ATTENTION TO ALL MY BAD GUYZ OUT THERE!!!!....

(NB: this experiment only applies to most babes currently living in Naija)

Have you ever been beaten up by your wife/fiancee/girlfriend/jump off/?

Have you ever been stabbed by your wife/fiancee/girlfriend/jump off other?

Have your wife/fiancee/girlfriend/jump off, done any type of juju to you before?

Have you ever seen your wife/fiancee/girlfriend/jump off, turn into a wild animal right in front of you?  

Ever thought your girl can never cheat on you?

Ever imagined being killed by your wife/fiancee/girlfriend/jump off

OFCOURSE NOT!!! ...that na wetin we Naija men go talk, cos we just feel these things are impossible. You know why? Cos we are the dominant gender, we run things, and are much more stronger than the females. I dont think any man would actually come out and agree to any of those options above (maybe except the juju one somehow)

Well make i put am this way....If you be man, and you feel it is impossicant for you to ever experience any of those stuff i stated above, then all i need from you na to try this one quick experiment with her property, then send me an email 24hrs later to tell me how it went  (hopefully you will be alive to tell the story...ha ha) 

CLICK ON THE "read more" LINK BELOW TO SEE WHAT YOU SHOULD DO......just one very easy step, and goodluck ;)

WETIN BE THIS SEF?????

Okay just incase shaa, make i use this opportunity to let you guys know that my favorite soup is Egusi....as in correct one with, lots of orishirishi (as in goat meat, chicken, isam, okporoko and all other good suckulent stuff)

And for some reason, i think i am the only one who puts okra in their egusi soup. I know it sounds weird, but trust me, if u chop am ehhn, u no go even know when u bite ur own finger commot sef :)

Anyways what i just wanted to say na about this egusi pic.......Well, i can say for the 20 smth years wey i don live for this earth, i'v seen a lot of egusi soup, both sweet ones ohh, and sour ones, or the ones wey yellow well well, or the ones wey their color dey like diarrhea.  But for some reason, I no dey feel this particular egusi soup picture at all.

Dont get me wrong, it might be really tasty tho...but first impression/looks matter for me...so i'm sorry...the soup no just sexy at alllllll :(
This looks more like a swimming pool to me, than a soup :(

ONLY IN NAIJA.....

(shout out to Betty for all these ridiculous pics...ha ha )
















LIKE SERIOUSLY?


AND PEOPLE ACTUALLY GONNA FALL FOR THIS BULL CRAP???????

I'm sure we all know that these various newspapers do make their money from ad spaces that they sell to either companies or individuals. But i think its about time they stop letting foolish people advertise all these stupid a** ads like this.
Probably one of the most ridiculous things i've seen since this yr.

And ofcourse its gotta be an igbo man that will do smth like this....smchew

"protect your husband from strange women"....WHATTA????
How about "protect your money from fraudsters"  like you, Mr. so called Anosike.

this kind of crap be pissing me off so bad...real talk tho :)

THE HEIGHT OF IRRESPONSIBILITY.......................!!!!!!!

YOU GOTTA BE F**KING KIDDING ME RIGHT???????

One a very serious note tho, why dont we Nigerians ever respect our damn selves, or even our profession, or even our country at least huh? This is what happens when touts turn into lawyers as a result of bribery and corruption...if not, which normal human being wey go a law school, go actually wear this kind thing dey go court sef? even if u be Clifford Orji sef....

And this na the kind person wey go wan represent person for court?
Yes i know its very tough being a lawyer in Naija. Majority of them are kinda hungry tho, especially those one wey like to dey do "cut n' bail"......But Come on nahhhh.....this one don really pass hunger levels juo :(

Cant stop looking at this picture and wondering who would actually take this buffoon serious tho.......HA HA HA HA HA
I swear if I saw this guy in person, ama just walk up to him, slap that sh** off his head, and walk away.....and i'm not kidding about it.....but seriously tho, WTF was this dude thinking????!!!!
And the clown got the nerves to raise his fingers up like he's trying to ask a very important question, or giving an important speech....ha ha...anuofia!!!

PH TRAFFIC...........THE MOST FRUSTRATING THING EVER!!

Before I start, lemme just put it this way..."I'm a typical Port Harcourt boy ehh." Born in PH, grew up in PH, did my primary and secondary school in PH. Infact ehn, shout out to all my PH peeps out there jare. You see PH was like the most happening place back in the days for real. After all, 10yrs ago, nobody even talked about abuja (I even remember those days when they transfer civil servants to Abuja, dem no go even wan go because the place wasnt developed then...but now, thats where everybody wonna be at...ha ha....life is just too funny ehh)
So it hurts so so so bad to see this once "garden city" turn into a war zone. One of the most bubbling places back then, is now a place where to even commot for night na WAEC. Mehn i swear it just hurts  to see that my own PH town has deteriorated over the past decade, and is now the center of all sorts of crimes n' stuff. Thanks to that criminal, Mr. Peter Odili

Well with Amaechi in power, believe me, things are just going great. I can vivdly say that there is hope once again. If you havent been to PH for the past 2yrs, then i dey use God name dey beg you to go there now. I swear your jaw is gonna to drop. Is it the new hospitals, courthouses, clean streets, or so many other good stuff that this Amaechi guy is doing? Then u also need to come see the state schools. Okay lemme put it like this. "You can easily compare the state primary schools in PH, to the ones here in Yankee....No kidding. Anyone that has been to PH recently can attest to what i'm saying. Every student get im own laptop, air condition in the classes...infact it's just a phenomenal job.

