that their carton well well in order to pick out the whitest, freshest and softest looking ones ;)
I guess a lot of people will be joining the chivita superbite band wagon, since its way better than gala now...and its still N50. The only people I feel for are the gala hawkers. But I'm sure the smart ones will also have Chivita in that their carton too :)
Maybe now na only the people wey dey work for gala go come dey buy, dey chop their own product

You see its so unfortunate that the quality of most of our home made products (regardless of their industry) often decline, instead of improving.....and I wonder why...oops I'm lying....Cos I totally forgot thats how we do in Naija ;)

GUESS WHAT?????

OUR FEDERAL GOVERNMENT SPENT N4.8 BILLION ON SCHOOL FEES OF AMBASSADOR'S CHILDREN IN 2011..............!!!!...as in I weedah ehh

Anyways as far as I dey concerned, I don't think there's anything wrong if our FG pays the school fees of our diplomats children (afterall na our gov't send them go their various locations nah). But I know a lot of people will disagree, and feel the diplomats should be responsible for paying their own children's school fees, since dem dey make too much money, accompanied with all the great benefits the get too (which I also agree too)......But for FG to spend N4.8b?...come on nah....as in this money we dey talk about no be beans ohh.

Ok lemme just break it down this way:

OUR FG SPENT N4.8b TO EDUCATE THE CHILDREN OF ABOUT 100 DIPLOMATS.....BUT SPENT JUST N396b TO EDUCATE THE CHILDREN OF ABOUT 120 MILLION NAIJA PEEPS IN 2011.......how freaking awesome :)

Umm if I could remember, didnt Uncle Johnny tell us that if fuel subsidy isnt removed, our economy will collapse?  what an epic statement..ha ha :)
and the funny thing be say our so called Reps are all acting mad and hard, like they gonna do a damn thing about it.

"The House of Representatives foreign affairs committee headed by Nnena Elendu-Ukeje on Thursday expressed shock at the huge bill the foreign affairs ministry spends annually on school fees.
Lawmakers said ministry officials have been presenting such fees and other expenditures of the ministry in bulk without details, names of beneficiaries, thereby allowing officials a freehand to later adjust the approved figures, and spend same unilaterally."


HA HA ....like we dont know its gonna be business as usual ke......U GOTTA LUV NAIJA...the strangest country on face of the earth :)

(premiumtimesng.com)

LOOKS WHOS NOW PART OF THE PRESIDENTIAL ENVOY....HA HA

You see ehhn, anybody for Naija wey tell you say "crime doesn't pay"...that person just dey im own little empty world :)

But this life dey funny ohh. See this guy ehh...tout of all touts...as in real bad guy ehh... na now the person wey dey travel overseas anyhow dey inspect training facilities for our Federal government.
Incase some of you guys dont know, Boyloaf was one of the militant leaders that dropped his arms and embraced the amnesty program by our Federal gov't.

And abeg dont get me wrong ohh...cos i'm actually proud of him and his other militant colleagues like Tompolo and co.....and as much as I wasnt a fan of Yaradua, i really give the man props on his amnesty program for real.

But to my own perspective, what I really find disturbing about this whole situation is this.  "what happened to the whole emancipation that these various militant leaders were talking about?" Or can I can I come to conclusion that all these guys were all fighting for their own pocket, and not for their people? Secondly, what type of message is this type of news actually sending to our youths?"
Go to university...get your degree....barely find any job....remain unemployed, till.....who knows :(
OR
f**k school....find a reason to fight the gov't...become a nationally recognized tout/freedom fighter...and our gov't calls you for negotiation...and before you know it, you are over-laughing straight to the bank.

Anyways I've always supported these Niger Delta Militants right from the get go, cos I felt it was about time they stood for their own right. But I just hope they're still focused and never forget to see their various Niger Delta communities as their number one priority.....shikena

But money sweet oohh....see a whole boyloaf wey dey stay for creek, no dey wear shirt, no dey baff.....now na im dey fresh like this...come resemble better person...HA HA .....who talk say money no good ehhh :)

WHY OH WHY? NAWA 4 SOME BABES OHH

So someone just sent me this pic....At first I was like “yeah there's a lot going on in this pic.” But I was still trying to figure out why this pic was sent to me (since the sender didnt put any description along in the email)


So after much scrutiny, I then realized what is was..........ITS THE FREAKING EYEBROWS, DAMMIT!!! :)

The ibotic chicka shaved her damn eyebrows, and drew them back with an eyepencil on her fore-head...ha ha

You see this is what happens when most of you women be shaving off your eyebrows.And I found this so so ironic cos when my wife came with me to Naija, she was shocked to see a lot of women who shaved off their eyebrows and replaced it with eye pencil drawing.......or women that use lip pencil to line their lips black..or the ones that put very thick eye shadow. That was probably the biggest culture shock she received when she was there.

As in ehhn, since we came back from that journey in 09, every now and then, she will just bring up that question "baby why do some Nigerian women shave off their eyebrow, and also add lip pencil to line their lips?" And as I'm writing this post, I still haven’t given her any correct answer till today....I just keep on beating around the bush….cos I really dont know what to say. Umm nope thats not true. I think I actually told her one time that it was probably a culture thing, or they just used to it, and feel it looks sexy one them. But I dont think that she bought that answer....ha ha....and I dont think I can ever give here any good answer for real. Cos as far as she's concerned, she and every other American women find that act very "funny and crazy"..lol.....And me too also find am to be very "CRAZY" too for real...ha ha :)

So if any of una think say you know the reason why our women dey do that kind thing, abeg make you tell me, so that I go give the woman correct answer jare...he he.

Note to all my beautiful Naija/African ladies in general: "There's nothing as sexy as a well shaped natural  eyebrow.....In order words, STOP THE WHOLE EYE-PENCIL EYEBROW SHAPING.......NOT COOL...NOT COOL!!   :)


I bet you tomorrow nah this babe go come out dey tell people say she be make-up artist :)

OUR AUNTY PATIENCE TRAVELS WITH 32 AIDES...!!!....YOU GOTTA LUV OUR AUNTY :)

So I been hear say our first lady recently went to AU summit in Addis Ababa.....and guess how many aides accompanied her? 32...as in Thirty-freaking-two.
Umm if I can remember, didnt our uncle Johnny just promise us that he would reduce waste in governance? Or na only me hear am? or was I dreaming or smth? or didnt I also hear am say the only way to save money go be through subsidy?

You see, what annoys me about Naija be say we too dey do like say na we better pass every other African countries....raising our chest and shoulders high, moving around with nonsense pride...despite the fact say we actually have nothing to show for, if you come to think about it. And I bet you other African countries go just dey laugh us anytime we wan start our usuall noise making. I still dont know why we still living in past past past glory.
I'm still trying to figure out what does our aunty Patience need 32 aides for? I'm guessing its our tax payers money that will be used for this trip shey? Umm just wondering ohh....me no talk anything negative shey?  ;)

Anyways, its so unfortunate that during this fuel subsidy protest, we were unable to seize such a golden opportunity to start a revolution. All because of some bunch of NLC leaders/faggots who betrayed us. Well, I guess another time. But till then, lets keep on doing what we do best..."suffering and smiling :)

(saharareporters.com)

SEE MASSOB DEY GIVE ARMY 48HRS ULTIMATUM OHH!!

AWKA-THE Movement for the Actualization of the Sovereign State of Biafra, MASSOB, yesterday gave the Nigerian Army 48 hours to release its members arrested and detained in Onitsha since last Sunday, saying its non-violent posture should not be mistaken for weakness.

Addressing newsmen in Onitsha, MASSOB Director of Information, Mr. Uchenna Madu, also demanded release of corpses of the organisation’s members allegedly killed same day for proper burial.


YEAH YEAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH....Until I see am with my own eyes ehh


You see one thing about igbo people be say dem too dey make too much noise. They are usually the victims of any sort of religious crisis or chaos that erupts in Naija, regardless of the region. Everytime na so dem go dey butcher us up and down like fowl, and yet na so so talk we sabi. Dem don butcher us for Jos, we no talk...Boko Haram come dey butcher our people for North, and yet we never do anything. And now Naija army don enter our land dey butcher us ke. Come on Mehn....

It’s pathetic that igbos can’t stand for their own right. And later this so called Massob people go come out dey talk "we are trying to do a peaceful demonstration". Peaceful my a**. Okay where peaceful demonstration don take una go? Those days of Ghandi and Martin Luther King don pass jare. And even if im never pass, such type of demonstration style cannot happen in Naija.

Everytime na so so Biafra/Massob wharever wey igbo peeps don dey carry for head for how many years now, and yet nobody send for them. See Boko Haram wey just come out yesterday don dey even make our government dey shiver sef....This is to show us say the only way you can make your message heard in Naija is by being violent. Unfortunately that’s what it has come up to. Cos if you start to dey do Ghandi style, even your children-children no go fit still send your message to the government.