But as things are changing for better, there is one thing that is still a big problem in PH.......TRAFFIC aka "HOLD UP" aka "GO SLOW"
Mehn i swear PH traffic no be joke ohh. Back in the days, it took us about 25 mins to drive from our home to mumsi's workplace...but now?????.....I no go even lie, it takes us a good 1hr 30mins everyday to get to her workplace. The hold up is just too bad and so so damn frustrating. The worst be say u can stay in one place for over 15mins without moving. The town is wey too congested and there is only one major road, which is aba rd.    The worst is on wednesdays when they have this oil mill market....oh my God....i swear u fit sleep for traffic sef, and by the time u don reach house, morning don dey reach already for you to go back work.

I was so fustrated in PH with the traffic, and the wey people drove too over there ehn. Poeple no dey gree make u enter their line...dem go just dey drive bumper to bumper, dey bone face like say u dey fight them. To be honest tho, PH is not an easy place to live in right now, cos i swear every single person has turned into a lunatic in that town...and if u cant beat them, u gats join them nah :(
Thats why i had to run away from PH after like 2 weeks...cos i began to notice that i was becoming very violent anytime i hit the road, and didnt want a situation where correct man like me go dey fight person for road u know ;)...cos na big time f**k up nah ;)

So one day on my way back home, stuck in traffic as usual, and bored as hell, so decided to bring out my camera to do some capturing as usual :)...ha ha ...The traffic that day was so bad such that even peeps start to dey come out of the transport buses, dey waka dey go their house (I'll put up the video by monday, cos i dont have my computer with me and i'm out of town..ha ha )
But i guarantee you this is just temporary...cos i trust our governor Amaechi...and i'm very certain that this "go slow" thingy will be a thing of the past very soon. Lets bring our Garden city back to life jare :)

HAPPY FAMILY........HA HA HA HA HA......BUT WTF????

(Shout out to Betty Braimah for providing another crazy ass pic)




















You know I would have really loved to say smth, but i actually dont know what to say cos this sh** don paralyze my whole bodi finish ehh. For some reason, the pic just got me muted anytime i set my eyes on it :(
Maybe someone should help me say smth about this thing that i'm looking at...cos as i dey here so, the afraid wey just dey catch me no be small one ohh.

well i guess i'll just have to do what i do best.........HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

But can u imagine having kids with your partner (who happens not be the most attractive individual out there), and all of them come out looking just like him/her.....as in no damn difference ohh......That na big time falling of hand be that jare......HA HA...and that na the kind falling of hand wey u no go even fit get mind/liver to go confront your so called partner about the situation. Cos i cannot actually imaging someone telling his/her partner "honey, how you take born this kind children wey i no even know wetin dem resemble sef ehn?"   HA HA HA HA

Anyways whoever did this pic been really do am well shaa...HA HA ....but i still dont understand why the woman/mother  looks like someone who got d**k n' balls tho....just saying  :(

or does she really have dick n' balls for real?  who knows :(

BOZZA...BOZZA...BO BO BO.....BOZZAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!

(shout out to Betty Braimah for providing this hot mess)





















This is a typical example where an illiterate comes in contact with technology. You see its one thing when you're an illiterate and you talking face to face with a learned person. Your illiteracy level no go too show like that because you are just talking and not writing anything on paper.
I think the painful thing about this whole situation be say there are a whole lot of graduates in Naija that are like this. Mehn, i could remember during my NYSC camp in 09'....we were like 40 guys in a room, and mehn, there were some guys in that room that i dont even know how they ended up in that camp, talkless of how they even graduated from secondary school ohh....not even talking about university sef :(
Anyways i guess since corruption na our daily bread, then we will continue to see this kind of spelling madness on the internet chat rooms, as well as hear such pronunciation madness amongst some of our so called peers ;(

And speaking of spelling sef, i noticed that some of my postings dey get some lil grammatical errors. Well, at least my own dey different shaa cos i dey hurry when i dey post these things, and I never have time to go through what i do post. So as i said right from the first time i started this blog "pls if u see any grammatical bozza for this blog, just continue reading juo, and act like say u no know wetin dey happen ;)

To be onest, I tink whoever was behaind that keyboad must be extrimly brainless. Like seriyoursly how da heck will you make sush speling erro...then ur chat buddy notifys you abaut yor erro...and then u realized what you just did.....u kinda brushed it off, and akted like it was just one of thoze sily mistakes....and then you try to fix it up the second time....and it even gets more worserer...... HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

NAWA TO THIS MAN OHH......

"The Abia State Chairman of Labour Party (LP), Chief Obi Aguocha, said yesterday that he has prepared his own burial programme, as he awaits death in the hands of those who might think that he is talking too much. He said that he did that to make things easy for those he alleged have been threatening him with death through phone calls and text messages.


Aguocha said that he has discovered that no matter how long one stays in life , whether he says the truth or not, he would one day die and for this reason, he has bought his own casket , made a choice of suit for his burial.
He stated that one thing he would not fail to do is to tell the truth, adding that his supposed killers can come now if they so wish. Aguocha, who spoke to Daily Sun in his home, Ohuhu, joined numerous Abians to call for the cancellation of the guber poll, alleging that there was no election. He also believed that, the sitting government has not done well at all."

Okay so i know there have been some peeps that could actually sense when their death don dey reach....and i feel most of them are usually peeps that have gotten involved in some sort of crazy stuff like blood money rituals, ogboni and all other bull-craps)
You see this news is actually the first of its kind, such that the guy not only knows that he will be killed soon, but he also went and bought himself a freaking coffin and prepared his own burial program.....this guy no dey play ohh.....i really want to laugh so so so so hard, but i dont know if this kind of news is worth laughing at, or i should just keep my mouth shut and feel pity for the poor dude :(
anyways i guess a lil laugh wouldn't hurt tho, cos this is really some real disturbing, but funny sh** too...ha ha ha

Well, i guess this is what happens when you want to be "Mr. Honest" in the midst of criminals, animals and vagabonds who only think about themselves and how to suck all milk from our govt's vast boobs..Anyways Chief I wish u well and God dey ur side jare, and he will continue to protect anyone trying to change Naija for good :)


But damn, is it just me, or na burial rice dey sweet pass :(


(daily sun)

NAWA 4 OUR GOV'T OHH...

So i just heard that our president's inauguration will last for one week at a budget of N5 billion (which is like $32 million). The church service alone is suppose to cost N62 million.

Anyways shaa, i dont know how true this is...but if its actually true, then i think we would really and quickly begin to pray for this our country called Nigeria. Cos i just cant see how the masses are suffering like crazy, trying to make ends meet...while our government is looking to spend such ridiculous amount of money just for inauguration ceremony. Come on nah!!
This national cake gats reach everybody hand ohh...cos me i no just understand wetin dey happen for this land sef :(
But u see the craziest thing is that this N5 billion we talking about is like nothing to some people in Naija (esp those our political assholes wey don loot all the lootables)

(sahara reporters)

IN NAIJA, ITS ALL ABOUT YOUR GINGER......HA HA

So just tell me why i was caught up in some crazy mess....Okay it was about 4am, and we decided to stop by the indomie joint (at Wuse 2) before we head home (to Gwarimpa)
We don order finish ohh, and na so one ashewo just came up to the indomie guy and started blabbing "i don dey here for over 30 mins, and yet you never make my indomie....but you don dey give people wey come after me their indomie. Which kind krase dey worry you?."
So another ashewo (wearing the black cap) who came with her friend, heard the conversation and was like "Na lie ohh..im no go happen for hia. I been come here before you, so that one no go happen for hia."
When i see as both of them start to dey ginger themselves, i immediately perceived trouble, and headed straight for my camera. The ashewo's friend (on the yellow native) started pushing her friend away not to fight the other ashewo....and in the video at some point, you will think the ashewo wanted to even fight her friend....At a point sef, the ashewo started to even push men wey been wan come separate the fight....no be small thing ohh :(

So they later left both of them to fight..but none of them even tried to give the first punch sef......smchew...silly ass ladies....Anyways while i was taping their fight, the ashewo's friend now saw me, and told her friend who was fighting that i was taping them. Before i know wetin dey happen, they started talking to each other in some language so, and both women later turned to me, and just rushed me to collect my camera. Na so i just turn off the thing, and told them that if they come near me, i go break their head....HA HA ...u just gotta love when people dey ginger for Naija ehh.

But the two chicks no gree ehh.....na so dem hold me for shirt ohh...i was like "SHOOOO"...which kind closeness be this one sef....So in order to avoid my own krase to come out of me, i just decided to take off my shirt for them, and went to my car to get another one (luckily i had it in one of my bags). So three mobile policemen that saw the incident from afar now came by and started asking what was going on...so the ladies told them. Can you believe the three idiots now asked me to bring the camera. I immediately laughed for like 5secs...literally like HA HA HA HA HA......then i now said to them "oga na lie ohh..thats not happening." Na so these olokpas start to dey ginger, dey talk say dem go arrest me for here....after that comment, that was when i even said HA HA HA HA HA the more. Then i now told them "im be like say krase don dey worry three of una shey? You know who i be?" Mehn these guys come get mind tell me say dem no care and dem go arrest me if i talk again. So i immediately respected myself and went straight to my car to go get my other phone and call one of my oga who is an AIG of police. So when these dudes now saw the type of car i was riding, they immediately came to where i was seating in the driver's seat, and started telling me "Our Chairman no be so nah..come let us resolve this issue like grown men."..i was like WTF????? i now told them "no ohh, i personally prefer to resolve it like a small pikin, cos i go make sure say you three policemen go sleep for cell, accompanied with those two women too. So after all the pleading n stuff, i decided not to call, and forgot about the whole thingy.

But can u believe that as i was about to drive off that area, these same policemen had the nerve to come up to me and was like "our Chairman do smth for your boys. We dey loyal."    ?????????????????????????? Mehn i wish i had all this aftermath on camera ehh...una for laugh die. Anyways In Naija ,its all about who ginger pass ehh" I guess my ginger been kill the policemen their ginger"...HA HA......WHAT A COUNTRY!!!!

MAY 21ST....MAY 21ST...MAY 21ST.....MAY 21ST

I'm sure say all of una don hear say the world will be coming to an end on the 21st of May, 2011.......umm shooooo.....thats actually 2 days from now oh :(
AGGRRHH......u see wetin dey pain me pass now be say i have a real correct party to attend that saturday night ehh...umm well i dont know bout u guys tho, but as for me, i must to attend that party. See me see trouble ohh. Why must it be the day that i plan to drink, blaze some joint, and have fun, that the world will now end huh?

Ohh na true ohh....in my previous post, i talked about a guy who came up in the indomie joint where we were eating in Abuja, and he started blabbing about how the world will end on May 21st, and we should repent.
Anyways what i dont just understand is why they keep on letting this Harold Camping guy (the founder of this familyradio.com thingy) spread rubbish news around. This is not the first or second time that he has done this bullcrap, and it turned out to be false predictions....and now he's back at it again...I'm just sick and tired of people trying to pull one stupid ass stunt or the other. This world has been around since Adam & Eve, and plenty people don come this world, did their time, and finally died.......So why must it be during my time that the world will end huh?...na lie ohh.....me i no gree. i must enjoy this earth, until Baba God tells me that my time is up....But until then, the world aint ending sh** jare.

But wait a min ohh....so what actually happened to Jesus coming as a thief in the night huh? Cos me i never see any thief wey dey first inform im victims say im dey come in like so so so time, so make dem make sure say all their valuable properties dey ready for collection.

Wonna know how I feel about this whole May 21st thingy?....... ABSOLUTELY NONSENSICAL :)


i know u like that terminator judgement day pic i put up there..ha ha ;)

WONNA HEAR SMTH REALLY CRAZY??????????