I'm sick and tired of a these fake threats jare. If you want to shoot, then shoot and dont talk. Jeez. Anyways make we dey see shaa. Shey 24hrs don pass...so we have another 24hrs left. So make we dey see the outcome. As much as nobody wants violence, but I think its about time these whole Massob guys change this their "peaceful demonstration" bullsh**, go equip themselves and be ready for war. Cos this is just getting out of hand. Our so called army (which we all know is controlled by the north) cannot do this to OPC or Boko Haram....But na always for igbo people body wey dem go dey do gra-gra!!

One thing I know for sure be say if igbo peeps continue this their whole "talk and no action bullsh**," then 100yrs from now, The only time people will hear about Igbos will be in history classes"...cos by then we go don go extinction finish :)

But how can we achieve our goal when we igbos cannot come together as one? If we truly start war now, before you know it, our government will meet some of our ndigbo leaders and bribe them and their boys...and before you know it, war don end. I guess people are right when they say "na we like money pass"  :(

(vanguardngr.com)

MY AFRICAN PEOPLE, I PRESENT TO YOU "AZONTO"

Okay so I'm a big fan of all types of dance moves, especially the African ones. And yes I can step really good too. People wey sabi me me go fit attest to my dancing capabilities nah :)

My favorite dance steps...Umm lemme see...Galala, Makossa, Swohh and ofcourse my all time favorite, "alanta" :)
As in ehhn, when Alanta came out, I was going crazy over the dance step...Its just mad kool. Even sef, I dey dance alanta when I go Yankee clubs....and na so people go just dey look me (I'm sure they prob be like "WTF is this nukka doing"?...ha ha)

Anyways I never thought there will be another dance step as sick as Alanta. But I guess I was wrong. Last October when I threw my house party, one of my Ghanaian pals brought his cd and gave the DJ to play. And when the songs came up, he started doing this crazy dance step...and people just gather am dey shout, dey ginger my guy. And I was like "wow this step correct ohh." At first I thought he was just making it up, but when I later went to a couple of Ghanaian parties, I then realized that a new dance has come to light. "AZONTO"
As in I love this dance step so much. Its just mad kool ehh. I think it’s kind of a mixture of African dance mixed with London "migraine skank" or whatever dem dey call am for there sef.

To be honest, I gotta say that this “azonto” dance step (and the songs that go with it) just put Ghana back on the map ehh. We all know Naija has always got the craziest and hottest dance steps. There's even this new Naija dance step called "etighi". Yeah its really cool too. But Mehn I swear this "AZONTO" dance step is just untouchable right now. And sorry My Naija peeps, I'm going Ghana for now. Azonto all the way.

YES CHARLAY CHARLAY CHARLAY:)

And is it just me or Ghanain artists are also stepping their game up big time too :)
Big ups to my Ghanaian people jare

MY NEW WORD INVENTION......"PROSADE"

Guys I swear I don invent new language ehh..jokes aside. So if any of una get link to the people wey dey produce dictionary, abeg let me know, so they can include my new word. At least make im be say Naija man don invent smth nah. Anyways here it is:

Definition: A prosade is the art of combining a protest and a crusade at any given place and time. In the beginning phase, the protesters lead the movement. Then towrads the end, a "man of God" takes over. Such event can only be seen in the West African country of Nigeria.

Okay so this picture was among the many pictures I received regarding the fuel subsidy protest thingy in my homeland, Imo State. So at first, when I was scrolling at the pictures, They looked like a typical protest picture....and I was happy that my people have finally decided to join their fellow brothers across the country and say “enough is enough” you know.

But as I kept on scrolling down, na im I come see the protesters dey kneel down hot korota ohh, dey even raise their hand up join sef. So me come be like "shooooo"...who's making them do this nah, and why why why? So within the 5 seconds wey I been dey look the picture, my mind don dey go plenty places in regards to wetin make this people dey kneel down like this. Then I immediately recalled that the last time I saw a bunch of grown ass people kneel down like this and raise their hands up, na for church. Inside me, I was like “I was like I hope its not what I'm thinking ohh.” Then I decided to keep on scrolling down...and BEHOLD, there's a reverend father in the house!!! .....and I'm sure una already know wetin I wan talk nah ;)