You sure you ready for this one? Okay hear it is


The results of a 2010 Nigeria Education Data Survey, released in Abuja, on Monday, revealed that 72 per cent of children aged between 6 and 16 years in Borno State have never been to school.
The document entitled Nigeria Education Data Survey 2010, painted a grim picture of basic education in northern Nigeria with the North-East and the North-West presenting the lowest national average of school attendance.


UNF**KING BELIEVABLE!!!!!!!


Mehn, This is just ridiculous....The FG needs to do smth asap in order to eliminate this crazy situation. Its freaking 2011 and you will expect that all kids in Naija should be in some form of school...whether na private or federal or state... This news is just disturbing and disgusting....My hausa bros them need help asap, cos the Naija govt shouldnt just sit there and watch these kids all go into cattle rearing, shining shoes, making indomie or tea, or doing meguard work. Education is the key to freaking success, so we need everyone, and i mean igbo, hausa, and yoruba to have at a least basic education (and stop fighting among our damn selves jare) so that we can all work together to make Naija a great nation :)     


but dayum that survey is disturbing shaa...chai  :(




(punchng.com)

EFCC RECOGNIZES SOME LUNATICS........THANKGOODNESS!!!

Okay so 9 outgoing governors/Lunatics accross the county who have enjoyed and abused their seat for the past four or eight years will soon be guests of the EFCC when their tenure expires on May 29.
So they have been kept under 24 hr surveillance so that they will not fly out of the country after they hand over to their successors.

Mehn this should be fun to see the outcome. If dem no really monitor these men, i swear dem go run commot for Naija as sharply as possible ehh. If to say i be the oga for EFCC, i for personally send my agents to their various hand over ceremonies.....this way, as soon as they have handed over to the succeding governor...and i mean right after them exchanging handshakes and waving to the people and all that bullcrap, they will be handcuffed right there and taken straight to ABJ for the main questioning.

The nine outgoing governors, whose names are being bandied, are Gbenga Daniel of Ogun State, Adebayo Alao-Akala of Oyo State; Bukola Saraki of Kwara State and Ikedi Ohakim of Imo State.
Others are Ibrahim Shekarau of Kano State; Ibrahim Shinkafi of Zamfara State; Muhammadu Goje of Gombe State; Modu Sheriff of Borno State and Akwe Doma of Nasarawa State.

You see these are all touts that we the Nigerian people put in power (although we all know our votes have been so irrelevant in the past) so they could provide us with at least the most basic amenities needed in order to facilitate our various community developments. But instead they've decided to loot all lootables!!!

If there's anyone that should be sentenced for life should be Ohakim...I SWEAR THAT FOOL DID NOT DO EVEN ONE DAMN THING IN IMO STATE!!.....like for real tho how can somebody spend 4 yrs as a governor, and u cannot account for anything..at least just smth that you will be remembered for huh?....is it that hard?...with all the billions of naira being pumped into these states? U see this is the problem about we Nigerians....we mad greedy, son!!...Okay how bout this to our leaders "I dont think there would be a real big problem if these guys are stealing the money, and yet doing a lot of work in their various states at the same time. This way people no go too vex cos they are seeing your performance...afterall where u dey work, na where u go dey chop too nah ;)     But these idiots dont just get it and i dont just understand for real!!


THESE IDIOTS GOTTA BE F**KING KIDDING ME!!!




(vanguard online edition)

THATS HOW WE ROLL IN ABJ CITY BABY....

Umm...just actually remembering that i took this....def wasnt in my right state of mind tooo...ha ha .
Anyways this was just one of those typical days of flexing in Abuja where me and my guys just hangout, get intoxicated, act a fool, and then leave the rest to Baba God to take over...

Thats my homeboy, E-money free-styling, and my other two home boys (shout out to Chike n Ogbans).   So i'm pretty much sure this was after we've been to like 3 different clubs, and we just decided to park by the road to use an ATM....na so the shayo spirit just enter us...so i brought out ma camera as usual...ha ha.....But for real tho, we Naija peeps sabi enjoy ourselves scatter jare....."Mehn if u dont love Naija, F**k u for real ehh"!!!     :)

SHE'S GOIN TO HARVARD!!!!......

So a fifteen yr old Nija girl living with her faily in New Jersey, has been given admission to study in Harvard university. Her name na Saheela Ibraheem. 13 Ivy league schools actually gave her admission, but she decided to go with Harvard.

Well i just tot this is a really good news u know. How many 15 yr old kids u don hear say dey university...and no be any kind university ohh....as in Harvard for that matter...you see these are the kind of news that when you hear it, you just proud to be Nigerian for real. Forget anything, i dey tell u say we nigerians are some smart ass peeps. Just say some of our smartness dey go into creepy things u know :)

The girl plans to study neuroscience or neurobiology....wetin dem be?..me no sabi.....But only the name alone go tell u say that concentration no be beans ehh....ha ha


(Vanguardng.com)

NAIJA POLICE ARRESTS MOST WANTED CRIMINAL.............YAY!!!!

So the Nigerian police have arrested the most wanted criminal in the country, who have killed over 50 victimes including policemen in Abia, Imo and other southern areas......The kingpin name na Emmanuel Nnmdi Ebulu aka "stone"..and he was the second in command to that Osisikankwu guy that was killed a few months ago buy our army in Abia.

This is the guy that have been conducting all these robberies in banks in the south east. Mehn i pity bank workers that time. During that period last year, banks in Abia State even had to close for up to a week, cos the robbery was just too damn much...Even police sef no fit do anything....umm well i no go too blame dem shaa....cos me dey try put myself for their shoes sometimes. I just dey imagine say i be police, and dem tell me say some kind heavy criminals wey carry the most sophisticated guns dey rob one bank. Mehn, i dont think ama go anywhere near there for real, Son!! No be say i dey fear or whatever....afterall i signed up for it...But until my government provides me with updated weapons, intelligence and adequate training to combat these criminals, then i no sure dey near that place  jare.....i no be sacrificial lamb for now :)

Anyhow lemme give our police a lil cheers for this one shaa. Cos we need to get all these lunatics and vagabonds off the streets in order to make Naija (esp Southeast...Mainly my igbo people dem...ha ha) a safer place.

But come ohh....Im be like say good things don dey hapen.....US don kill Osama..now Naija don catch their most wanted criminal...abeg i pray make more of this kind news dey come out jare :)

MY MUM IS WAY KOOLER THAN UR MUM...HA HA

Wouldn't it be nice to have a happening mum....huh? huh? a mama wey go fit   hang out with ur paddy them...a mum u can take out to joints and have drinks with her. A mum that u can gossip with on the phone for hours, and both of ya be cracking urselves up...a mum that be wearing jeans and even looking wey better than your female friends.....a mum that when she's in a passenger seat, people go dey think say na ur girlfriend......a mum that when ur friends come visit u in ur house, they will think she's ur elder sis, and be trying to razzle her...ha ha.....a mum that actually dont give a f**k if u 100yrs old, and she's ready to slap the shit outta u if u f**k up.... a mum that u be hugging and kissing on the cheeks and holding her hands wherever u guys go.....a mum that isnt old fashioned and stuck with all dem local traditional morals/bullcrap.....Well fortunately, THATS MY MUM......Mama thanks for being there for me at all times......U too much jare. U are the best, and i dey believe u scatter ehh.

I hope everyone luvs their mama just like i do luv mine, cos mehn, these ladies do everything in order to make sure that we, their kids are always happy.....Pls always let ur mum know how much u love her.....it makes them feel untop of the world...trust me :)

DEM NAIJA PRAYERS EHHN........HA HA

Ha Ha...i just put up this post cos for some reason it just reminded me of those days wey we small, and our parents go carry us dey go all those long ass late night vigil prayers......Mehn i'm a true child of God, but dayum....all dem long ass prayers be putting me to sleep for real....

Okay back to what i wanted to say......So during my sons birthday, we invited one of our family friends who is a pastor...a real good messenger of God too ohh....I've been to a couple of his preaching n stuff, and Mehn, my guy dey pray scatter ehh....which is good tho, but the prayer sometimes dey take style long juo....So during the birthday party, the next thing i heard was the pastor say "okay we about to cut the cake, but before then, we will pray for Zuriel." Immediately i heard that, i was like "im don happen eh"...by the time this prayer go finish ehhn, everybody wey come go just loose appetite for the cake ehh :)

But funny enof, he didn't pray that that long, which was very very surprising tho....fear even catch me sef.....but the prayer still long small shaa...even my wife on the left come dey bend her neck..ha ha ...But anyways the reason i put this video up was cos it just kept on cracking me up anytime i saw it...For most of u wey never go Naija in a while, or for those of u wey don decide not to dey go church for some reason, I'm pretty much sure this video will surely remind u of dem Naija prayers wey dem dey hole for inside church or for person house...ha ha

But at the end of the day, "prayer is the key to everything," whether u believe it or not...so i no fit vex at all at all....and the amount of amen for this prayer ehhn, me sef weedah ehh ;)

MY ENCOUNTER WITH A REAL ENTERTAINER/FREESTYLER....HA HA

So we went to this joint somewhere in Wuse 2....Mehn thi splace was really nice tho. Its like an outdoor joint and was pretty big tho....chai i don 4get the name ehhhh....anyways so me and a couple of friends all hooked up at the joint to hang out. So while we were there, we saw this dude with his guiter going from chair to chair singing n stuff....so after like an hr, the guy now came to our spot and started singing....Mehn before u know wetin dey happen, we all started bumping our heads.....

For real, Naija get talent ohh...na just money dey insult people badly....This guy is a real clown...we laugh die ehh....and what made me appreciate his talent was that he was doing it with so so much happiness. i wish we were all like this man.....But the man na real bad guy tho...im just dey use style dey talk some kind slick bad stuff...ha ha

The guy entertained us the whole night and we kept on giving him money....i swear this guy chop of to 5k from us ehh....He was so funny and entertaining such that one of my guys even took his contact and invited him to come play for his wedding which was coming up in two weeks.
Anyways what i'm trying to say here be say whatever u doing, just do it with all ur heart...cos u never know who's watching :)
watch every second of this vdeo...i swear this guy na clown.....Unfortunately only people that understand igbo will enjoy it better tho cos he spoke in igbo...so if u not igbo, just nodd ur head and act like u know wetin dey happen ;)

TRAFFIC POLICEMAN DANCING ALANTA EHH.....

For most of u that live in ABJ, I'm sure una don come across that police man wey dey dance while controlling traffic...infact i think there are about 3 of them in ABJ. Mehn these guys are the sh**. When i went to Naija in 09', i promised to ake that guy a real good video and show my peeps here, but time no come dey. So as i went this time around, i just spotted him from afar, and brought out my camera to get him. Although it was late, but i still got a good piece of him tho...HA HA .....i caught him on tape when he was doing "ALANTA" in 2 separate incidents.....this guys are so entertaining that u go even dey pray make traffic dey, so that u go dey look them...ha ha

U JUST GOTTA LOVE NAIJA JARE :)  peeps just create ways to have fun while doing their daily job.

PEOPLE DEY VEX EHHH.....HA HA

Okay so i was running out of gas..okay make i talk am the way wey we Naija peeps dey call am.....REWINDDDDDD!!!!!!!