Yeah so I believe It’s only in Naija that you will see these so called "men of God" go just appear in the most random places/events ever. Like lets be for real right here....Its a freaking protest for goodness sake, so why bring in a reverend father in this? Why is he there? Okay as im don come now, anything don change? or dem don give dem special key to Imo State government house? I don’t understand why most of we Naija peeps fail to realize say no be everything wey we go just dey call God name up and down. There are certain situations that we have to take matters into our own hands in order to get the type of result that we want. And this Fuel subsidy is a good example. If we all come together as one, there are certain actions we could take that would make our government to revert the fuel price. There are also actions we could take which would drastically change our government system for good, thereby making all our so called leaders accountable to we the citizens. Afterall a few countries did it recently. So we should start taking necessary actions, instead of waiting and hoping for God to come down from heaven and change the fuel price for us.

And nobody can tell me that he came with the sole purpose of joining in the protest.....na pure lie be that oh. Dude had this sh** all planned. Even making the protesters dey kneel down for that hot korota wey fit wound person knee cap...But guess what? My guy is standing tall ehh...ha ha. And I fit bet you say at the end of that day, that guy been collect offering money. Believe me!! Mehnn Only if we used our God given brains most of the time....and I swear things will be much much better for us.

Just look at the lady with the cap on the left side, she just dey into the whole thing, like say dem dey give present to the person wey sabi kneel down pass. Or even look at the lady with container of garri for her head….holding her garri firmly with one hand, and raising the other one up…….CHAI…I just feel for my people

GUYZ WAKE UP...THIS SHOULD BE A FREAKING PROTEST, AND NOT A CRUSADE !!!!

NIGER DELTA YOUTHS ARE VEXING........

A group, Coalition of Niger Delta Youths, yesterday, threatened to shut down oil facilities belonging to various multi-national oil companies in the region if government fails to revert to N65 per litre in line with the yearnings of the majority of the Nigerian masses. ‘We are giving President Jonathan 24 hours ultimatum to reverse the pump price to N65 and failure to do so, we will go back to our communities and when we go back to our communities, we will ensure that all the oil installations in the creek is made not to work

Ehenn...na now guyzes are talking sense. In my own perspective, this is prob the best way to make uncle Johny think twice about this absurd decision he took.

So this is what I think would happen if these guys really execute their attacks, instead of giving empty threats jare:

Niger Delta youths blow up foreign oil facilities.....Oil production will be shut down.........price of petrol for Yankee go come rise up...then our Uncle Obama and the American people go wan know wetin dey really happen for Naija......CNN and other major networks go come dey show the world wetin dey happen for Naija........then Uncle Obama go come call Uncle Johny dey ask am "Johny how far you nah? I just dey see wetin dey happen for your area. But nawa4u ohh…you no dey try at all. You know say US election dey come up soon, and I dey try do everything possible to revive my economy for hia, in order to get re-elected. So if you know want make serious yawa burst between me and you, then you better put that petrol price back to N65, or to a much lower price sharp sharp. Then after I get re-elected, you and your government fit do anything wey una wan do....You dey hia me so?" And uncle Johnny go probably tell am "Uncle Bam Bam, not only have I heard everything wey you just talk, but I dey also believe you scatter ehh."

Then Uncle Johnny go come announce say after much consideration, he has decided to change the whole subsidy thingy. Then the Nigerian people will live happily ever after.....and everyone will forget about occupy Naija……and our suffering and smiling levels continues :(

(momentng.com)

THE SLAPPING FESTIVAL......... AWESOME!!

So I'm sure most of you guys saw that video where Bishop Oyedepo slapped the living krase out of one chick who claimed to be a “witch for Jesus”. LOL.....as in ehn, me self was surprised when I watched it cos I never saw that coming eh. What I found very interesting was how this video just gained international attention recently. Mind you, this was a video that has been on youtube for almost a year now. But for some reason the thing has received so much attention recently...sotey it was even posted on worldstarhiphop.com :)


Well, a lot of people supported the Bishop's action, while others condemned it shaa. As for me, where do I stand? Umm well it depends. As much as I believe that 99% of Naija pastors are criminals, I still got some kind of respect for this dude tho. I remember like 7yrs ago, when I came back to Naija, my aunt took me to his church for a sunday worship, and mehnnn.....see church ehh. Even as I enter there, fear been catch me sef. The size of this dude's church is unfreaking-believable. Infact that Canaan land na city on its own. I was shocked for real. I gotta say the dude is smart tho. Even my younger bro is a very big fan of the guy. I remember when my bro been dey Naija, sometimes when I call am, im go tell me say im dey go Winners Chapel for spiritual week. Sometimes I go wan even ask am "O boy nawa4u ohh. Why you dey leave PH dey go all the way to Winners wey dey for Lasgidi? Na so the church take sweet you reach?" But I usually held back my words….make im no be like say me no want am to grow spiritually in Christ you know :)