Okay so i was running out of fuel :) in my car, so i was desperately looking for fuel and had to drive all the way down to NNPC towers area, were they have two gas stations that are open 24/7. So while on the queue, na so one girl wey dey sell orange just come for my passenger window dey shout "BUY MY ORANGE..BUY MY ORANGE OHH!!...i was like "shoooooooo." na so dem dey sell orange for hia? or this babe just dey vex ehh. So i now asked why she dey shout for my side...and she started explaning to my how nobody don buy her orange since morning. I felt so so bad for her, and decided to by orange from her. But before i did that, i told her to re-enact the whole scenario again, so that ama have it on video....HA HA yeah i know i'm a problem shey?..ha ha ....

But at the end of the day, this is what we all talking about....Naija is so so messed up..people hustling to make a living. Sometimes i see all dem people selling some kind things, and i'm like "how da hell do this people actually survive from selling these lil bullcraps?" its a pity that our govt cannot help its people....anyways shaa, until then, God dey.

THE ACCIDENTS I CAPTURED ON MY WAY TO ABUJA

Okay this was the first accident i saw on my way to ABJ. This was like after my driver told me that we were approaching the deadliest road in Naija. And I caught this one like 30secs right after i turned on my camera. E remain small things, the bus for tumble..thank God it wasnt that fatal like the 1st one.

Anyways thats Naija for you. And most of the time, na impatience dey cos all these accidents....NAIJA DRIVERS ARE MAD IMPATIENT FOR NO DAM REASON...JEEZ....WHERE THE F**K U RUNNING TO........u see sometimes na we dey cause some things for ourselves...later we go dey cry. Like seriously WTF is that bus doing on the other side of the incoming cars?...thats cos he was freaking speeding and prob had no other place to put im head...stupid ass!!!....

For those of you that didnt see the second one i captured, Below is the video, and it happened like about  20 mins after the 1st one....thats Naija for u.....NO GOOD ROADS....COUPLED WITH LUNATICS ON THE WHEEL

ALOMO BITTERS......U WAN TRY??? HA HA

Okay so i think i'm kinda addicted to this thing called ALOMO BITTERS...like seriously ohh...and this addiction just started as i go Naija recently. i'm sure most of my peeps here know what Alomo Bitters is. But for those of u wey no sabi wetin i dey tarn, then make i explain am to una. Alomo bitters is one very crazy drink that got a lot of alcool in it. it is only N250. Its in a green bottle with yellow cover. Its a Ghanain drink, but the company have successfully pushed the drink into other west African countries and so many people are loving it ehh. The drink's functions includes: made from natural herb; making you get drunk quick and nice; having its own different type of drunk feeling; fights against malaria and some other small small sickness wey person fit get; and finally, its good for staying long in bed (as of what i heard ohh)

This this got like 40smth % alcohol in it....as in ehhn no be small ohh...But Mehnn the tatse is just disgusting ehh. Its very bitter n sh**...........but regardless there's just smth abouth this drink that has made people love it, as well as becoming way too popular, and thats what i would like to find out shaa.  But anyways on a good day, me go personally take Alomo Bitters over Moet, Rose, Greygoose, Vodka, and other alcohol them. I dont know if its cos of how much alcohol content in such small bottle, or the fact that its mad cheap, and gets the work done, or its cute plastic bottle....HA HA .

Anyways long story cut short, i luv this Ghanaian sensation called Alomo...i even carry am all the way from Naija come Yankee. But unfrtunately i brought back only 4...so i don dey take my time dey drink them very very slowly so that dem no go finish quick jare. I wish they do sell it here in these African stores around....i'm hoping they do ohh...infact that go even be my next mission..."find any African store wey dey sell Alomo Bitters". I remember taking 2 of this bottles, and i swear i blacked out. in a good wey shaa...not acting a fool or puking and all that stupid sh** tho ;)

Umm ok 4 all u people that like trying things for the first time...do me a favor......"Go drink a full bottle of Alomo and the smoke some weed after that"!!!!!!   i bet u its the greatest feeling in the world...HA HA..lol

WHO TALK SAY FATHERHOOD NA BEANS HUH??...HUH???

So last two weekend, my lil man, Zuri, just turned 1yr (and he's one of the most good looking kid u will ever see... so all of una wey get lil daughters, or will have lil daughters in the future, start sending your applications in order to book him early ohh...ha ha) Anyways that day and it was one of my best moments jare. I was so so happy and proud to be a daddy... Yes i'm sure most of you guys go dey surprised say i get pikin. Well make i just tell una say I no give girl bele just like that ohh....or had a baby mama and all that stuff. NOPE. I went the right way. Yes I'm still in ma mid 20's and i got married 3yrs ago, to one very beautiful and lovely chicka ehh......and yes she's akata :)
Well married life has been good so far....no regrets shaa.....except sometimes when i wan commot with my guys, and i know say i no go fit go :(     ha ha

Anyways the reason i just thought bout this was cos i've been a daddy for the past one yr, and mehn, na actually now wey i start to dey pity my parents...cos i dey see wetin dem been dey suffer when i been small.....i swear no be to born pikin ohh..but na to take care of am in a good and Godly way. O boy ehh person no dey rest i swear... Druing their 0-7month period, they look so helpless and u have to do everything for them right there.....change napkin, clean their behind, feed them, put them to sleep, and all other craps involved. Even sef, u wey be the parent go dey pray make the pikin start to crawl sharply.....Then when time for crawling reach, u no go fit rest again, cos u gotta be monitoring where the crawling to at all times, make dem no go put smth crazy inside their mouth. Then u go start to dey wish make dem dey waka quick quick...and when that time comes, trust me, its not fun at alll. O boy my pikin no dey stay one place ehh....always looking for one thing to do every second. Infact me don almost tire ehh....Last two nights, i been even dey consider to auction the boy.... ha ha

Well, at the end of the day, my boy gives me so much joy that I even dey forget say i get plenty problems for my life :)    So my bros and sis, make una cherish the moment u have with ur kids...and always bless them, even when they doing smth wrong...cos that tongue wey dey take shelter inside our mouth dey very very powerful.....So always bless them and train them in the way of God :)

But i still wan aution am shaa :)

THE NEW CABIN BISCUIT BOX.....DO U DIG IT OR NOT??

(Shout out to Uneks Enemali for providing this pic)

So as most of you know, I'm a very very very big fan of cabin biscuit. I even recently put up a post talking about how I was so in love with cabin biscuit during my secondary skul days.....and how i fell out of love with it when i recently went bak to Naija......and how i tried so so hard to fall back in love with this dry ass, but very sweet biscuit :) ..........and to be honest tho, I actually did fall back in love with it, cos i just remembered how it helped me survive during dem boarding skul days n stuff. But as i said earlier in my other post, the main thing that made me fall back in love was the picture of the two red couple right in front of the box. Is it just me, or just looking at those red couple just makes u wonna eat cabin so bad??....umm umm well i guess its just me then :(   yeah i'm wierd like that and so what?? ha ha ha

Anyways After boasting about my new love and our hot steamy romances, one of my close childhood friends (Uneks aka Uncle Lambert) just sent me a message on facebook saying " Oh boy i just saw ur new post on your blog about cabin....But I just been wan tell you say dem don change your red couple to another set of couple." At first i thought he was joking, cos why will Cabin change its famous red couple pic to smth else?...For freaking goodness sake, i've known those red people all my life. Mehn i swear they were the coolest couple ever. They are the only couple that i think have lived together all these years peacefully and eating their cabin happily....COME ON NAH....Cabin WHY WHY WHY?????!!!!!! wetin dem do nah????

So I now told him "Oh boy u dey serious?"...........and he was like "Yes nah..Infact I go even send you the new pic to your email."     And that was when i come realize say this no be joke again ohh. So while i was waiting impatiently to see the new pic, all that was running inside my head was "Wetin this new people go resemble sef?" "Will they be as happy as the red couple?" "Will they be cool as hell?" "Will they be smiling back at me when i look at them"? "What will be their skin complexion?" "Will i like them and will they like me too?"  Infact ehhn, plenty plenty things been just dey run inside my head shaa ;)

And when the pic finally came, i opened it, and BEHOLD, I SAW THE NEW COUPLE.....at first i didnt know whether to laugh or cry or be happy or angry. But now I know where i stand on this pic......wonna know how i feel?.......okay...well lemme put it this way...i certainly believe that all my appetite, romance, and love for cabin has entered 6 feet below :(

Cos as far as i dey concerned, this new pic is PURE GARBAGE!!!!...shikenah

WTF???????????????????????

Okay this is like the 3rd time i'm seeing this type of Bullsh**.    Crazy looking local ass peeps changing saliva in a babaric and inappropriate way....all in the name of kissing ke. Its freaking 2011 and by now i suppose believe say everybody go don dey exposed to civilization somehow. Infact lets forget about civilization sef....Lets just talk about our natural instincts first. Na natural instinct been make Adam know say im gats put im banana in a particular area in order to make Eve dey moan, as well as giving her bele. Therefore i was thinking same natural instinct should guide people when trying to kiss nah...whats all this ridiculousness for goodness sake?

Just looking as this pics alone ehn, kiss no come dey hungry me at all at all for real. ........so so so unsexy..AND THOSE TRIBAL MARKS?????? na na na na na na na na na na ...very very unsexy, i must say!!!

THE DIFFERENCE IS CLEAR..........HA HA HA

Okay so during my 2 months stay in Naija, can u believe i never rubbed any lotion on my body. All I did was just wake up, brush (before i use bad breath kill person jare), take a shower, dry myself, and wear my cloth sharply. Even me sef come dey surprised cos even when i go out, my skin doesnt get white/ashy. I think its mainly cos of our beautiful weather too. But if to say na for Yankee wey i baff finish, and i no rubb lotion ehhn..i swear before u even leave ur door, all ur body go just dey very white, thereby making u look homeless n sh**. U know say for Yankee here, people dey always make fun of we Africans cos some of us no dey rub cream. So when u get in the train, if u cant tell who's African just by their face, then u can tell by their skin toughness/dryness. And mind u, na mostly other African countries dem dey fall our hand like this ohh...cos we Naija peeps are usually on point :)

Anyways back to what i was saying shaa...so the night i was leaving back to Yankee, i did the same routine: shower, dry myself and wear my clothes very sharply...but smth been dey tell me for my mind say make i rub lotion ohh, but i was like "nothing dey happen jare." So as i just enter that plane ehhn, mehn it was mad cold in there, and before u know wetin dey hapen, my skin don dey do me somehow...i now checked in between my fingers and started noticing how it gradually started tuning to ashy right in front of me. O boy ehh i wan mad. I then took of my shoes to see my feet...AND BEHOLD, THE ASHINESS DON REACH ANOTHER LEVEL EH.

So in order to avoid embarrassment of any kind, i just quietely go beg one of the hostess for back, if dem get lotion. The lady talk say make i give her like 5 mins make she finish wetin she dey do. But by the time she saw how white, dry and how desperate my feet needed moisture, the lady come know say na really urgent situation....and she immediately went to get lotion for me.

So i rubbed the baby oil lotion on my left foot first, then i decided to take a pic of both feet to see the difference :) pls just look at the ashiness only ...i no put this pic for any of una to start to dey look how hairy my leg dey, or how uncoordinated my nails dey :)   

FATAL ACCIDENT I WITNESSED ON MY WAY TO ABUJA.........