Anyways I started getting irritated when my bro used to tell me how this guy commands people and boasts...and how he got a private jet....and so on and so forth. And I'm like wo wo wo...This nukka actually got himself a private jet? And majority of his congregation are struggling to make ends meet. And when Sunday comes, they give all their money to this dude, all in the name of tithes/offering/sowing a seed?

Anyways back to what I was yarning… So Mr. Bishop recently responded about the video, and this was what he said
The Bishop who was unrepentant said "People now complain on the Internet that I slapped a witch. If I see another one, I'll slap," Still, he bragged today, "It is my ministry to slap!"


LOL LOLZ LOLZ....Oga shey na your ministry to slap.......foolish man. You see this is how you know people that boast a lot, and feel like they're mini gods.
This na the same man wey been go see late Yaradua when he was sick, and after the meeting, he refused to respond to the questions regarding the president's condition as of then. Instead he stated

"It is true that I visited him, "It is a private visit, and I don't owe the public any obligation. It is a private visit and I don't want to comment further on it."


Like Really?? You see these days, I dont even blame these pastors so much. It’s all those so called members that I blame. We Nigerians are so caught up with this whole Christianity and Faith thingy, that we hardly use our brains anymore to think outside the box. And that’s why we easily become the mugus of these so called pastors/bishop/apostles/prophet/evangelist and all other names they be giving themselves.....all in the name of Christianity. Chai. Mehn God get plenty things to judge on that faithful day ohh.......

MY PEOPLE OPEN YOUR EYES AND STOP BEING DECEIEVED BY MOST OF THESE A**HOLES. I know some people might be offended because I dey criticize their daddy (You know say all these loyal members of churches are very very quick to defending their pastors....ha ha)

Anyways what I would really wonna know is this......Yes I know the bible said "Thou shall not suffer a witch to live"...and Mr. bishop can use that to underpin his decision to whoozing the chick. And he could also argue that he wasn’t slapping the girl directly… instead it was the witch inside her that he was targeting, since it used her to make mockery of God...okay fair enough.

Oya ohh lets do a lil Nawa4u algebra right here in regards to the incident.

If "Bishop + girl who claims to be a witch = SLAP"
Then "Bishop + Big politician or Wealthy member who claims to be a witch = ???????"

That’s Naija 4 u my people….the land of oppression :)

FUEL SUBSIDY/OLOKPA BRUTALITY!!!

You know its only in Naija that you will see a group of people come together to do smth, but when yawa come burst, you are on your own. Thats one thing I dont just understand. If you take a look at previous protests in other parts of the world, when one person is being arrested, other people will do everything possible to save the guy...and if they cant, they will prefer to get arrested too. Thats what I call unity. And this is why Naija will always remain Naija, and will never move forward. We lack unity and spirit of struggle and revolution I swear.
I sure say una hear as one girl been dey say "see what they are doing to this boy" Duhhh, yes they are beating the living krase out of him, and all of una wey dey claim protesters just dey there dey look film...instead of bonding as one and finding a way to prevent the guy from being pounded. Yes I know say out police people their head no good, and them fit shoot people wey come close....but come on, you cant tell me if all those protesters come together and approach those olokpas, they will oepn fire.

Anyways so this is what I believe is going to happen. "Double the fuel price, the citizens will be mad and there will be a major outcry and protests around the nation, then at the end of the day, the FG will reduce the price to somewhere around N100/liter...and we the citizens will feel we our voices have been heard cos we fought a good fight...and then we will foolishly accept this new price....and the whole protest and whining will just end all of a sudden....and we will continue our suffering and smiling ...as usual. 

In my 27 yrs on this planet earth, I believe the most absurd thing I've ever heard is that the 5th largest oil producing country in the world have been importing oil for the past few yrs.....why? cos all their refineries are broken down, and there's no money to repair them. But yet billions of Naira are being stolen every month by the government officals????? This is even worst than when some of my American friends ask me if I see lions walking around in my neighborhood back in Nigeria...... or even when people call afirca a country.
??????????????????????????
This type of situation really makes me ashamed of my beloved country for real.