 

So I was in PH for about 3 weeks, and my next destination was ABJ. So i was excited to go there, but the biggest f**k up for ABJ is when u dont have a place to live, or a car to drive. So in order to make life easier and fun for me, I decided to drive my car which i bought for mumsi (but the woman no dey use am sef cos she dey fear for all dem kidnapping and stuff..poor lady..ha ha ) This way i'll be able to drive round ABJ city, as well as flexing...lol.....So I got a driver to drive me down to Abuja...and Yes i no sabi the road, and so what?...ha ha. And luckily too, one of my friends decided to come along for the ride. Mehn the driver was mad crazy ehh. Left PH 7am and Arrived Abuja 3pm. Everything was all good, not until we got to that Lokoja area. As we got there, the driver immediately told us that it was the deadliest road in Naija, and a lot of crazy accidents happen there on a daily basis. So i immediately became alert, brought out my camera and waiting to get any crazy incident that could happen while on our way. (and also telling my driver to reduce his speed, if not i go break im head)

Can You believe that i saw two accidents happen happen right in front of me in just a 20 mins span?

 That is to show you how bad our govt is. Mind u, this is the only road that leads to abuja from the south, and its suppose to be a major federal highway....but an u believe it is just a one lane road that contains both goin and coming cars. HOW PATHETIC!!!. Anyways here is one of the videos. GOD HELP OUR COUNTRY FOR REAL!!!

ONLY IN NAIJA........THE LAWLESS NATION ;)

 (Shout out to Chima Okpalaoka for this useless picture)



U see as i dey post this story, i just dey imagine an NYPD officer actually drinking alcohol while on duty. Una dey see the kind useless people wey sppose dey take care of the Citizens?

 A POLICEMAN + DRINKING STAR WHILE ON DUTY = UNF**KING-BELIEVABLE

This is straight up bananas u know...U see na things like this dey actually make me believe say im go take a real long while (prob our next generation) before our police image will change for good.
I just dey imagine say i dey for office, and all of a sudden, some kind evil spirit just enter me, and i just open canned beer dey drink for where everybody dey....then that one be say i go start to dey find new job the next day, cos no one's gonna take such crap over here, and even in Corporate organizations in Naija too, cos i'm very sure they hire responsible graduates...(not all the time shaa...ha ha )

Imagine say after this fool don shayo finish, u come jam am for checkpoint dey shout for am....i swear if u come out alive, then u a lucky man.....cos thats how all these police fools be killing innocent people while intoxicated.

BUT WAIT OHH....AND THE NIGGA SMOKING A CIGARETTE TOO??????  
Okay i think i'm officially done with this bullcrap!!!!

NAIJA GREETING = MONEY 4 HAND :)

Why is it that in Naija, whenever someone gives u a heavy greeting such as "Shun Sir" "Chairman i dey hail" "Baba u too much" "Welcome Sir" "Chairman we dey believe you" "Morn Sir" "U welcome Sir" "Senior man i dey hail" ...and all the others that come along with the whole sir sir thingy.....They always want smth back from you, which is "MONEY" U see i dont just understand...and when u no come give them, na so so vex go dey show for their face. i just hated the fact that when i drive into anyplace, people go just dey call me Sir Sir Sir like say i senior them. Which kind false life we dey live sef ehn? Sometimes the kind VIP service dem give me ehhn, even me sef wey no hold nshi-shi for pocket come dey fill like say i be one kind bad guy so. Sometimes u just feel so obligated to give them smth

U know i've always wanted to know whats up with this trend which has been going on for a while now. Why will a 60yr looking old man be calling me sir....person wey go fit keep me as im grand pikin sef.....nawa ohh. And the worst of all be say if u manage to give them even N100, na so their face go just strong finish. Some of them go even get mind to tell u "Sir try add smth nah" while some go just dey bone dey go..........FOR MY OWN MONEY AGAIN?...SHOOO...nawa to human beings ohhh...esp Naija human beings.......ha ha

The one that even cracks me up the most na when the person use im two hands dey shake me,.........i'm like WTF ARE U DOING, SON!!!??? cos the last time i checked, i no be Igwe, Oba or Sultan eh? Nawa to my people juo. Nothing do us :)

ASHEWO & ABUJA.....VOLUME 4.......HA HA HA

Okay i'm sure most of una know say Abuja na the headquarters of ashewos in Naija....As in ehhn u cannot even go out and see a girl who just likes u for who u are...instead they are liking u for what u can offer for them.....I been dey ABJ for almost three weeks and i can comfortably tell u say 95% of the chicks in ABJ be runs girls. (the remaining 5 na chicks wey their parents get money well well, so dem no send for all dem crap....and funy enof sef, most of them are already out of the country sef.

But on a serious note, the ashewo rate in that land is alarming.......i swear i tot there was a time that they chased all of them away...but i guess na the main political chairmen dey patronize these chicks, so they just had to let them back into the state....and it looks lik ebusiness has been booming for them lately...HA HA
Its so funny too that all these ashewo girls all come from the East coast....as in PH, Abia, Imo, Anambra, Enugu, and how will i forget Calabar & Akwa Ibom ;)   

After scrutinizing the whole Ashewo scenerio, I've cme to conclusion that just like Yankee, Abuja can also described as THE LAND OF OPPORTUNITY. Cos all these girls come from different parts of the country, Some come from good homes while some dont, some are already professionals in the game, while some just dey do apprentice...some of them are university students while some are not....Infact ehhn, their problem plenty jare.  But in a Nutshell, they are all there to make money, and since ABJ is a place where there are a lot of big boys in town, then i'm very sure before these girls go out at night, they always pray for God to send the right man that has the paper to take care of them......Yes nah...afterall which babe wouldnt like to be spoilt with money huh?...and also make una no forget say Ashewo dem get feelings too ohh, and would like to settle down too one day ;)

Therefore the influx of ashewo into Abuja has even reached unprecedented heights sef, cos a lot of these girls have heard of how their fellow girlfriends wey been dey share bed with them for skul, are now driving range rovers, infinity, Mercedes, bmas etc.....so dem go wan follow too nah....HA HA HA

But what i'm still trying to figure out is this tho....So these babes will keep on sleeping with different guys every night until the find the Mr. right guy?   :)